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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Telling the parents and their reaction

42 replies

scubamum2b · 26/04/2004 17:04

Over the last 2 weekends (and over 14 hrs of driving) both sets of parents and sibling have been told of the pregnancy.

It will be our first child, yet the reaction from the parents were quiet muted. We tell them our life changing news and they just go 'ohh'. The MIL even thought that I was as my bum was bigger!! (thanks!). After all the years of 'why don't you give up your career?' 'when are you having children?' 'are you using contraception?' the MIL might have shown a little excitment.

Now we are not that close to our parents but I thought the reaction would have been better. Anyone else been disappointed with parents reaction, or amusing comments when the news was revealed?

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loujay · 26/04/2004 17:37

Congratulations!!!!
We had great reactions from all parents and then my Dad and his wife told us 4 weeks later that they were moving to Spain!!
I was and still am miffed as this is his first grandchild.
Dont worry too much about reactions at this stage, as you start getting bigger and the prospect of grandparenthood looms I am sure they will get more and more excited, then afterwards you will be beating them off with a stick!!

aloha · 26/04/2004 17:43

My mum changed the subject immediately! I was appalled. She later admitted she was a bit shocked and surprised (can't think why - I was married and everything ) BUT... she is the most devoted and besotted grandmother whoever walked the earth and looks after ds so I can work. She think the sun shines out of his every orifice and that he is the most beautiful/intelligent/extraordinary child the world has ever seen. So don't worry too much if the initial reaction isn't what you'd like - a real live baby is a very different thing to an abstract and invisible one!

Zerub · 26/04/2004 17:55

I tried to be clever - gave my mum our holiday photos to look at, and put the scan picture in the middle. But it was her first grandchild and scans didn't exist when they were having us, so she had no clue what she was looking at - looked a bit puzzled, moved on to the next picture. Was pleased when we explained though! Fairly muted but I was expecting that - they are like that.

My brother's reaction was really strange. I expected him to take the p*ss and laugh at the idea of me being a mum, but he was very quiet about it. Then a week later he announced that his wife was pregnant (they'd agreed to wait till the scan to tell everyone!).

It must be hard being a parent of grown-up kids, to be what they want (joys to come!). My parents were all subdued and I was a bit sad about that, and then we told the PILs and they were over-the-moon, couldn't stop going on about, told passing strangers about it, and that annoyed me so much! Parents can't win...

BadHair · 26/04/2004 18:03

Mine were very muted to say the least. My mum almost burst into tears as she was so worried about how we'd cope, what with us not being married and "only" living in a rented flat! She'd kind of forgotten that I was 29, had left home over 10 years before, and had been living with dp quite happily for 4 years.

Dp's parents, on the other hand, went completely and very annoyingly over the top, they were that happy.

tammybear · 26/04/2004 18:28

My mum didnt seem bothered when I told her. She just said "so?", and when we told exp's parents, his dad laughed. But all my friends were happy for me!

AussieSim · 26/04/2004 18:52

I was also not impressed by my parent's reactions. Both my mum and dad basically said "I didn't think you would ever have children" (Like my career had contraceptive side effects). My PIL were muted - v muted. All are now fabulously excited and loving grandparents. Thank God. The cutest(?) reaction was my stepfather who espoused the positive effects or Raspberry Leaf Tea - as he had used it when his dogs had pups to very good affect apparently.

princesspeahead · 26/04/2004 18:59

my mother said "oh. that is quite quick [after the wedding]. are you sure you want children already?" [no mum, you are quite right. what am I thinking of? let me get rid of it IMMEDIATELY!]

