Communication with family during labour

[hippymama1]

Hi All,

Just wondering what everyone is planning to do / tell their families when their baby is born?

Are you going to call / text when labour starts?

How about when the baby is born? Straight away or wait a while to spend time together before the comms invasion?

How long before you are planning to see anyone / have any visitors?

We have some ideas about what we want to do but our families are a bit full on so we wanted to check what everyone else does so we know if we are being unreasonable or if we are going to far the other way...

Thanks

Oh Skeppers, don't tell her! I think dealing with the fall-out from that will be easier than dealing with your mother while you're in labour.

Only told my mum both times when labour started. First time because she took the dog and second time she was with me when it started and she took dd1.
I wouldn't tell many ppl tbh.
We phoned maybe an hour or two after the birth both times.

I was induced 13 days late and 3 days after my waters broke so parents and in laws were both aware that I was going in. Had it all happened naturally there is no way on God's green earth I'd have let them know. My mum would've been having kittens (as it was DH kept her regularly updated with very edited highlights, reassuring her that all was ok as I was signing forms for an EMCS!), and MIL, who was very good in the end, can be extremely overpowering so I'd have been terrified that she's have been loitering in the corridor.

DD was born at 10.12am on Monday morning - it was probably about midday by the time DH went and phoned the parent and send a text to everyone else. My parents came in at 6pm and the IL's and DD's great Nana joined us at 6.30pm. They were all kicked out by 7.45pm.

I had friends and parents visiting the following 3 days. Came home on the Friday in time for best friend's visit for the weekend and BIL & family coming on the Saturday afternoon, and carried on in the same vein doing far too much for the next week while DH was still on leave as I knew I wouldn't be able to drive for 6 weeks.

If I'd done it again I would have come ASAP, battened down the hatches and not left the house or seen anyone for as long as I could get away with it tbh.

Skeppers, visiting hours apply to the post-natal ward only, not the labour suite - there is NO visiting there and a lot of security. No opportunity to hassle midwives, as you can't enter the ward at all.

We didn't tell anyone when I went into labour.

I think its sensible, it can take AGES. Literally days sometimes and all it does is cause worry for everyone waiting. 'Why haven't we heard anything?' 'Something must have gone wrong' etc etc.

Best to tell when baby is here. Plus no pressure on you thinking that people are 'waiting for you'. Labour is tough enough!!

With DS I called my family when I was in recovery (had an EMCS) and he was having his first feed. DH did the same and called his folks then. We had already told them we didn't want hospital visitors and we would let them know when we would be home and ready for them! (which was just a couple of days later).

I think I'm going to have an ELCS this time so I will tell my parents that date as they will be coming to stay to watch DS! We'll tell DH's parents too I expect, but will keep the 'no hospital visitors' rule (mainly because its SO much easier to receive visitors at home and I am hoping for a 24 hour discharge after section....). Haven't decided yet whether to tell everyone (friends etc) when we have our section date.

Thank you lottiegarbanzo. Sorry, first-timer here...got labour ward and post-natal ward mixed up- thought they were the same thing!

I swear she thinks I'm making it up just to avoid her being there! Every time I try and broach the subject with her the waterworks and trembly lip start...

Skeppers I think I'd lie - call when you're ready and tell her that it was very quick/sudden onset and you didn't get the chance to let her know sooner.

A colleague of mine had her first a couple of weeks ago - 1 hour from start to finish so it's not totally unbelievable!

skeppers I feel your pain... I think I'm going to get A LOT of guilt trips afterwards but we are thinking we will just call DPs when baby has arrived and we have had a few hours to ourselves to bond and be our little family... As for visiting, I don't want hospital visitors unless I have to stay in for a few days some reason and I certainly don't want visitors at home until we have had a couple of days to settle down... PIL are very bossy and overbearing and I'm sure I'll be getting lots of feedback on whether or not I am doing things right from them... DPs live abroad so will need to buy tickets etc... I think I'm going to be unpopular...

