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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Would you take DC1 to scan?

75 replies

bittapitta · 15/06/2015 16:00

Would you take DC1 (age 2 and a half) to the 12 week scan? I have already had an early scan too, alone, so chances are things will be okay. DH will come too. No family nearby, never used a baby sitter.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 15/06/2015 20:48

My dd came with us to a scan where we did get bad news (mmc). She was just 2. She did have some awareness of what was going on to be honest- partly because we had told her there was a baby, partly because I was upset and partly because of what happened in the following couple of weeks. She went into nursery and told staff that mummy had a poorly tummy and there was no baby anymore. She became very clingy with me- probably just because I was in quite a vulnerable state.
Most of this wasn't specifically because of attending the scan though, but I probably wouldn't do it again.

Robstersgirl · 15/06/2015 20:49

No, my kids were heartbroken when I had a MC. If anything is up (praying all is fine) it would be very difficult.

Original poster

bittapitta · 15/06/2015 20:53

Oh guybrush that is sad, and other stories above too. Thanks for all the replies. Got me thinking.

OP posts:

Blazing88 · 15/06/2015 20:55

God no, I wouldn't. But then I had bad news and found I had had a MMC. The thought of trying to deal with my 2 yr old whilst my world collapsed doesn't bear thinking about.

The chances are, everything will be fine. But as someone who has experienced that awful feeling of grief, I really wouldn't want my other child there to witness it.

Wishing you all the best whatever you decide.

LostMySocks · 15/06/2015 20:59

I tool DS, then 11months to an early dating scan when I had a surprise pregnancy. It turned out to be a MMC. Having him too hold (and too young to know what was happening) made things bearable for me. Took him again,aged 18 months, for the same reason. He's very calm and DH was there so could have taken him out once we knew all was ok. The sonographer was fine. Particularly as I was in pieces after the last time. My DM will look after him for 20 week scan as that is longer and we only told family after the scan and blood results.

AdventureBe · 15/06/2015 21:04

I wouldn't. Obviously we all hope our scan day will be a happy chance to see baby, but the real reason is to find out if something's wrong.

I'm sure DD will be fine if it's not, with little understanding or sense of loss but you and DH won't and you'll have to try and absorb what you're being told whilst occupying a small child.

Ask the mum friends.

NeddToDecideTodayShit · 15/06/2015 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mawsymoo · 15/06/2015 21:10

My DS has just turned 1 and I'm having a private early scan on Thursday evening. I really want DH there as I have had previous MCs including a MMC and we have nobody we can leave him with. I'm hoping it will be okay - while I'd be devastated if it's bad news I know from experience I will hold it together in public and he's too young to understand anyway. I must bring some distraction snacks!

Buttwing · 15/06/2015 21:17

At the hospital I had my dcs at young children were not allowed in. I saw a dad being told he would have to wait outside with the toddler while his partner/ wife had to go in on her own. Felt so sorry for them.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 15/06/2015 22:22

No- a scan is a medical assessment - - I think it's unfair on the sonographer and actually inappropriate.

HeffaLumpers · 15/06/2015 22:31

Dd came to all of my scans. I had epu scans where dp couldn't get the time of work and we have absolutely no other childcare so inappropriate or not she had to come. She came to the other scans with Dp. She was only 17 months though. At 2.5 I don't know if I would have left her at home with Dp or brought her. If you do have other options I would use them

LBOCS · 15/06/2015 22:38

Not if there was any other option. I've had miscarriages before (including a MMC following an early scan). I think it would be very hard to concentrate on making medical decisions whilst having to wrangle a wriggly, distracted two year old.

Superexcited · 15/06/2015 22:42

We had no childcare as my scan was in the school holidays so DH stayed home with the children and I went for the scan alone. Our hospital has a no children at scan policy but I wasn't aware of that until I got to the hospital, I just didn't think it was appropriate to take the children with me.

SaltySeaBird · 15/06/2015 22:48

I wouldn't.

