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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

RANT! Am I in the wrong here?! RANT!

55 replies

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 18:15

Well, basically.. I'm 6 weeks pregnant, VERY tired & hormonal.. so not sure if that's why I'm so worked up about this..

Basically, I have told my sister I would have my niece and nephew (6 & 10) for 3 weeks of the summer holidays, while they're dad has them the other 3 ( they're seperated) I did this because I obviously love spending time with them, and so she could earn money instead of having to take time off!

Before I start this rant.. my sister has JUST come out of a marriage, and jumped straight in with a guy she just met.. moved him in straight away. And she is just very very self absorbed. Which is sad to say, she doesn't ever bother with the family, unless in need of something. :(

Well, I'm saving every penny I can for this baby.. and only my partner is in work. We manage and we get by with plenty left over. But it's a bit different when you are use to feeding 2 people, washing 2 people's clothes, bathing 2 people, electric etc has gone THROUGH THE ROOF!! Whilst they've been here, (not begrudging them watching a bit of TV etc) and we have had to get more food in, which all adds up.. to a lot. And I told them I would take them to Crealy fun park.. which they have a pass to get in free ( if they're dad gives it to me) but it's £17 for me to get in and go on NOTHING! BOO! :(

But I told her that I'm skint, so need they're passes or can't really pay for all 4 of us to get in. And she just continued talking about her new boyfriend. . (Which is all she seems to care about atm) & she just hasn't offered us a penny.. I wouldn't take it if it was just a weekend I was having them.. never ever have done. But she has a job, good money & just did a bit of cash in hand work... so she has extra.. surely if I hadn't of had her children she would have taken them to these places.. etc, but she can't even offer a fiver towards any of it. But I don't dare ask. I'm not like that!

Obviously I sound like a total bitch right now, but a little help?!

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LottieDoubtie · 02/08/2015 20:03

Er what? she might be able to throw you a tenner? for 3 weeks childcare?

Take those kids home to her tomorrow.

ImperialBlether · 02/08/2015 20:05

I would text back saying, "I was thinking of £10 per child per day. Never mind, though, I'll drop them back tomorrow evening. It will do me good to have a rest as I'm really tired."

Original poster

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 20:06

onefootinthebed See, I don't think I'd be very welcome there, as her & the new boyfriend are still in the honeymoon stage, and it's more convenient for them to be here for her & me.. but I know I would never get anything like that from my sister. It saddens me because, would she make her children stay in all through the holidays if I wasn't having them? She would take them out.. and spend the money, so maybe she's just enjoying the money she is saving with them being here!! I had a real emotional breakdown which isn't good for me or baby! :( x

OP posts:

Original poster

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 20:08

Trust me, Lottiedoubtie & imperialbleather I would love nothing more than to say & do those things .. However I can't do that to the children. :( I'm too soft!! But I suppose this tenner will have to do & will have to just take them on ONE outing, and even that's a stretch.. but hey Ho! :(

OP posts:

travailtotravel · 02/08/2015 20:12

Do not stretch to take the kids out, please don't do it or she will just keep doing it. Be clear what you want and tell her that unfortunately you have run out of money and wont be able to have her children for the last week.
Honestly, this make me mad - she is so taking the P.

bestguess23 · 02/08/2015 20:14

You need to be honest with yourself too. If you really can't afford them then you need to tell her you can't have them if she can't contribute. It's not punishing the kids, it's true. As their mother she needs to budget for childcare and upkeep. Don't let her walk all over you, put you under stress when you're pregnant or put you in financial straits.

Original poster

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 20:18

travailtotravel & bestguess23 - I physically won't be able to take them to the places I'd of hoped, I also just don't have the money to do so, so it is impossible.. I wish she didn't see me as a cheap babysitter, & actually childcare. . That she would pay for if I wasn't here.. just makes me mad that she is making money -putting MORE hours in as she doesn't have them!! And can spare a tenner. I need a bath and a good night's sleep!

OP posts:

sleeponeday · 02/08/2015 20:19

Tell her it's a shame, but you can't afford to have them unless she pays you £5 a day per child, upfront at the start of each week. That you'd love to have them as you love them to bits, but money is just too tight to feed them and care for them, never mind take them out, without her paying a small part of what that costs. If she can't afford it you do understand, and realise she will have to get someone else to look after them as you can't afford it.

No way will she make alternative arrangements - you are offering an insane bargain in terms of childcare, and she won't begin to match it anywhere else. She will pay you.

TBH she won't respect you any more for being her doormat. She'll just keep raising her expectations.

BlueBananas · 02/08/2015 20:21

I don't understand why you offered to had the kids if you can't afford it and didn't talk about her paying you beforehand?!
This is all of your own doing so not a lot you can do now

LottieDoubtie · 02/08/2015 20:24

I know you love the kids but this is ridiculous! Tell the kids you love them very much but the pregnancy is tiring you out/the roof needs fixing/you're having the bathroom done or better still that you're very sorry but as you aren't working you can't afford for them to stay just at the moment and they will have to go home to mums.

I am that you are even contemplating letting your sister use you like this!

goodnessgraciousgouda · 02/08/2015 20:24

You are being a total and utter door mat.

Why on earth are you allowing your sister to walk all over you? Of course she isn't going to give you anything. Why would she? There are clearly no repercussions for her. Free of charge childcare for three weeks whilst she gets to go out and about with her new man? Sounds like a good deal for her.

