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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Unsure of baby's paternity

27 replies

xfriends · 15/04/2015 00:34

I just found out I'm pregnant but I'm not in a relationship at the moment. Also still in uni.

My last period was on the 15th of March.
I had sex with different guys on the following dates

24th March
27th March
31st March
3rd April
5th April same guy I saw on the 27th

I'm just wondering whose it could be because I think I've told the wrong guy.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Mouldypineapple · 15/04/2015 00:36

Sounds like you have a problem...
Are your periods regular? Those dates are very close together. Impossible to say I think.. We're they all unprotected sex? You need an STD check too.

NerrSnerr · 15/04/2015 00:40

It could be any of them. I think you've got some difficult conversations coming up.

base9 · 15/04/2015 00:48

Don't worry about paternity yet. It is not possible to know with any accuracy.

Concentrate on yourself. Do you want to keep the baby? Adoption? Termination? How are you doing - this must be a shock. Are you okay? Do you have rl support?

Original poster

xfriends · 15/04/2015 00:51

My periods are usually very regular. However last normal period was on the 7th February. My period was later after that so I took a few pregnancy tests even at the doctors but they were all negative. My period showed up on the 15th and seemed like a normal period however it was over a week late. I just got three positive pregnancy test today

OP posts:

Original poster

xfriends · 15/04/2015 00:54

I haven't told anyone apart from the guy who I think may be the father. And I am thinking of either adoption or abortion

OP posts:

base9 · 15/04/2015 00:59

Please take very good care of yourself and seek support from friends and family. You have so much to think about, and decisions to take. Be utterly selfish for the moment and just concentrate on what you want and need.

the best you can do about paternity is narrow the field, so move that down the priority list for now. I take it you are not in a longterm relationship with any of the potential fathers?

base9 · 15/04/2015 01:01

And don't tell all the potential fathers until your head is straight about what you want to do. Can you tell a parent, friend, relative right now?

Original poster

xfriends · 15/04/2015 01:04

I have told one of the guys only because I saw him twice. So thought it could be him. He's the only person I've told. I go to the doctors tomorrow.
No I'm not in a relationship with anyone right now.

OP posts:

Feckeggblue · 15/04/2015 01:07

Were all of these unprotected?

Original poster

xfriends · 15/04/2015 01:08

Yes I know thats not good.

OP posts:

base9 · 15/04/2015 01:11

Who is going to be your best source of support? Someone who will help you and hold your hand and support whatever decision you take. Someone who really cares for you. Cuz it ain't the guy you saw twice.

moomoob · 15/04/2015 06:21

Just because you slept with him twice doesn't make it more likely to be his there's just as much chance it could be the other 3.
First and foremost get checked out for STDS sleeping with 4 men unprotected within a week is a very dangerous game.

Decide if you are going to keep the baby or not, if you are you need to by honest with all potential Dad's they have a right to know you may be carrying their child.

Is there a reason you are sleeping with so many different men? As Jeremy kyle would say 'raise the bar ' have some self respect don't give yourself too easy. What mat seem like harmless fun has gotten you unwantingly pregnant and god only knows what else.

pinningwobble · 15/04/2015 06:34

Hope you are ok OP. I had a termination when I was at uni. If you are considering that option and want to know more then happy to chat via PM x

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 15/04/2015 06:37

Moomoob sayng "have some self respect" is pretty offensive- it's perfectly possible to have plenty of respect for yourself and sleep with 4 different men- having multiple sexual partners is not a crime. Although I 100% agree with the point about unprotected sex- that is a very risky game.

OP I hope you're ok, this must be really worrying for you. It's not likely that any of these men are going to be useful in supporting you right now- is there a friend who you feel you can tell, to be there for you?

Feckeggblue · 15/04/2015 06:50

If you're terminating in not sure id worry too much about who the father is and just do it

2015isgoingtobeBIG · 15/04/2015 07:01

You poor girl. I don't imagine you've slept much or thought about much else recently. Ok as it's Easter holidays but not so good when you're back at uni and potentially studying for exams. That is why number one priority is finding some support for you. Whether that is a family member, a friend, your uni personal tutor or a professional service like Brook or Marie Stopes you need to share this problem and talk it through so you know what it is that will be the best option for you. It might not be the perfect option but it is your decision to make with the support of somebody who will be able to support you in the weeks and months ahead as you live with your decision (and that will be true for either of the options you're considering). You don't mention how the one potential father has reacted so apologies for not including his views in this.

