Telling the parents and their reaction

[scubamum2b]

Over the last 2 weekends (and over 14 hrs of driving) both sets of parents and sibling have been told of the pregnancy.

It will be our first child, yet the reaction from the parents were quiet muted. We tell them our life changing news and they just go 'ohh'. The MIL even thought that I was as my bum was bigger!! (thanks!). After all the years of 'why don't you give up your career?' 'when are you having children?' 'are you using contraception?' the MIL might have shown a little excitment.

Now we are not that close to our parents but I thought the reaction would have been better. Anyone else been disappointed with parents reaction, or amusing comments when the news was revealed?

My MIL anf FIL were over the moon as DS is their first Grandchild. MIL is one of those wonderful MILs who always knows everything, and when you tell her something she always says, 'yes I thought so'. Not this time. She was absolutely speechless and burst into tears.

Not so my parents. My brother has 3 kiddies, so I wasn't expecting them to go crazy, but we barely got a 'that's nice'. Turns out Mum was just worried about not being involved and didn't want to 'come on strong' as dday got closer they got more and more excited and Mum was actually in tears when she came to see us in hospital. I also have a career and we've been together for 10 years (I'm nearly 37) so my parents weren't expecting our news and were just a bit shocked.

Give them time... it's such awesome news it may take a while to sink in

BR

i got a told you so from both sides except my father where i got omg your mothers going to start shopping now there goes my bank balance

Scubamum,sorry your parents have been less than enthusiastic.

My MIL never mentioned my pregnancy,even when I was 6 months gone,sitting in front of her with a huge bump.She showed no interest in scan pictures or anything to do with it.I was very upset,especially as dh is her only son & we had been told we'd never have kids unless we went for IVF & we'd already lost a baby prior to this pregnancy.(DD was a little miracle).

However,once DD was born,MIL couldn't get enough of her-apparently she'd been knitting for her all along,but never said anything about it.She thinks DD is the best thing ever now & we practically have to pry dd out of her arms during visits.

Hopefully your parents will come around a bit as your pregnancy progresses & they will almost certainly once the baby arrives.

Good luck.

When PG with ds my evil MIL told my dh he was fat, stupid and irresponsible and that we neednt think she was going to do what her mother had done which was look after dh and his bro throughout their childhood!! Havent told her yet about this one!!

My father said on Monday morning when we told him about this baby 'Do you think it will be a girl??' What a silly thing to say. I am 11 weeks and of course it might be a girl.....or a boy!! He is desperate for a g-daughter as he has 4 g-sons.......no pressure then!!!

Parents......who'd have em??

sorry scubamum2b, perhaps your parents need a little time. my mother wasn't that excited, and said she come and visit a when we'd had time to settle down and the baby was about 3 months old. She came to visit the day after I came out of hospital.

any-way the rest of us are thrilled for you!!!

My father, who loves babies and have given up on having a grandchild (and on adopting another baby which he had hoped to do), was utterly over the moon. DH's parents less so; DH is 14 years younger than I am, we weren't married, and we lived on different continents. His father still grumbles that he's too young to be a grandfather, and his mother that we're too far away (of course, they moved to Papua New Guinea at about this time, so even if we were in Melbourne we wouldn't be round the corner). But mostly, they've come around.

I think it is a bit abstract sometimes too, and it takes them (and us!) a little while to get used to the idea. My MIL was very nonchalant and said, upon hearing my daughters name, "Why did you name her after an ugly eastern european town?" which makes her sound evil, but she isn't. Both my dp and I have been amazed how utterly devoted and into it she is. You will see, scubamum2b, when you actually have the babe in arms. It is lovely to see how a baby can draw love out of people.

My mil hated me since day one. dh's ex was a very prim innocent elegant thing and then along i come with my big boobs and big hair...oh dear. i was terrified of her and was waiting for her reaction when we told her our news but she changed overnight. She was all over me! didnt last though saying that, as soon as ds was born she went back to hating me and made my life as miserable as possible, treating ds like he was hers. needless to say i dont have anything to do with her now!

Like many of the other posters here, my parents didn't seem that excited when I was pg, despite the fact that ds was going to be their first grandchild (well, I did have a m/c before having him so I suppose they were worried at first). After he was born, Mum and Dad came to visit us in hospital. When we spoke on the phone beforehand, Mum made it clear that she wasn't really into babies and that she was coming to see me, not him! But as soon as she clapped eyes on him she was besotted.

My FIL wiped away a tear when we told him. A happy tear. Hasn't done a bloody thing since though, as long as the XXXXXX family line is maintained that's enough for him. Obviously doesn't realise the heir needs a clean nappy every now and then. MIL never shows any reaction really. My parents were happy but quick to point out it would have been fine if I'd decided not to have children. My brother was the best and said "oh, I must send you a card", I don't think that Hallmark yet do a "Foetus, how fabulous!" card.

Scuba mum - my parents and MIL have also been pretty uninterested. We told them about the baby at Christmas and got a polite ?Oh that?s nice? reaction. Since Christmas ? nothing. No phone calls or visits, they have never asked how I am, where I?m having the baby, names, how are the other children reacting etc. Its almost like its this rather embarrassing situation that they don?t want to mention in polite society???.oh no, they?ve been having sex again ? what will the neighbours think!!!!