I think it was because it was 1st grandchild and it was a bit of a shock for her to think of herself as a grandmother. she is completely wonderful and doting and supportive and gaga now though. I wouldn't read anything into it!

zaphod · 26/04/2004 18:59

My Mother burst into tears when I told her no.3 was on the way...Probably because ds1 was 2, and dd was 8 months. Imagine how I dreaded telling her no5 was on the way, when no. 4 was only 6 months old.

aloha · 26/04/2004 19:03

I think my mother went into 'OMG I'm a grandma' shock too. Is immensely proud of it now. I wince to think how much she must boast about it him to her friends.

spots · 26/04/2004 19:25

My Mum was very unexcited when told. Her phone ran out of batteries just after I broke the news (on her way to work) and she didn't phone me back till 8pm. Which really confused me. I think she was overtaken by motherly concerns, to give her the benefit of the doubt, because for ages after that her 'excitement' manifested itself as anxiety... 'don't count your chickens' sort of thing which I also could have done without (being perfectly capable of anxiety all by myself)

Tinker · 26/04/2004 19:32

My mum suggested I get an abortion Then told me all the sad tales of how her sisters had been outcasts for getting pregnant and not being married. When I said that I was capable of looking afer a baby she said "Yes, but who'll look after you?"

She is now a wonderful, supportive and devoted mother and granny though.

charliecat · 26/04/2004 19:41

My mum said "gawd youll need an epidural" and that was it. I ranted for a while to myself but as I was only 17 and still under her roof I had to let it go. Now devoted Nana to two grandaughters.
Also she hated the names i picked...but didnt say a word after they were born.

sweetkitty · 26/04/2004 21:13

My mum wasn't estatic either, I'm 29 have career and been with DP 9 years. Now all I get is stories of her friends daughter who is having twins (silly me can only manage one at a time and twins are soooooo nice)and her partner with the wonderful job and the big house they have and she won't need to work after the baby is born unlike bad mother me wanting to go back to work!

Sorry am I ranting she also thought it was a boy as my ass was huge apparently! Oh how wrong she is.

prettycandles · 27/04/2004 14:18

My dad went totally silent, and a few minutes later got up and left the room. I was gutted. But then he came back with champagne! Dh's dad also went totally silent (this was over the phone), and after a few minutes there was a strangled gasp 'I'm going to be a grandad!' Altogether very satisfactory responses

My older brother's reaction was quite typical 'Thank goodness - now the pressure is off me!'

prettycandles · 27/04/2004 14:21

Mind you, we weren't married at the time, and once my mum had got over the initial shock it was all 'What will I tell all my friends? and 'How am I going to tell all my friends?'

Tell them I got assaulted by a bloody cabbage bush for all I care!

But she got over it, especially once we were married.

Lolabelle · 27/04/2004 14:34

My parents were typically calm and seemingly uninterested although i know deep down they must be thrilled as I am their first child to have a child so i will make them grandparents but a suggestion of champagne or even a hug would've been nice seeing as i am married to a man they love and have our own house and couldn't be more boringly suitable in their old fashioned minds!!

They also don't like my name choices or the fact I want to use disposable nappies as opposed to reusable towelling ones or the fact that i am going to use a recklining pushchair for my newborn as aopposed to a proper carrycot pushchair so I am done with worrying to be frank!! A hug would've been nice though...

Angeliz · 27/04/2004 14:37

My dad just kept smirking and saying,"you're 'avin us on" . Once he realised i wasn't he was over the moon and gave me a big cuddle, my mam was close to tears!!
In-laws 2b were pleased too but dp told them over the phone as they live away.

scubamum2B, sorry you feel dissapointed but give it time, i'm sure they'll be coming up with LOTS AND LOTS of advice soon

sexgoddess · 27/04/2004 14:44

My mum found out about my first pregnancy by the midwife turning up on the doorstep (she was waiting for a delivery for me) unannounced! And with number 2 because midwife couldn't find heartbeat and could not feel anything (and in the absence of any symptoms) we decided to wait until after the scan before telling anyone. Had to tell work though as needed time off for scan. A secretary in the team announced to my mum when she called me at work that morning "She's gone to the hospital for a scan". Dh's parents living in Spain were told over the telephone. I was listening to dh's side of the conversation when he told them and their response "Hows DC" (DC being a family friend who had been ill). We decided not to have any more as we didn't think they'd be able to cope with all the excitement!!!

