Different religion? WWYD?

[Steph1502]

This is an issue that I'm really starting to worry about and I sincerely hope any readers of ANY faith don't get offended by this. I have 3 DDs to my ex husband and am now expecting DC4 with my new partner. None of my family were ever christened as my grand parents decided that they didn't want to impose any faith into their kids after their families disowning them due to my Granda being Protestant and my gran being Catholic. I've always been very open about my own beliefs and very respectful of others. However, my new partner was raised Catholic and his 2 children with his ex wife were both baptised and went to catholic schools (they are older now and both in college/employment). The thing is, I don't want my children raised in the catholic faith. It's not what I believe in and I disagree with some of its principles (again, no disrespect to anyone of the Catholic faith it's just my opinion) plus my kids all go to a non denomination school so I wouldn't want this little one going to a different school than his/her big sisters. But, my OH is adamant he wants his child raised in the Catholic faith and has been quite demanding regarding this. Now, if he was a devout practising member of a chapel then I'd maybe take more consideration of this but... In the whole 2.5 years we have been together he's attended chapel once and it was for a funeral. He doesn't go to confession and, to be honest, his lifestyle doesn't exactly match the Catholic way. I genuinely don't want to upset him or his family but I definitely am dead against it. And also, I don't want to create a divide between my girls and their new brother/sister. Any advice would be greatly appreciated Tia xx

diamond I agree - how would Germany ever know what I was baptised as if I move there!
My baptism has no relevance in my life at all other than spiritually.

My cousin married a man who was baptised Church of England and they were still able to get married in catholic church however another cousin was not able to marry in catholic church as other half was not baptised at all.

All of those children were able to be baptised - parents do not even have to be baptised - the church will not discriminate against a child who has no control of what parents did/do/have done. However you do have to say that you promise to bring them up in the catholic faith and teachings.

Which I guess will be OP dp looking for child to go to catholic school and will need to take child to Mass. At the moment I do not go to Mass regularly but my job as a parent will be to bring my children just as my mother did for me. However being from Northern Ireland I think faith schools cause a lot of issues - its keeps communities segregated and although you do learn about other religions it is always us and them. Although I am planning on sending my child to a faith school in England for primary education and I would prob send to faith school in NI - I would not want them to go to faith school for secondary school as I think it is also important to integrate with other religions.

My Dad although christened in catholic faith - had church of england mother - he has no belief in God at all.

In addition I think religious numbers are gathered from census - as it cant be gathered from church records due to people moving out of area etc.

I think there is no easy answer to this as op and dp both feel very strongly - life and parenting is a matter of compromise. Either way this sibling will be different from its sibling on maternal side by being baptised or from parental side be not being baptised. I think you are both just going to have to discuss it and come to an agreement together. I dont think relying on church not agreeing to baptise will be an option as dp may not be able to receive holy communion (i have still seen this in England although in Ireland I think priests have moved on a bit) they will baptise the child. DP can still attend services even if he is not allowed to receive Holy Communion. However he can get apply for annulment if this is important to him

I agree with newbian have the meeting (or don't if DP doesn't get around to it) and go from there.
And regarding school places, of course it's better to agree with your partner, but I thought the mother applied if the parents were unmarried? I might have that wrong though.

I'm not sure what this has to do anything now but the tax is deducted at source like income tax is. It's taken from everyone unless you prove you're no longer religious or were never baptised, in some areas it's 9%. germany.angloinfo.com/money/general-taxes/church-tax/
Many EU countries have this but Germany is the only one I have knowledge of but I think it's 10+ countries

Wow what a debate I've started. I've been thinking more about it and, I'll be honest here, i don't agree with the Catholic faith (this is just my opinion). I don't not want my child to be baptised just because it's not the 'norm' for me but because what I believe in totally goes against what they believe in as a whole. What troubles me most is I feel that my feelings towards this are far stronger than his faith and dedication to the church. I've asked him why he thinks it is important and his only reply is: because that's the way I want it. It was the way I was raised, end of discussion. To me this says that he doesn't actually know the reasons as to why you would baptise your child. It's just the 'norm'. And for the person who asked, the non denominational school my 3 daughters go to is round the corner and the catholic school we would have to go by car. So it makes no sense to me whatsoever.

abbey how interesting - I wonder how they expect you to prove you were never baptised!!! you dont get a certificate to say you have not been baptised... and how do you prove that you are not religious - get a letter from ministers/priests to say you dont attend their church - glad I dont live there! Seems a farce to me!

When I was buying a house in England I was astonished to find out that I may be liable to pay for the CoE church if it ever needs repairs as I fall within their catchment area! Although I never have and never will attend their church and it doesnt matter if you are baptised or not!!

However of topic - I just find that so amazing

Steph I think that you are raising very good and valid points with op. He needs to be able to explain to you why it is important to him. and of course you can always point out that your child can choose it when he is older if he wishes. I hope you do keep us updated and that you can come to some agreement that you are both happy with as its horrible to disagree at such a happy time. You are both trying to do the best in your child's interest after all. Just a different opinion as to what that is. I have a different opinion to yours but that doesnt either of ours anymore right or more vaild than the others which is the difficulty you have found yourself in with DP. and of course you dont need to be religious to be a good person - in fact some of the most horrible people I have met are those that sit in the front row of Mass every week! But vice versa I have also met horrible people who do not go to church.

I hope you can come to some sort of resolution - my advice with men is - just dont let them feel like they have lost lol it makes it much easier to listen to and they are more likely to agree if you can spin it in a way that they think it is their idea hahah

Thank you all for your input. I will see how it goes for now. Ive still got a while to go in pregnancy so still got a while to think about it. Hopefully we can come to some sort of agreement. Will keep you all posted xx