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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

gender disappointment

54 replies

Dragonfly85 · 10/04/2015 15:18

Just found out that I am having a little boy, Both my so and I was sure it was going to be a girl so we were a bit disappointed it was a boy due to having planed for our girl for 5 months.
don't get me wrong i am so happy that my son is healty and excited to meet him in August and i love him so much already but I feel sad that I won't have that little girl we planned for but if we do try again I hope that we could have our April we dreamed of and I know our son will be a great big brother

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BifsWif · 12/04/2015 18:59

I've had four miscarriages. One DC. Currently pregnant again and yes I was disappointed to be having a girl. I would have liked my son to have had a brother. It was fleeting, and now I can't wait to meet our daughter.

You don't get to tell people how they can and can't feel based on things you've suffered. Gender disappointment is real and recognised. I'm sorry for your miscarriages but this isn't the thread for your grief, and you don't get to dictate how other people should feel because you've had losses.

Tranquilitybaby · 12/04/2015 20:01

Posts like this make me so sad. Nobody should try for a baby if they so strongly want a particular sex. It's pretty much 50/50 whatever method you go for (Shettles method etc).

Letting yourself believe you know what sex you're having is just setting yourself up for disappointment IMO.

I know you said you're happy etc but if you truly were, you probably wouldn't have posted this. You're blessed, you're really are.

Marmaladedandelions · 12/04/2015 22:05

In pregnancy, I have often found, unresolved issues from wherever can start seeping out like an old wound from under a plaster. Perhaps because we are so very vulnerable during our pregnancies - our bodies are invaded, literally, by a strange being and let's face it, pregnancy can be anything but a blessing.

My pregnancies are hard. It doesn't sound like much to say 'I get sick'. It IS utterly horrendous when I am, especially when the sense of nausea is only ever released temporarily by actually BEING sick, only to all start again 15 minutes later. And you get fat and you get spotty and pale and tired, so very, very tired.

And, you're supposed to enjoy it and glow and live up to what the world thinks a healthy young woman should be when pregnant.

I am afraid I don't. I also don't conform neatly to the 'blessed' thing. My children are a blessing but in the womb each and every one have been bitterly resented, disliked and cursed.

Once they're out I like them. Then I love them. Then I barely notice what's between their legs as it's not about me any more but about them and what I can give them - boy, girl, puppy.

No one believes it but with gender disappointment - it's fine. It goes when the baby comes out - it does! But you have to allow yourself the feelings. I've wanted girls every time with mine and have got a boy and two girls (one is still inside me) - my boy is LOVELY (biased much!) but a second boy would have been a disappointment in the abstract.

Once they're out, I don't care much :)

Once they're out, I'm pretty good at this motherhood lark. I'm just crap at being pregnant!

Choccyhobnob · 13/04/2015 13:54

Some people are really harsh. I don't think the OP was really planning a girl but people have been telling me from day one that dc is a girl and talking about it so much it's hard not to then picture her and name her and imagine having a daughter. I don't actually mind what we have but if you are someone with a strong preference for a particular sex and then you get a feeling and build it up in your head I can understand how OP says they have been planning for a girl.

Don't feel bad OP, it's obvious you are going to love your DS and are just pleased he's healthy Smile

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