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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Has any one given birth alone and how was it?

45 replies

KaziB01 · 29/01/2015 10:06

I am 34 weeks pregnant with my first child and will be looking at doing this alone.

My partner walked out suddenly in November when I was five months pregnant and has been little or no help since as it becoming increasingly difficult and disinterested the nearer I get.

My mother is a carer for my ill father who also suffers from dementia and so really needs to be around for him and my best friend has a newborn of her own and so cannot be there.

I did look into using a trainee doula (which is a much cheaper option than a trained one) but the one that I had met with is no longer able to support me and I have scrapped that idea for financial reasons.

I guess I am quite scared but then again I think lots of people are scared even if they have a loving partner there looking after them. I have had quite a difficult pregnancy apart from the emotional turmoil and having to deal with everything alone I am also suffering from SPD. I guess I would just like some reassurance that it will be ok despite going though it alone and some practical advice like how to get to hospital, can I drive myself if it is early enough along? The hospital is quite far so I am concerned about cab fare and there are roads about a 10-15 minute walk away where parking is free which is what I have been doing for the scan appointments. So if I could drive I could walk from there.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

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OhMjh · 29/01/2015 10:10

My heart goes out to you, it really does
Do you not have any friends close by who would be willing to come? Where abouts do you live?

As for driving, I wouldn't recommend it; labour is painful and nothing can prepare you for it. You don't know how you're going to feel in the midst of it and I just don't think it's worth the risk. Have you spoken to your midwife? As far as I know, hospitals sometimes do an ambulance car pick up service which may be worth looking into. Also, home birth as an option maybe?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 29/01/2015 10:12

That sounds really difficult, although fwiw I think the actual giving birth bit may in some ways be easier if you're on your own - no-one else to think about, you can just go into yourself and focus on the baby.

However, I'm worried about the early stages of labour/getting to the hospital bit and I think this is something you really do need to discuss with your mw. For eg, round here the hospital quite often sends you home if you go in 'too early' but that clearly would be an awful option for you - you can't do a walk twice! Maybe their could be transport arranged by the hospital? Have you considered a home birth, where the midwife comes to you?

There will be options - have you discussed any of this with your mw?

Teaching123 · 29/01/2015 10:12

I left my partner 2 months after my DD was born and coped fine, after an awful pregnancy, it's not easy but there are some really rewarding things about being a single parent. My DD and I have the most amazing bond, that I'm certain we wouldn't have in different circumstances. So, first of all, you will be ok and will manage this absolutely.

When it comes to giving birth, I'm pregnant with my second and am not with the Dad. I've asked one of my friends to be there when I give birth, she was actually really touched about it. Is there anyone you could ask at all?

Koalafications · 29/01/2015 10:19

Do you have any brothers, sisters, aunts and who you could call on if you started to labour and you wanted some support?

SoupDragon · 29/01/2015 10:21

I gave birth to DD at home with just one midwife present, although my mum was in the room next door. It was lovely. :)

I think that if you are able to drive yourself to hospital, you are too early in labour to be there so you will need a plan for that. I think cab can be reluctant to take a woman in labour to the hospital so you would be wise to check that with the company first.

expatinscotland · 29/01/2015 10:22

I did. It was fine. No, no friends or family near (he was born at 4am), we had two young children and no one to sit for them. Hospital over an hour away. DH stayed with the children and I went alone.

badgerknowsbest · 29/01/2015 10:27

My dp was sent home when I was in labour - 40 mins later my dd put her appearance in so I was on my own, it really didnt bother me I felt more able to focus and to be fair doubt I would have noticed if a marching band had marched through the room.

I wouldn't stress it op - easier said than done when your due date is approaching though! Best of luck.

Original poster

KaziB01 · 29/01/2015 10:33

No siblings or Aunts etc just my mum who is my dad's carer.

I havent spoken to the midwife as i haven't seen her for months, Ive had some appointments with the DR and then some with the consultant rather than midwife as my blog pressure has been high and low baby movement so they want to keep an eye on me.

I can ask about an ambulance, i didn't think about that as seems a bit extreme but yes it would be a bit of a pickle to be able to drive there to be turned away.

Home birth not really an option, i am currently in a makeshift bedroom at my fathers unused living room (as he is unable to move very much and does not use that room) until i manage to sort out a place to live, hopefully before the baby is born. I have a mattress on the floor so not ideal for birthing lol plus my dad is very ill and has dementia so really not ideal. (i cant even get a hospital bag together lol as all my stuff packed in black bin bags stored at my mums until i get a place sorted) packing up a place whilst 8 moths pregnant with SPD with no help was not ideal either and i will have to do it again at 9 months if place gets sorted so i kind of figure how much worse can it get.

