Communication with family during labour

[hippymama1]

Hi All,

Just wondering what everyone is planning to do / tell their families when their baby is born?

Are you going to call / text when labour starts?

How about when the baby is born? Straight away or wait a while to spend time together before the comms invasion?

How long before you are planning to see anyone / have any visitors?

We have some ideas about what we want to do but our families are a bit full on so we wanted to check what everyone else does so we know if we are being unreasonable or if we are going to far the other way...

Thanks

We were induced so knew ahead of time but didn't tell anyone we were going in. Baby was born at 10am, and it didn't really occur to us to get on the phone till about 3pm,i was exhausted and there was lots of hospital hustle and bustle keeping us busy. Grandparents live abroad and came to visit at home 2 days later.

Told parents, sister and best friend when I was in labour and DH told his parents. That was around 10pm.

DD born at 7am. Phoned everyone above straight away. Told them all to come for evening visiting at 6pm. Which they did. We just phrased it as "Visting starts at 6, so come then" even though I have no idea if that was true or not!

Told people a few hours after the baby was born.

I cannot imagine wanting to make labour, one of the most personal, intense, uncertain experiences ever, a public or group event, or to choose to think about others' reactions to the impending birth while it is still underway. If ever there is a time to focus inwardly on yourself and your baby it is labour and birth.

With my first I told family when my waters went which meant they were constantly after updates and turned up within hours of baby being born. (I really wanted 24hours bonding time before I had to hand my precious bundle over to grandparents). This time round-I'm having a home birth so won't need to worry about childcare. Therefore will not be telling anyone until after little one has arrived and I've enjoyed some time with the new addition.

Also induced with all of mine. Dh told his mum, I didn't tell mine for exactly the reasons that lottie gives.

Told very few other people as I couldn't face the negativity around inductions.

Dh called close family soon afterwards. I sent a text around some hours later.

If your families are very full on, you need to clearly communicate your needs around contact and visiting.

Don't tell people you're in labour. Those who love you will worry, others will meither you and some idiot will put it on Facebook.

With DD my partner sent a basic text to friends and family shortly after birth. I imagine we phoned parents but I can't remember.

With DS 3 weeks ago, we took a few hours to cuddle baby then Skyped parents. A text went out after that.

I had homebirths though so not sure what's possible in hospital. Family also don't live locally so can control visiting easily.

We told our parents in advance that we would text them as we were going to hospital, but that they wouldn't hear anything more during labour until afterwards when we were settled and had time to tell them the news. They were also told that we wouldn't respond to any texts for updates etc and to NOT make their way to where we live/the hospital as we had no idea what was ahead of us - fours sets of parents, none of which live close to us! We didn't say it in a dictorial way, just more of a 'just to let you know' kind of way. They were all fine with that and happy that they were being kept informed.

Once she was born, there was just a natural lull where the midwives had done what they needed to do, she had had her first feed and OH and I were left on our own. We then made phonecalls to our parents and siblings and text our friends.

We thought we were going home that day so my mum made her way there, but as it happened we were then kept in so she came to hospital that evening. OHs parents came the next day. My dad and stepmum came the following weekend, but booked into a hotel so that they limited time at our house.

I know some people don't want visitors in the early days, but I found it easier to get them all out of the way, it's such a blur of a time that having everyone there over the first week didn't impact on our bonding with her or the closeness we got as a family. In fact, if you are kept in hospital I think its even easier - given that the visiting hours mean that time is limited anyway.

I've got both my DH and my Mum as birthing partners so will probably turn my phone off for a few days and leave that up to my Mum. We will skype my DH's parents and his sister though as soon as we can as his parents live in South Africa and Sister in the states

I'm so glad you asked this question as it is my current number one worry. I'm due an elective section as my lower twin is breach which means we'll pretty much know the day they will be born. As a pp said, there are those who will worry (my mum for one whose anxiety levels are already ramping up) and then those who will appreciate being kept in the loop and being told what to do (my dad). These are first grandchildren on all sides so there is a LOT of excitement building. Did anyone do anything different if they had an elective section?

I also don't see the point of causing people unnecessary anxiety. You can't know how long the birth will take or how you'll be afterwards, so how long until you or anyone is able to send out messages or call people. Why create anxiety in others for the duration?

Surely better if the first news they hear is a definite, happy 'we're all ok'.

Another one here glad to see what others are doing.

We're not planning to tell anyone when I go into labour/hospital as I think I'll just feel under pressure with people knowing/worrying and texting for updates. This is the first grandchild on both sides of a big family so lots of people interested.

DH is going to do a quick phone call to our parents after the birth and then send out a prewritten text to the rest of the family at some point. We're hopefully not planning to stay in hospital long if all goes well so think we will want to just enjoy being our new little family together before going home and starting the visitor deluge there.

(Although, fixed visiting hours at hospital is a tempting prospect... )

With dc1 I was kept in to be induced after a routine appointment so dh told my mum and sister who would have been in touch to see how the appointment went. They both knew that would be it until after the birth though. Post birth I wanted visitors to see the most perfect baby to ever grace the earth , dh is very good at getting rid of any who overstay their welcome though.

This time when I go into labour I'll tell same people as they're on standby to look after dc1 and have to travel.

