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Original poster

Already have 2 DS's WHY do people keep saying ' trying for a girl?'

53 replies

fixuplooksharp · 25/03/2015 10:59

Am I being over sensitive??
I find this really rude, firstly it's virtually impossible to 'try' for a particular sex, secondly, why, just because I have two boys, would people assume I am desperate for a girl?
I am happy with a boy or girl, and can see the benefits (strange word to use for this i know) in both fitting into our little family.
I am so excited, but comments like 'ooh hopefully it'll be a girl this time' and 'I bet you really want a girl' are really p*ssing me off. I feel like if I have another boy I'll be met with negativity from others.
I know I shouldn't care what others think and unfortunately say out loud but it is hard sometimes.

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Original poster
fixuplooksharp · 25/03/2015 11:57

FernGully you are coming out with some classics today, 'how's it going ugly' has almost made me look forward to someone calling me fat :) Bring it on! Haha!!!

Elloguvner it is shocking how all of a sudden your life choices and body are fair game for everyone, even total strangers!!!

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notasleep · 25/03/2015 11:58

Yes, people are so odd about other people's family make up! Why do they care?!

I get the 'oh you don't need another, you've got one of each' like you just need to tick off 'boy' 'girl' and that's that. I want another because I want another child!

FernGullysWoollyPully · 25/03/2015 11:59

fixup if my MIL made that comment, I'd say "at least mine is a baby" with a very pointed look.

I've just learnt not to take any grief. Just because you're pregnant doesn't make you fair game. You're doing a magical thing you don't need people bringing you down.

Original poster
fixuplooksharp · 25/03/2015 12:00

Deafworm Trying for a brother for him.....don't people ever give up! It's insane! I have never made comments like these to anyone, luckily the majority don't, but the ones that do really grate on me.
I get stroppy when people say things about me wanting a girl infront of my boys, the eldest is 6 and quite a sensitive little man, I don't want him going off thinking I am desperate for a girl because he'll wonder what is wrong with him and think I didn't want a boy, people don't think before they speak do they!?

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Original poster
fixuplooksharp · 25/03/2015 12:03

notasleep That's exactly what my MIL said to SIL because she has one of each, she apparently doesn't need to bother having another!!

FernGully LOL! I will try that next time, that'll shut her up! :)

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willnotbetamed · 25/03/2015 16:45

I dreaded people saying this to me (am 21 weeks with DC3) - I have two boys, couldn't be happier with them, and the only reason that I hoped this one might be a girl is that it would stop people looking at me with pity or saying stupid things about trying again for a girl. I didn't want a girl, I wanted a baby! Just back from 20-week scan today and Nr 3 is another boy, and looks healthy :-) Obviously, I'm thrilled and excited, as are my other two kids. And will punch anyone who tries to intimate that our family is in some way not complete.

NoRoomForALittleOne · 25/03/2015 17:12

It could be worse. We had DD1, then DD2 then we had DS. A colleague said "how wonderful... You can stop having babies now!" I'm currently 35 weeks with DC5 Grin

Amber76 · 26/03/2015 07:51

Agree that it's a rude and thoughtless thing to say. One of my sils has three boys and another one of my sils will often say how 'sorry' she is for her (to me). Thoughtless sil is always saying 'poor x didn't get a girl, she'll miss out on all the girly things,etc.' Any suggestions for a short (non offensive) comment to make when this is said?!

Original poster
fixuplooksharp · 26/03/2015 08:59

willnotbetamed Congrats on having another boy :) You have summed up exactly how I feel, I feel super happy etc, but it's the looks of pity and suggestions that you didn't get what you wanted that are really unbearable! Why should we constantly have to justify how pleased we are because of idiiots! :)

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Original poster
fixuplooksharp · 26/03/2015 09:02

NoRoom Congrats :) Wonder what your colleague makes of that, hahaha!! People are ridiculous!

Amber I have no idea what to say because I am rubbish as that sort of thing, I either stay quiet and fizzle away inside wanting to explode, or I do have a minor rant!! I wish I could find some middle ground or have a smart answer, but most of the smart answers I can think of would offend the rude offenders (grin)

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Original poster
fixuplooksharp · 26/03/2015 09:03

Used the wrong brackets!! Grin

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ishallnamehimsquishy · 26/03/2015 09:38

I'm expecting DC3 in a few months and am also getting so many excited "oh it might be a girl this time! " comments.

