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Original poster

niggly comments from the other half?

34 replies

Shera82 · 26/06/2015 10:45

hi everyone - am 8 months now but recently my husband has been asking me have I been doing my squats, am I going to go out for a walk and then asked me do I hold my stomach muscles in or let it all 'hang out'. Also has been checking that when I'm on maternity leave I feel ok to leave the baby with HIS mum in case I want to go to the gym. He tries to say that he doesn't mean anything by it and I look great etc. - but cant help feel that not only have I been carrying the baby and looking after it as best I can, its as if he is worried I am going to 'let myself go' or not loose weight? I haven't put that much on thankfully and love my food (more the better!)- but just seems that he doesn't get the impact on your body, feelings and self that pregnancy can have even though its amazing to go through. Anyone else have these wee niggly comments from the other half? Don't even get me started on trying to feel sexy enough for a bit of you know what - be a sex symbol and loose weight, and be pregnant and give birth.

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Original poster
Shera82 · 26/06/2015 10:46

ah - exhausting work! Anyone else feeling same please let me know or else Im just ranting on !! :) x

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coneywonder · 26/06/2015 10:56

The way I'm feeling at the moment if my oh said anything like that to me I'd full on kick him in the balls.

He obviously doesn't understand you can't bloody suck your stomach muscles in when your 8 months pregnant. I hope he doesn't make this kinds of comments to you after the baby is born

camrywagon · 26/06/2015 10:58

I would think my husband had lost his mind if he made any of these comments. I don't mean to be harsh but I think those type of comments highlight a deeply unattractive side to your dp and I would tell him so next time he said anything similar.

You are growing an entirely new person, that in itself is a miracle and he should be in awe quite frankly.

Please do tell him to he is being hurtful.

Good luck on your last month!

SunnyBaudelaire · 26/06/2015 11:08

how on earth could you 'suck your stomach muscles in' it would be physically impossible.
honestly I think those comments are a bit worrying.

StrawberryCheese · 26/06/2015 11:16

is he a gym bunny himself? Just wondering if these comments are coming from someone who is really into their fitness or someone who can't find his own stomach muscles. Grin

I went to yoga last night (I'm 6 months) and was squeezing my abdomen, had a stomachache for the next two hours so I wouldn't recommend it.

Hippymama1 · 26/06/2015 11:18

I agree with pps - particularly coneyWink

Maybe there are some observations you might like to make about his appearance while he seems to be on the subject?

My husband would never say anything like this to me and was having a little chuckle to himself reading this over my shoulder... I think he knows that there would certainly be a bollockectomy on the cards if this kind of conversation was started in our house. Wink

StrawberryCheese · 26/06/2015 11:19

Bollockectomy Grin that's my new favourite word!

Hippymama1 · 26/06/2015 11:23

You're welcome Grin

UpUpAndAway123 · 26/06/2015 11:25

My husband would never say anything like this-we are on child number 3. Sounds like he's scared of you getting fat or worried he won't be attracted to you. I would personally tell him to fuck off and ask him to make his point without trying to be subtle.

mojo17 · 26/06/2015 11:26

He needs educating.
Ask him to read a book about the physical, physiological, hormonal and emotional changes going on inside your body. And their effects on your body during and after the birth. It normally takes approximately a year for a body to recover.
Has he been to any classes.
If he is genuinely interested in how to help you recover and make the right suggestions then he needs to do his research doesn't he, he might get quite into facts like your blood volume increasing, ribs expanding etc etc.
Then he would understand
Otherwise a good kick in the balls would be the other alternative way of getting your feelings across

Original poster
Shera82 · 26/06/2015 11:40

LOL balls seem to be under attack! Thank you - sometimes I don't know if I'm being unreasonable - especially when I take it 'the wrong way' and then he takes a huff that I'm upset! Then I feel like crap and its a vicious circle. Its so unlike him and that's why I'm so confused.com about what he's been saying. I've been getting my hair done, nails done, not eating Chinese every night of the week (if only) and trying my best. It just feels that am busting my ass to do the best I can for baby and me and I still cant win. These comments are the last straw! What to do! :( tell you what I wont be doing tho - squats at 8 months pregnant - I will be able to get down but not up again...

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Original poster
Shera82 · 26/06/2015 11:51

I think there should a separate antenatal class for the men and never mind the baby - this is how you look after a pregnant woman. ;)

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KatieScarlettreregged · 26/06/2015 11:57

I would kick him in his squats and take my chances with the jury.

