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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finally pregnant! Did you really wait until 12weeks to tell everyone?

55 replies

whizzyrocket · 07/02/2015 21:11

It's taken us over a year but we've finally put a (second) bun in the oven! Hurrah! I want to shout it from the rooftops, talk it over constantly, start to plan and prepare and generally be openly happy!

Trouble is, I'm only six weeks pregnant. I know why people wait until the 12 week mark, but did you? And if you have older children (my little boy is three) when did you tell them? We live counties apart from our family so he doesn't see them enough to spill the beans.

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PrintScreen · 08/02/2015 07:18

I told those that friends who were close enough that I would want to know even if something went wrong. Good friends are there to support each other through thick and thin so I don't understand why people keep early pregnancy a secret from good friends in case of miscarriage. It's not like miscarriage is shameful. I really don't get it and it seems to be a very English thing. At my twelve week scan I was given a 1:10 chance of the baby having Downs and I was glad to be able to talk it through with close friends.

PeppermintInfusion · 08/02/2015 07:36

We ended up telling quite a few people pre-12 weeks, as it was just the way it worked out- told our parents a couple of days after we found out as we couldn't wait and knew they'd guess anyway, especially if I suddenly was refusing wine and we were due to go on holiday with mine. Then there were a few other occasions where it was easier just to say than make up an elaborate excuse for avoiding something (out for dinner with friends etc), DH then had a weekend away with his close mates and it was a rare occasion for them being all together, etc and we had a few friends we would have told anyway. It wasn't a massive secret but it was more of a case of just saying that it wasn't public knowledge to those that knew.
Saying that I didn't actually tell my boss until I was nearly 6 months pregnant (complex work situation).

BumWad · 08/02/2015 07:57

I am 18 weeks and only a couple of close friends and family know. I am not really into annoucements and fuss anyway.

I would wait.

Congratulations by the way!

ChickenMe · 08/02/2015 08:23

Congratulations
Yes I waited. Although I was desperate to tell my mum and I did tell my best friend as she is sensible. Pregnancy is loooooong and people may get on your nerves. Keep it a secret with you and your partner as long as you want. The minute we told particular relatives OMG they became possessed. Feeling hormonal and tired you may feel invaded and ratty. I do LOL. I appreciate they are excited but in my family we are more subdued so I wasnt prepared for that.
Also the scan, yes you won't want everyone celebrating if you are worrying about tests.

slightlyconfused85 · 08/02/2015 08:30

I told my mum and best friend only until 12 weeks. This is because I suffered a miscarriage just 6 weeks before I fell pregnant again and I was nervous. I am 17 weeks now, DD is 2.3 although I've told her I don't think she will properly understand until baby arrives.

m33r · 08/02/2015 08:32

I told my mum the day I got a positive 2 days before af was due. I told my bf at the same time (we'd both been having fertility tests and agreed this is what we'd do).

My auntie was very ill at the time and my mum thought that telling my gran would 'I've her something to focus on' so we told her too despite the risks that this plan could blow up in our faces.

I told my boss at 6 weeks because we're a tight team and I wanted him to be able to plan. He was brilliant but arranged cover for me very fast and it panicked me a bit in case something went wrong.

Like others I told some other friends as they were asking about our fertility testing and i didn't want to sound like we were having a tough time, getting sympathy etc when actually we were very very happy!
totally up to you I think!

Congratulations!!

CakeInMyFace · 08/02/2015 08:58

I think this is very individual. I've told my close friends and family, am 8 weeks. We thought we'd be starting ivf but it happened on its own so hard to lie. It's my second, and its taken 2 years so very excited. I personally need the support as 12 weeks a long time and these are people I would rely on if things went wrong. I know alot can go wrong but chances of things going right are still greater. Also had a private scan and all looking good.
I'm another one who struggles to understand the secrecy especially from parents. Where I'm from nobody does this so with my first I found it hard to understand. There is right or wrong its whatever is right for you OP.

CakeInMyFace · 08/02/2015 08:59

That should say no right or wrong!

WinkyOrSmiley · 08/02/2015 09:07

After first pregnancy we told immediate family immediately (yay to needing to shout from the rooftops ), but other people only after 12w scan, and dc only after 30+w.

Reason being that it's seriously shit to have to tell people about mcs, and early ones are quite likely ( been there). And young dc have no sense of time in terms of the length of a pgcy, so why put it on them?

ch1134 · 08/02/2015 09:20

I told family and friends at 12 weeks and work at 20 weeks.
I have one child and am planning a second. This time around I fear people would guess, and want to be more candid with work, so will probably tell family and friends as close to 12 weeks as possible, but earlier if they guess, and work after 12 week scan.

Jackieharris · 08/02/2015 09:21

Only tell people you'd tell about a miscarriage or difficult antenatal choices.

Only1scoop · 08/02/2015 09:26

Told dd who was almost 4 and family and friends at 14 weeks after all nuchal etc results in. Dd was over the moon with happiness.

