AIBU? Did anyone else cry after their booking appt?

[Lemondrizzletwunt]

I have just had the shittest booking appt, at 5+5.

I called the surgery 2 weeks ago (as I found out I was preg) to make an appointment with the MW. MW calls the next day and offers me an appointment for today; at which point I'm a little confused because I thought they had to see you between 8-9wks so they could take the correct bloods, and mention I'll be less than 6 weeks but I'm told this is ok.

Anyway, fast-forward to today and she comes to visit me at home. I was unable to sleep last night I was so excited (this is my first pregnancy) and I've read all of the paperwork I was given cover to cover as well as hoovering from top to bottom so she doesn't see the usual bombsite The appointment was 45 mins long and basically consisted of her patronising me all the way through, and promoting all of the bits within the fucking bounty pack she was holding The only booking bit she did do was to go through all of the paperwork I have already read (and am expected to read, as per the instructions) and read excerpts out loud to me.

AIBU to be really disappointed at this?

I thought she was going to say congratulations, I thought she might ask me how I was feeling, or talk about symptoms I might or might not be having, worries that might be going through my mind, and so on. I expected to discuss the testing available and associated risks, and I certainly didn't expect to be persuaded into testing for sickle cell that I don't want One hearing I am older than 25 she also didn't offer me a chlamydia test, but she has no idea how long my DP and I have been together, or even if I have had other sexual partners recently, or whether I have used protection with any of them.

I now have no idea when she is actually going to take my bloods (as they weren't done today, obviously) and my next appointment is my 12 week scan, and then I see her again at 16 weeks.

I know I am a hormonal mess but I'm really upset and disappointed. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. I have been sat here for the past hour googling independent midwives in my area.

Actually I think I am too hormonal fragile for AIBU right now, I need and sympathy instead please.

I didn't cry at my booking appointment, but I really lost my rag at all future appointments. They kept asking why I hadn't taken the bleedin Down's syndrome test (I was kept waiting for three hours in a queuing system that made no frikkin sense). At every appt I felt like I was interrogated about missing it, I'd loudly tell them in other words to eff off and they'd then tell me to calm down due to my high blood pressure.

I'm sorry you had a crappy first appt and hope all your future ones are more what we'd all expect.

I think, in the nicest possible way, you are a tad hormonal here. If you're being tested for sickle cell you obviously did discuss testing at some point.

I think that it can sometimes be a bit of a shock that pregnancy can be treated purely medically and dispassionately when, to you, it's the most exciting thing that's ever happened.

You have my sympathy as I have had a disappointing mw appointment at 16 weeks- this is my 2nd pregnancy and they have stopped checking the heartbeat etc at this appointment now so I was quite disappointed as she basically just took my blood pressure and rushed me out.
The booking appointment is always a bit dull tbh as there isn't much to do other than form filling. I have found that how good the appointments are isquite midwife dependent (I never see the same one!).
Try and forget about it and look forward to your scan!

Um, that's not a booking appointment!

Did she take you and the baby's fathers medical details and details of your parents?

Did she ask about mental health? Issues with domestic violence and give you info on it?

If not its not a booking appointment. I'm surprised it was at home too. Both my bookings have been at hospital where you go through all your history which is logged on their system plus bloods being taken.

I'd call and ask why none of that happened and when it will happen.

Both my booking in appointments were at home so I think that is area dependent. I did have bloods done though.

Don't worry! You're allowed to feel how you feel. I had to wait until 16 weeks for my booking in appointment! So it sounds like they're a lot more on the ball than my lot :)

Perhaps because you'd clearly done all the reading, she felt you didn't need to be told anything. Or perhaps she was just a bit useless. Make a list of questions for next time. I think the only test you may consider before 12 weeks is the harmony/nifty (which is only available privately I believe) so she may tell you more at the 12 week apt.

Congratulations BTW!

My booking was at home, but was at 8 weeks.
She took a full history of me and my OH, and details of my other DC's births.

The appointment lasted over an hour, she was really nice (actually there were two of them) and she also done my MH referrals.

She did explain that some of the questions were a bit patronising but she has to ask them (like is OH the father blah blah)

Try not to be too disappointed, the scans are much more exciting than the booking in bits

That does sound strange.

I cried after my booking appointment because the MW refused to give me the paperwork for prescriptions exemptions, telling me you didn't get it until after 20 weeks because "anything can happen up until then" and then she laughed.

I complained to PALS and I never saw her again.

You've not had a proper booking appointment- I would see if you can call your hospital directly and deal with their MWs, this is how you can do it with our trust.

- because most of us experience a "standardised" service (ie; NHS) it's often hard to understand why the services we receive (and hear about elsewhere) differ so dramatically.

Objectively - she could have been running behind, she could have been having a bad day, she could have recently suffered a loss - all of these things are unknown.

However; being pregnant, and especially at the very early stages (perhaps more so with the first), is a very daunting time indeed. I would have expected to have been asked the questions you expected too; and I've never understood why the chlamydia test ceases to be veiled out at 25 - I've known plenty of promiscuous 30 year old's and as you said, she has no idea of your prior sexual history - chlamydia can lay dormant for a while.

I'm not sure of the policies governing how you can raise issues with your midwife, but YANBU in my eyes - from a 6 week old pregnant, hormonal mess

The booking appointment is basically lots of form filling. Medical history, etc etc.

I thought she was going to say congratulations, I thought she might ask me how I was feeling, or talk about symptoms I might or might not be having, worries that might be going through my mind, and so on. I expected to discuss the testing available and associated risks, and I certainly didn't expect to be persuaded into testing for sickle cell that I don't want sad One hearing I am older than 25 she also didn't offer me a chlamydia test, but she has no idea how long my DP and I have been together, or even if I have had other sexual partners recently, or whether I have used protection with any of them.