Blackduck · 28/04/2004 09:16

Reaction? - stunned silence (had been with dp 17 years so they had kind of given up hope...). MIL to dp when he said we were having a baby 'who with?' (charming hey...). Worried themselves throughout the remaining four and a half months - now all besotted grandparents who think ds is the best thing since sliced bread....

katzguk · 28/04/2004 09:25

we tried to be clever when telling the in-laws, we were out for dinner and the conversation turned to grandchildren and my DH said 'so mum what about you do you want grandchildren?' she said 'yes sure would love grandchildren' and he said 'how about October' but she didn't notice and was too busy wondering where her vegetables fro her dinner were, once the veg had arrived Dh repeated the 'what about October for grandchildren comment and the penny finally drop where about she screamed very loudly, 'oh your pregnant'. Friends of ours across the pub who didn't know came running over and congratulated us!!!

As for my parents well we had planned to tell them just after my brothers wedding, didn't want to rain on his parade but ended up telling them sooner and not under the best circumstances so we didn't we the best reaction.

Have to say bets reactions came from friends who were over the moon

motherinferior · 28/04/2004 09:49

I dropped it oh-so-casually into the conversation ('oh, no, actually I have been quite tired because I'm expecting a baby next Feb' and my mum said 'oh. Oh my goodness. Oh, you girls never fail to amaze me'...WTF? I was 37, btw. Not exactly a slip of a thing.

wilbur · 28/04/2004 09:57

katzguk - we also had a brother's wedding in the way of telling my PILs, I was 14 weeks and beginning to show but didn't want to take any attention away from BIL and wife-to-be so I went to the wedding, sucking my stomach in all day and wore the largest hat in the world to make the rest of me look smaller. I also got a lot of comments about grandchildren from the in-laws' friends which made me laugh as they were convinced that I would not provide the first one. When we told the family the next day PIL burst into tears (bless him) but MIL got all defensive and stroppy and worried about being a grandmother (she got married v. young and so is still quite young). They then didn't call us or ask how things were going for about a month, which was upsetting, but gradually she came round to it and now she is an amazing granny, totally in love with her 3 grandchildren and really good about looking after them.

wilbur · 28/04/2004 10:05

scubamum - I think what other people have said about parents being worried sometimes muting the reaction is very true. When I told my dad I was pregnant he was really pleased, but immediately started worrying about me (it didn't help that my sis was about to drop at the time so he had two pregnant daughters to look after IYSWIM). When I told him that sis had gone into labour, he was in such a panic, possibly because he had been at both our births and so had a little experience, but once he calmed down he was so sweet. When he went to visit them the next day, he took photos of the hospital entrance and also the Labour Ward notice board! I'm sure your parents and in-laws will get mroe and more excited as the big day approaches - you never know it may lead to more closeness in your family. Congratulations, anyway!

slug · 28/04/2004 10:16

We told my parents we were getting married, then casually dropped it into the conversation that we would have to do it before October. My mother was all excited as I'd had problems with polycyctic ovaries and had told her about 10 years ago that I would probably need fertility treatment if I ever wanted children. Mainly this was a way of keeping my Catholic mother off my back on the subject of grandchildren. I've since found out that she has implied to almost all of my siblings that I had treatment (whispers of IVF) whereas in fact I did nothing more than pee on ovulation sticks. I've told her this several times, but perhaps it makes it more exciting for her and at least I'm spared the 'when are you going to have another' comment.

We took champagne around to my in laws to announce the news. We'd run out of excuses for me not drinking and thought we may as well give FIL a late 65th birthday present. MIL screamed and dropped the dinner plates. She'd given up hope of ever having a grandchild ( a fact which she drunkenly repeated ad nauseum at our wedding), and was gratifingly excited. I did catch her quietly asking dh if it was planned (yes). The next week we went round to their place for Sunday dinner and she had already knitted two pairs of booties.

ticktock · 28/04/2004 10:41

When I told my parents I was pregnant it was the worst possible timing for me, had just been through horrible time with exp and real financial problems. They both just looked at me in silence. I burst into tears and stormed off muttering "no need to look like its the worst disaster the world has ever seen". Of course they were so worried and just didn't know what to say.

Now they just adore my ds who is 16 months. I think a baby brings out the best in people. Even other relatives we're not so close to have been so kind.

Scubamum2b, I am sure you will see their enthusiasm increasing over the next months and when the gs/d arrives they will be totally besotted.

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