Help & advice regarding the portland hospital please

[mommyof41986]

hi my step daughter is pregnant & she would like to go private at the portland.
we live quite a way from london (Gloucestershire). are there any rules about how far away u live? if it comes to it we would relocate to london for a few weeks closer to the birth.
she would like to give birth vaginally
any advice on choosing a consultant (if needed)
anything we should know? she is 17
thank you

My advice would be to take this one step at a time ie get to the 12 week scan, then the 20, then next step looking at birth choices.

She may well either be able to get an early NHS scan due to previous miscarriage or have one done privately. That would seem to be the sensible thing to be focusing on at the moment.

FWIW, a friend of mine had a baby at 20 a few months ago. Us old codgers all thought she'd sail through pregnancy. As it happens, she develped pre-eclampsia at 32 weeks and the baby was delivered by CS then.

All well now, but a horribly difficult start for her which no-one could possibly had predicted.

Would you all really want to be away for home for 2 months? Most women are desperate to 'get home' with their new baby.

Hope that all goes well, anyway.

My SIL had her two at the Lindo Wing, st Mary's and had a very good experience there. As it is a private wing of an NHS hospital with an excellent reputation, I would go for that over the Portland.

The Portland has a neonatal and SCBU, so unless it was something they couldn't cope with, the baby would not be transferred to another hospital. The majority of the consultants also work for the NHS, a lot are from Great Ormond street hospital. The nearest hospital with a NNU would be UCLH.

Saying that, if an anaesthetist was busy the same rules would apply if you were in an NHS hospital, you may not get an epidural when you wanted it. They have emergencies the same as anywhere else.

One of the reasons I decided not to go down the private route was because of the time it would take to get to London. It wasn't so much the issue of how long it took to get somewhere in labour, but the whatifs, in case of there being something not quite right.

I choose a hospital which is about 40mins in good traffic, about an hour in peak traffic, and if there is an accident you are really screwed. I do feel this was as much as I was comfortable with and longer than a lot of women would consider.

I didn't have any problems but I did have a panic at 30weeks about reduced movements, and went to get checked. It was a LONG journey under those circumstances. It turned out to be nothing. But I do wonder what I'd have done if I'd chosen to go to London. Would I have got checked? I'm not entirely sure if I'm honest as I was reluctant enough to inconvenience DH to take me all that way and miss work. And what if there had been a problem and I'd decided not to go. Being at least reasonably close did offer reassurance and did mean I did get checked out.

This is why I do say, to really consider what going to London means. And to explore other options. You can choose which NHS hospital to go to, so you can still pick one closer but not one you've dealt with before. (This is effectively what I did). I really would try and resolve the issues you have rather than going to London if you can. Running away to London won't resolve a lot of those underlying anxieties.

I had a lot of extra support because I had a lack of trust in doctors and flagged it up as being something that was effecting me profoundly. Long term its been very beneficial and healing of old experiences.

Oh and I had a private room and DH was allowed to stay with me overnight to help me.

There are a lot more alternatives out there, then simply going private.

she doesnt just want a private labour she wants private maternity care. she is due end of september so the plan would be to relocate to london at the end of july so that she has 2 months to enjoy pg without having to travel miles whilst heavily pg and would be settled.
the father would come to london with us. he is self employed & can easily take the required time off.
had a quick look at rightmove & there are some very nice rentals for about £3000 a month short term let that are less than 3 miles from the hospital.
ppl seem to think she has anxiety issues which she does not. if this was a case of anxiety I would be getting her councilling. the issue is she has seen the nhs in a certain way & is disgusted by what she sees. she wants more for herself & the baby.
shes home now and is going to phone portland & lindo for a tour while I look into independents & wether they would be able to attend the birth at either

the issue is she has seen the nhs in a certain way & is disgusted by what she sees. she wants more for herself & the baby.

Meh whatever.

I didn't feel like that at all... you are so much better.

Do what you like, you aren't interesting in anyone else's opinion really.

As I say, I had private room, DH stayed. Exceptional care. But no you can't get that on the NHS...

The NHS isn't all bad OP.

Oh and I didn't have counselling either. I had extra support.

There's a difference.

I asked for advice on helping choosing a consultant not advice on how to change her mind.
other ladies have been really helpful with rec different hospitals & even a rec of a consultant.

u had a great experience - im happy for u.
but telling a 17yo that being fat & a teenager is possibly why she miscarried & leaving her loosing alot of blood in a&e is disgusting.
she has also seen how her baby sisters condition was passed of as 'labour swelling' until I demanded the pediatrician came to see her & it was then picked up. or how about being told to please be quite as ur distrubing other ladies while in tremendous pain to be told ur not even dilated to have the head crowning 15 mins later & almost give birth in a lift. I dont call those good experiences.
Obviously some ppl dont agree with going fully private. dont understand why though as if she went nhs shed be using ppls tax money when she could probably afford to have 10 babies privately without even noticing.
she is not too posh to push so whats the problem?

if asking if she could be seated somewhere more discreet whilst having a mc is being a brat then damn right she is.
we have never demanded anything other than a little common courtesy.
pardon me for encouraging dsd to realise her opinions & feelings count.

and yes she does know her own mind & what she wants. she wants a family to enjoy the baby years & then to focus on a cereer.
I hear of so many women (some close friends inc) that have focused on the carrer aspect & then realised its too late to have babies

Will she be continuing with a private doctor after she has given birth, if she has such a deep distrust of the NHS?