I'm with the other posters. You need to tell her "This isn't going to work. I will be bringing the kids back on Wednesday. We love having the kids over, but we aren't a free of charge creche and we don't have the money to continue this arrangement. Your offer of a tenner was taking the utter piss".

Then ignore any sob stories she gives you, and drop the kids back. If she gives you any grief, just tell her her kids deserve better than her, then leave.

sleeponeday · 02/08/2015 20:24

This is all of your own doing so not a lot you can do now

She asked for some money, sis said she could "maybe" give her a tenner.

In offering to do the childcare she did a huge, enormous favour. No childminder is as flexible and loving as an affectionate aunt. And she's asking for a contribution to expenses, not a fee. Of course there is something she can do - she can ask for that contribution. A decent sister would pay it without argument - think what a childminder would cost!

Littlef00t · 02/08/2015 20:25

So is she saying she's not earning when you have them? Definitely see how it goes for a week, and consider sending them back.

I'd text back lol to the tenner comment. Kids cost, honestly, even if they're at school all week.

Definintely don't offer again.

achieve6 · 02/08/2015 20:25

OP
she is royally taking the mick
you have enabled her to work and she's not paying a bean? That's outrageous and no way to treat someone who is helping you.

I would start telling her that she needs to give you, say, a tenner a day - I don't know how your expenses are but that seems fair - and then pay for any activities that she wants them to be taken to.

sorry if I missed it but why are they staying overnight with you? Is she on shifts?

if not, then I would honestly be checking that she is at work.

JassyRadlett · 02/08/2015 20:25

Honestly, after her last text I would have asked her how she'd planned to feed them etc for that 3 weeks. Cheeky cow.

You do need to toughen up with her, though, as she has the potential to ruin your time with your new baby. Just practise 'Sorry, that won't be possible.' And remember, your sister has no problem saying it!

I think at 6 weeks pregnant no one would bat an eyelid if you were to be feeling too unwell to look after 2 kids who aren't yours for 3 weeks.

MrsKCastle · 02/08/2015 20:26

As an absolute minimum, she should be giving you the child benefit for the weeks that you're doing, so around £35 per week.

Have a think about how much extra you're spending and how much you can afford. Then text her with a very clear message about how much you need from her e.g. 'Unless you can give me £40 per week, I can not afford to look after them, so will bring them back to you on x date.'

It's a shame that you didn't come to an arrangement before the holidays- I hope you can get it sorted without falling out with her.

Original poster

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 20:26

sleeponeday - will see her tomorrow & see what she has to say, I'd rather say it all her face, so she can't hide behind a text.

& bluebananas - I did it because they're my niece and nephew, and really didn't expect it to cost so much, as had a few unexpected bills to pay this month.. so personal circumstances came in the way!!

OP posts:

Nonnainglese · 02/08/2015 20:28

throw you a tenner! I'd say 'thank you, that's fine for the day, what time are you picking them up tonight?'

I've never heard anything like it, she's bullying you as well as using you.

RitaKiaOra · 02/08/2015 20:30

£10 for three weeks' full time overnight childcare???
She is massively taking the piss.
Tell her you cannot do it then and ask her to look up summer holiday rates.

Bovnydazzler · 02/08/2015 20:34

Please don't let her get away with this, you have to be assertive!!

bluebananas I don't agree it's all of OPs doing, DSis sounds like an entitled selfish bitch.

I'd text
"You know I adore them but you don't really want them living on beans on toast and watching tv all day every day for 3 weeks. I assumed you'd be providing some living costs for them as they are with me for so long. Even £50 per week would be brilliant, otherwise It'll just have to be for a couple of days I can have them for. I won't be offended if you want to look for cheaper childcare elsewhere, love having it but just can't afford it for 3 weeks!"

mrsg1888 · 02/08/2015 20:35

Your sister sounds like a selfish prize cow!
Never mind that you've kindly offered to save her a bit on child care and enable her to work. You are 6weeks pregnant and should have as little stress as possible

Do not give in to her and take the kids and stay in whilst she is off on outings with her bf. using the money she should be using on her children! Watch them during her shift hours and that is all

Original poster

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 20:43

Thankyou all SO much for all your advice & helping me realise it's not just my bloody hormones playing up.. I WILL be talking to her again, and if she doesn't listen - i will have to tell her i can't do it any longer, I just don't have the guts to say any of those things, i know that if i tell my dad - he will no doubt say the same as all of you.. I think she needs telling, because you've all put it into massive perspective and realized she is a bit of a bitch!

This will be sorted. i'm logging off for tonight, i feel alot more confident in doing so! THANKYOU- THANKYOU- THANKYOU All.

OP posts:

Doublebubblebubble · 02/08/2015 21:25

Just read the thread. Omg. If she was my sister or sil id send her the price lists for a few local childminders. £7++ an hour in my area + expenses....and they don't do overnights.. Seriously seriously ridiculous x

sleeponeday · 02/08/2015 21:27

Presumably her ex pays child support, and she will also get child benefit and tax credits. So if you pay for absolutely everything over the three weeks, she's actively profiting from the money intended for their living costs, not just earning because of free childcare. You're not asking for payment, just expenses.

Really glad you are saying something.

achieve6 · 02/08/2015 21:37

good luck! hope you will update us!

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