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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want to travel during last month of pregnancy?

30 replies

EllieQ · 02/02/2015 13:35

I'm pregnant with DC1, due late April. I assumed that most/all pregnant women wouldn't want to travel far from home and your local hospital (say over one hour) in the last month, but am I being unreasonable about this?

I am probably more anxious about this pregnancy as we'd tried for a couple of years and been told I would need IVF, then I unexpectedly got pregnant. I also have a chronic health condition (arthritis) which means I'm under consultant-led care with extra monitoring, so I want to give birth in my local hospital.

The context to this is that I had to cancel a visit to my mum because DH has an unexpected minor operation last week. This means I won't be able to visit her before the baby is born (DH recovery time, commitments inc NCT course in March, not planning to travel after late March). My sister has texted asking if I am busy every weekend up to my due date, which surprised me. It is a three-hour journey on public transport (we don't have a car), and mum can't visit me due to ill-health and v poor mobility. Sister and I have both moved away from home town, but I am closer. I feel quite upset that she thinks I would be comfortable with this, but perhaps I'm being a bit precious about it?

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Original poster

EllieQ · 02/02/2015 13:48

Should add that I will be going up to take mum to a hospital appt in a few weeks time, but as this is mid-week I will only be there for a few hours.

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TarkaTheOtter · 02/02/2015 13:53

I would (did) travel 3hrs in a car. Not sure if I would on public transport. Not because of the distance - just comfort really. If it was one easy train journey then probably. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate though.

catsofa · 02/02/2015 14:02

I'm only 28 weeks (about the same as you?) and getting quite uncomfortable on long train journeys, I need to sit with my knees wide apart like a man for one thing, and need to change positions in my seat often. Getting cramp sometimes too, and back ache.

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to say you don't want to travel in the last month. If absolutely necessary could you maybe cancel something else so you could spend the evening of the hospital appointment with her, since you're travelling then anyway? Take half a day off work to accomodate it? Or something similar if possible.

But if it's just not possible then tough luck really, stick to your guns.

KatoPotato · 02/02/2015 14:06

I was invited to training in London (from Edinburgh) a few weeks, I'll be 30 weeks by then and there's no way I'm flying or taking a train myself with luggage etc.

Lo and behold I can attend virtually, but I had to stick to my guns.

wawabear · 02/02/2015 14:10

I'm 28 weeks too and I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I'd probably cope ok with the travelling itself but then there is carrying bags, are you guaranteed a seat, what if there are delays, how far do you have to walk, how tired will you be... before you even consider going any sort of distance.

I walked about 2 miles at the weekend and was more exhausted than when i used to go for a run!

If it was a journey via car and there was a good chance you could make it back in time if something happened - then fine. Otherwise I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Nolim · 02/02/2015 14:13

Yanbu. 3 hours is too much.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 02/02/2015 14:21

I would and did travel in late pregnant but if you don't feel comfortable then it's up to you!

I went to a wedding overnight on public transport at 39 weeks (3 hours on a train). It was absolutely fine. Took my notes with me just in case!

BeCool · 02/02/2015 14:26

YANBU at all.

You don't want the stress in those last few weeks. Many women wouldn't have a problem with it, and many would. You don't have to justify your decision - what ever you want to do is the right decision.

I had to travel to another European city overnight stay at 8 months PG - even though it was taxi door to door, nice hotel etc, I hated every second of the trip.

Pisghetti · 02/02/2015 14:27

I'm 34 weeks. I have two work trips to London (about 2 hours by train) before I go on maternity leave at 36 weeks and that first weekend of leave we'll be travelling about 3 hours away to see DP's parents. I won't be travelling far from home after that trip. However I've had a straightforward, low risk pregnancy and, as DS turned up two weeks late, I can't imagine this one will want to get a wiggle on ahead of time.

I certainly wouldn't be going that far by public transport in the last month. At least if anything were to happen while I was away, DP could quickly get me to the nearest hospital.

Happilymarried155 · 02/02/2015 14:31

I travelled for 5 hours at 36 weeks and found it fine. It's all down to personal choice though, I too am quite precious about this pregnancy as it is ivf but felt comfortable with it at the time. Everyone is different x

Cornberry · 02/02/2015 15:06

Everyone is different. My cousin flew to Mauritius in her third trimester. I wouldn't contemplate travelling very far from home. I think the bottom line is that ultimately you need to feel comfortable. If it makes you anxious then don't feel pressured.

geekymommy · 02/02/2015 15:21

What are the hospitals like where your mum lives? If it's a small town far from hospitals that could provide the care you and your baby might need, I'd answer differently than if it's a major city with good hospitals.

fazool · 02/02/2015 15:29

I travelled 4 hours at 37 weeks and it was ok. Then I travelled 3 hours at 39 weeks and my waters broke when I got to the destination. We immediately drove back home and were lucky that I didn't go into labour until I got there.

