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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Having doubts about number 3

38 replies

RingInTheNew · 23/03/2015 16:29

I'm hoping I can find others who have been in the same boat, I suppose. Not long ago I was reading the 'should I go for baby number 3?' threads and identifying with those who said they always felt there was a child missing from the family and now that I'm expecting number three I'm terrified that it's the wrong decision.

I have two lovely lively boys (7 and 5) and my main concern is messing up everything we already have. I just keep thinking life will be harder, what if there's something wrong with the baby, what if something bad happens to me...I seem to be focusing on every negative outcome and it's making me feel terrible. I'm also 39 but will be 40 when the baby is born so I worry I'm too old. I am 11.5 weeks and have my first scan next week.

Did/does anyone else feel the same and if so, how do you handle it?

Thanks in advance

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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batfish · 23/03/2015 16:52

This may not be remotely helpful as I'm only expecting number 1 and therefore have little clue what I'm talking about - but I've read a lot about people who are on their first and their second and have concerns about how they will cope and how life will change. And this was obviously a decision that you made and I'm sure you made it for the right reasons. So I guess the answer is that although it doesn't seem like it now - your new baby will somehow slot in to your lovely family and make it even more lovely and after a few weeks you won't be able to imagine life without them. Sorry about butting in as I know you were looking for responses from 3rd time mums! Good luck with everything and I hope your doubts decrease

willnotbetamed · 23/03/2015 16:55

I don't have a lot of wisdom for you other than to say I was in exactly the same situation very recently and have definitely calmed down a lot since then! I am 20 weeks with DC3, my boys are also 7 and 5. We had a lot of doubts beforehand too, and in the end we decided to go for the third roll of the dice - and from the moment of the pregnancy test until about 12 weeks in I was plagued by doubts and black black moments of utter depression and fear. I think it was at least partly the hormones - it calmed down as I went along, although some slightly uneven scan results (I didn't want any antenatal testing but an early scan showed up a nuchal fold abnormality...) are still causing the odd moment of panic. By and large though, I feel pretty positive again now - the boys are looking forward to their baby sibling and we have started getting organized with baby things, and so it's no longer I weird kind of abstract thing but a definite new person who is joining the family. I hope you find the same thing happens to you too - that in time you find your way back to the optimism and happy anticipation of your new baby. Hang on in there!

Original poster

RingInTheNew · 23/03/2015 17:14

Thanks both of you - so comforting to hear others feel the same. I think it's easy to feel guilty that you're feeling negative about something that everyone assumes you'll be over the moon about. I hope I'll feel differently after the scan.

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SophieandHerSnail · 23/03/2015 17:18

Ooh me too! I am 25w with a wanted DC3, other kids are 6 and 3... Terrified that we've made the wrong decision!

Wednesbury · 23/03/2015 17:32

I'm on the other side. DC3 is 12 weeks old an during pregnancy, despite having desperately wanted no 3, I had regular moments of questioning why we'd done it, what would it do to our family set up etc.

But honestly for me it's been brilliant. My other DCs are nearly 7 and 5 and to say they adore their baby brother is an understatement. They are so excited by every little thing that he does and I think it's lovely for them to experience having a baby in the family at the ages they are.

My third pregnancy was very stressful but it has all been worth it and life hasn't suddenly become unrecognisable - there's just a baby in the house too. And I feel a bit more confident third time and it's lovely going through things I'd forgotten about like watching his little cheeks wobble when I push him down the footpath from school in the car seat.

Best of luck!

monkeyfacegrace · 23/03/2015 17:37

My two are 8 & 6. And number 3 is 16 days old

During pregnancy I totally shit myself thinking I'd made a mistake.

Now, I couldn't bear to be without her. She's a little diamond, and you will be so much more relaxed with your third. As both the older ones are at school it's like having one all over again.

To put it bluntly, I'm happy as a pig in shit right now.

NorahM · 23/03/2015 17:54

Hi same here. :-) My DS is 9 and DD is 7. I'm pregnant with number 3. Will be 36 when this one is born. It is wanted, as in, we had not been careful with contraception, and I got pregnant right away (and delighted when we found out). Worried how it'll impact our family though, but actually more so absolutely positively terrified that something will go wrong, that something is wrong with the baby etc. My 12 week scan is next week Monday (but heartbeat already confirmed with an earlier scan).

Original poster

RingInTheNew · 23/03/2015 17:57

This is mumsnet at its best - you're even making me laugh!

Anyone else a bit of an oldie like me?

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NorahM · 23/03/2015 17:59

There is not a whole load of difference between 36 and 40, is there? ;-)

franksidebottom · 23/03/2015 18:21

im expecting dc3, 30 weeks now, unplanned pregnancy I was very upset at first as my 2 dds are 13 and 7 now and felt like I was getting my life back, as dp works long hours I felt very under pressure when my 2 were younger. im 37 and will be 38 when the baby is born i am mainly excited but i still have a wobble, its totally natural but im hoping I will find it easier going from 2-3 then 1-2

Hotpotpie · 23/03/2015 18:30

I've been desperate for my third and now as I'm Pregnant I've felt much the same, I think it must be hormones, this little one is so wanted I don't know where on earth these doubts have come from!

