Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

first midwife appointment, will he be allowed in?

41 replies

macdat · 13/09/2015 22:54

Is it true the father isn't allowed to be there? I've heard they will not let him attend the appointment because they ask questions about sexual history and domestic violence?
He really wants to come, but after I heard they won't let him in the room I thought he may aswel not come just to sit outside the room while I do the appointment.

What happens anyway? I hear it's alot of questions to answer, is that it? Or do they do any sort of tests or examinations on me?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 13/09/2015 22:56

Yes the father is there (if you want him) - they don't ask any questions about sexual history but they do ask a lot about medical history and personal circumstances.

Tootsiepops · 13/09/2015 23:01

If the appt is anything like mine, your partner will be bored senseless. I was with the midwife for two hours filling out forms and answering questions (none of which involved my husband). I was also asked about domestic violence.

RooibosTeaAgain · 13/09/2015 23:15

I took mine last pregnancy and midwife would not let him in the room until done first bit of boring admin and asked the obligatory domestic abuse question.
No need for him to be there. Onky checks for me was recording my height and weight and taking some blood.
Every time I took dh she wrote in my notes he was present! Only had a few appointments with her, no need for dh to be there at all. Scans are the bit to go to in my opinion.

RooibosTeaAgain · 13/09/2015 23:16

No questions on sexual history, no.
They do not check you are pregnant or examine you in any way! It is just an admin and form filling in exercise - one hour booked where we live.

gamerchick · 13/09/2015 23:20

He really doesn't need to go tbh. It's long, it's boring and you're glad to get out of there.

Loads of forms that's it.

mumofmunchkin · 14/09/2015 02:55

He can go, and if you want the support or he wants to go then why not (dh came in my first pregnancy because it was all new to both of us, it didn't bother this time around) - in my experience they just ask about domestic abuse at any appointment he doesn't go to during your pregnancy. However, as others have said it's a pretty boring appointment, they take lots of details and a blood sample.

JellyTipisthebest · 14/09/2015 03:35

Mine was a long time ago but they did ask about family history. I wouldnt of know his side of the family

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 14/09/2015 04:07

Really long and boring appt, DH hasn't come to either of mine. It's just form filling. They ask about domestic abuse and I believe ask your partner to leave the room while they ask. No questions on sexual history, apart from whether you've had STI's

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 14/09/2015 04:08

Oh and I just checked in advance with him about family history, it's pretty basic stuff such as whether he has a family history of diabetes/heart disease/Down's syndrome

Picnic2223 · 14/09/2015 06:51

My DH had been to every appt with me, I'm currently 26 weeks. Is his baby too abd he wants to be there. Also this is our first baby so we both want to know what is going on, we've never been told he can't be in the room. Do what ever you both want is your baby. If your mid wife wants to see you alone in sure they won't mind asking.

Brummiegirl15 · 14/09/2015 07:56

My DP hasn't been there for community midwife appts - and yes I was asked about domestic violence. The first one is very long and very boring.

However he's been there for hospital midwife ones - as I'm consultant care and you see the midwife just before going in to see consultant. Never been an issue but it always gets marked on my green notes as partner present

Tfoot75 · 14/09/2015 08:03

There are questions on both of your family histories such as ethnicity, birth defects learning difficulties etc there are a fair few that could affect baby. Diabetes is only relevant on the mothers side (gestational diabetes risk). So if he wants to attend it might be helpful if you don't know all of that. Also had to record such info as father's job, whether or not he smokes or takes drugs and other such info. I can't recall being asked about domestic violence this time (appointment was only on Friday)

poocatcherchampion · 14/09/2015 08:09

Take who you like. Dh enjoyed mine the first time

There is nothing sinister about them writing who is there, thry normally note that my preschoolers are present.

I've never been asked about dv.

