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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Comments on third of same gender

33 replies

Lou280 · 24/09/2015 16:40

I am 30 weeks pregnant with my third boy. If you have read any of my other posts, you know that I have had the unplanned pregnancy from hell, severe antenatal depression, and still feel most of the time like keeping this baby was a mistake and really struggling mentally. To make matters worse, everyone is completely appalled that this is another boy, and frankly all the "oh no!!!" And "I'm SO sorry!!" comments are really not helping my fragile and emotional state. Why do people feel the need to make such stupid comments? I did not choose the gender of this baby. I didn't want a baby at all (though of course don't say that)! Would it have been lovely to have a girl this time? Yes! But acting like boys are the worst thing in the world and being so negative right in front of my older boys is so rude. I don't even know what to say when people make their "oh you poor thing" types of comments. Anyone have any advice? I am depressed and hormonal and about to snap!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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sophiaslullaby · 24/09/2015 17:31

God that is rude isn't it! I think next time you should channel some of your emotions and just say it as it is! Ask them why they're saying sorry? You love your two older boys right? It's a new human being with a new personality, regardless of gender, to get to know and love so concentrate on that.
Think about what he'll look like - yes similar to his brothers but still unique again - think about his name, what will his first words be, his mannerisms. What will he grow up to be etc? All new things to experience with him.

The thoughtless comments (and they are thoughtless but not purposely unkind to hurt you) are not going to help you so you need to learn to blank them, pretend they're speaking to someone else.

It's a new, unique little person you're having. Not just 'another boy'. (If it helps at all I'm one of 4 daughters (same parents) and we're all different and were as growing up so kept my parents on their toes!)

Wish you well for rest of your pregnancy and the strength to bat off unwanted comments.
x

RandomMess · 24/09/2015 17:34

I love having for the same gender, makes life a bit cheaper/easier.

I would practice some sort of response to help deflect them "Actually we're thrilled it's another boy, why wouldn't we be?"

PallasCat · 24/09/2015 17:38

Woah! So rude.
Like pp, think I'd go with a straight up:

"Oh I'm so sorry."

"Why?"

And I'm a total confrontation avoider, but really can't imagine what else to say to that. What do they expect you to say back? "Oh thanks, that's really kind of you"?!

RockerMummy184 · 24/09/2015 17:50

I've not read your previous threads but just wanted to say congratulations on your pregnancy, it's obviously not what you had planned but I have no doubt you'll be completely smitten when you're little one arrives and I bet your boys will absolutely dote on their little brother.
I'm pregnant with twin boys and already have a boy. I had the same kind of comments when we announced what we were having.
What people don't understand is that I'm secretly OVER THE BLOODY MOON! that it's 2 boys! (Although you're not supposed to admit you've ever had a preference are you )
First of all, it's going to save me a fortune because I can hand down all DSs things.
Secondly, there's a better chance of them all bonding and being best mates if they are the same sex.
Third, I'm not a very 'girly' person and am much more suited to playing with cars, trains and worms than dolls and glitter ok gender neutral parents come and shoot me
They are also individual people, their sex doesn't have any bearing on whether they grow up to be nice people or arseholes so what does it matter?!
People need to shut up, keep their nose out and stop making fucking stupid inappropriate comments!
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

zippyswife · 24/09/2015 17:57

Some people are such dicks! I'm pregnant with dc3. I already have 2 ds. We haven't found out the sex. Pretty much everyone has commented on how I must want a girl. And some have said "but what if it's a boy?!! You'll have 3 boys!" I just want to punch them in the face. i just can't believe people say shit like that but they do. I just try to ignore it. I tend to say I'm hoping for a healthy baby. I'm afraid I don't have much more advice than that. Sorry to hear you've had such a rough time. But when you hold him for the first time and see his new little crumpled up face everything will seem right.

ShowOfHands · 24/09/2015 18:00

Oh I'm sorry. I think most of the time people just look for something to say and actually it's meaningless filler. The rest of the time, only occasionally I'll warrant, it's people being pillocks. The subject matter is often irrelevant. They'd be spouting crap about something else in another situation.

If you do want to respond a simple "why?" is a very good, neutral way of doing it. However, I suspect that it won't make you feel any better. Try if you can to ignore such silliness. You have so much more to concentrate on. Sounds like you're having a very tough pregnancy indeed. Are you getting enough support do you think? I'm sorry I don't know your personal situation.

RockerMummy, I won't shoot you though I do admire your confidence in what 'boy' and 'girl' mean! My boy is nothing like you picture. He is wearing an Elsa dress right now. He is also an extremely sensitive boy with a love of everything you dismiss as 'girly' Luckily, his penis hasn't held him back from being best friends with his big sister either. I know what you mean btw. Your post just made me smile as my reality couldn't be more different from your hopes. Congratulations. I have a funny feeling that it'll work out brilliantly for you.

nicnicspicnic · 24/09/2015 18:42

OP I got those comments as well (I've got 3 boys) and now I'm pregnant with DS no. 4 I'm still amazed by how rude people can be. They all assume that I was trying for a girl (another unplanned pregnancy here though) but I'm always quick to emphasise how much I love my boys and how loving they are. And although life is a whirl of football/rugby/running etcI wouldn't want it any other way. Good luck with this pregnancy and I like Random and Pallas answers of 'Why?'

