Midwife judging me for being a young mum?

[Icklepickle101]

I just called to make my booking appointment and I was getting on really well with my midwife and having a nice chat until she asked my date of birth, and then she comes outwith "oh, gosh, really?".

I feel so hurt, why should I be made to feel guilty about having a baby at 20!!!! :(:(

Any other young mums felt judged by their midwife?

Maybe she said that because you sound older than you are.

I never had a problem with my midwife - I was 20 but look very young for my age. You won't be the first and I'm sure she will have dealt with even younger women having babies. I would reserve judgement until you have met her it might be a misunderstanding or maybe im too naive

Congratulations! It was not professional of the mw to say that but she may of meant it as a compliment if she felt you were older due to being mature? Although it is judgemental to think anything of anyone based on age only!

That was really unprofessional of her!

Tbh you might as well get used to stuff like that if you're under 25 30 especially if you look young.

I was older than you but when I was pregnant with dc1 2 gps refused to refer me for maternity care because they thought I'd change my mind and decide to have an abortion instead!

Do you think its possible you are carrying your own insecurity about your age into this?

I mean really, your midwife will have seen thousands of woman from very young teenagers to women in their late forties/fifties. Do you honestly think you are that much of a novelty for her? You probably just sounded older on the phone.

Perhaps work on your own feelings about your age. I speak as a once teen mum.

And i cant see where you were made to feel guilty

I think i'm just super sensitive at the minute, i'm sure it will be okay.

I didn't realise it was that unusual to have a baby at 20?

I wouldn't worry, had my first at 21

I am sure she has seen people pregnant much younger than you!

I didn't realise it was that unusual to have a baby at 20?

It isnt. 20 year olds have been having babies for many thousands of years. Who said it was unusual?

surly, just a few comments from the GP receptionist as well as MW - if my partner would be attending or if I wanted a support worker to come along?

It was a plannd pregnancy but maybe I am concerned what people will think? so interpret every thing as worst case scenario

Icklepickle - I wouldn't take it too personally, but the average age of first birth for women in the UK is around 30, so it is "unusual" (based on current stats) to be a 20 year old mother. Whatever works for your life and circumstances is what matters.

www.bbc.com/news/health-28329737

Asking if a partner will be attending is nothing to do with age

Fwiw, when I was being monitored with DD I was having a chat with the Dr and he said (joking around) that I probably wouldn't have that easy a time of it because in terms of having children I was getting on a bit. I was 27 at the time. Biologically you're in your prime :)

Nah they ask me if I will have someone present and also there is a part on the form for every ante natal visit which says "attended with:"
Half of mine are blank as OH is a teacher and can't get time off.

Means nothing, no one reports it, it's not unusual and nothing to feel concerned about.

If you feel you are coming across this, then ask the person outright!

I am concerned what people will think?

This is your problem. You are approaching everything assuming people will have an issue with it so you are seeing stuff that most likely isnt actually there. As for caring what people think? Forget about that. Really, there will always be, throughout your life, people who disagree with what you do. You arent really planning to change your life to stop people thinking you're wrong are you? There are a lot of people in the world most of the time you wont even be aware what people think about you. My advice, stopping giving a fuck. It doesnt change their opinion by you caring does it? They'll think what they like anyway. Just get on with living your life, most people are too busy getting on with theirs to give a second thought to what you are doing.

Congratulations ickle .. I'm only 22! I planned this baby as i already own my home..car.. good paying permanent job and have been with my dp for over 7years! my first ever post on here was asking a question about am i too young (i had a diff name then) i had numerous comments and surprisingly everyone was supportive! Don't you worry about what anyone thinks about your age its your life -they don't know you! Aslong as your happy and in a position to support the baby that's sll what matters... Take care hunni xx

I had my first at just 21, theta was almost 18 yrs ago now though. I wouldn't say 20 was that young, I used to work as a midwife and saw a huge variation in age ranges for first time mums.

Asking if your partner is attending is standard questions. They like to see you on your own at some point usually the first booking appointment as there are questions about safeguarding and domestic violence that they obviously can't ask with a partner there.

You're reading a lot into three rather innocuous words. She didn't actually say anything at all about you or your age. For all you know she was thinking "christ I'm old, I could have delivered this mother and possibly her mother".

Chill out, you're inviting insult and objection where there isn't any.

Lol I had my daughter at 27 and was told I was a mature mother...lol apparently I was put with the other mature mothers on the ward? No idea what all that meant but I found it funny really :) some people are a bit silly, I wouldn't let it bother you x

I gave birth to my first at 25 (planned baby) and had so many comments that I was too young! You can't win with some people.

Whilst she shouldn't really comment, if I was chatting away with an adult on the phone and they have their ate of birth as 1995 I might day similar. It isn't a judgement of someone's age, more that 1995 doesn't feel 20 years ago! Makes me feel old.

They ask everyone about partners attending. That is standard. 30 year olds could also be single or in a couple.

*gave their date.

From your thread title I was expecting OP to be 13! There is nothing extreme about 20yo being pregnant. The remark would have been off the cuff chatty - and my refer to you sounding/looking older than your age (eg if the booking appointment was being conducted in your own house she might have presumed you were older), or to her having a rush of 'I'm so old'. Maybe she has a daughter born the same year as you?