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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

In-Laws indiscreet about baby news

31 replies

newbian · 17/04/2015 17:20

We are just about at 12 weeks and started to tell family the news.

Within two hours in-laws are writing on DH's Facebook page about the baby. We haven't even told most of my side due to time zones.

My main concern is that I'm interviewing for jobs and at least one potential employer and I share a mutual friend. I am OK with family knowing but I feel it is not right for extended family to blow up FB or other social media with our news before we have even share it with our own friends. And I'm scared I won't get hired because of this.

DH says I'm overreacting and says he will be very upset if I contact his relatives asking them to keep it off FB for a few weeks. I think this is a reasonable request. HELP!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

scarednoob · 17/04/2015 17:21

omg entirely reasonable!

he should realise that you don't want anyone else spreading your news, it's for the two of you to do that if and when you want.

maybe he could ask them nicely to take it down for the moment, and put it up a bit later on when things are a bit more settled?

Skiptonlass · 17/04/2015 18:04

You have a great reason in the job search thing. Just let them know that you're thrilled they are so excited, but that possible employers can see on social media - they may not even be aware of this.

2015isgoingtobeBIG · 17/04/2015 18:08

Not unreasonable. Close your wall for the next few weeks so there's no option of anyone even alluding to it

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 17/04/2015 18:10

Definitely not being unreasonable. I would change my settings so no one can see my wall temporarily. I would also explain to them about the job situation and ask them to keep quiet temporarily. Surely no reasonable person could be upset by that?

MissTwister · 17/04/2015 19:13

That's awful. No-one I knew mentioned it on social media until I did at about 20 weeks. Its just not done

Crumbelina · 17/04/2015 19:41

It's a perfectly reasonable request, OP!!

I told my in-laws at 10 weeks and asked then to keep it quiet until the 12 week scan and Downs tests were ok.

FIL then proceeded to tell his friends at the rugby club (so they all know before all my friends, work etc.). Pah!

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 17/04/2015 19:44

No one mentioned my pregnancy on social media at all until I did (about 30 weeks!)

juneau · 17/04/2015 19:47

You're being very reasonable OP - call them up and explain and ask them to delete the post asap. Its not fair of them to break your news either - utterly crass and insensitive IMO. Its not their news to break.

avocadotoast · 17/04/2015 21:37

Not unreasonable at all. Tighten up your security settings so nobody except you can see posts on your wall (same for your DH). And give the in laws a good talking to.

Variousrandomthings · 17/04/2015 21:38

He can delete their comment

madreloco · 17/04/2015 21:43

If its on his page, it can only be linked to you if your settings allow it. Tighten up your security and its fine.

Fluffin · 17/04/2015 22:34

We asked people to keep it off social media as we wanted to tell people in our own time and own way, managed for about 6 weeks before one of Dh's parent's friends made a comment. No-one was offended when we asked them not to say anything.

Fairenuff · 17/04/2015 22:40

Should you be applying for a job when pregnant?

Original poster

newbian · 18/04/2015 02:36

Thanks for the advice all, will tighten up settings and try to carefully ask to keep things quiet on FB.

Fairenuff we've just moved abroad for DH work so I need to sort my career out. I actually started interviewing with both places I'm still in the running for before I got BFP. Legally where I am, I'm not obliged to inform them in advance of accepting an offer. Maternity leave is also only 10 weeks here so it's a limited period I'd be off in any case.

OP posts:

Stinkersmum · 18/04/2015 05:06

I'd be annoyed. Our parents have known since about 5 weeks but no one else knows and we won't be telling them until I get the results of the t21 test (today, fingers crossed....) It is easier for us as we're not in the uk. But our pregnancy is our news to tell, no one else's. Thankfully both sets of parents are fine with that. And I won't be announcing it on social media at all.....

Variousrandomthings · 18/04/2015 06:10

Fairenuff - why shouldn't she be applying for jobs?

Nolim · 18/04/2015 06:11

Yanbu.
When you delivered the news did you told them to be discrete for a few weeks while you inform your side etc?
And does you dp it is ok for you family to find out through fb?

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 18/04/2015 06:52

Strange comment Fairenuff, why shouldn't she be applying for jobs? You do know that employers are not allowed to discriminate against pregnant women, yes?

Original poster

newbian · 18/04/2015 13:08

Nolim honestly I didn't think I had to give a caveat to my MIL to tell every single other person she told not to post on our FB pages, given neither of us has posted anything about it. The people who have posted to DH page did so within 1-2 hours of hearing from her and they all know it is still early in the pregnancy. It seems like common sense to me, to be honest.

Anyway, I have turned off posting to my timeline by anyone to protect myself from more inadvertent well-wishers. I am sad though because we still haven't spoken to DH's sister and I'm sure she has seen the posts already from distant aunts on FB and is going to be upset by that.

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 18/04/2015 16:56

It was a genuine question, I did not know what the law was considering a pregnant woman is obviously not going to actually be able to do the job for more than a few months before she goes on maternity leave.

I know employers can't discriminate against it but I wasn't sure about the responsibilities of the candidate in applying for a job which is, effectively going to have to be re-advertised very soon.

Floggingmolly · 18/04/2015 17:03

If it's no issue to interview for jobs when pregnant; why is it an issue that potential employers know you're pregnant?...

Stinkersmum · 18/04/2015 17:05

Legally you are under no obligation the inform any potential employers of your pregnancy. Once in a job, there is no legal obligation to inform your employer you are pregnant until 15 weeks before your due date.

Nolim · 18/04/2015 17:06

I know employers can't discriminate against it but I wasn't sure about the responsibilities of the candidate in applying for a job which is, effectively going to have to be re-advertised very soon.

The responsabilities of a pregnant employee are to do the job she was hired for. The responsibilities of a candidate are to provide accurate information during the hiring process. Being pregnant or not doesnt have to be disclosed because the employer is not allowed to ask.

I am sorry but i dont understand your point.

Nolim · 18/04/2015 17:08

If it's no issue to interview for jobs when pregnant; why is it an issue that potential employers know you're pregnant?...

Can you rephrase? I have no idea what is what you are asking.

Floggingmolly · 18/04/2015 17:24

One of the reasons Op didn't want the pregnancy announcement on Facebook was in case the potential employers found out in advance of the interview, (or possibly job offer), Nolim.

What didn't you understand?

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