My parents and sister and OH parents knew I'd gone in to be induced, I spoke to my Mum at about 9pm and told her I would ring when u had more news. After a complex theatre forceps delivery we rang them at 2pm (following day) then sent texts out to other family and friends. ( my mum was climbing the walls with worry in this time). Both sets of parents came to hospital that evening for about 20 mins

This time my mum will have DD when I'm having #2 so will keep her as informed.

I didn't want anyone to know until the baby was here. Turned out I was in labour for 4+ days in the worst snow we'd had for ages so people knew.

The only communication anyone got from me during labour was "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRK OOOOOOOFFFFFFFFF" at high volume.

Dh did a call around afterwards. No rules about when people could or couldn't visit. Thankfully our families were sensible and gave us a couple of days to settle in and then came with ready made food and a cleaning schedule. Couldn't have planned it better.

I think unless something goes horribly wrong and we need support, that we will call family to tell them once the baby has been born, and once they have been told personally, put a general announcement out on facebook. I think we'd also ask them not to visit for a while, maybe a day or so, just to give us time to bond and recover. I certainly wouldn't want a constant barrage of calls and texts from anxious M/MIL during the labour! And I don't think DH would appreciate the added stress of having to field them while he's trying to support me.

We told our parents when it started (or rather when I had to go to hospital as waters broke with meconium = induction). I was a week overdue so wasn't very unexpected. Labour took forever and remember that my Mum called the ward to check how things were going. I was in the middle of trying to push a stargazing baby out so was rather busy but the nurses passed on the message that I was a little occupied and that it wouldn't take much longer. In fairness this was about 26 hours after my waters broke . Once DD was born DH called parents and then one of our friends. Facebook and those who knew took care of the rest.

I was induced and have older ds's which needed looking after so everyone knew I was going in. I kept in touch with mil (she had my other ds's) sil & best friend by text whilst in the labour ward last text I sent was to say I was going to delivery suite. Dh and my mum was with me, after the birth dh rang my Dad brother & his mum to say baby had been born. Baby was born in middle of night so I knew no one would be rushing to hospital straight away. Our older ds's came to the hospital that afternoon we wanted them to be the 1st to meet the baby, everyone else visited at night. I preferred them to come to hospital visiting even tho I looked a sight & was shattered there was a time limit to how long they could stay whereas if they came when I was at home I would've struggled to get rid of them.

Currently 38 weeks with DC1. We won't be telling anyone when I go into labour - I don't want to feel as though people are waiting for updates, and I want DH to be focusing on me during labour and not having to reply to people asking how things are going (FIL has an amazing talent for ringing at really awkward times).

Afterwards we'll tell parents and siblings by phone, text friends, then put something up on Facebook a bit later. As I don't want anything to go on FB before we post something (in-laws are all on FB), I'm going to change my settings so I can't be 'tagged' and people can't post on my wall. Sounds excessive, but there's been some FB drama between inlaws in the past and I want to avoid anything like that!

Visitors is a slightly different issue as we don't live near our families. PIL are going to visit after the first week or so (they won't be staying with us so will need to book a hotel), and my family will also arrange to visit over the following weeks. So I feel as though we won't have many/ any visitors in the first few days, which makes me a little sad... I might be glad of the time to ourselves though!

I was induced both times and people knew I was in hospital. However, we had an agreement that we (and mostly DH) would only telephone one person and that person then relayed information to other family members, so we weren't inundated with calls. That worked well.

I had a planned section due to the baby being breech. We didn't tell anyone the date though, which drove dp's sisters mad. We kept it deliberately vague and just told them the week it was going to happen in. Just wanted there to still be an element of surprise.

Rang my mum from recovery, my parents were the first visitors when the baby was three days old and we were back home. With hindsight, although I felt awful and looked worse, visitors in hospital might have helped alleviate the hell of the post natal ward.

I don't know tbh. My parents may be the ones taking us to hospital (depending on time, I won't expect them to do it at 4am!), so they'll know first. DH's parents may we'll be away anyway as they're going on holiday a couple of days after my due date.

Everyone else...unsure. I guess we'll keep immediate family updated if anything drastic happens (ie. goes wrong), but otherwise probably just tell certain people once baby is born and let them spread the word.

I'd communicate as little as possible while you're in labour. We made the mistake of texting my parents while I was in the pushing stage, so they expected news within a couple of hours. There were some unexpected complications that meant we couldn't communicate again for 12 hours, which meant they spent a long time fearing that something terrible had happened. It was all ok and under control when we could finally speak to them but I wish we'd just kept quiet and not put them through that.

This has been playing on my mind too. I don't want my mum at the birth, just DH, which I think she understands. BUT she lives a distance away from the hospital (not a massive way, but would involve crossing water) and has insisted on being told AS SOON as labour starts so she can make plans to come over as she wants to at least be at the hospital when it's all going on. I've told her that she'll have a bit of a long wait considering how long the process can take; she may have to hang around at the hospital for several hours. I think that she thinks that she can wander in and out of the labour ward like they used to- I've tried explaining to her that the hospital has set visiting hours, but I don't think she believes me!

I love my mum, but she's very much a 'mother knows best' and I wouldn't put it past her hassling the midwives every 5 mins for a progress report, telling them what to do and generally pissing them off. Especially when she's excited/nervous. Plus, DH will be constantly having to shuttle back and forth between me and her.

I'm almost hoping that proper labour starts after the last ferry has gone and I deliver before the first one starts the next morning! Is that so terrible?

Although, knowing my mother she'll swim over...

Forgot to add, EVERYONE else has said that they're happy to wait for news when we're ready!