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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

is it too soon to even think about a second child?

47 replies

emzickle · 01/11/2006 13:35

I have a 19 day old daughter, and my partner and I are wanting to get pregnant again, is that stupid crazy?

We have chatted about waiting until after christmas, and try in January, and if our last attempt at getting PG is any thing to go by - hopefuly it will happen just as quick.

(on christmas morning we decided to try for a baby, and according to dates, baby was concieved on January 4th!)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BudaBeast · 01/11/2006 13:37

Far too soon IMO. Your body needs to recover for a start.

And not fair to your DD. Enjoy your babyhood as much as you can.

How old are you? Why the rush?

GoingQuietlyMad · 01/11/2006 13:37

ooooh. it is difficult when you have two non-walking babies at once. i would think carefully.

women seemed to manage in the "old days". i would guess it depends how much family support you have nearby.

i am sure that once you have a baby, some kind of hormone kicks in that says to you "must have more babies"

Original poster

emzickle · 01/11/2006 13:43

no rush, but we both have siblings years away from us and quite lonely childhoods, we want to avoid that for our children, and i had a very good PG and labour, sort of stupidly thought that a second PG would be similar...?

OP posts:

Twohootsandapumpkin · 01/11/2006 13:44

emzickle - I would give yourself a bit of time with this baby first. Babies often tend to sleep well in the first few weeks but do become hard work once they realise they are on the outside now! Apart from that, you need to have some time with your DD first to bond and get to know her!

If you are really keen then I'd research how long Docs recommend to leave between pregnancies - I was told about 1 year but I know of people who have left it less time. I was also told that women who get pregnant again v quickly after a baby end up with post natal depression more than those who wait - not sure it is true but my HV told me that (and I think I read it on here somewhere too).

GQM is also right about family support. In the good old days when women had kids every five mins they often had mothers/sisters etc on their doorsteps to help.

Sorry don't want to put a dampner on your plans but I'd think carefully first and give yourself a bit more time for your hormones to settle down as this can take a while

BudaBeast · 01/11/2006 13:45

A friend of mine got PG two months after having her first and had a horrendous time - spent most of pregnancy in hosp. Her poor DS missed out on having his mum around. Doctor told her it could well have been that it was too soon.

Original poster

emzickle · 01/11/2006 13:49

well, glad we're all incredible positive this afternoon...

OP posts:

wannaBe1974 · 01/11/2006 13:51

far too soon IMO. You've just become a mum and aren't even used to that yet - why do you want to be pregnant with another baby before you've even got to know the baby you've already got? I also think your dd will miss out on a lot if you have another baby so soon. If you get pg again straight away you could have bad morning sickness, hard to carry your dd around when you're heavily pregnant, plus the first two years of your dd's life are so precious, first steps, first words, first little conversations and you won't be there to share all of it if your time is taken up with a new baby and your dd will miss out on vital attention from her mummy at that age IMO. please think carefully

Mumpbump · 01/11/2006 13:52

My dr told me to wait until I had stopped b/f ds because she said it was a big ask to expect your body to feed one child whilst growing another. Makes sense although I had a friend who was pregnant with ds2 when ds1 was about 5mo and, as far as I know, didn't have any major problems...

SaintQuootiepie · 01/11/2006 13:53

The early days I was like "more, more MORE!"... I was desperate for more Luckely I was BFing, and no period, because now its all kicking in. Enjoy baby no.1, and when your 100% in the swing of it all (Im planning when DS is nearly 2), try for more. About 4 months tiredness set in, the "novelty" (sounds bad!) wore thin... they do get alot more needy! Wait at least until 6 or 9 months... im glad I did

bundle · 01/11/2006 13:54

what is positive, imo, is letting your baby have some time being a baby, getting lots of attention, and letting your body recover.

ItalianJob · 01/11/2006 13:54

I think it's too soon in terms of your body/hormones getting themselves righted after your baby, but I don't think it would be particularly unfair to your daughter if you got PG in the imminent future, lots of people have 2 year age gaps, so are PG when younger child may just have turned one, and are still very small/non walking.

wannaBe1974 · 01/11/2006 13:57

IJ but two year age gap is vastly different from 9 year age gap though. OP is talking about trying now and her dd is only 19 days old. if she fell straight away her baby could be there two months before dd's 1st birthday.

wannaBe1974 · 01/11/2006 13:57

9 mo age gap i mean...

KatherinewheelMCMLXXII · 01/11/2006 13:59

I'm pg with my 2nd, conceived when dd was 9 months, and I've found it very tough. Lifting dd is a major challenge atm - when I put her to bed I have to get dh to carry her upstairs for me (not that it's impossible, but not easy). On the other hand I think smallish age gaps (1-2 years) are lovely.
Agree with everyone who says you should wait at least a few months
It's lovely that you're so happy with this one that you want another, though.

lulumama · 01/11/2006 14:02

there is definitely some weird hormonal thing that happens when you are pregnant..probably a throw back to when we were;t as safe as we are now and needed to have lots of babies quickly to make sure some made it through babyhood......

if you have babies within 12 months of each other...you will essentially have two babies to look after....do you have lots of support? and your second pregnancy might be worse in terms of sickness & tiredness and you might not be able to enjoy the baby you have now as much...

your body has been through massive changes in 9 months..why not allow at least that time to get your body back before doing it all gain..