Dude, I think you had some seriously unrealistic expectations here. Congratulations? She's a midwife, she seems umpteen pregnant women every day of her working life. You aren't special It's for your family and friends to offer congrats, not a HCP.

As for asking you about symptoms, at 5+5 you probably don't have many, and surely the onus is on you to bring anything up if you had concerns?

If you don't want sickle cell testing, call her and refuse the test.

As for being offended that she didn't offer a chlamydia test (do midwives even do this? I was offered one at my last cervical smear, but not at pregnancy booking), that she didn't assume you and DP were only just together, and didn't assume you'd been promiscuous and having lots of unprotected sex recently... seriously?

I really think your preconceptions about what was to happen during the appointment were wrong, and you're getting upset and offended for some really bizarre reasons. But you're newly pregnant and I know it's a scary vulnerable time... just, chill out a bit, OK?

Thanks for all the replies

Pottering I'm sure you're absolutely right, there are definitely hormones at work in all this. She didn't tell me about the testing, she just asked what I wanted, with no mention of the reasons you might / might not have it.

Kitty In fairness to the system here I had been asked to fill all of that in prior to the appointment in a separate booklet, which she has taken away presumably to light her fire with but we didn't go over any of that particularly. I mentioned that a close family member has had a DVT, another has type II diabetes and that I have had severe depression but the repercussions that all of this might have were just glossed over.

BigBadGeorge Let's hope we both get a better one next time!

I think I just expected her to be caring, and centred around me and how I was doing, not ticking boxes. If she had been any of these things I think it would have been fine, but I felt vulnerable, confused and uncomfortable, all whilst sat on my own sofa

seaoflove, please tell me you're not a HCP.

OP, it sounds like you had a rubbish booking appointment. With DS1, mine was thorough, detailed and definitely a two-way street.

It's part of the MW's job to make sure you feel able to talk to her about issues that concern you, as well as getting a full medical (and social) history. This one sounds like she failed on both counts.

Lower your expectations of NHS maternity care.

You are just another number to them.

Aww Lemon! What a cow. I don't think manners cost anything - just because she deals with preggos all day doesn't mean she shouldn't say congratulations.

If you feel something really important was missed, contact the hospital with your questions.

Otherwise, cross your fingers that you don't see her again!

I think I just expected her to be caring, and centred around me and how I was doing, not ticking boxes.

Welcome to NHS maternity care. There isn't much fluff and caring and mollycoddling; midwives are just too darn busy

I'll reiterate though: the booking appointment is basically just form filling and box ticking. I really don't understand why you were expecting discussions all about you and how you're doing at less than six weeks pregnant (or at any stage tbh - I'm currently 31 weeks into my second pregnancy and I've never had much of that).

Look, I know it looks like I'm picking holes here, but if you have this attitude every time you encounter a HCP during your pregnancy, you're going to come away disappointed every single time.

I cried too! So many expectations and it was just form filling. Of course I know this now but not then!

Sea Thank you for your input, genuinely, but I did mean it when I said I just needed tea and sympathy right now.

There isn't much fluff and caring and mollycoddling; midwives are just too darn busy
The thing is, I know that this isn't always true. I have 2 midwives in the family and see the love and care they have for their women and know that what I experienced isn't the way it has to be.

It makes me want to give birth with no medical attendant at all. If I can't trust these people to care enough to ask me how I am, how can I trust them when I'll be at my most vulnerable?

I know I sounds silly to you but it's really shaken my faith in the system.

Congratulations!

I assume you haven't started telling friends and family yet. It is hard not to feel excited to be actually talking about it when you are keeping it all in, but the midwife is doing a job. However, in a few weeks you will be inundated with people ridiculously happy for you and this will have faded into something much smaller, you might be glad to just cover the medical stuff and move on. It sounds like you are much more informed than most people she sees so that might have wrong footed her a bit.

Are you feeling okay, any symptoms?

I think all the questions they fire at you can be overwhelming, and bloody patronising! But she has to aak them and tick the boxes. I think your being a tad unreasonable.

i went to the hospital ticked all the boxes got my blood done got asked if we wanted certain tests because of our ethnicity, weed in a tube of i went.
I took all the blood tests because why not and refused the test for downs. There pretty open to choice etc so just call and say i don't want this test but i want this. Im surprised she came to you so early though... I cried at my 1st scan for me that was ahmaZeing! I found setting my self small mile stones made it more manageable.

Also try not to be disheartened ive met some really lovly midwives! Im 36+2 its my first and have found this pregnancy overwhelming and scary but amazing and wonderful at the same time !
Congratulations btw

Congratulations! I think what you had was pretty standard but I will say one thing...

...tell them to shove the sodding bounty pack. Bounty are an absolute menace - I've seen them inveigle their way into maternity wards and push their crap on people where there are grieving mothers, newborns (security risk) etc and push for contact details etc.

Bounty reps should not be allowed access to these areas! You do NOT need to get child benefit or any other forms from them, and you do nOT have to give them the time of day.

Rant over. Enjoy your pregnancy :)

Don't let it upset you op, booking in appt is not great and I've never seen the same midwife again who did both of mine.

I can honestly say that in my experience ante natal care is SO different to 'in labour' care. I felt very safe and looked after in labour by the lovely hospital midwives whilst the midwife I saw for my 'standard! appointments was a bit crap/disinterested.

Congratulations!

With you all the way Skipton To be honest, I think the bounty pack was the straw that broke the camel's back today. I was in disbelief after she had gone when I had seen who it was from and that she had gone through it promoting it!!!