LastOneDancing · 26/06/2015 12:02

Will he be doing the night feeds so you have the energy for the cross trainer?

I'd watch he doesn't swap your TENS for a Slendertone.

But seriously, he's sounding like a bit if a dick. I think he really needs to be told how much this is affecting you, because if his 'helpful' questioning carries on after the baby, I'm concerned it could really impact your wellbeing.

batfish · 26/06/2015 12:07

You poor thing, you're 8 months pregnant and the last thing you need is to be worrying that your hubby is concerned about you pinging back into shape! Mine seems to have gone the other way, we have a constant supply of giant chocolate bars in the fridge and it's not me putting them there!

Maybe try to sit him down and say that maybe he doesn't mean it how it comes across but his comments about your exercising are making you feel under pressure in terms of your body image and that not only could you not manage squats or sucking your tummy in at this stage but that you shouldn't have to be thinking about any of that and you need to know that he is aware that your body is and will continue to go through massive changes and you need his support now and if/when you decide to start trying to get into shape - but that will happen in your time and not his and because you want to for yourself and not to keep him happy.

Wantsunshine · 26/06/2015 12:09

He sounds like a prize idiot. He really should be thinking about you and your baby's health not whether you are holding you stomach in to look nice for him. As he is not even growing a child in his body I hope he has a six pack and looks amazing. If not you want to be giving him suggestions on how to improve his body and add that at least there is nothing stopping him.

Original poster
Shera82 · 26/06/2015 12:58

because its so unlike him to ever mention weight or how I look its thrown me and after a few comments its like - ok what are you actually trying to say. Thought I was doing ok and even though he always says you aren't fat, you all baby, you look great - I just don't know where its coming from over the past few weeks. But thank you for coming back to me on this - least I don't feel I was being unreasonable as I did before xx

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mojo17 · 26/06/2015 13:05

You are defo NOT being unreasonable!!!

Really needs to be educated
Try and fix something in a type of sling with 2 stone of precious cargo in it for him to carry around and about down all weekend including sleeping eating and washing housework etc
Add a peg on his nethers for good measure and ask him why he isn't doing enough.
Get angry you really need him to be more supportive

ARV1981 · 26/06/2015 13:15

God if my husband dared say anything like that to me, his balls would pay the price...

Just tell him he's being insensitive and that you're going to get even bigger over the next month and he better be prepared for that. As for his mum looking after baby while you go to the gym... why not suggest that she looks after baby while you have a nap or meet friends for lunch or something fun/relaxing instead. Unless of course, you're a gym bunny and would enjoy a gym session. (Personally can't think of anything worse, but then I'm an anti-gym bunny... give me a nice sofa and a good book with a big bar of chocolate over the gym/exercise any day of the week!)

Original poster
Shera82 · 26/06/2015 14:12

ARV1981 am totally not a gym bunny lol I am actually allergic to gyms and find them the scariest place on earth. I can see where you are all coming from and thank you, you really have made me feel better. I'll be better prepared the next time my tummy muscles or squats come up! wish I could take you all with me the next time I have to discuss the topic with him! girl power :)

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Original poster
Shera82 · 26/06/2015 14:13

ARV - the sofa and chocolate sounds a lot more up my street :) I agree with what you said about giving the baby to someone while I go and do something a tad more relaxing and nice for me. xx

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cailindana · 26/06/2015 14:20

Next time he says it, give him a hard look and say "sorry am I not using my body to grow your child in the way you like? Am I doing it wrong? Would you like to do it instead?"

Anyone who makes nasty comments to their heavily pregnant wife about doing squats and then gets annoyed that she's upset is a massive, prize twat.

sianihedgehog · 26/06/2015 14:29

Christ no, I'd tear him a new one! I honestly told mine that it was going to be a long time of me not looking like I did before and he should probably have a practice wank over some pregnant porn to get used to it in advance .Blush

Original poster
Shera82 · 26/06/2015 14:33

I know the comments he made were out of line and he really should think before he speaks. Next time I'll come back and try to get him to understand. He is a good man and as I said I have never had anything like this from him before and am a bit bewildered! But apart from the comments he has been a good'n.
Thanks everyone :) xx

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Stoneysilence · 26/06/2015 14:48

Is this your first baby? If he thinks this kind of comment is "helpful" now, when you're all glowing and groomed (having all that lovely time to pamper yourself), what's he going to think when your baby's born, your milk comes in, you haven't got 10 minutes to yourself to wash you hair, never mind the sick on your clothes, and you feel less like sex than ever? He needs to catch himself on.

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