Would you take DC1 to scan?

[bittapitta]

Would you take DC1 (age 2 and a half) to the 12 week scan? I have already had an early scan too, alone, so chances are things will be okay. DH will come too. No family nearby, never used a baby sitter.

I took DC1 with me for a few scans in my 2nd pregnancy. Had to bribe him with chocolate buttons but it was quite nice really. That said I have been fortunate in my pregnancies and I might feel differently if I'd ever miscarried.

We would just like we take then to medical appts or anything else we need to. In a sad time we would want to have our family close and in a happy time they are just there.

We didn't make a thing of what it was about tho - just said going to the hospital to check mummy's tummy. 3yo and 1yo. 3 yo now understands

I took 2.5yo DD to my 12w scan. No childcare options - no money for a nursery assuming one would take her for a one off and no suitable friends (all kids beat her up). Plus she had extreme separation anxiety and her SEN meant at the time she couldn't be left anywhere new or with anyone other than occasionally DH.

She sat in her buggy and demolished a full pack of Babybels plus a bag of Haribo and destroyed a new sticker book.

I was lucky that the scan was positive, but she doesn't pick up on moods much. At the time she wouldn't have understood. I also deal with bad stuff by compartmentalising and looking after DD would help me block out bad news until I was home and could process the emotions (aspie).

She came to 20w scan too but DH was there for that one.

Took mine (at 3) to scan when bleeding at 6 weeks, to repeat at 7 weeks (still bleeding) and at 12 weeks. Liked to have her close whatever the news but she was 3 then 4 so you're in a slightly different boat. The ipad worked to distract, though.

I wasn't talking about the power of positive thinking, ladies.

The majority of women have normal scans and normal pregnancies.

Therefore trying to find childcare at cost and inconvenience in the minority chance that something will be wrong with the pregnancy does not make sense to me.

I'm sorry to anyone who has had bad news at scans but the reality is that you are in the minority. Most women have normal pregnancies and most women do not miscarry before 12 weeks.

Most women don't. But a lot do. 1 in 4 pregnancies is not a statistically insignificant amount. It's unlucky, yes. But not uncommon.
If you want to go about your day naïvely assuming that this could never happen to you, that's fine. But if your thinking of taking your child to a scan, you are stupid and irresponsible not to at least acknowledge the possibility and consider how both you and your child might feel.
Your posts come across as preachy and superior and it is offensive to the (very many) of us who have experienced this to use phrases like 'but in reality' as if what we are saying is irrational and paranoid. It's not. It's just sensible and realistic.

Op , I really wouldn't feel awkward about asking a mum friend. Just say appointment - could be dentist etc you can always confess afterwards if all is well!

We had just moved house and I didn't have a single friend or family around, nearest was 150 miles away. DD was 15 months and had never been to nursery and finding one, getting her settled in and then booking in for just a couple of half sessions just seemed completely ridiculous (if they would even have let us book in for one offs). DH was working abroad.
It was take her with me or not have any scans.

No. I have a just turned 3 year old and he would fiddle with everything, it would be very stressful.
I have had 2 pregnancy scans end in disaster- a mc and a nuchal fold of 11mm. What would you do if it was very bad news?

I was 33 when I had a nuchal of 11- I was planning a baby shopping trip after the scan, because even after a mc of course I was getting a baby this time. No one could be so unlucky to have bad news twice. In reality of course they can, and they do.
I hope you scan is ok op and you get home and enjoy telling your LO about their new baby sibling.

Also I had had 3 earlier scans all fine, because they didn't measure the nuchal, spot the hydrops, absent nasal bone and reverse glow in the ductus arteriosus until 12 weeks.

Guybrush I just feel the posts of "What if something goes WRONG" may unnecessarily scare women who due to cost/location/lack of nearby family need to take their kids to their appointments. It's not right in my opinion, sorry. Worst case scenarios for a woman who has childcare issues are not helpful.

Of course if you have a partner/parent/childminder who can watch your toddler, I would 100% agree to leave the child with them instead of taking them to the medical appointment. But we're talking about someone who doesn't have that option.

Missed miscarriages before 12 weeks apparently happen 2% of the time. That is, the woman has turned up at the 12 week scan with no signs of something wrong with the pregnancy. With those odds, I'd take the kid.

www.pregnancy.org/article/miscarriage-facts
See under "Incomplete and Missed Miscarriage"

Newbian, I think it's time to stop. I'm finding your posts really patronising and, yes, offensive - and all my scans have been fine.
Women who have had bad news will no doubt be struggling with your assertion that scans that go wrong are rare. They're not.

ODFO. I know everything there is to know about mmc, thanks.
I'm hiding this thread now. Partly because you're upsetting me and partly because you're a patronising idiot and there is no point in arguing with you.

