Midwife appointments abuse questions

[layla888]

So every time I have seen my midwife I'm 35 weeks btw she asks me basically if my husband abuses me well she doesn't ask as brash as that but it's worded differently but basically that's what she's asking. Has anyone else had this at midwife appointments? Last time she told me not to get offended by the question. My reply every time is 'again, no I think DH is more scared of me" - as a joke of course! But after being asked 4 times im getting a bit fed up. Anyone?

I was asked is everything ok at home in all my appointments - I think it’s great they ask as for those who may be dealing with domestic violence or anything else - they have a chance to voice it should they feel confident to do so

You have to understand that if a women is in an abusive relationship, she probably won't admit it the first time she is asked.

It’s also possible that the midwife has recently had a situation, or knows of one, where ahe didn’t ask and it would have made a difference, or did ask and it did make a difference. My hospital has a policy that for the booking appointment, the first 15 minutes are without partners. I think it’s great that they ask. Had there been more awareness years ago, my relative might still be here. And yes, she was pregnant.

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT. LizAlex has randomly revived a 4 year old thread.

It's not a midwife's job to give your partner a nice experience of your appointments, LizAlex. It's her job to care for you, and sadly she is not equipped with psychic abilities to know which partners are genuinely very supportive and which use being 'supportive ' as a mask for abuse and control.

Yes, they have to ask at every appointment.
Some women might be too scared to answer but after a while may find confidence to come forward.
Please don't be offended x

Never been asked that

". I think should not be there job to play investigators when they aren't investigators there is the police for that and a lot more services available out there for women in such situation"

And how many pregnant women regularly access those services? Do you truly think it's as regular as a midwife? And the midwives investigate nothing - any valid concerns are passed to police and social services who do this.

Stop being so sensitive. These questions save lives. Be grateful the questions don't apply, and that you have a healthy baby growing and move on.

Honestly, wise up.

@LizAlex unfortunately for some women going to the police isn't an option whereas being asked in a safe environment during a midwife appointment is where a lot of people being abused come forward.
At the end of the day I'd rather they ask about domestic violence then let anyone slip through the net, they have to ask every time as it takes quite a few times of being asked the same question for people to come forward.
I'm in a happy marriage and understand why they have to ask what they ask and don't get offended by it, good for you not wanting to be in a relationship with an abusive man but have some empathy towards those who might be in that unpleasant situation where a midwife is there only life line out of it.
Also if you're acting defensive towards them regarding it and joking they may see this as indicators which in your situation you're not being abused but by getting angry at them they will show more interest as they will be concerned with your reaction, just say no my relationship is lovely and move on. I know this as I work in care and this is the kind of thing we are trained to look for in abusive situations so by reacting in this manner you're unintentionally flagging yourself up.

Know it's a zombie thread but @LizAlex what a horrible attitude. You really want to deny abused women a safety net at a vulnerable time when abuse is known to escalate, so you can have a magical fairyland Pinterest board fantasy pregnancy experience?

@burritofan laughable people think pregnancy related appointments are all about sunshines and rainbows 😂 it's still a medical condition.
Honestly I've not had one appointment where it's oh wow you're pregnant what an amazing experience let's fluff it up for you, just wait until she gets the 20 week scan where it's clinical af and you don't get millions of photos to take away.

@avacadooo shoutout to my 28-week appointment conducted horizontally through tears because of a giant haemorrhoid, it was a beautiful experience, one for the soft-focus photography memory book

I would NOT be with an abusive man that is certainly not have children with someone that was...

Don’t be so fucking clueless. Abuse often starts or increases in pregnancy. Do you think women actively choose to have a baby with abusive partners? They’re often so caught up in the cycle of abuse they don’t recognise the situation they’re in. Then they get pregnant and feel trapped and scared and don’t know how to get out. The conversation with the midwife may be the first opportunity they have to ask for help or recognise they need to get out. How many do you think access these services off their own back?

Seriously be glad you aren’t in these situations. You’ve also activated a 4 year old thread. 🙄