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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Baby On Board badges and public transport

89 replies

S1mmy · 02/06/2015 19:25

Although these badges are more common for London commuters I'm sure you can all relate...

I started my pregnancy naively thinking that commuters always notice a badge and everyone would be gracious enough to offer their seat to a pregnant woman. I think whether you are suffering morning sickness at 8 weeks or nearly due at 36 weeks and tired, you are still pregnant and need a seat. Although it's not a right, it's just kindness.

Having been on public transport for the past four weeks with my badge and having a 90 min commute, I have been offered a seat very few times, women pushed past to grab the last seat, people stare at their phones, pretend to be asleep or just blatantly stare at me. It doesn't matter what type of person, young people, tourists, and the many Polish and Indian people that travel my tubeline the lack of kindness has shocked me no end. I have lost faith in humankind, people are just too selfish now.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Eastie77 · 03/06/2015 08:35

Another pg Londoner. I get the Overground (lovely journey always get a seat as train usually half empty) and then the hellish Victoria line which is always jammed full. I very, very rarely get offered a seat on the Vic line and to be honest it doesn't really bother me. I'm visibly pg and think that if my fellow commuters don't feel like offering me a seat then so be it. I'm usually ok standing but I would def. just ask if needed.

OP - sorry you've had this experience but your blanket statement with regards to Polish, Romanian and Indian people is simply ridiculous

JassyRadlett · 03/06/2015 08:36

I find people on the tube are much better than the suburban commuters. (Odd, as there must be crossover!)

If you need a seat and ask, you will get one. Guaranteed.

Well, no, or not without conflict/insults - as demonstrated on this thread.

Whiteshirt, I've had a few people do what Stillwish has done and honestly I've been grateful for it, especially if it's a crowded service and they're nearer the seats than me. I do worry about asking individuals in case they need the seat more than I do and I put them in an awkward situation. And I find it's simpler/less arsey-sounding for a third party to do a 'group ask' ('would someone mind...')

But then I don't wear the badge unless I do want a seat. Confusing as fuck for people otherwise.

Sleepybeanbump · 03/06/2015 09:05

I commute in London and regularly see this. DH and I are generally the only people who offer seats. Sometimes people don't notice- fair enough. Their line of sight is blocked as so crowded, they're reading, on phone, or looking out the window. But I see a lot of people look directly at a pregnant woman and not do anything.

I'm on the train at the moment and I just offered my seat to a visibly pregnant lady. I'm pregnant t myself although early days so don't have badge yet, but I feel lousy in the mornings. But no one else was offering and I figured her need was greater than mine. I was about the furthest person from her- she and I had to clamber over loads of people to swap places, but still no one else in a better position offered their seat.

It depresses me how rude and selfish people are. I agree it's not a right, but it's common courtesy.

CactusAnnie · 03/06/2015 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sleepybeanbump · 03/06/2015 09:27

I don't feel totally comfortable with the 'just ask' approach. We wouldn't teach our children to only be polite/kind/ considerate / generous to people when directly asked. We'd teach them to actively think about other people. So I don think it's unreasonable to want/expect society in general to work like that. Resigning ourselves and arguing that we should just ask for what we want is a good solution to the immediate practicality, but long term it just excuses and entrenches bad manners.

milliemanzi · 03/06/2015 09:30

I don't think you should HAVE to ask but I do think people need to understand people aren't constantly on the lookout for pregnant people during their commute.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 03/06/2015 09:46

You also don't know if some of the women remaining sat down are in early stages of pregnancy and need to sit themselves. When I used to tube to work it was always the men in suits pretending not to see my huge bump. The tourists and younger people were usually first to offer their seat

Chips1999 · 03/06/2015 09:53

I've never had a problem and always had people insisting I have their seat on the bus/tube even if I was only going a couple of stops. I've always had help offered if I've taken DS anywhere on public transport in the buggy too. I think you have to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they haven't seen you. I would ask to have the seat if you need to sit down, I'm sure people would rather give up their seat than deal with a passed out pregnant lady

Zebda · 03/06/2015 10:04

I travel o the underground daily and always offer my seat if I notice a pregnant or older person, but to be honest, I dont check/look at people on the tube AT ALL as a general rule and particularly not the boob area the badges are. If someone asks for my seat I would clock the badge and jump up appologising

On the paris metro heavily pregnant a few years ago I was feeling awful and asked a chap in a priority seat if he minded getting up, I was treated to a shouty tirade of swear words along the lines of 'its not my fault you are pregnant!' 4 other people got up for me then though. Its not just London There are shitty people everywhere...

Fattycow · 03/06/2015 10:40

I'm not from London. I'm not even from the UK. So if I go to London, then I'm there as a tourist. I would not understand what the badge was about if it wasn't for this thread.

However, where I live we do have some priority seat on the trains and such. I am 8 months pregnant now and I've asked for a seat a few times, but most of the time I'm lucky and there are seats left when I get on.

tootsroots · 03/06/2015 10:45

I have two incidents.

A 30+ weeks pg lady ask very nicely on the Northern line (from south going to Bank) and the first man in the special seat looked her up and down and smirked and didn't move and stared into space smirking, then she asked the other man who said his bag was heavy sorry ( man satchel) . I was not pg so leapt up along side my DH about 5 seats away, and she took my DHs seat, she then sobbed as was so humiliated and a little hormonal i was furious giving her my tissues and offering water. Everyone kept their heads down. No one said a word to the awful rude man.

