AIBU to not want to travel during last month of pregnancy?

[EllieQ]

I'm pregnant with DC1, due late April. I assumed that most/all pregnant women wouldn't want to travel far from home and your local hospital (say over one hour) in the last month, but am I being unreasonable about this?

I am probably more anxious about this pregnancy as we'd tried for a couple of years and been told I would need IVF, then I unexpectedly got pregnant. I also have a chronic health condition (arthritis) which means I'm under consultant-led care with extra monitoring, so I want to give birth in my local hospital.

The context to this is that I had to cancel a visit to my mum because DH has an unexpected minor operation last week. This means I won't be able to visit her before the baby is born (DH recovery time, commitments inc NCT course in March, not planning to travel after late March). My sister has texted asking if I am busy every weekend up to my due date, which surprised me. It is a three-hour journey on public transport (we don't have a car), and mum can't visit me due to ill-health and v poor mobility. Sister and I have both moved away from home town, but I am closer. I feel quite upset that she thinks I would be comfortable with this, but perhaps I'm being a bit precious about it?

Did you explain the problem with your arthritis and the wheelchair? My DH has arthritis. I try to be understanding, but I don't have arthritis, and I really don't always know what is and isn't going to be a problem for him. (What is a problem for him sometimes changes, too, if the arthritis flares up, don't know if yours is like that too)

OK after your update there is no way you and your DP would be able to safely physically manage the care she will need if you take her out, there is far too much risk of injury to all three of you!

Doesn't matter what your sister thinks you should be able to do, just tell her you won't be doing it.

I was fine and travelled to the last week. But if I'd had any doubts then j would not have done.

That all sounds difficult and it's not helped by your sister being somewhat pushy about her expectations of you to be frank. It's not your role in life to ensure that your Mum has days out of the care home to the detriment of your own health.

So this is what I would do in your shoes.

You are already travelling to support her at her hospital treatment which is great. An ambulance will presumably take her there and collect her but it will be confusing for her given her medical condition and it sounds unlikely that the nursing home will send someone all day. My mum used to do this but she was a nurse attached to a general hospital rather than a home.

If possible, I'd try to schedule a follow up visit to see her by public transport and visit her at the home for the day with or without DH. The staff will be on hand to deal with her physical needs and it is then more of a question of trying to do something nice with her on-site? Bring a nice picnic afternoon tea or plan to do something that she will enjoy like watch an old film on a laptop or play cards or similar.

Your sister should plan to visit during your final 6-8 weeks and again after the birth [presume she will want to visit you anyway so two birds and all that]

I think you and your sister need to have a discussion about moving your mum to a home near one of you if at all possible sooner rather than later. Even if you buy a car etc, she will still be 1.5hr-2hrs away by car?

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I'm also a high risk/consultant-led pregnancy and I'm planning my last (long) trip for early May when I will be about 32 weeks. I may feel fine after this point (in my last pregnancy I certainly did), but I'm not taking the risk of labouring away from my consultant, who knows me - and who will be there at delivery.

I agree with a PP that it may be worth viewing care homes nearer to both of you to reduce the strain of visiting.