Dogsmom · 24/09/2015 18:43

Firstly congratulations op

Secondly I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about other people but I can assure you it's nothing personal about boys, I have two girls and when I was pregnant I had exactly the same comments I even had one person say "oh your husband must be so disappointed".
The bloody midwife also asked during labour if we we going to try for a boy next
If anyone should know better and have tact in this situation then surely a midwife should.

Erimemushinteperem · 24/09/2015 18:59

I found myself admitting to people that my 4th pregnancy with ds4 was unplanned. I still do. I'd rather he grows up to know it was an unplanned pregnancy but that I didn't mind about his gender than was trying for a girl and disappointed in him. I found it easier to come to terms with a boy than girl because a girl was an unknown quantity and I felt a boy would slot into our life more. We couldn't be happier with him.

juneau · 24/09/2015 19:03

How lovely! Boys rock. Congratulations

NationMcKinley · 24/09/2015 19:05

I have 3 boys and I have had sooooo many negative comments. It drives me nuts! I've had 3 relatively straightforward pregnancies and births and I have 3 healthy children. How lucky am I? IF (big IF) I have another, I shall be largely channeling Dame Helen.

Best of luck with your pregnancy. I hope you feel better soon

AmberLav · 24/09/2015 20:48

For some reason, pregnancy turns a lot of other people into morons, in that they say completely ridiculous things! I have one of each, and I'm pregnant with DC3, but if DD had been a boy, I would still have gone for 3, and would have been very happy to have 3 boys. Enjoy your three boys!

Needmorechocolate · 24/09/2015 21:05

I have 4 boys and have had all the same comments. It's really tough, especially when you are struggling emotionally, but I'd say just take a deep breath and ignore them. People just don't think about what they are saying and how offensive it is!

MartinRohdesBellybuttonFluff · 24/09/2015 21:20

I've had 4 boys too, they're the dogs!

Needmorewine · 24/09/2015 21:26

Three boys is great, what a fab little gang they will make ! Little boys are just gorgeous. Congratulations

BeautifulLiar · 25/09/2015 17:29

I'm having my third girl, can't wait. But I'm not telling anyone the sex! DH is over the moon.

kungfupannda · 25/09/2015 20:35

I'm anticipating getting this. I'm pregnant with number 3, and after 2 boys I am in no doubt that this one will be a boy too!

I will be going with the blank stare and 'why?' approach. Maybe a head tilt too.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 25/09/2015 20:40

I get this in reverse. Bizarre congratulations that I managed to 'get my boy ' on the third go.

I would cut them off at the pass. "What are you having?" "A boy! We are so excited that the boys will have another brother and it makes bedrooms so much easier" Big grin. And if they still do the whole poor you thing you can just repeat yourself.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 25/09/2015 20:42

Ps. Our third was unplanned too. Go gentle on yourself. I wasn't depressed, but even without that it's hard.

Bythepath · 25/09/2015 20:54

I have 3 girls. I love having them the same gender same toys, clothes etc. I did have a few people ask me if my DH was disappointed and a few of my more irritating family members have asked if we are going to try for a boy. I usually answer "why" to this and they can't think of anything sensible so mumble and shuffle off.
Hope you start to feel better soon and enjoy your 3 sons.

StandoutMop · 25/09/2015 20:59

I feel your pain. People I had previously considered perfectly sane said "oh you must be disappointed" or "are you going to try again then" when I told them dc3 was dd3.

I usually just ended up spluttering something about wanting 3 DC, not a boy / girl. Really wish I'd gone with "no, why?"

carbolicsoaprocked · 26/09/2015 00:09

People have already started asking me to 'make it a girl next time please'. WTF?!

Princerocks · 26/09/2015 00:41

I have 2 girls and 2 boys. Before I had both sexes I thought having a boy would be a different experience to having a girl but now I think young children are just young children. My boys are no different to their sisters. They are certainly no less sweet or affectionate. A baby is a baby. They all have their own personalities but in my experience these cannot be predicted through sex. Mine are still very young and I am willing to admit I may see a dichotomy in the teenage years.

bluewisteria · 26/09/2015 05:44

I have 2DD's and am 20 weeks pregnant with an unknown gender bump. We have just started telling everyone and the group of people that consistently say 'oh I hope it's a boy for you' or 'ah you must be wanting a boy' are women aged 65plus. My response is 'oh dear, do you not like little girls?'
Most of the time they have been completely unruffled going on to say 'no dear, it's just having both is so nice as you get to experience everything'...
Unbelievable.
My answer to this has been 'Well, with our second DD we experienced her being in intensive care which was such s horrific experience it would be churlish to wish for any experience other than a healthy child'
That usually shuts them up!

But I can't win, I'm sure they are all thinking 'oh, she's just saying that, we know she wants a boy really'

BeautifulLiar · 26/09/2015 11:54

Blue - i feel the same. That people will think I'm lying and actually not happy about having another girl. I bloody well am!

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