I asked for a seat at 12 weeks as felt dizzy and was really suffering from MS/nausea and the priority seat man and lady declined stating sore back ( i broke mine 3 years ago so i get that is legit!) and the man just didn't hear me over his headphones blasting so a nice man 4 seats way offered... thank goodness .. i was ill in my sickbag i carry about - 40 secs later. oops. Mortified but relieved. The carriage then joked that when someone lookes green in the future they would all leap up to save their shoes/bags/ clothes... mortifed i have lost 2 handbags to MS now on the tube

Now 18 weeks , not really showing depending on my dress choice and suffering mentally painful SI joint and PGP pain so i wear my badge which in my mind lets me ask for a seat but i don't presume anyone will stand up for me..i get on at bank and mostly get a seat at Kennington when people get off... Northern line is a the place for zombies.

CactusAnnie · 03/06/2015 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

londonliv · 03/06/2015 10:54

Pre-pregnancy I have to admit I never noticed when pregnant people were needing a seat as I normally had my nose buried in a book. If I noticed I would always get up though.
Am now 25 weeks pregnant and travel every day on the Victoria and Northern line and have to say I am pretty lucky and 9 times out of 10 get offered a seat. I don't ask because I am too shy but people (normally younger men) will normally get up for me. I think if anything, my faith in humanity has been reinforced!
However, when I was in New York I never got offered a seat on the subway so totally different experience!

tindel · 03/06/2015 11:06

Agree that if you think you need a seat, you have to ask. I spend 2.5 hours commuting to London every day and I'm frequently head down in a book or have my headphones on. Unless I happen to look up and spot someone who clearly looks in need, I'm not going to check at every stop to check if someone is in greater need of a seat than me.

I'm 23 weeks and I've recently given up my seat to someone on crutches and someone who was clearly more heavily pregnant than me. If I felt I needed a seat, I know I would have to put my big girl pants on and ask.

I've seen people ignore direct requests for seats (with usually someone offering), but for the most part, people are in their own world when commuting and don't realise if someone needs a seat if they don't say anything.

JassyRadlett · 03/06/2015 13:42

I'm another born and bred Londoner so not fazed by the prospect of minor conflict /insults. In fact I quite enjoy it on occasion

Good for you?

I get enough of it at work. I'd like to avoid it on my way to and from, particularly when I'm knackered anyway.

misssmilla1 · 03/06/2015 15:23

However, when I was in New York I never got offered a seat on the subway so totally different experience!

I think it's a bit like London in that it depends on what line you're on. I live in NY and have always been offered a seat on the subway if I'm standing, except for once when the train was so packed I actually preferred to stand so I could get off.

Have to give full props to a lovely lady on the weekend who was mortified she didn't realise I was preggers sooner, and booted her kids off the seat, and then shamed the rest of the carriage by telling everyone loudly I was pregnant. I find young women are the worst at giving up seats, younger guys and older people are the best. Tbh, I have NO issue in standing there looking v visibly pregnant rubbing my stomach and then dead eyeing people in seats - usually works

contractor6 · 03/06/2015 15:53

You either have really really lovely people who jump up straight away, or you have to ask, with the latter I am afraid it may not make a difference as I have asked and been ignored several times. There are a number of people on my commute who ask for a a seat for me which is lovely and more effective. But sometimes have to stand and then wish it was a nicer than world. Good luck with your commute and have some flowers to brighten your day

contractor6 · 03/06/2015 15:58

Ps I only ask people sat in the priority seats

coneywonder · 03/06/2015 16:57

People don't engage their brains. I had a baby shower the other week with all my friends and family and I wasn't offered a seat by any of them x

CactusAnnie · 03/06/2015 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JassyRadlett · 03/06/2015 19:32

Well, you've been lucky - others on the thread haven't.

You also gloss over my main concern about asking unless I'm in desperate straits - which I've repeated twice.

Stillwishihadabs · 03/06/2015 20:42

Sorry didn't come back -working. Yes I do clock other people on the tube, it's what I was taught to do. ItS basic tube etiquette to move along at each stop, allow people up to get off etc. It is selfish to bury your head in a book/phone on a busy tube. Trains are different as longer between stops.

CactusAnnie · 03/06/2015 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JassyRadlett · 03/06/2015 21:38

Yes, that's exactly it. I won't ask someone in the priority seats, for example, or ask someone individually because I don't want to put them in a difficult position.

I've found (this is pregnancy no 2), that asking the carriage for a seat results in a lot of avoidance of eye contact and foot shuffling, apart from the charming time I got a loud tirade from a charming individual.

As I've said upthread, I think poorly of those who look up, clearly clock the badge, and then stretch every nerve to make sure they don't shift their eyes from their paper or their phone for the remainder of the journey. And I definitely judged the people who watched a heavily pregnant woman stand up for a chap on crutches about a year ago (just came up on my Timehop to remind me).

I get offered a seat about 50% of the time. I've had some lovely individuals help me out. But I'd quite like it if you didn't paint me as a 'mute, passive victim of circumstance' for picking my own battles, if you don't mind awfully much.

Different things get different people's backs up.

Whenwillwe3meetagain · 03/06/2015 21:41

I got grumpy looks when I asked
for a seat wearing a badge and on crutches, it was awful. People are so self absorbed. I always stood up
For pregnant women and will do once back at work.

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