Partly as I've had a MMC before - after seeing a heartbeat at an earlier scan. There is so much to process I couldn't cope with DD too.

Also because she can be a nightmare at times. I'm still scarred from taking her to the dentist and opticians. It's just a bit unpredictable as to whether she will be good or a pain.

drinkscabinet · 15/06/2015 22:58

We took DD1 to DC2's scan. She was only 1 year (12months) old and we didn't have childcare. I think it might be difficult wirh an older child who was more aware of what is going on, she had no idea. Can't remember what we did for DC3's scans. I don't remember the other two being there so presumably they weren't but if we'd not had childcare I'd have taken them and had DH outside with them but then got them to come in once things were definitely OK so DH got to see part of the scan.

Scotinoz · 15/06/2015 23:53

I took my toddler to my scans and OB appointments. Not much other option I'm afraid. It was fine.

Original poster

bittapitta · 16/06/2015 15:30

DH is going to look after DC and I'll go to the scan alone.

OP posts:

newbian · 16/06/2015 15:40

I understand that things do go wrong from time to time, but for the vast majority of women there's unlikely to be bad news at the scan. 2.5 years is also young enough not to understand what's going on - certainly the child won't remember. If you don't have other options I don't see why it would be a problem, unless the hospital doesn't allow it.

I do not go into each scan imagining the worst, maybe I'm naive but I can't imagine all this negative thinking is a good thing.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 16/06/2015 15:45

I had to take mine, it was that or not have them as DH worked away and I had absolutely no childcare. She was a bit younger though so had no idea what was going on.

KittyandTeal · 16/06/2015 15:51

As someone who was given shattering news at my 21 week scan and then had to make some quick decisions from there the last thing I would have wanted was my toddler there.

Yes they won't know what's going on and will forget but if something is wrong you need to be 100% focused on what they're telling you, not worried about keeping it together for the sake of your toddler.

We are trying again and if we are successful this month there is a possibility I will have no childcare for a scan (we will be having lots) I have already thought about putting dd into nursery for a whole day (she only does a few hours) to avoid her having to come.

Norfolknway · 16/06/2015 15:52

I took my Dd who was 2 at the time. I went to leave dh and Dd outside (after reading about it not being the done on mn) and the sonographer ushered us all in telling us not to be daft.
Dd loved watching her new baby on the TV, she still talks about it now.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 16/06/2015 16:58

newbian, it's not negative thinking. I went in with my 2.5 year old thinking everything would be fine. Statistically I was unlikely to have a miscarriage- perfect health, in my 20s, one perfect previous pregnancy. But it was a mmc.
It's not negative thinking to say that miscarriages happen and they can happen to anyone. 1 in 4 pregnancies actually.
Of course you should go into your scan thinking that everything will probably be fine. But it is worth acknowledging that it might not be and you obviously have no idea how that feels, or indeed how it might feel to have your 2.5 year old in the room.

sizethree · 16/06/2015 17:54

Yes bewbian you are naive. No amount of negative nor positive thinking can change the outcome of a scan. You've clearly been very lucky. But many many women are not so ignorantly unaware of things that can and do go wrong.

KittyandTeal · 16/06/2015 18:03

Wow newbian, if only I'd thought positively about my scans maybe my baby would have been ok!

I'm usually good at not getting wound up by odd comments and I'm sure you genuinely have good intentions but geeze, the way you think or feel about a scan doesn't change the outcome.

Yes it is unusual and uncommon for things to go wrong, it was a 1:8000 uncommon for my dd to have Edwards, still it happened. Someone is that '1' and no amount of positive thinking will change that.

What I'm saying is if you are that 1 the last thing you'll want is a toddler there. If you are one of the other 7999 (or any other stat) then the worst that's happened is your toddler hasn't seen your scan.

WillowB · 16/06/2015 22:11

Good for you newbian.
Unfortunately my cousin took took her 3 year old to her 12 wk scan last week telling her that she was going to have a lovely surprise.
The surprise was that she'd had a mmc.

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