Doublebubblebubble · 14/09/2015 08:16

Of course. I was asked also, which I was perfectly comfortable talking about as 1. I've never experienced it personally. 2. I'm normally covered in bruise (seriously anaemic so everytime I get blood taken I get the "is everything all right at home" and I'm incredibly clumsy. Nothing to hide so no problem talking about it...

I think its good for daddy to be at the appointments (or at least 1) so that the midwife can kind of gauge the relationship... And that you can see how the apps are in general.

They have a duty of care for mother and baby (DV can go up when a woman is pregnant).

bittapitta · 14/09/2015 08:21

I've had 3 booking in appts and DH wasn't at any, there was no need, it's just a long questionnaire about medical history. DH should come to scans and that's it, the rest is very tedious.

bittapitta · 14/09/2015 08:22

And at mine they have a note on the appt letter saying partners are allowed but will be asked to leave the room for 5-10 mins during the appt. Obviously that is when they ask about DV, incest etc. Standard questions they ask everyone.

Runningupthathill82 · 14/09/2015 08:27

Just a long form filling-exercise, takes an hour or so. Questions about family medical history, any previous depression, previous pregnancies, any DV.

They also did my blood pressure, took bloods and did a carbon monoxide test. I think in some areas they weigh you, but my midwife just ticked the "normal BMI" box without checking. They don't check you're pregnant or anything!

If your DP is at a loose end then I guess there's no harm in him being there, but I really wouldn't recommend him taking time off work for it. Presumably he'll want to go to the scans, and will need time off for those.

TiredOfPeople · 14/09/2015 08:50

Never heard of sexual history being brought up, nor the partner not being allowed in, who told you that? Unless it's different for different regions? Mine was allowed in at my appointments for all three of my kids (in two dif regions), they do ask about domestiv violence but don't see how sexual history has anything to do with anything!

SoupDragon · 14/09/2015 09:11

Mine all consisted of a large umber of questions and having some blood taken. All very very dull and I can't imagine what your partner would get out of it TBH.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 14/09/2015 09:55

They are allowed in at mine but often asked to leave the room when they ask about domestic violence / abusive relationship. They don't ask sexual history but will ask about previous pregnancies including miscarriage and abortions.

It's pretty much form filling and blood taking. If anything comes up in the bloods that they need your DP for e.g. if you're a sickle cell carrier, they'll do his later. So there's no need for him to come unless you both want.

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 14/09/2015 10:12

Of course they're allowed. You will be asked about domestic violence though by yourself, its a standard question.

Dh came to my first appointment as it's all about both your medical history, and the scans. I didn't need him to be there for the others as not much happens, and he was working anyway.

sepa · 14/09/2015 10:15

My OH didn't attend and he would have been bored (so many questions to answer) they asked me about DV which they prob couldn't answer if OH was there. If you want him then take him but be prepared that they may ask him to leave for a bit.
I asked my midwife and she said that most guys don't attend the booking appointment due to the boringness of it all

Iheartjoshcharles · 14/09/2015 11:54

Blood pressure and weight were measured, no other exams. As other posters have said, its mainly lots of form filling. However, DH came with me when pregnant with DC1. I think going to this and other appointments helped the pregnancy feel real to him. We were just generally excited about everything first time round.

He wasn't asked to leave for the DV question. The midwife pointed at the form she was filling in and said, "have you ever experienced this?" I read it and said "no". Can't imagine she ever identifies many DB victims!

AmberLav · 14/09/2015 13:20

I would say that if you have any pregnancy history that is from before DP, or he doesn't know about, then you might decide to go yourself, as there are quite a few personal questions, not about sexual history, but about pregnancy history. Incest, DV, drug taking are all part of the questionnaire...

If DP wants to be involved, the 16 week one is nice, as you get to hear the heartbeat generally

EdgarAllenPoe · 14/09/2015 13:47

The partner will be asked to leave the room when they ask about domestic abuse (which they do) but other than that, I was told partners are very welcome. It would be very boring for them though!

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread