Pregnancy 'wobbles'- please tell me I'm normal!

[Skeppers]

So, I was wide awake at 2am this morning, sobbing to my husband about how I wasn't really sure that I wanted to be pregnant and how I've ruined our lives and I like the way our life is now and I'm terrified that when the baby is born it'll be too hard for us to cope and he'll walk out and leave me...MAJOR pity party! It was so utterly snotty and pathetic.

He was very good and told me to stop being an idiot (which, to be fair, was exactly what I needed to hear).

I then felt really bad because of course I want to be pregnant and I want to have the baby, which set off another guilt-ridden snotfest because we've got our 20 week scan this Thursday and I'm now dreading that if anything has happened it will somehow be my fault. I swear, I used to be a perfectly rational human being! I'm shattered today, but felt much better after getting it all off my chest.

But has anyone else had these sudden, terrifying moments? I'm expecting our first baby; we have a fantastic relationship- never argue- we are relatively secure financially, we have a great support network of family and friends...there is absolutely NO reason why I should be anything other than happy and excited. But yet, I'm TERRIFIED because it's such a huge, life changing thing that's going to happen very shortly. I can't be excited about it because I don't know how I'm going to cope, what impact it's going to have, etc. etc. There are so many unknowns.

Please, someone, tell me that this is normal!? Everything I read or see about pregnancy tells me that I'm supposed to be some sort of centre of peace and light, basking in pre-maternal contentment and thrilled at the prospect of meeting our future child when, quite frankly, I am quietly freaking out! That's when I don't forget completely that I am actually pregnant and have to be reminded by other people...

You are absolutely normal. This is your hormones talking, not you. At 35 weeks, I'm crying roughly every 4-5 days, which seems to coincide with when the baby has another growth spurt each time. I usually cry about twice a year! There a few people out there who really enjoy their pregnancy, and don't seem to get this (unfortunately two of them are friends of mine and can't comprehend why I am not thrilled, and bouncing up and down excited).

Me! All the time! (Well not all the time but fairly often)

Just keep reminding myself not to be silly, and that if I wasn't at least a wee bit scared then I'd be a robot....

It's my first 2! Hence being a bit irrational in my thoughts. But I'm the same with any new thing I try. Then afterwards I'm all "what was I fussing aboot"

Totally normal. I enjoy being pregnant but also find the impending change terrifying. I have done every time, currently expecting DC3 & on a 14w countdown to what we call impending doom...

OhmyGod, thank FUCK for that!!

Jonty I'm with you- I'm usually a heartless, cold bitch, but lately? It's ridiculous. I've had to resort to keeping a box of tissues by the bed (and not for that reason either...purely for mopping up tears!)

Completely normal, pregnancy makes you crazy!

I'm 40 weeks today and have spent the last 2 days sobbing to DP that the baby is never going to come, of course logically I know he is but that doesn't stop the blubbing.

Absolutely normal! It's a huge responsibility - any sensible person would have some moments of panic.

Absolutely normal! It's a huge responsibility - any sensible person would have some moments of panic.

This is what I keep telling myself; that's it's healthy to be concerned rather than going into it in a haze of blind naivety that everything is going to be rainbows and unicorns and fairy dust! That way you can be PREPARED.

Completely normal. I'm 31 weeks with my second and keep waking up in the middle of the night to have a panic about having two and ruining all of our nice, organised lives!! It's just change, but it's such a big one, and you know that some of it will be hard, even though some of it is sooooo wonderful, and it's one you can't really prepare for despite oodles of reading. You should be a bit worried!! And then good old hormones turn a bit into a lot. Your DP sounds ace, keep listening to him! Good luck.

I felt exactly the same when I was pregnant. It's just been me & my husband for so long & I loved my life before. We got a dog about 18months ago & treat him like our baby. Tried to tell myself I couldn't remember life before Jasper & that he had brought us so much happiness so the baby would bring even more joy
I had my son 4 weeks ago & while he does make us happy & I love him more than anything, it's a big change! Please don't believe the hype about how peaceful pregnancy should be or how amazing being a mum is. It is amazing but it's hard work & your hormones will be all over the place for ages after the baby is born too. When I first got home from the hospital I cried for our poor dog, we chose to have a baby but he didn't & his life has changed a lot now I can't watch the bloody meerkat advert without crying
My point is what you're feeling is completely normal! Don't feel guilty for feeling like that now. The fact you're worrying only means you're going to be a great mum good luck & enjoy it!

Thanks again.

I do have friends IRL who have quite recently had kids and I'm sure they'd tell me the same thing, but we're keeping the news hush-hush until after the 20 week scan, so I can't talk to them about it at the moment! It is good to have reassurance from you all in the meantime.

I do worry about how life will change - but at 11+3 with no symptoms I'm still struggling to believe there is actually a baby in there even though I've seen it so I'm sure that when I do the panic will set in! Like you I also have a great relation with my hubby and we've been together ages and so used to it just being us and enjoying lazy times together and going on nice holidays and in a few months this little screamy demanding thing that I somehow really want will appear and rip it all apart. The thing that keeps me going is that everyone says it's amazing so I'm just hoping it will be a new dimension to our lives and not the end of it!