OMGBabyNo3 · 23/03/2015 18:45

Hi!! Oldie here! Will be 39 when DC3 born. Current DC 8&5. Had NOplans got a third but nature and a teeny dose of stupidity said otherwise. I think I'll be 12 weeks on thurs so v similar point to you I think. Scan on Wednesday. I have been back and forth A LOT in the last few weeks. I don't want a baby, I do, I don't, I do, I don't!! I know once it's here I won't regret it but after weeks if feeling like sh*t I do regret it at the moment! Does that help?! X

OMGBabyNo3 · 23/03/2015 18:45

To have a third!!

Original poster

RingInTheNew · 23/03/2015 18:55

OMG, I am 12 weeks on Thur too! You sound really like me - and everyone else on here who has had wobbles. Mine wasn't actually planned but we hadn't ruled a third out. It feels different when you haven't actively planned it...I think you beat yourself up more about everything.

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NorahM · 23/03/2015 19:01

I'm 12 weeks on Thursday too! EDD October 8th?

Original poster

RingInTheNew · 23/03/2015 19:11

Yes, Norah! It seems like a long way off! I am constantly feeling queasy...I wonder if that has anything to do with your state of mind too...

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Original poster

RingInTheNew · 23/03/2015 19:13

So interesting how these doubts are so common. I can't remember anyone else talking about them during my last pregnancy. I really thought I was on my own...

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Original poster

RingInTheNew · 23/03/2015 19:16

Ps Monkeyface, that is an adorable photo!

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NorahM · 23/03/2015 19:17

No idea Ring. I am feeling very queasy as well, but mostly in the afternoon. If you are constantly feeling queasy, it could be definitely be your nerves too!

I think in my case, it was mostly a head vs. heart thing. For a long time, we thought we'd only have two kids... But the last few years, I've been wavering. My heart longed for another one, even though my head said it's not ideal. Kids are 9 and 7... they are independent, I can do whatever I want, we can travel anywhere we want, do I really want to be tied to another little one for years again... now that I am typing it, my anxiety is hitting the roof again!!! Breathe in breathe out. We're pregnant now, so it's really happening, and we have to deal with it. All these prenatal tests are making me so insecure and scared. Maybe when we pass this stage, it will be better?

willnotbetamed · 23/03/2015 19:25

NorahM, Ringinthenew, I felt so like you both at 12 weeks! It was semi-planned too (we weren't trying very hard for it not to happen, let's put it like that) but literally the moment the line appeared on the test strip, I started feeling like it might all be a horrible mistake. I didn't want to tell the kids or my parents or anyone really. It has really got better in the last while - now I can feel the baby kicking and it is just an undeniable fact, not a half-made choice. Does that make sense? I still wonder whether it is the right thing to be doing, but I'm not tormenting myself about it any more - it's done now!

Bythepath · 23/03/2015 19:27

I really really wanted a 3rd I thought about it constantly and then as soon as I fell pregnant I thought what have I done. I cried when I found out and not through happiness. My DC were 2&3 and we were just getting out and about more and they were playing well etc etc. DC3 is now 7 months old, she is the best thing ever, 2 wasn't a family for me and I feel so content and happy. I have loved all her babyhood and my elder DCs love her and it has worked out great.

tiredandgrumpy · 23/03/2015 19:29

My dc3 is now 3. My age gap is similar to yours and I was 39 when I had her. I had massive fears about the impact a third would have. I found the pg far tougher because I was older too. Then she arrived. It was tough going back to the baby days and I put too much pressure on myself to get back to normal, cope etc. BUT, she's brought out the best in my other two dc. Our family now feels complete and she has brought more to it than I ever imagined. Going back to work after wasn't nearly the impossibility I'd thought and life isn't back to how it was, but is definitely better!

NorahM · 23/03/2015 19:30

So glad to hear that everything turns out ok in the end.

Willnotbetamed, I haven't even told my parents yet, so I know how you must have felt.

Charliej86 · 23/03/2015 19:38

I'm 23 weeks with dc3 and keep thinking the worst is going to happen. On way for 12 week scan I was convinced they weren't going to find anything, OH was/is v excited as his dc1. Both scans have been great, pregnancy been easy and dc's are very excited. I now keep thinking that something will happen when he's born, he'll contract some illness or something will happen to me.

It's getting easier over the pregnancy, I'm hoping its just some pregnancy side affect lol.

OMGBabyNo3 · 23/03/2015 19:45

Back again! Yes also never ruled out a third but def didn't think it was on the cards. Yep 8th oct for me too. My biggest concern is giving birth again!!! I hate it. Do you think they'll find a new pain free way before then?!?! Also v v queasy all the time. Worse in the evenings. My diet is also not nearly as good as before because veg makes me feel more sick and carbs are my new best friend!!! X

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