It was quite exciting and an interesting story to tell. However, I'm not sure I would do it again! I talked to friends afterwards who immediately went into labour once their waters broke and had given birth within four hours. I was also glad to be able to spend the early part of labour at home rather than in a hotel room. Women labour better generally in a familiar environment, so although there are hospitals everywhere, if you feel more comfortable at home or in your local hospital, this is something to keep in mind.

bm1980 · 02/02/2015 15:36

I'm in a similar situation in that my mum booked a holiday for all of my extended family when I'll be 37 weeks! It's a five or six hour drive and we are supposed to be taking our four year old DS1 and dog too! It's to a cottage in the middle of no where so I really don't want to go but when I've voiced my concerns to my mum she has been upset as she is really looking forward to it. I'm having a straight forward pregnancy but my first was born at 39 weeks and it was a quick labour and I'd hate to be away from home and go into labour. My DH would rather we didn't go either but I feel really guilty about letting my mum down. Not sure what to do :-(

flippityflip · 02/02/2015 15:38

If you have an appointment some time before 36 weeks why not ask your consultant what they think?What about going the weekend furthest from your due date that you can currently manage?
In saying that if you are really nervous about it I don't think anyone should make you feel bad about it.

PrincessOfChina · 02/02/2015 15:43

I wouldn't be physically comfortable going more than about an hour away from home after 36 weeks. I've been struggling after long journeys since about 20 weeks though.

I actually think a train journey (with seats etc) could be more comfortable than a car journey.

geekymommy · 02/02/2015 16:06

I have turned down a couple of family reunions in a small town in Wisconsin that were scheduled close to my due dates. Fortunately, my family was reasonable about it.

JennyBlueWren · 02/02/2015 17:10

I'm 37 weeks and would happily travel 3 hours on a train if it wasn't at peak times -e.g. I had room to stretch out and could get to the toilets without climbing over people and luggage. I find trains less restrictive than cars in this respect.

But I know I'm lucky with how I'm feeling at the moment and lots of women feel much worse at this stage.
Also it would depend on what was expected when I was there. Would I have
to be sociable and busy or could I have a rest?

At the end of the day it's up to you and how you're feeling and no one else should put you under any pressure.

geekymommy · 02/02/2015 18:09

Have you told your sister that the reason why you don't want to visit is because you don't feel comfortable traveling so close to your due date? If so, what did she say? If you haven't, that might be a good first step.

Does she have kids? If she doesn't, she might just not have thought about issues with travel near your due date. This isn't something I remember thinking about before I was pregnant.

GoooRooo · 02/02/2015 18:15

My commute is just under 3 hours each way on a train and tube. I was doing it at 37 weeks - went into work on the Friday and went into labour the following Monday.

It wasn't comfortable - and I skipped the tube and got a taxi for that part for some journeys - but it was possible.

Jackieharris · 02/02/2015 18:18

Could your dsis give you a lift there and back?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 02/02/2015 18:24

Your due date is 12 weeks away? If your DH has had a minor procedure why can't you leave him to it to watch Dave all day and head up at a weekend in February? Have a nice weekend with your mum.

From about 34 weeks I'd be sticking close to home unless your consultant has said that you're at risk of early labour.

Depending on your delivery and how you get on with feeding, how well your child sleeps etc etc. It could be 12 weeks on the other side of your due date before you feel up to going to see your mum.

In the gentlest possible way, I'd suck it up and go and see her as soon as possible before you really are too tired. It's a quiet time of the year ish on the trains too so a useful opportunity to take up lots of space as a pregnant person and pretend to be asleep. But I would also tell your sister that she is going to have to step up more this year if you typically bear the lions share of visits.

MinesAPintOfTea · 02/02/2015 18:43

I would prioritise seeing family above nct. But I didn't travel in the last month of pregnancy because I felt too worn out.

Original poster

EllieQ · 02/02/2015 21:01

Thanks for the comments everyone - it's really useful to see how other people (who have been pregnant) think. My sister has two children so I wasn't sure if she was right (though I don't remember her travelling far from home in her last month).

A bit more background... Mum is in a care home, can't walk for more than a couple of steps, and has memory problems/start of dementia. During the visits we take her out for the day (DH and I hire a car while we're there), but it is hard work - dealing with the wheelchair, getting her in and out of the car, helping her go to the toilet, etc - the visits are exhausting and depressing. It is a good weekend if she's able to hold a conversation for most of the time we see her. The combination of arthritis and pregnancy means I can't manage the wheelchair on my own, so I can only visit with DH to help (he has limited use of one arm for the next few weeks until he recovers).

The train journey has one change, but if I visited in the last month DH would come with me to deal with luggage.We could hire a car and drive there, but it's not much faster (cross-Pennine route so A-roads for part of it).

My home town is a small city, which has the main hospital for the local area, but I hadn't thought about feeling relaxed while in labour - we'd be staying at mum's house which is in the process of being cleared to be sold - it's hard to see my childhood home like this. I don't think it would be relaxing, and the idea of travelling home post-birth with a newborn on public transport is scary (DH only passed his driving test recently, so hiring a car to get home isn't straightforward).

DSis can't give me a lift as she's further away - she's down south, mum's up north, and I'm in the middle! The hospital appointment is actually in a bigger city halfway between mum and I, so travelling back and staying overnight would basically mean I'd have to take two days off work.

I suppose I just feel very hurt by her comment, especially as we only cancelled the visit because of something unexpected - it's not like I'm trying to get out of visiting! But perhaps she doesn't see it that way.

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Original poster

EllieQ · 02/02/2015 21:04

I didn't include all the details about mum's health so I could see what people would do in a 'normal' situation, but it does come across as quite a drip-feed now, sorry!

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