I'm not really bothered if it's another boy or a girl. People are also surprised we haven't found out.

I'm just excited to be having another wee person. We'd totally decided to stop at two but changed our mind. :)

DS1 says he'd prefer another little brother mind you...

Original poster
fixuplooksharp · 26/03/2015 09:42

ishall My boys have their preferences too, haha!!!

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ishallnamehimsquishy · 26/03/2015 09:56

My youngest is just excited about a baby. Although a bit impatient for it to come out so he can cuddle it. :)

Mamabear14 · 26/03/2015 10:00

I had this so much at the beginning of this pregnancy. After 2 boys, everyone and their nan was saying how I must wish for a girl this time. I did think a girl would be lovely, mainly as I am the only female in the house (even the dog and cat are male!) and since we found out she is indeed a girl we have had the 'oh how lovely' etc. It would have still been lovely if we had a boy! People are just thoughtless I think.

Jackieharris · 26/03/2015 10:03

I always wanted at least one of each sex. I felt like if have missed out if I'd only ever had one or the other. I don't think this view is uncommon hence why people like you get those kind of comments.

Don't be so sensitive! A lot of the time people are just making conversation. If it wasn't the sex they were commenting on it'd be something else- your age- your size-whatever. Pregnant women are public property don't you know? Grin

RugBugs · 26/03/2015 10:08

My DF said 'another girl, never mind' after DD2's scan. I'm glad it was over the phone because I was very angry.
21wks with a DS and only told first lot of family about the pg at the weekend. I had no preference either way so would have found the speculation irritating (everything irritates me atm!).

hippymama1 · 26/03/2015 10:10

Ladies - you are all so serene and polite in the face of these rude people! I wish I had your tolerance but I have had enough of insensitive and rude people so I am just rude right back a lot of the time! Smile

Park it straight back to them OP!

Something along the lines of "I am sorry that the sex of my baby is / may be disappointing FOR YOU. I am just happy to be having a baby so I will be delighted either way but thank you so much for your opinion..."

If they are decent people then they will apologise or laugh it of with you and realise they are being inappropriate. If they are idiots then they won't and you won't have to put up with any more of their drivel. Result either way. Wink

Original poster
fixuplooksharp · 26/03/2015 10:11

rugbugs Congrats :)
I am finding everything irritating at the moment too, I told the front door to Fuck Off this morning as it was refusing to shut because of the wind (kids were out of earshot)

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Original poster
fixuplooksharp · 26/03/2015 10:14

hippymama I am going to man up and be rude back!! But now, I am almost welcoming it to give me chance to be rude back, to make up for all the times when I haven't!! haha!!! Bring it on, I'm seriously hormonal today anyway!

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hippymama1 · 26/03/2015 10:19

One of the perks of being pregnant Fixup - the excuse of pregnancy rage! Grin

willnotbetamed · 26/03/2015 10:34

Oooh yes, any good put-downs, share them here please! Until yesterday, when we found out about DS3 (smiling as I'm typing this - he is just a bit more real than s/he was yesterday morning Smile), people who asked me if we knew what we were having got the answer "a baby, we hope!" which usually shut them up at least for a moment. But now we do know - how to I communicate that we are genuinely, utterly thrilled with the new little man without having to launch into a defence of small boys in general?

PossumPoo · 26/03/2015 10:37

OP l am getting this with dc2! I have a dd and everyone keeps saying a ds would be nice Hmm

WindYourBobbinUp · 26/03/2015 11:00

People are so rude! I'm in my 30s now, but I still remember conversations from family in my childhood of how my parents had wanted "a proper boy" this time (my brother is disabled and I'm female). So rude on so many levels: disabled child = fail, girl = fail Angry
My Dad swears this isn't true and just in law weirdness, and I believe him, as they were still going on about it when I was old enough to remember. But for those whose families have a preference be careful what you say in earshot of the DCs!

blowinahoolie · 26/03/2015 13:11

"But now we do know - how to I communicate that we are genuinely, utterly thrilled with the new little man without having to launch into a defence of small boys in general?"

Why do you need to tell them what you're having?? Even if you've just found out yourself, you don't need to tell everyone about it until the baby is born.

I am pregnant with DC3, and already have two DSs. I don't mind either way what I'm having and we won't find out until the birth. It's not a big deal. I don't tend to talk about any of my pregnancies so it's not really a discussion point when meeting others.