I was birthing partner for my friend and she let her family know she was in labour and five of them plus the father came down and just sat in the waiting area outside the labour ward, because she only had me as birthing partner they would let them in one at at time to visit.

Then her mum came in and the midwife mentioned that she could have two birthing partners, my friend didn't have the heart to tell her mum she didn't want her there so felt obliged...

So make sure you make it clear to the midwives from the beginning

We called them when DS was here, and it will be the same with this one. Giving birth is stressful enough, I don't want to think about my parents worrying, or his calling for updates.

I definitely, definitely would not tell anybody there was a remote chance that any of them would come and sit in the hospital waiting room while I'm giving birth!

As for visits, as PILs live far enough and are old enough that they would want to stay overnight when they visit, I actually suggested that they should come to hospital instead. I stayed there overnight while PILs stayed at ours and when I got home, it was just our little family. But they had met the baby. Win-win.

My mum took me into hospital for assessment and I stayed so she knew. DS was finally born in the early hours and we sent text + pics out at breakfast time. My parents picked me up from the hospital at tea time and we called at DHs parents next day (DMIL is severely disabled and had already gone to bed when I was discharged).

I'll probably tell one or two close friends when I'm in labour, but family will be told when baby has arrived and the situation is fairly stable. I would get EXTREMELY stressed out if I knew they were waiting, and I think it'd freak them out if I found that I couldn't provide regular updates.

I wouldn't have dreamed of telling anyone when I was in labour (frankly I can't think why anyone would be interested ). We telephoned MIL and my DPs after the baby was born and I had got over the EMCS.

Thank goodness I had my child long before the days of facebook or even texting. .

And our relatives all lived miles away so no one visited until after a few days.

With DD we didn't tell anyone I was in labour but my parents and sister guessed as I didn't reply to texts. Had gone into hospital around 7am and DD not born until nearly 8pm, in theatre with forceps, quite a lengthy stitch-up process, then recovery from spinal...we rang parents once on the ward at 10pm ish. SIL lives at home so found out then too, my sister was out (watching a play so phone off) so DH had to leave her a message. Texted close friends on day 2, plus DH emailed our NCT group. Got home on day 3 at which point we announced to wider world on Facebook. Parents/PILs had told extended family.

Both sets of parents live 3 hours plus away and at that time all were still working. We agreed in advance didn't want house guests in early weeks (largely as if you have one, you have both, then become a b&b) but DH didn't tell his parents that so had a bit of a fuss over it alongside visit timings.

Not decided how to play birth of DC2 given childcare needs.

Lady expecting ELCS for twins (sorry on app and can't remember your name) - bear in mind you don't know where on the list you'll be or how many emergencies may crop up. So could be any time that day, and as you suggested, potentially even bumped a day.

Our NCT teacher advised against telling people you've gone into labour, as then there's an expectation of updates or they'll worry, particularly if things take a while. We took her advice, which turned out to be a good idea as contractions started sat 10pm but DD wasn't born til 5 pm Monday.

DH called the parents to let them know once she got here. parents then told siblings. We did a facebook announcement the following day once we got home. All family over 5 he's away so no one visited in hospital.

This time is different as my sister will look after DD, so she will have to know when I've gone in. She will inevitably tell my parents. I guess we (well, dh,) will then have to do some updates.

My family are under the impression I will alert them all as soon as I have my first contraction. Unknown to them I'm being induced (early at 39 weeks) on Sunday and I probably won't be telling them until the baby is at least a few hours old.

I was thinking I was being mean until my mum came to the hospital with me when we needed to go in for monitoring. During the half hour wait she started a round robin text to the entire family telling them the baby wasn't moving and I was in hospital. Being that I lost my DS and DD1 during pregnancy many were understandably panicked.
I have since found out that all sort of random people know my 'tragic story' from her when lot of other people that we know don't know all the details.

