Do I add his name ?

[Cheshirehello79]

Help Please . I'm 13 weeks pregs . Dumped my ex only to find out 3 days later that I'm pregnant. I didn't want get back to him as I've been on failed marriage before and didn't feel he was the right guy for me after dating 3 months. Anyways told him that I'm pregnant he came to talk did think of the idea of getting back but I changed my mind as the spark was gone. The first thing he said to me was I'm I going to get rid as we are not together! That still hurts till today as feel like my child has been rejected before her/ his life has even started. I decided to keep the baby and he went along with it saying he was there if need him from 3 weeks when I found out to 7 weeks he never texted me once to see how I was - I had to text him to give him any updates . Anyways had spotting at 7 weeks which I was quite concerned as its my first pregnancy and all I got from him was hope both of you are ok then blank again . I decided that I'm not going to invite him to any scans or nothing and just do it without him really . My question is - when I do have the baby - I don't want to put his name on the birth certificate - I feel like living it blank but will tell the child about him and make the child decide if they want to know him but what I was going to do is put his surname as the child's second name . So baby name - his name and my surname. This will make life easy for me that he hasn't got parental powers as I know sometimes that can go quite nasty ! Do you think I'm being reasonable ?

Exactly winter I'm shocked that some people have those ideas of not placing father or giving him the option. They call it 'old fashioned' I'm 19 and believe that is the right way to do

What about child support, op? If he's not on the certificate will you be able to get a bit of money from him? He should try to support his child financially, after all. He may not have much now, but there are years and years ahead - he could end up successful with money to burn, couldn't he? It's happened before.

I do think that if you can adopt a very unemotional, matter-of-fact attitude to him now, you will find it easier in the long run. Detach from him emotionally, you sound like you are in full Valkyrie-Revenge mode here, and want to punish him.

Just text him facts - appts and maybe scan pics - but don't waste your energy worrying about his response/getting a response. There are husbands who have no idea what to do/how to behave/what is going on at this point in a pregnancy, so it's a bit unfair to expect a relative stranger, who doesn't have regular contact with you anyway, whom you have just dumped, to have any idea at all about any of it.

Step back. Send him necessary updates, expect nothing.

Maybe you should stop texting one another and sit down and both lay all of your cards on the table. This is a serious situation which needs mature adults to decide the future of a child. And that isn't just about the birth certificate stuff which has been laid out in facts above. Jeez.

Well if he does get in touch - I'm not going to contact him at all now - I've done my share bit- I'll get him involved if not then his loss !

Oh Dear Cheshire... I do think there is a big difference between chasing his for some sort of response and cutting off Contact.

You should at least let him know they baby is born which is a very long way off. You need to sort out your support network.

From what I've read here on mumsnet, you can still claim child support even if they aren't on the birth cert.

thanks itk - he knows that I want him involved hence when he doesn't text to see how we're doing that says it all. Involvement is not just going through scans seeing the baby wiggle cause that's the fun bit - it's being there for you regardless you're together or not as you're having his baby. And if he's showing no interest them I'm afraid I stand with my decision and choices as some of you pointed out - dads name can be added anytime through court or just register. The kid will be told about his dad not that I'm going to eliminate him in the baby life but that's about it :-( it's sad but ....

I'm going to get jumped on here probably, but it's just my opinion based on past experience. When I was pg with DS nearly 11 years ago his dad and I were on and off like a light switch. Terrible relationship that devastated me when he left me at 6 months pg. We had no contact for 8 weeks. His step dad died, we made contact and got back together and DS arrived 5 days later. But I had already made the decision that because he walked away from me and left me to go through a difficult time on my own, that any decision I made (babies name, birthing partner etc) would not change regardless of what happened with us. In my eyes, he blew that chance when he walked out on his 6 month pregnant girl without a care in the world and partied with friends whilst I suffered from a bad pregnancy and a lot of pain. And I stuck to it even after we got back together 5 days before DS was born. I still had my mum as my birthing partner. And I stuck with the name I chose and I gave my son MH last name. His dad was very upset about this and although I offered for him to come and sign the birth certificate to say he was the dad, he refused!! He said he would only sign if I gave our son his last name, to which I refused. He has turned out to be a wonderful dad and although we are no longer together, infact broke up when DS was a baby, he has always been there for him and he has him at weekends and holidays etc. But I don't regret for a second not having him on the birth certificate. Wheb DS was a baby his dad got arsy when I met someone else and started beig twisted about days and over nights etc. It was really childish. But I was the one with the power because I had all parental rights. And I'm glad i did and I wouldn't go back and change it even if I could. My DS knows who his dad is and at the end of the day his dad was given the chance to sign and he refused. I never denied him that chance. It will be left to him to explain to our son why but I'm still glad he never. For lots of reasons. X

Halleberry imp you made the right and best decision for your ds.

Thanks halle