first midwife appointment, will he be allowed in?

[macdat]

Is it true the father isn't allowed to be there? I've heard they will not let him attend the appointment because they ask questions about sexual history and domestic violence?
He really wants to come, but after I heard they won't let him in the room I thought he may aswel not come just to sit outside the room while I do the appointment.

What happens anyway? I hear it's alot of questions to answer, is that it? Or do they do any sort of tests or examinations on me?

I couldn't believe the questions I was asked at booking in regarding domestic abuse etc. Either they were not asked before or my earlier pregnancies had different protocols, maybe different regions are different too. Infact I thought the whole experience was a box ticking exercise. I felt like if I told the MW anything that wasn't on their form they were not interested in listening to it!

My MW said they have to ask:
On 3 separate occasions about domestic abuse
question twice in pregnancy about mental health needs/concerns

I went by myself but other women in the waiting room had partners and family with them. They asked me about domestic violence and I'm guessing they will ask you privately if he comes with you. They ask about previous pregnancies and I don't know if that would be privately or not. It was a long appointment so there would have been time for some private questions and for him to be in the room for the rest of it. They did ask a couple of questions about his family history so if he doesn't end up going I would just ask him about anything notable before going.

My partner has only come with me to the 20 week scan as it's hard for him to take time off work. If he can only make a couple of appointments then I would say go to the scans because they're the most exciting but I've seen lots of partners and family at other appointments too.

Wow I've not been asked about dv at all, and I feel really sorry for all the ladies who husbands are too bored to attend these apps. I know we are very lucky that my husband can easily make up the time he misses from work but I'd be up set if he didn't attend as they are boring
At least with first pregnancy.

Ha, not too bored to attend, just no point! He would have attended had I wanted him to, but I knew from friends it was just a form filling exercise. Waste of his time to come!

I was asked about any STIs previously and any history of domestic violence. Partner wasn't asked to leave the room though.

Eh, Picnic?! I told DH not to attend as I knew how pointless it would be. I don't need my hand holding while I fill in forms and have my blood pressure taken. Certainly don't need you feeling sorry for me. I'd be more upset if he had come, as it would've been a waste of time.
He's a fantastic SAHD too - his not attending run of the mill antenatal appointments has no bearing on his parenting skills or his interest in our DC.

picnic there's seriously no point in the dudes being there.

Unless you're one of those couples who say 'we're pregnant' 'we're expecting' etc

Maybe we've all missed the point that the op said her DH really wanted to attend.

I set no reason he shouldn't

And you said you felt sorry for anyone whose partners didn't attend.

I think it depends on how you feel. If it's important to both of you that you go together then go for it.

I was personally surprised that so many women had partners and family with them - so plenty of people do go together. A lot of the appointments are just visits to the doctor though - there's really no way to make a whooping cough vaccine a fun trip out. I was still nervous about what could go wrong at the 20 week scan but it was nice that we did that one together.

I don't know why it's shocking to be asked about domestic violence though. It's surely better to ask the majority of people an irrelevant question if it means even one woman is given the chance to get help.

I went to them all myself , Dp didn't take time off work .

It was boring enough being there alone. It would have been even worse with him moaning about the waiting time

It really depends how you feel and how much time your DP can afford to take off work. He came to the booking in with my first born as it was a joint appointment with the 12 week scan. He came to the other scans and consultant appointments. But not the standard midwife ones etc as watching me having my blood pressure done isn't very exciting and they don't really say or do much.

This second pregnancy I've had at least one appointment per week, blood tests every 2 etc so there's no way he could take all that time off and again, it's not very exciting.

I'd rather he saved the holiday and pay for when the baby is here but of course if you want them at every appointment of course it's allowed.

Thanks so much for all the replies. It's set my mind at ease a bit about what happens there.
I've explained it all to him but he still insists he wants to come. Perhaps after he sees how boring it is, he'll only come to scans after this lol. I don't even want to go myself now haha.

If I could have gotten out the booking appointment myself then I would. It is boring. Asked my midwife which appointments she would suggest DP coming to and she said the scans and 16 week midwife appointment as this is when you hear the heartbeat