In pregnancy, I have often found, unresolved issues from wherever can start seeping out like an old wound from under a plaster. Perhaps because we are so very vulnerable during our pregnancies - our bodies are invaded, literally, by a strange being and let's face it, pregnancy can be anything but a blessing.
My pregnancies are hard. It doesn't sound like much to say 'I get sick'. It IS utterly horrendous when I am, especially when the sense of nausea is only ever released temporarily by actually BEING sick, only to all start again 15 minutes later. And you get fat and you get spotty and pale and tired, so very, very tired.
And, you're supposed to enjoy it and glow and live up to what the world thinks a healthy young woman should be when pregnant.
I am afraid I don't. I also don't conform neatly to the 'blessed' thing. My children are a blessing but in the womb each and every one have been bitterly resented, disliked and cursed.
Once they're out I like them. Then I love them. Then I barely notice what's between their legs as it's not about me any more but about them and what I can give them - boy, girl, puppy.
No one believes it but with gender disappointment - it's fine. It goes when the baby comes out - it does! But you have to allow yourself the feelings. I've wanted girls every time with mine and have got a boy and two girls (one is still inside me) - my boy is LOVELY (biased much!) but a second boy would have been a disappointment in the abstract.
Once they're out, I don't care much :)
Once they're out, I'm pretty good at this motherhood lark. I'm just crap at being pregnant!