gender disappointment

[Dragonfly85]

Just found out that I am having a little boy, Both my so and I was sure it was going to be a girl so we were a bit disappointed it was a boy due to having planed for our girl for 5 months.
don't get me wrong i am so happy that my son is healty and excited to meet him in August and i love him so much already but I feel sad that I won't have that little girl we planned for but if we do try again I hope that we could have our April we dreamed of and I know our son will be a great big brother

I understand this, it's like all you hoped for and now it's been crushed.
I was hoping and 'praying' for a girl this time and had actually said I'd be upset if it had turned out to be another boy but she's a girl. Either way I told myself at least it's healthy and will be loved. With my first I also wanted a girl as I didn't think I'd know how to bond with a boy, plus I have three brothers. it's all in the mind and you'll love baby when he's born, really.

Of course you have the right to be a bit disappointed. You have every right to feel any emotion you like.
But it is a question of gaining a bit of perspective. And out of all the possibilities of what can go wrong on the whole journey of TTC, pregnancy and birth, this is one very insignificant bump on the road.
After this initial shock you'll soon get to grips with having 2 boys. It's not the family unit you'd imagined. But is your family and you will adore it.
For the record, I've had 3 miscarriages, and I should due to other posters predictions be doing one of replies about how grateful you should be blah blah. But this is your journey and your story and your feelings. Everyone has different routes. X

Another one who is confused at the 'planning' for a girl. How can you plan for something that's only a 50:50 possibility? And what did you plan? Have you bought things based on instinct?
You may never have a girl OP but that's ok, boys are amazing too.

Pregnancy brings out a lot of strange feelings. I'd never be harsh about what someone believes. I was desperate for a girl with no2 and she was. It's fine to be disappointed because you aren't disappointed with them in the abstract. Babies tend to be a lot more easy to love once they are outside of you. I have horrible pregnancies and don't like any of mine when they are inside me. I dote on them once they are out

• ARE disappointed with them in the abstract - not the reality, that should read. Apologies.

Why are people so nasty on these threads.

OP, gender disappointment is completely common, but don't worry, when you meet your little boy you won't care one bit that he's not a girl.

I was sure I was having a girl, and I bought a couple of things and had decided on a name before the scan. It's not that unusual.

It might not be unusual Boo (although I've never known anyone do it) but it's surely illogical? It's a 50:50 chance! (Actually slightly more boys are born than girls each year so slightly more likely to be a boy!)

You've never known anyone to decide on names before 20 weeks??

And as for buying things, it didn't feel illogical, either my hold could wear it or it could go to a friend. Where's the problem?

Child**

It's entirely possible this is just me but there's NOTHING logical about me when pregnant!

Your son Damon?

3/10

I've known people to come up with boys and girls names before 20 weeks but not to assume it's one sex and decide on a name based on that.

What did you plan OP? If youve bought stuff at this stage I'm assuming it's all still got tags on etc so take it back to the shops or exchange it.

I've personally never been bothered about the sex of my baby so it's something I don't really understand, although it seems quite common so I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid. I'd be careful who you tell your disappointment to however, as growing up I was told my family members how disappointed my parents were that I was a girl and it did affect me a little at the time, kids can get upset about such things.

You'll love your baby once you meet him I'm sure

I have just found out dc2 is dd2. The pure delight at hearing it was a girl made me question if l would have been disappointed if dc2 had turned out to be a boy.

I think the answer would have been yes, probably, very very briefly because l saw myself with another dd, l wanted dd to have a sister. All valid things to feel. Would l have loved ds any less? Absolutely not!

YouMakeMyHeartSmile are more boys born due to chance? There are people who have gender-selective abortions in the UK, and they tend to terminate girls.

www.independent.co.uk/news/science/the-lost-girls-illegal-abortion-widely-used-by-some-uk-ethnic-groups-to-avoid-daughters-has-reduced-female-population-by-between-1500-and-4700-9059790.html

Talk about gender disappointment...

So you picked a name and hoped given the odds of 50/50 it would be a girl? I don't understand why you thought you would have a girl unless you had a scan and it was wrong, Ive got 3 dd's, wasn't really bothered either way as i was an only girl in a house full of boys and their DF has 5 sisters. Got friends who can't have kids and they would kill for one of mine, 3 failed IVF attempts each. I hope your son is happy and healthy, you get given what you get given, i have also had 3 MC and suspect i can't carry boys for some reason as all the MCs happened between DDs. im just pleased i managed to carry my DDs

Your son will be a great big brother to his brother

No guarentees you will have a DD.

Disappointment is attending your 12week scan to find that your baby doesn't have a heartbeat

Your post is actually extremely upsetting. You decided to post on Mumsnet about 'being disappointed about your baby's sex'? Were you expecting sympathy of some sort?
If you ever feel the pain and anguish having lost a baby, it would not matter what another baby's sex was EVER.
Although I am fortunate to be now expecting a little boy following my own loss, I'm thankful every day just to have a baby with a heartbeat regardless of their sex but others aren't as fortunate and would do a lot to be in your shoes.
Cherish that little boy, he's a blessing. x

Couldn't agree more starlight, after attending a 12 week scan myself to discover we had suffered a delayed miscrraige was heartbreaking, I find this post disgraceful x

Congratulations on your pregnancy I'm confused at how you planned a certain sex it is a role of the dice? I'm currently losing my 4th pregnancy and he'll when we try again any baby boy or girl will be planned for. I do have two sons 6 and 2 and there just awesome! X

Totally disagree with starlight.

I still had a preference of a girl after my ectopic last year and a week in hospital.

Not disgraceful at all, I had a preference as did DP doesn't mean I don't love my baby any less it mean for a couple of second i was like "ohh..." I love him as much as I love my DS1

Even with DS1 I wanted a boy and said I didn't want a girl I just got lucky.

everybody is entitled to their opinion and I think it's disgraceful.

MorgansMummy24 my thoughts exactly! I understand that women can maybe hope that a baby is a certain sex when pregnant but that is erased as soon as you find out the sex! I was convinced I was having a girl before finding out otherwise but wasn't 'planning to have a girl' and definitely wouldn't have felt disappointed because I am having a boy! I'm just as excited. I have a healthy little baby with a lovely, strong heartbeat and I'm extremely lucky.
In all honesty to plan your child's sex because of a 'hunch' is a little childish..

Morgan this isn't the thread for your grief. I've also had two mc, one after seeing a heartbeat at 9 weeks.

Your right they are.

The OP hasn't once said she doesn't or will not do anything but love this child! In fact she said she's glad the baby's healthy.

However this thread isn't about your losses like it isn't about anyone else's she is allowed to feel the way she does