I don't see the need for personal insults. I haven't insulted anyone, I've pointed out a need for consideration of the anxiety of a pregnant woman struggling with childcare.

Some people do genuinely have no other choice which I know is hard for people with a support network to understand.

Of COURSE some people have no other choice but that wasn't the debate here. When there is no other choice, you cope. But the OP said "DH will come too" - therefore she has the option to leave her toddler with their dad. Which lots of us, me included, will also be doing in the absence of other childcare.

No need for passive aggressive comments about people with a "support network" not being able to understand.

newbian really please shut the hell up. You're digging yourself a hole here and it is a very sensitive subject for someone so ignorant to be bashing around in.
It's not your call to make saying 'I haven't insulted anyone', you have.
No ones posts about the possibility of miscarriage is 'scaring' anyone. Miscarriage is a sad fact that is much more common than a lot of people think. And therefore it's important to educate that it's a possibility, rather than an unspoken taboo that only happens to other women.
You're very wrong in your assumption that its rare to experience miscarriage. It affects 1 in 4 pregnancies and not just 1 in 4 women. The more times a women tries to fall pregnant, each time she can risk having a miscarriage.
I'm shocked at your tone and it makes me think you maybe don't have close friends who have suffered a loss, as I was very shocked when I spoke to friends and realised just how many have been affected.
You are truly blessed to have managed to dodge the miscarriage bullet and you should be a little more tactful and aware of those that haven't.

I never said miscarriage is rare.

I said the majority of women have normal pregnancies and do not miscarry.

If people wish to totally mischaracterize my statements as "No one ever miscarries LOL" when I'm actually saying" If you need to bring your child, the likelihood is that your scan will be fine so do it if you have to."

I understand this is an emotional and sensitive issue, but I'm not saying women who have struggled in pregnancy are not telling the truth. I'm just saying it's not the most common outcome of a scan.

Erm, how is ever appropriate to follow the word miscarrige with a 'lol'? Are you trolling?
Seriously, you have zero idea of just how horrific you're coming across.
Step down and shut up.

We took ds (then 12 months) to our first scan (it was at 14 weeks)because we had no choice if dp was to come. Fortunately everything was fine but I still wouldn't do it again.I've had lots of scans since then and we've either roped family in (from 2 hours drive away) or I've gone alone or dp has brought ds but taken him to the hospital cafe.
During my 14 week scan I could hear ds outside playing up and it was very distracting. I'm glad no decisions had to be made/ bad news dealt with. Dp wasn't allowed in until after the main part of the scan was done anyway.

My hospital says "no children in the scan room" and this is largely enforced although I don't suppose they'd turn you away if you're on your own with your dc. I was told it was not just about if you have devastating news but if someone else does too, coming into a waiting room full of children after bad news

Mmc is just one of the things that you can receive bad news about at a scan. There are lots of other things that need to be checked and that you can also need to be given bad news about. I'm not surprised that some hospitals have a 'no children at scan rule' as sometimes very serious issues might need to be discussed and it isn't right that young children should witness those conversations if it is avoidable. I'm sure that the vast majority of people at hospitals with a no children at scan rule manage to attend their appointments so those at hospitals without that rule can probably sort some childcare in the vast majority of cases.
It never occurred to me to take my children along despite having had an early positive scan and so DH stayed home with them (just as well because there was a notice in the waiting room staying no children allowed in scans) whilst I went to the scan. Of course I wanted him there and he would have loved to be there but looking after the children came first.

I was told it was not just about if you have devastating news but if someone else does too, coming into a waiting room full of children after bad news

That on its own is a good reason not to take children along to scans. I hadn't even thought about that but that has to be the best reason for the rule being in place at some hospitals.

Well this thread has run and run! I replied upthread saying DH will look after DC1 (probably near the hospital), out of the office to cover my scan. Shame he can't come but it's the best decision on reflection especially in light of some of these sad stories.

For the record newbian my first pregnancy (pre DC) ended in mmc. It was pretty shit. Your first post was worded very badly indeed (positive thinking as the scan will "probably" be okay? That's what I did wrong then when my first pregnancy ended at 9 weeks but I only found out at 12 weeks!).

I'm glad you've made a decision and got some child care. It is a real shame you dh can't be with you.

Oddly my dh has managed to come to every scan I had. My last 21 week one my dd2 wasn't cooperating so we went away to have coffee etc, because we had to be rescanned my dh had to go and get dd1 from my parents and couldn't be with me.

That's the point at which we had our first bit of bad news. Saying that I didn't feel alone at the time because both the sonographers were so great.

I'm sure all will be fine at your scan. If things go well is it possible to book a private scan so your dh could be there?