FWIW . 18 mth - 2 yr gaps work for a lot of people...and that is not a huge gap...

no-one else can make the decision except you......!

lulumama · 01/11/2006 14:02

not when you are pregnant- after having the baby !!! Sorry!

LIZS · 01/11/2006 14:06

I remember in the early days yearning to be pg and have a bump again ! It passed Seriously I 've had a friend with Irish twins (she was exclusively b'feeding and no contraception !)- about 11 months apart iirc - and the first had become a non-sleeper and couldn't yet walk or entertain himself so she found that really hard work for quite some time. Have another friend with a 16 month gap which again she found hard for first year or so, even with an au pair, but at least the first was already a bit more independent.

Our OB/Gyn recommended that the elder should be walking prior to the arrival of the second, so to allow a min 14 month. A few months can make a huge difference in development terms both now and when no.2 arrives and would give you a chance to recover physically a bit more. If you wait until dd is 6 months you'll still only have a 15 month-ish gap (assuming you got pg straight off) so no real rush.

belgo · 01/11/2006 14:10

I have 18 months between mine, and feel as though DD1 partly missed out on being baby because I expected her to grow up quickly when DD2 was born. I wish that I'd waited just a few more months.

MKG · 01/11/2006 14:13

emzicle,

I know what you mean. I decided to have another baby when mine was 4 months. I waited until he was a year to get pregnant. I just focused on getting my body into shape and eating healthy (two things I didn't do before ds) He's 15 months and I'm 3 months pregnant.

I would say to wait a little just so you can enjoy this baby a while longer.

For what it's worth I know someone who was already pregnant when she went to her 6 week post-natal check up. She said it was hard to be pregnant and carry around a baby, but everything was fine.

bundle · 01/11/2006 14:17

it takes 2 years for your iron levels to recover from pregnancy

chickeninabox · 01/11/2006 14:21

All good advice but it's really up to you - I got pregnant when ds was 4 months old. He is now 25m and dd is 13m. It's all gone by in a bit of a blur, but I am delighted that I didn't leave a gap.
Go for it !

foxtRocketsToTheStars · 01/11/2006 14:29

emzickle, i'd say think about it first, give yourself a few more weeks to enjoy your DD. Mine are 13 months apart and 15 months apart, we had a crazy few years but DS1 (5) is now at school, DS2 (4) and DD (3 in January) are at pre-school. And after 5 years i have a few hours a week to myself! It is hard work, it is exhausting, at times you will wonder what happened to your life, and worry that you don't have enough hands, laps, space in your bed, but i wouldn't change it for the world.

spinningkittywheel · 01/11/2006 14:31

Being preg with you second is a completely different ball game to your first.
With your first all you have to look after is you, after that you don't get to rest.

The gap betwen my first 2 is 14 months and it was really hard being preg and having a baby to look after. My first preg was a doddle, the second was much more difficult as I developed SPD which I'm sure was aggrevated by the pregnacies being so close together.

I wish I had given it a bit more time to get to know ds1.
The others have been about 2 years apart and these last 2 will be 15 months apart.
I would certainly give your mind and body time to settle down a bit.
Enjoy being with just the one baby for a while, it is a luxury you won't have ever again once you've had more.

cathblowsoutcandles · 01/11/2006 15:51

emzickle i think it is lovely and amazing that you are even thinking this way with a 19 day old daughter - hats off to you lady! you must have a very supportive dp and fairly unharrowing experiences of pregnancy and childbirth .. personally what you suggest sounds like my worst nightmare but then, everyone is different thank god, and you should do whatever you think best for yourself and your family. i'm 18+5 weeks pregnant with dbaby2, dd is 4 in jan, personally i think this is a nice gap because she will be able to help out with the baby and she is old enough to be really excited and hopefully not too jealous.. but small age gaps can work equally well.. all i'd say is, make sure you make enough time for yourself, and to enjoy your very new dd in those precious few months, and that you clear it with the doctors!

and i agree with kitty about a 2nd pregnancy being considerably tougher than a 1st but then, if you get a lot of support from your dp as it sounds like you must do, there is no real reason not to go for it if that's what you truly want!

hope it goes well for you

moomimin · 01/11/2006 16:15

Emzickle,, Personally i think you should do what you want to. As MKG said if you have a good support network than you should be fine.

Maybe you should perhaps wait a little to check it is exactly what you want. Newborn babies are easy IMO. They don't do anything apart from stay still where you put them, squalk occassionally and need you to feed or change them at various intervalls through out the day. I think anyone will back me on the fact that in 2/3 months time your baby is going to be far more demanding of you, your time, attention etc.... I am 11weeks pg now with my 3rd and I would not want a 4 or 5 mth old baby to deal with now. I have a 14 mo and a 3.9 yr old and they at least they're both walking!

Good luck with what you decide

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