Best time to have baby no2? help

[ohnelly]

Hi does anyone have any advice on what sort of gap to have between baby no 1 and no 2? My son is nearly 10 months old and I would like another at some point so should I go for it now while im still fat after no 1 or wait till he goes to school? Any advice appreciated!!

There's no guarantee you'll get preg when you want to anyway, so in some ways it's an unanswerable question. and also, whenever you do get preg, you'll cope.

If you feel like you need to get it over within a certain period then a small gap might suit you.

If you get a bit overwhelmed with small babies (and small babies+toddler and all that comes with it), or you want to try to 'enjoy' each child individually, you might want a bigger gap.
We planned on a smaller gap than we got; it took us 2 years to conceive dd2, but in actual fact the 4 year gap had been great. Dd1 started pre-school when dd2 was born, dd1 was old enough to fully understand what was going on and I feel like I've been able to spend lots of time with each of them. But everyone will tell you slightly different according to their own circumstances.

I agree with Moomin. W've been deliberating on what to do, but my friend hit the nail on the head last week when she told me every gap will have it's advantages and disadvantages. We're viewing it in the long run, and we don't want a bigger gap than about 3 yrs for when they're older, but it's all down to personal circumstances.

I do agree with Moomin. It is never the best time. I waited until dd1 was potty trained and able to feed herself etc so her was a 3 year gap between her and dd2. This was perfect for us as I dont think that the gap is so great that they won't play with one another but dd1 was old enough to share in the excitment of the pregnancy etc...

Im just worried that no 2 could never be as good as no1 has been - sleeps through, goes to bed no problems, eats anything - what if I get a nightmare one to make up for it?? Ha ha

Always a possibility! my dd2 is just as perfect as my dd1. I might be lucky but I think the real thing to worry about is having twins or even triplets can you imagine?

Plus I dont know what its like to have a toddler obviously - is it a lot more hard work than it is now?

Oh dont say that twins run in the family!!

Dd1 was text-book baby, slept through at 7 weeks, a joy to behold. Dd2 wakes us up every single bleedin night and we look as old as Methusula's grandparents at the moment .... and she's the sweetest, most loving, gorgeous little thing we ever set our eyes on. Beleive me, I used to wonder and analyse and hypothesise until I was blue in the face.. and that soon wore off when we couldn't conceive and I was just desperate to get pregnant again.

You'll get what you get and he or she will be the second light of your lives.

When I was preg with dd1, I said to a friend once that parenting was a bit like falling off a cliff, it felt so frightening not knowing what you were getting. She (mother of 3) replied "No, it's not, because at least when you fall off a cliff you know you'll hit the ground sometime soon. Having babies is like a never-ending rollercoaster - you shit yourself with fear, it's the most exhilarating and joyful thing in the world but that's you then, stuck on it going round and round and up and down." She wasn't wrong.

It's great having a toddler and the best and unexpectedly thing about having two is that even though dd1 is 3.5 and dd2 is only 6 mths, they love being together.Dd1 really makes her laugh.

ohnelly,

I'm pregnant with #2 and ds will be 21 months when it arrives. I'm scared to death that I'll get a terror, but there's nothing I can do about it. There's never a good time.

I just told dh that we need to keep the diapers coming, because when I'm done, I'm done.

I agree with whoever it was below who said that there's advantages to every age gap. I'm not sure about the word 'disadvantages' though - I'm more likely to think of it as 'challenges'

Go for it whenever you and your DH/DP feel ready to take the leap. I actually don't know anyone who would change the gap they have.

I think there are pros and cons to every gap. It took us two years to get pregnant with DD and without even trying I became pregnant 11 months later! I am due on the 3rd JAn! I know it will be hard work but we have DD in a good routine now and she is at an age where she needs company.There will be 19 months between them.You just have to do what is best for you and your family everyone is different.

I never even planned to have one and here I am considering when I should have the next! Mad isnt it?

ohnelly, you've just asked the question I've been trying to work out myself!! My ds is 9 months old and I am wondering when to try for number 2. Dh is v keen but I've been hesitating a little. My SIL had her two very close together (just over a year between them) and said its hard work to start with but now they're 3 & 4 its much much easier, and nice because they play together.

Sorry that's a bit of a hijack

I read somewhere that there are health benfits for both mother and child in leaving a gap of at least 2 years. Will try and dig something out for you.

Never a good time. If you work, it might be less disruptive to your career if you have two close together and I think there are other advantages. There is a 4 year gap between dss and dsd and it can be difficult to find things for them both to do because of their different capabilities. We want a smaller age gap - ds is 9 mo today and I am 5 wks pg...

As other people have said, you will cope whatever because you have to

I think I could cope with the baby its the being pregnant again thats putting me off! - nine months is so long. I didnt really enjoy being pregnant at all but its worth it at the end when you see their little face. Think may wait a while and see how I feel - thanks for all the advice everyone & I suppose whenever it happens we will cope (again!)

I think I could cope with the baby its the being pregnant again thats putting me off! - nine months is so long. I didnt really enjoy being pregnant at all but its worth it at the end when you see their little face. Think may wait a while and see how I feel - thanks for all the advice everyone & I suppose whenever it happens we will cope (again!)

Congrats mnmpbump - youre braver than me!!

ohnelly, I wasn't too thrilled about the prospect of being pregnant/giving birth again either, even though I knew I wanted to have a second child. As it happens we didn't have to make a decision as I got pregnant with DD2 before DH and I had even talked about having a second baby.

Pregnancy is different the second time round though. I think most people would agree that a first pregnancy is all about the mother-to-be but a second is all about the first child. Time goes much faster as you don't have the luxury of sitting around/thinking about being pregnant so much as you are running around after #1!

There's no good time, just go with whatever feels right for you both. Good luck!

I had a three year gap when number two came along which was great. My oldest had good verbal communication skills by then and a good understanding of things as well as being independant.

I have just had a two year gap with my third and it is so much harder as I have more jealousy, less communication skills, potty training, tantrums etc to contend with which is hard work with a new baby, breastfeeding, feeling shattered etc.

I am sure there are pro's and cons both ways, I would just say start trying when you are prepared to fall pregnant and see what/when it happens.

fall for dc2 when ds1 is 4months old- like me!
piece of cake.....

i wanted mine close as i didnt want to get out of baby mode only to have to go back into it iyswim?
i was just getting used to some sleep at night whilst 8 months preg with ds2. then ds2 was born so i'm back to broken nights.
those precious few nights are sorely missed. i think i would have been devastated if i had gotten used to sleep again for say 3 years then had it all stolen away!!

I probably won't have another - but I'm waiting for ds to start school before I decide. He's almost 4 now (and starts school on his 5th Birthday).

best for the children - as close as poss
best for you - when first child goes to school

don't listen to me, I'm a mum of one so whaddo I know...but my bro and I were just over a year apart, and because of the small gap we were very close indeed - people used to call us 'the twins' obviously not identical cos, like, he's a boy but you know what I mean

So it was lovely for us to genuinely grow up together...my friends who had younger siblings spent alot of time trying to shake them off when we wanted to play, or being totally irritated by lack of attention from mum, etc....