Had MMC at 17 weeks so had to tell everyone shortly after first announcement.

Telling dd was the hardest thing in the world.

Went on to have second MMC at 9 weeks....no one knew.

Sorry to be voice of doom and gloom but I would wait as long as possible.

It's hard though when the sickness is so bad you can barely stand up.

lljkk · 08/02/2015 09:26

I told anyone I felt like telling right away. You have to be ready to talk about it, though in case bad things develop. Good luck with your exciting news. Sometimes it's fun to keep a happy secret.

LeahSmith · 08/02/2015 09:34

Congratulations!!

When my clear blue digital told us I was 1-2 weeks we planned to keep it a secret until at least 12 weeks jut to be on the safe side but I couldn't keep it a secret, I'd waited so long to get pregnant and I just wanted to shout it from the rooftops, I was bursting with excitement, I told everyone the day after we agreed not to ?? I don't think I could have waited 12 weeks! X

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 08/02/2015 10:11

Just to those who have mentioned not understanding secrecy from parents /close friends. My perspective is that I deal with that type of thing very privately. I didn't want anyone to know when I had my first mc. My parents were there when it started so they knew, but I preferred that no one else did. I didn't want supportive texts and hand holding from anyone other than DH.

It was years ago and I have mentioned it to friends since when it comes up. It isn't about shame.

So that is why no one knew with later pregnancies. Third time only parents and in laws knew to close to 20 weeks (though some local friends had started to guess they were polite enough to keep schtum ).

WrappedInABlankie · 08/02/2015 12:27

I personally haven't told anyone because it's non of their business.

You tell people who you'd want at a mc apparently. So as id want nobody it's fine

fattycow · 08/02/2015 12:46

I was 13 weeks when we told people.

dillydollydarling · 08/02/2015 13:05

Congrats! When I found out I was pregnant at nearly 4 weeks we originally planned not to tell people. We told family pretty much straight away as and when we saw them. I had to tell work sooner than I wanted as I've been really suffering with hyperemesis so have had to have time off. Apart from that, there will be no big announcement until after our 12 week scan.

The way I saw it, if I'd want them to know if something went wrong, I told them the good news.

sianihedgehog · 08/02/2015 16:33

Hell no, I didn't wait. I wanted people to talk to about all the feelings I was having. And when I lost my first pregnancy at 10.5 weeks I was SO GLAD I could talk to someone about it, and that people were able to support me.

This time around I told only one very close friend, and it was SO HARD. I had bleeding at 6 weeks and thought I was losing a second pregnancy and at the same time had friends making all kinds of comments about me not drinking. I ended up telling my very closest friends what was up at that point because they had no way of knowing that they were being hurtful and no idea why I was being such a cow. So glad I did, and wish I hadn't been sucked into the tradition of waiting until 12 weeks.

I had two scans (at 6.5 and 7.5 weeks), both healthy, and the bleeding stopped, and after seeing miscarriage stats here we told friends and family after the later scan. www.baby2see.com/medical/miscarriage.html

12 weeks isn't really a magic date, the risk of miscarriage drops throughout the first trimester. If you can't wait and really need to tell people, tell them. If you couldn't handle people knowing if you did miscarry, wait until 7 weeks or so and pay for a private scan, and then tell people maybe?

sianihedgehog · 08/02/2015 16:36

Oh, and I told work at 9 weeks because fuck everything about using precious holiday time to go to antenatal appointments when I'm entitled to time off! Would have told them earlier but my scans and booking in appointment all by chance fell on days I already had off.

Kelly1814 · 08/02/2015 16:39

I didn't tell anyone until I was 24 weeks. No one had guessed. I'd had a hideous pregnancy and nearly lost the baby many times.

GoooRooo · 08/02/2015 17:03

Congratulations OP!

In our first pregnancy we told everyone straight away. It took us five years to conceive and we were just too delighted to not share the news.

Last time we told everyone at 8 weeks. I MC at 10 weeks - baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. It was horrible but I agree with PPs that having the support of friends and family helped us.

This time we have told our closest friends and family. I'm having an early scan at 8 weeks and if that's OK we'll tell everyone else then.

It's such a personal thing though and several people have told me we should have waited until 12 weeks before we told anyone.

GoooRooo · 08/02/2015 17:07

Oh and my DS is three and we haven't told him - but he knows. He told me I had a baby in my tummy before I had realised I might be pregnant! He's now saying it's two babies - eek!

Jengnr · 08/02/2015 18:03

I can't keep secrets. I told everyone straight away more or less.

Tbh I would talk about it if the worst happened so why wouldn't I share the joy?

Brummiegirl15 · 08/02/2015 18:24

Congratulations.

Only thing I'd say is that if you want to tell people, tell people that you would tell if you needed their support if anything happened. Like your parents etc.

I've just suffered my 3rd miscarriage. Do not underestimate how hard it is to tell people you've lost your baby (again!) but if you'd rely on those people for support then absolutely tell them.

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