BTW Dh and I ARE married, in our 30s, with 3 other children and we can afford another child (financially I mean). I?m not saying you shouldn?t have a baby if you are NOT in this situation, its just that some people have ?excused? their parents lack of interest on the basis that perhaps our parents are worried as we are not married/too young/have health problems/whatever????

To be honest I think they are pretty selfish people and unless they can see how it would directly benefit them they are not interested. I realise that after half a dozen grandchildren, the novelty probably wears off, but they could have managed a phone call in four months?????.

In case you are wondering if they will take an interest later in the pregnancy , they better hurry up, as I?m now 41 weeks! Dh is so annoyed at their reaction that he?s not going to phone them about the baby?s arrival for several days. They have shown no interest at all so far, he doesn?t want them turning up at the hospital competing for the ?grandparent of the year award? in front of the nursing staff!!!!

Isn't it funny how many people's parents react in such strange ways?
My parents (who are the most loving and doting of grandparents) gave very muted reactions to all 3 of my pregnancies. I remember with DS (my first) I told them as soon as we did the pg test and my dad said, "That's lovely, but don't be surprised if you get your period in the next few weeks." Charming ...
I think I told them too early and in reality they didn't want to know so soon ... too many worries etc ... as proved by my m/c ...
Once I had got past 12 weeks with DS and DD they kind of warmed to the idea.
PILs on the other hand ...
MIL always nicely delighted ... then is a reluctant (but loving) granny.
PIL over the moon at pregnancy ... hopeless grandfather ever ... no feelings at all towards any of his grandchildren ...
Step MIL ... always happened to be drunk when we announced our pregnancies (there's a surprise)
With DS she offered me 100 pounds if it was a boy as FIL already had 6 granddaughters and didn't want another ...
With DD she said, "You give birth to monsters, this one had better be a girl ... I will never talk to you again if it is a boy " WTF????? The woman is clearly a nutter ...

Ds1 was first grandchild on both sides after sevreal years of fertility treatment etc. We told my parents by including a scan photo in his birthday card. We arrived to take them out for a meal for his birthday, handed over the card, and then he didn't open it! Eventually we did persuade him to open it, only to find he couldn't read it because he didn't have his glasses on to read what we'd put, and in any event didn't recognise what the picture represented..... My mother eventually cottoned on, and they were both as pleased as punch - insisting on buying the cot practically then and there.

Thanks for sharing your good, bad and indifferent responses and for your support. I am amazed at that I am one amongst so many who received similar reactions

I don't see my mother as someone who will look after or spend too much time with the baby, as my sister put it she is v detached from motherhood.

In fact my SIL (just had 2nd child last Dec) was more excited than us, so I suppose she makes up for the parents. And my sisters were pleased, even if the eldest son of the one with children, grunted and managed a congratulations - so I suppose that is a good reaction from a teenager.

Lesley76 - all the best, and congrats if the little one has made an appearance by the time you read this. I was at my friend at the weekend, who is due in just over a week, so a small dose of reality there.

My parents both reacted in a pretty muted way at first but then so did dh. I think it's just shock - it takes a while to absorb such big news. They're delighted now although my mother told me that I had to have an amnio (I'm nearly 41) as she would never forgove me if I had a Downs baby! Needless to say I ignored her as nuchal scan was quite reassuring.

I asked my hubby to tell his parents over the phone as we live quite faraway and I was also travelling. On my return from working I away i phoned eagerly expecting much excitement. To my dismay i was met with my FIL saying that they were surprised, very suprised! This was not in a happy way. My MIL then came on the phone to ask was it planned!! ARGHH!
Anyhow our DS arrived and we were asked by both SIL and MIL was I disappointed that we had had a DS instead of a DD. This was our first baby and it wouldn't have mattered what the sex was.
We are now 18 months into being parents and I can only say that my PIL's adore my son! So much so that they visit for 8 weeks of the year.
I am still unsure what the issue was at the start! But it definitely took the shine off of things!

My Mum was thrilled - she burst into tears, hugged me, hugged dh, hugged Dad, hugged me again, cried some more...it was all very gratifying. My Dad sort of grunted, then carried on talking about a book he had read - he seemed a bit underwhelmed but then he is not the most emotionally artticulate man in the world!

PIL seemed completely uninterested in me and the pregnancy - I was quite upset. We went down for Christmas, ds1 was born in March, so I was quite big by then, and they didn't mention it at all. It made me question whether they had ever liked me - maybe they had thought I was just a flash in the pan (we had been together seven years!) and a baby made me more permanent. To this day I don't know why they seemed so cold towards me when I was pregnant. The weirdest thing of all was that after ds1 was born, dh turned up at the hospital with the most enormous parcel of clothes etc. that his Mum had knitted - enough to kit out three babies, including the most beautiful crocheted shawl which must have taken months to make. She must have been knitting throughout my entire pregnancy - but had not said a word to me. They also didn't come and see ds1 until he was 4 months old, which just about broke dh's heart. They live about 300 miles away, and when they did come, they didn't stay, they arrived at lunchtime, stayed about three hours, then went home again. MIL held ds1 for about two minutes, and when he started to cry she handed him back, claiming she didn't know what to do with babies (she's had three herself).

After all that though, they are now the most doting grandparents you could wish for. They adore both our sons and are lovely with them - so give it time, scubamum. I think it can be a shock for grandparents-to-be, and some take a little more time than others to adjust.