Once your head has stopped spinning a little, then is the time to consider the fathers. I agree with other posters that it is impossible to tell which of the four could be the father as the dates are all too close (sperm survive inside you for a few days potentially and none of us know exactly when you ovulated even with regular cycles which this one might not have been given February's period). That will mean you potentially need to have That Conversation with all four men. It won't be great but if you have a clearer idea of how you feel about things that will help. For example, being able to make it clear what you would like from them, whether you want to try a relationship etc. If any of them are also students they will also feel some of what you do right now about the timing, the way it happened etc so be kind.

As for anyone who judges you, ignore them. You will probably be judging yourself far worse than anything they can say and having to talk to four men about potential paternity will be horrible enough. You did what I know plenty of other people do and got caught out, now finding yourself in a situation you don't want to be in. Take a day at a time, make decisions that are best for you and at some point reflect on what's happened and decide if there's any lessons to learn.

You're not the first and you won't be the last this happens to. So ask away if you have questions. You are not as alone as you may feel xx

S2b16 · 15/04/2015 07:58

Really could be any of them. If your considering an abortion, I wouldn't bother telling any of them.
If giving it up for adoption or keeping the baby you need to tell all of them (I'd wait till further on in pregnancy) and dna them all asap.
Whatever you decide though, you really do need someone to support you.

happygojo · 15/04/2015 08:41

I fell pregnant at uni and it was a chemical pregnancy (very early MC) so the decision was out of my hands. I also slept with a lot of guys a uni. I took risks and ended up with Clamydia too so I second those saying to go and get tested once you know what you are doing. As you can see I am in no position to judge!

Anyway get some support from friends, possibly even the university's counselling service. Don't go through this alone. In your position, I would personally opt for a termination. Pregnancy is tough (I am now 23 weeks, a decade after my wild uni years) and I don't know how I would have coped at uni with a pregnancy, and then the stress and emotional upheaval of giving that baby away whilst living in student digs, away from my family, with no money and trying to actually pass my degree. However the decision is yours and yours alone.

good luck

MrsCaptainReynolds · 15/04/2015 08:47

At this point noone will be able to work out paternity, sorry. With last period arriving on 15th March (day 1) it is likely that you ovulated anytime between day 9-16 therefore could have been fertile from day 6 to day 19 i.e. 21st March to 1st April. So all the guys are possible fathers. If you go ahead with the pregnancy it's probably going to require DNA after the birth. It is possible to get DNA before baby is born but there are risks and it's not really worth it for non-medical reasons (no clinic would do it).

Do you have any real life support to talk this through with?

Small steps, starting with what you want to happen with you, with the baby. Paternity can come somewhere low down on the list right now. If you do decide to continue with the pregnancy, please be honest with the potential fathers throughout and determine paternity at the earliest opportunity.

findingherfeet · 15/04/2015 09:01

Finding it a little difficult not to judge. Having unprotected sex with four partners in that time frame suggests that you wanted to fall pregnant? You do know how babies are made right?

If you want to keep your baby, that's ok. If you know the men's details - names etc, you can contact them after the birth for a paternity test if you wish.

If you want an abortion I agree that telling the potential fathers isn't really necessary.

WilsonWilsonWoman · 15/04/2015 09:01

What if the guy on the 24th had HIV? If you're going to terminate, who the father is is of no real consequence, I would however advise you inform the men all of those men to tested for sti's, and yourself of course. Please ensure you use condoms in the future. If not for your own well being then for the health of your partners.

madreloco · 15/04/2015 09:06

You have no way of knowing. Tell them all or tell none,and get yourself to the clinic for even more important tests.

moomoob · 15/04/2015 09:47

My comment about self respect meant she should respect her body and also respect the people she sleeps with by protecting herself. The men also had no respect for her or themselves by knowingly having unprotected sex.
You are young free and single it's your choice who you sleep with but please please please be careful, the consequences could be far worse than an unwanted pregnancy.

dinoswore · 15/04/2015 09:55

Can I just say that the previous poster who talked about having self respect and not 'giving yourself' so easily is spouting a lot of patriarchal twaddle. Please take no notice.

Nothing at all wrong with seeing multiple partners as long as it's what you want. Although you really do need to protect yourself from pg and STDs.

I hate the idea that when a woman chooses to have sex she is giving herself away or bestowing some gift on her partner. Sex is for two people, not just for men.

Sorry for not adding anything useful re advice for OP. Look after yourself from this moment. Everything's going to be OK.

newbian · 15/04/2015 10:22

OP was this behavior related to intoxication? Drink or drugs? I'm wondering if there might be other issues you might need to seek help for. As mentioned pregnancy is not your only concern, STIs are real. This is extremely risky behavior for your health and life.

Don't worry about paternity, focus on yourself. Seek medical help with the pregnancy and your wider health.

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