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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone else not finding out what they're having?

55 replies

HannahB86 · 03/04/2015 20:32

Just want to know out of curiosity really. I have my 20 week scan tomorrow and hubby and I have decided not to find out whether it's a boy or a girl but I seem to be in a minority of people I know who are either having babies or have recently had babies and all found out. For me it's more important tomorrow to see that everything is ok with baby not to know the sex of the baby (if that's the right term??).

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Gemerama · 04/04/2015 09:31

This reply has been deleted

This poster has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to remove this now.

AndOnTheThirdDayHeWoahsAgain · 04/04/2015 09:32

I didn't find out with any of mine, including my twins! I absolutely love the surprise at the end of a long labour or in the case of my twins where I had a section, I was so excited to find out their genders, it took my mind off the nerves!

scatterbrainedlass · 04/04/2015 09:32

I'm only 10 weeks, so we've a while to go before we have to make that decision, but I think we want it to be a surprise. I guess you could say we're a bit more 'traditional' in some ways, and I think that's the way it always used to be, why not keep it that way. They don't always get it right anyway!

Focusfocus · 04/04/2015 09:35

Uhm Hannah why is it "a shame" that people want to find out? Isn't it just two different choices? Either you find out or you don't, what's such a shame about either of those two simple choices?

On other matters - I come from a country where sex determination before birth is illegal. It's a criminal offence for medical professionals to declare or indicate it. It's a criminal offence for parents to be to ask or pressure medical professionals to declare or indicate it. It's a country where there are strong preferences for male children and female foeticide I.e. Sex selective abortion is very very common. Mind you, the law hasn't changed a thing in many villages. Medical professionals will still find a way to indicate to the father of the unborn child something like "so....you'll have to prepare to save up for a heavy dowry then" indicating it's a girl I.e. A burden, and then somehow, the pregnant mother ends up with a forced abortion. The law hasn't changed a thing.

Coming from that background, I am looking forward to finding out in the uk, simply because I almost feel like I am breaking a taboo, shocking people back in my country.

Either way, whatever your reasons for finding out, it's not a shame, either way. Whether you find out or not, your hearts will melt when you hear that first cry, and the pain will vanish, I hear :)

Focusfocus · 04/04/2015 09:39

And it's not a choice between hoping for a healthy baby and finding out the sex, for heavens sake!, you can do both. All parents want the first without question! So that's a moot point!

As for pink or blue, I don't even make that connection in my head sorry. Nothing in our house will be awash with pink and blue. Why should it be in a world of bright sunshine yellows, spring greens, lively reds, decadent purples and all the other colours of the spectrum with a bit of sky blue and floral pink thrown in for variety!

NoodieRoodie · 04/04/2015 09:39

I've got 2 DC and didn't find out with either of them but I. "knew" what they were going to be and I was right.

Currently 18 weeks with DC3 and fairly sure this one's a boy but we'll have to wait until September to find out! My friends are all sure it's a boy though as I have 100% success rate on guessing the gender for any pregnant woman I know!!

I liked the idea of a total surprise and I found that it adds an element of fun when everyone's guessing and giving their reasoning, all the carrying high/low, all at the front, big/small rubbish ??

ArgyMargy · 04/04/2015 09:42

Hannah you don't need to judge people who make different choices to yours, and you don't need others to validate your own choices. Or maybe you do...

CommanderShepard · 04/04/2015 09:46

Didn't find out with DD - would like to this time, if possible.

Look, it's a surprise whenever you find out - doesn't matter when you do and don't forget that the sonographer checks genitals at the scan (assuming foetus cooperates) so someone will know even if it's not recorded.

It isn't a shame to find out but it is a shame to be so damn sanctimonious about it. And I can assure you, having a history of miscarriage and obstetric complications, that I care about the wellbeing of my child and knowing the sex is a nice surprise if they're cooperating. The two are not mutually exclusive.

And I won't be buying pink or blue either way, so in short: do grow up.

OMC1 · 04/04/2015 12:52

We had the 20 week scan last week and didn't find out, the sonographer seemed shocked we didn't but we are looking forward to the surprise!!

batfish · 04/04/2015 13:20

We don't want to find out - although at 12 week scan the other day the doc already seemed keen to tell us! We get a lot of scans where we live so it's going to be hard to remember every time to tell them not to tell us! Part of me would love to know as I have heard it is good for bonding pre birth and it would be nice to add some boy/girl touches to the nursery and buy some boy/girl clothes. But we can still do all of that, just after the birth. My sister in law said that when she was in the final stages of labour she was so excited as was about to find out. I think I would probably find out for second baby but for first we are going to do our best to keep it a surprise!

mrsmugoo · 04/04/2015 13:29

I didn't with my first and will cherish the moment my DH told me what we had forever.

However, an planning to find out next time so that a) we know whether to keep or get rid of the boy clothes and b) to prep DS1 on whether he's getting a brother or sister and c) just to experience the other side of the coin.

I don't plan on having a third but if I did I might go for a surprise again!

hotchocforme · 04/04/2015 17:08

We didn't find out for either, and I'm so happy we didn't. I was actually the first to see that my DC#2 was a girl, which was fab. When the midwives found out that we didn't know the sex, we had lots of positive comments about how rare we were.