Mommyof41986 - don't rise to the MN baiting. They will only recount the positives of the NHS because in their minds it is ridiculous to go private. Of course there are lots of positive birth stories out there but for me, as I get older and know more people who have given birth, you start to realise that things can go wrong because of inexperienced or understaffed medical staff (especially at the weekend). But I doubt they know people who were left in corridors post birth (me), a mutual friend who's baby died due to undiagnosed breech, the third degree tearing and foetal incontinence, a dear friend who had her uterine artery ruptured by a junior doctor and was seconds from death...

it happens. labour wards are busy. postnatal care can be atrocious (read the threads!). I think she is in a fortunate position to be able to afford the private care. Ignore the unkind comments - there is no problem with her choice.

You asked for advice stating your distance from London and then didn't like it when people pointed out some practicalities and alternatives that you'd have to be off your head not to consider...

I don't give a fuck if she's having a CS or a VB personally. I think the too posh to push thing is a load of bollocks - but you clear DO have a problem with that from what you've just said (FWIW I had a maternal request CS so I'm just about the last person to make criticism of that).

You clearly think this is the only option which only serves more to prove the point that you haven't looked into this in much depth at all.

She has a younger sister who already has a baby?

Perhaps it is her age and weight that are causing the judging yes. Just because she is rich does not mean being a mum at 17 is a great idea.

Oh god. I had some sympathy for you until that last bollocks.

"She's not too posh to push". What a horribly judgemental way to talk about women who have sections.

Heels - I think the OP is referring to her own baby. The step-daughter's half sister. The baby is the sister, not a younger sister having a baby. I think.

piggychops
she attends the same gp practise as me. we are lucky that weve had the same gp for a number of years.
she doesnt have this huge thing about the nhs just that the are some vast failings. she also feels women arent given a hell of a lot of choice ie consultant is just handed to u, a mw delivering u is probablt a new face & has far too many other patients. whereas with private u choose the consultant, u have 1:1 care. if u turn up & theres no beds the accommodate u on the postnatal ward (certainly with the portland their pn wards are easily changed to deliver) u dont get that with nhs u have to go to another hospital which would be somewhere u possibly dont know

I wasn't intending to be inflammatory with my remark about private doctors. People can be treated badly across the whole of the NHS, not just during the birthing experience ( also they can be treated every well). I was just curious to know where the cut off point lay, if you have concerns about prejudice regarding her age and weight. The potential for prejudice doesn't stop when you get your baby home.

Cross post!

You sound way over invested in her life.

Either she's a fully grown mature woman at 17 who is capable of making plans for a baby and a life and therefore doesn't need your level of involvement, which is frankly weird (she came and told you she was planning a baby at 17?)

Or she still needs support and help and to grow up a bit, in which case you should be talking to her about the cons of teen pregnancy.

The NHS said she was fat and young? They actually said the word fat?

yes it is my youngest child I was referring to so sd younger sister.
as for the too posh to push comment this was npt meant of women who have a genuine need/want but more women like my old neighbour who thinks vaginal birth is sweaty & messey & unnecessary & above her - now shes a 40 yo brat

yes I did ask advice on distance ur right but it was if they would accept her given the distance & the answer is yes. I have no problem with ppl giving their opinions on nhs vs private care but I do have an issue with ppl verbally bashing my sd by calling her naive, a brat & goodness knows what else. shes a pregnant young lady not something to be ridiculed.

yes her weight & age may well played a part in the mc however there are far more tactful ways of doing it.

chocolatebiscuitcake I know ur right but hard to ignore comments slating my dd. shes been through enough

Just to add that I had my first child at 19 and my labour was fast, 0-7cm in one hour and my whole labour from start to finish was 4 hours. My 2nd 16 years later was 3 and a half hours, again 0-7cm in one hour. First labours can be quick :)

mommyof41986- I hope your step daughter finds a hospital and consultant she feels confident with (my consultant use to work at the Portland and she is fabulous) Last summer I also had the most dreadful experience when I was forced to use the nhs so I can totally understand her fears and wanting a better experience.

Being an expat we are very fortunate to have excellent private medical insurance and I have known many people who have flown back to the Uk to give birth at the Portland and St Marys and all have had positive experiences.

I hope your step daughter has a better experience this time whatever she decides.