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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Midwife judging me for being a young mum?

45 replies

Icklepickle101 · 26/05/2015 10:29

I just called to make my booking appointment and I was getting on really well with my midwife and having a nice chat until she asked my date of birth, and then she comes outwith "oh, gosh, really?".

I feel so hurt, why should I be made to feel guilty about having a baby at 20!!!! :(:(

Any other young mums felt judged by their midwife?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BookSnark · 26/05/2015 12:24

Re: support workers - it's just letting you know what services are available to you. I think you would fall into the bracket where they would, for example, be keen to make sure you'd achieved your potential wrt education - to give you the best chance of providing for your family in the future.

There's also the old chestnut about young mums not breastfeeding - so there is extra support provided to try to 'normalise' it within this demographic (not least - since a first baby at 20 will often not be the last baby - so support with the first baby can also trickle through to better outcomes for subsequent babies).

With respect - you clearly do feel a bit on the back foot with HCP - so maybe you would benefit from making contact with someone who can support you through the preganancy - and advocate for you, so that you don't end up feeling like you were steamrollered as a 'young mum'.

MozzchopsThirty · 26/05/2015 13:28

Ickle you're going to need a thicker skin.

As a HCP working with pg women and new mums I see all sorts, young mums (15/16), older mums (40+), mums with DA problems, mums with addiction problems.

Your mw won't have been shocked at all

hope123x · 26/05/2015 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

karmagetsyou · 26/05/2015 13:54

Congratulations!

I wish I had of been much younger

Ignore judgmentals

leanne963 · 26/05/2015 14:03

Ha i agree with penguin I am 28 and even if i hear 1995 as a birth date i already think 'Oh they are so young' Then i realise 'No, that makes them 20'.

20 isn't especially young to have a baby, i am shocked that apparently 27 is a 'mature mum' like love said! Each to their own, if you are ready then that is fab.

Age is nothing. You can be ready to be a mum at 18, but someone else could feel completely overwhelmed at 40. It doesn't matter about age!!

CatsCantTwerk · 26/05/2015 14:05

Try turning up to midwives appointments at the age of 15

I'm sure she didn't mean to offend you :)

MarvellousMarbles · 26/05/2015 14:08

After I had DC3, at the age of 40, the midwife had to take my bloods three times. The lab kept rejecting them because each time she labelled it up with my DOB ten years later than it actually is.

The final time, a senior midwife stormed into the room, holding the labelled-up vial, and said 'look, just what is your date of birth, then?'. So I repeated it, yet again, and she looked shocked and said to the other one, 'oh, you're right.'

So it appeared that she was 'correcting' the label that the other one wrote, because it seemed so unlikely.

A bit odd, because 40 isn't that old, in the general scheme of childbearing. I think some MWs, like some people generally, are just odd!

jorahmormont · 26/05/2015 14:13

It's one of those things you learn to develop a thicker skin with.

Original poster

Icklepickle101 · 26/05/2015 14:18

Thank you everyone

After an afternoon sleep (oh I love annual leave at work!) I am sat feeling rather foolish for taking it so personally, I think I do come across a lot older than I am and I always get people surprised about my age so not sure why I took it so badly just because it came from a midwife!

OP posts:

Blazing88 · 26/05/2015 14:20

I don't think 20 is particularly young? Is it?

I thought you were going to say you were 16!

Maybe you look a lot older than that and then she was surprised when she realised you weren't?

Blazing88 · 26/05/2015 14:24

And yes yes to the poster above. I think if i were a midwife, chatting with a patient I"m getting on well with, and then twig I'm old enough to be her mother, it probably would make me say oh gosh really.

I'm thinking of only last week in nursery actually. My son's key worker is only 19. I'm 41. When I realised, I was a bit and then realised i was older than her mum! Yet we've been chatting away for weeks on a level! (if that makes sense)

Don't really think it's about you and your age at all in the respect that you think!

MummyPiggy87 · 26/05/2015 14:28

As others have said I'm sure she didn't mean it like that, 20 isn't a shocking age to have a baby at all! I fell pregnant at 19 and had him at 20 and it's been fab being a young mum, most people are very envious, I had him the same time my aunt had her first at 40. So please don't feel like that.x

Mrsfrumble · 26/05/2015 14:40

In your midwife's position I can imagine myself saying the same thing! NOT because I think 20 is too young, but because the realization that people born in 1995 - when I was doing my A levels and discovering the joys of underage drinking - were old enough to have babies would make me feel really old!

Congratulations! And don't worry; as a previous poster said, midwives are used to dealing with all sorts of things and someone having a baby a few years younger than the current average is nothing in comparison.

Skiptonlass · 26/05/2015 15:46

She may just have misjudged your age. I look really young for my age, I still get asked for id in bars and I'm in my late thirties!

When people speak to me on the phone they hear a confident professional, then we meet and they're confronted with a short lady who looks about fifteen. It's just people get a picture in their head. My favourite shocked response is still..."I thought you were blonde!" (Wtf??)

20 is hardly young. Congratulations!

GooodMythicalMorning · 26/05/2015 15:50

I was 20 too. Its great.

Athenaviolet · 26/05/2015 15:55

The average age of first time mums is now 30 so in our society 20 is young, especially in some areas.

But biologically it's a much healthier safer age. It's society (which makes it harder for younger women to be mums) which is f**ed up.

HeeHiles · 26/05/2015 15:58

wait until you're in your 30's........Geriatric mother was my title on med forms!! Judge me for being too young any day

BitchBags · 26/05/2015 16:20

Tell her to piss off..... at least you can blame it preggo hormones (I wouldn't actually do this but it's fun to imagine)

Your not a particularly young mum at all. When I read your title I was expecting you to say you were 13. I'm 23 and pregnant with my second, was pregnant at 21 with DS :)
P.s Congratulations!

scatterbrainedlass · 26/05/2015 18:03

Congratulations :) I don't think she meant anything by it, you're probably just reading too much into it. I thought from the title you'd be a teenager tbh! I got told by my midwife that I should have an easy time with my pregnancy and birth because I'm so young... I'm 28, don't feel all that young! If it's what you want and you're ready to become a mum, then great. I think having children early can be a great thing, because you're still young and energetic yourself, and you are likely to get grandbabies and even great-grandbabies!

Stinkylinky · 26/05/2015 18:08

20 doesn't come across as too young to me, I wouldn't bat an eye lid!

Congratulations and good luck with your pregnancy OP

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