I'm a private person I don't think I could relax with my entire family waiting on me to produce the baby for them.

If it's your first baby I'd go with not telling anyone about the labour and only call a good few hours after the birth. It's pointless putting others on alert when they can't do anything and it could be days before the baby arrives (I hope not for your sake). Cherish those first hours as a family without the interruption of your phone pinging every 5 seconds and people trying to visit before you've had chance to bond as a family. That's my opinion anyway. Each to their own! Of course if it's a second or subsequent child you'll have to arrange childcare so can't be as much of a secret. We're planning to call on neighbours for this second time, who wouldn't dream of trying to contact us, so might get a bit of that magic time again at least til the birth. Good luck!

Family knew when my waters went and didn't go into labour. We told them if nothing kicked off I was being induced early next day. I went into labour 12 hours before induction and told people we were going in. Phones ran out of battery and labour was long. Panicked phone calls between the family happened and then my mum rang the hospital almost in bits. Felt so guilty. This time I'm keeping my mouth shut, though will need childcare help!

DH texted that we had gone to hospital about 6am then texted again at 2pm to say we were going to theatre. They had been briefed beforehand that visiting hours were 5-8 and if baby was born at an inconvenient time they would just have to wait! As it happened, it worked really well, they came after work for 10mins but didn't want to tire me out etc so didn't stay too long at all.

My waters broke just before 36 weeks so it was a bit of a surprise. We told my mum, who came over and met me for a coffee at the hospital before things got going, and I told the friend I'd had to cancel plans with, but I don't think we told the inlaws as they were away and we didn't know if anything would happen. Dd was born at 3.30 the next morning, so DH rang our parents and siblings at about 8am. Mum rushed over and was turned away as it wasn't visiting time. The inlaws rushed back from their holiday and all our parents were there at visiting time that evening.

With DS1 I didn't know I was in labour until I got to the hospital for a check and was 7cm, I'd had a bit of a tummy ache so was just going to see them for reassurance. That was a bit of a shock and he appeared 2 hours later. With DS2 I did at least recognise the early labour symptoms but again didn't need to get to hospital until I was 8cm, and even then it wasn't that bad. He appeared less than an hour later. With him my parents knew because they were looking after DS1 but we really didn't have time to tell anyone else what was happening. Nobody knew we were in labour because with DS1 we really didn't know and with DS2 it was just too quick.

DH phoned everyone a couple of hours after DS1 was born. We had no reception in our room so he had to go miles away. He was 2 days early so no one was expecting it. With DS2 we did have reception so I got to phone everyone, one of the most exciting phonecalls of my life. He was 2.5 weeks early so again noone was expecting it. In fact, my DS's DD was having a tantrum when I rang and asked if it was important or if she could call me back. Tantrum was ignored as soon as I said it was quite important, and no I wasn't in labour it was a bit beyond that, lol.

With this one I'm hoping for another quick one but either way no one will know when I go into labour except whoever looks after the DSs. Do whatever works for you but in the excitement/pain of labour you might not be up for making phonecalls anyway. Oh, and my DH fainted so he wasn't either! Good luck whatever you decide

I wasn't going to tell anyone I was in labour with DS - however, as he decided to kick things off at 3:30am on XMAS DAY I didn't really have a choice as I was having a home birth and all the family were doing their usual round of Xmas phone calls.

"Hi Lady's dad/mum/grandma/random relative Happy Xmas to you too! No, she can't come to the phone I'm afraid, ummmmm, she's in labour actually"

Was pretty much how it went for most of the morning!

With DD it was all too quick. My mum knew as I called her to come collect DS. No one else knew until she was born.

Best advice from midwife at antenatal course:
Don't tell anybody your due date. If they push, tell them a date 2 or 3 weeks later. This will stop the endless "anything happening yet???".
The same applies to ELCS dates.
Don't tell anybody that you have gone into labour.
Once baby has arrived safely and you feel up to it you can let people know.