Koalafications · 04/04/2015 17:13

I think it's such a shame so many people are so desperate to find out.

I haven't found out, but that comment is quite judgemental about those who do.

2boys2girls · 04/04/2015 17:15

Found out with 1st 2 but kept surprise last 2 its amazing how people assume we should know, I knew people who were told wrong sex and I thought even being told can lead to mistakes so no point buying pink/blue etc. My friend mourned her "daughter"when her son was born

SleeplessSabbatical · 04/04/2015 17:49

We've not found out the gender - personally I like the intrigue and it makes it all the more exciting - a bit like knowing there's a Christmas present for you under the tree but having no idea what it is! :)

Also, I've found that people have reacted positively to the fact we've not found out. I think close family would've like to have known so they could start buying cute clothes but people at work are like 'good for you' when I tell them. If people keep asking you 'what you're having' and it annoys you I find saying 'a baby' tends to shut them up! :)

Stick to what feels right for you.

Cornberry · 04/04/2015 19:17

I really want to have the strength to not find out but I can't help it! How do you resist? My scan is in two weeks and I wish someone could talk me out of finding out...

misssmilla1 · 04/04/2015 21:17

I think it's such a shame so many people are so desperate to find out.

Really? Can you explain? As one of those people who opted to know, I think it's a shame that you're judging other peoples' choices for no apparent reason.

Parenthood seems to be the one situation where it's perfectly ok to vocally pass judgement on other peoples' choices, just because it's something you wouldn't do, which always baffles me

Skiptonlass · 04/04/2015 21:50

We are finding out (hopefully!) but that's just us. Each to their own :)

cornberry, if you want to know, then find out! There's no right or wrong way it's different for everyone (hope the sickness is easing up, I'm still feeling rough as....)

Original poster

HannahB86 · 05/04/2015 08:05

Wow seems like I have upset a few people on here which was not my intention. I'm not being judgemental I previously said I respect others decisions and have many friends myself who have found out. As for the 'it's a shame' comment ok maybe that's been misunderstood. I just meant I think it's a shame that the old tradition of not knowing seems to be fading out now. And for those slamming me about the health of the baby being more important... yes I know that is at the forefront of most parents minds but after previously having a miscarriage myself that was all I cared about yesterday. Sorry if I have upset or offended anybody I really didn't mean too. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancies and I wish you all happy, healthy babies at the end whether the sex be a surprise or not.

OP posts:

shitebag · 05/04/2015 08:23

Our local NHS doesn't allow the Sonographer to note or tell the parents the baby's sex after someone tried to sue when they got it wrong

If I'd have been offered the chance then I'm not sure I could've said no but I'm glad I didn't find out officially before birth, I never got the big surprise thing anyway because I felt like I "knew" what they were and I was right both times so I'd have been more surprised if they were the opposite :o

That said though whether you know or not I don't think it actually matters because all you see/hear is your gorgeous baby and who cares what sex they are for those first precious moments?!

rosy189 · 05/04/2015 08:48

I have my 12 week scan on wednesday, this is our first baby and we always said we would not find out the sex,

Lots of my friends were pregnant in last two years and they all found out, it took the surprise away, lots of them had names chosen already and it was like the baby was already born!

we are looking forward to (hopefully!) our friends and family sharing our surprise when the time comes.

Also- the office my hubby works at has a sex/date/weight guess sweepstake when some is pregnant, so serious money to be made there! :D

rosy189 · 05/04/2015 08:54

oooh goodness me I didnt realise this thread had two pages and people were getting upset!

Finding out the sex is always a personal thing no one is right or wrong either way, everyone should do what is right for their family and pregnancy!

shitebag (awesome name btw)- its funny you should say that because there was a couple in my local paper a few weeks ago who were told they were having a girl and they went out and bought all the pink stuff, did her room pink and had a girly baby shower, then out popped a little boy! They were surprised but not angry, they had a healthy baby! Not sure is suing a hospital is really justifiable- they do say at the scan that they can't be 100% sure on the sex all the time?

CorBlimeyTrousers · 05/04/2015 09:04

Be careful with any assumption that you know the gender by some kind of mother's instinct. I was convinced my baby was a girl until the 20 week scan showed a boy :) Of course you have a 50/50 chance of being right.

I also don't think it's a 'shame' what anyone else wants to do. Live and let live I say.

shitebag · 05/04/2015 09:08

Funnily enough Rosy they didn't get very far past moaning in the local newspaper that they were going to sue. They claimed that they had bonded with their unborn son and struggled to form a bond with their newborn daughter and the mother was suffering PND as a result. I know PND is an awful irrational thing but that story did strike me as odd when a midwife friend told me.

Most of my friends opted to pay for those 4D scans privately and I did think about it at one stage but DH pointed out that it seemed pointless to pay £170 to find out something we'd know in 3 months anyway which was very true.

Iloveonionchutney · 05/04/2015 09:13

I didn't find out with my first, I'm 12 weeks now with no.2 and won't be finding out this time either. There's not many surprises left in life anymore and I personally think it helps you push a bit harder when you don't know too

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