Batfish thought I might see someone I know on here !!
Skeppers your post could have been written by me ! I'm only 11 weeks so not even in the safe zone yet and I burst into tears on DP the other day saying how I wasn't sure it's what I wanted and that I love our life as it is now. I've never felt the need to have a baby why am I doing this etc etc etc
He always calms me down and is amazing and of course I know that we decided this together as getting older and don't want to regret not having one but rather than deciding on a right time to actively try we just left it up to fate and here we are ! I still have a major panic about every 3 days but I'm hoping that it'll all fall into place eventually !!!
Nice to know I'm not the only one who's not jumping up and down in blissful happiness !

I am so with you, OP. I freak out every time I pass by a mirror or a window where I can see myself and think "F* who is that woman?!" I constantly have a feeling that this "condition" is temporary and at some point everything will go back to "normal", as it was before I got pregnant. But then my logic tells me it won't and I start freakingout that I am probably not designed to have children at all!! And all that after we've TTC for a while and this is a planned pregnancy!

P.S..: I'm 21 weeks and feeling like a whale.

totally and utterly normal! add the enormity of what you are doing to the inherent worries of all this pregnancy stuff to the hormones and you get a massive mess!

i think the best thing you can do at times like this is just ride it out. the feeling will disappear, it might come back, it will disappear again... let it. it doesn't mean anything! x

What you are feeling is totally normal. I went through the same, kept thinking that having a baby would change my life and I liked my life just the way it was thank you very much.

I was actually at the point where I would think that if I miscarried it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world (although after 2 previous miscarriages I think I was just trying to prepare myself for the worst happening again by pretending it would be ok).

I now have a 16 week old baby girl. My life is very different but in a good way and I do believe you can strike a good balance between your old life and your new one. I still go horse riding a few times a week, OH and I have date night (dd stays with gran once a week).

Don't listen to people who say things like "oh you'll not get a good nights sleep for years" or "oh you'll not be able to do that when the baby comes" - Bollocks!!! My dd sleeps brilliantly and has done for a few weeks now and even in the early weeks, you adapt amazingly well to the lack of sleep.

Once the baby arrives you'll be so mesmerized by your bundle that you wont' worry about these things and will naturally slip into new routines. If you are worried about losing out on certain things, make an effort to fit them into your new routine and make the most of offers to babysit from family/friends - we certainly do and I think it's healthy for both us and dd.

Kitkat that's the best thing I've read on here !! You've made me feel so much better - thank you xxx

Likewise Kitkat, brilliant advice! We shall be making use of our extensive babysitting network: bearing the first grandchild does have its perks!

I do this so regularly that I'm pretty sure DH has a prepared speech as I'm starting to notice he says the same reassuring things until I calm down, agree that we decided we wanted to do this after a lot of thought, we're in it together and it'll be fine.
I'm only 13+2 (poor guy)
The most recent (not entirely reassurance) comment was "everyone screws up their kids, we just have to do it our way!"

Yes! The night before I found out I was pregnant I was begging DH to start trying (conceived the one time we didn't use withdrawl having come off the pill to get ready). Since I've found out I'm worried about ruining our lovely lives and destroying my career as I was just starting to climb the ladder. I'm 31, we got married last year having been together for 11 years! Glad DH is more excited and less worried. Nice to know I'm not alone!

Freaker outer here - I feel like crap, am struggling to get by in normal life just through sickness and tiredness and I'm terrified of pregnancy and having a baby growing in me. I'm just trying to take each day as it comes and think I can do this...I'm one day closer (so there's like 2 million days left to go but who's counting) It will be worth it in the end.

Fear, meltdowns, tears... emotions are haywire.

ps Hi Adventure and Batfish x

Skeppers you are totally normal.

We were trying for a baby and I was very keen to get pregnant and get on with it... Then I got a positive test, went into shock and sobbed for a whole week solid - for a lot of the same reasons as you! Totally normal.

Now I just sob because hormones and sometimes just because being pregnant isn't great a lot of the time... I can't wait to meet my baby and am really excited to become a mum but I really am not hugely keen on being pregnant... It's just a means to an end though really!

You won't hurt your baby by being a bit scared of the unknowns of the future. It is a huge life changing thing! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and with your 20 week scan.

Thanks hippymama1

We had our 20 week scan yesterday as it happens, and something really weird happened.

The baby was all healthy; everything where it should be, working a-OK etc. and we said that we wanted to find out the sex. The MOMENT the sonographer told me that it was definitely a boy, it's like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I instantly felt happy and excited and all the anxiety left me in a moment!

Maybe I was just freaking out at the prospect of potentially having to raise a girl? I've always been a tree-climbing, footy watching, beer swilling tomboy and maybe, subconsciously and irrationally, I had a fear of being responsible for a daughter? Weird, huh?

I've not been able to stop smiling since I found out! I think I actually swore in the scan room...(something along the lines of "F*CK YEAH!")

skeppers brilliant to hear you are feeling better and that your scan was such a positive day!