I haven't really got any friends to ask, you do really realise who are real friends at times like these and i have two that i can rely on but one has a newborn and the other is away until April so sadly neither an option to help with birth.

OP posts:

Tia2005 · 29/01/2015 10:33

My partner left when I found out I was pregnant I did it alone it was fine , my daughter is now 9 Ive loved every minute of it I've had family to help out , I met my current partner 2 years ago I'm now 6 weeks pregnant with his first Child , I find it hard having someone there for me as I'm used to doing it alone .im sure you will be fine x

Original poster

KaziB01 · 29/01/2015 10:36

Thanks Guys

Good to know people do it alone, I guess I will be ok once at the hospital its the hours before and getting there that concern me at the moment.

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Original poster

KaziB01 · 29/01/2015 10:41

Hi Tia

That's lovely to hear, I am an older mum to be at 37 so feel more as though this was it for me and cant see me finding love at my age with a baby lol

I had thought i had finally found the love of my life but sadly he has turned out to be the worst I'd ever known and I have known a lot of awful guys lol

OP posts:

Notso · 29/01/2015 10:59

I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time.

I would certainly get in touch with your midwife, tell her everything. If she doesn't help you then ask to speak to another one.

Could you get in touch with Social Services to help provide additional care for your Dad so your Mum could be there for you?
My parents were able to do this for my Grandpa when my Mum who was his carer broke her leg.

Original poster

KaziB01 · 29/01/2015 11:10

Hi Notso

my dad is not good with strangers, id prefer for me to be in distress than him x

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 29/01/2015 11:15

Can our dad be left alone long enough for your mum to take you to hospital and leave you there?

SoupDragon · 29/01/2015 11:15

Your dad, obviously, not ours :)

Notso · 29/01/2015 11:19

I see, it was just a thought. It must be tough on your Mum too.

starlord · 29/01/2015 11:29

I left my partner when I was 3 months pg and gave birth alone as I was estranged from my family as well, and had no friends in a position to help. I hadn't learned to drive so I just took a bus to the hospital (was also skint and couldn't consider the cost of a taxi), and I took a bus home. It was all fine, although the hospital staff weren't too happy about me travelling home alone but not much they could do. The giving birth was fine on my own, in fact I think it probably went much better than I hear of others with unhelpful family/partners around, and I just got on with it. The staff were kind and I was given a private room which was lovely.

I've heard about being sent home if you arrive too early, and I think I probably would have been sent home if I'd had a partner, as I was quite early on in labour (didn't realise it at the time), but I suspect the hospital staff felt sorry for me. This was a good few years ago though and I'm sure hospitals are more stretched these days.

Original poster

KaziB01 · 29/01/2015 11:34

ha ha yes i got you meant mine Soup ;) - my mum doesn't drive and would have to get to me which is an hours journey for her so not so easy.

Hi Starload that sounds simply amazing of you and it must have been tough!!! I'm not that close to hospital anymore so would involve three buses or a walk and two trains.

I may have to look into putting money aside for a cab, have had a quote at £40!! Plus i need to get home again lol

OP posts:

Onceuponatimetherewas · 29/01/2015 11:40

I think you should look into the ambulance option in advance. They do take pregnant women into hospital if they really need to. And then explain the problem if they try to send you home, and hopefully they will let you wait around. They did this for me, after saying that I might as well go home, when I insisted on staying. They had got it completely wrong - the baby was born very shortly after my arrival!

Swanny84 · 29/01/2015 11:41

Awwww I can't imagine what your going through.
I'm sure your mam and best friend would love to be there and their situations are difficult but mention to them how worried you are and see what they suggest.
If I was your best friend, I would want to be there and no doubt she could get baby minded, she's got 6 weeks (if on time) to plan, express milk etc. Same with your mam, she might already have something in mind for your dad so she can be with you.
I don't mean to sound like I live in a bubble I just think you should speak to them both rather than worry for the next 6 weeks. Hopefully you'll have an amazingly quick labour where you don't care who's there but me personally I wanted a friendly face. I wouldn't bath or go to toilet until someone was there watching baby with my first as I was so anxious of leaving her. Good luck

rascalrae · 29/01/2015 12:03

I wonder if there are any charities or timebanks for single parents/vulnerable women in your local area who might be able to help, such as Gingerbread. Might be a bit scary but there are some amazingly kind volunteers who might offer to help with transport, if not helping with the actual birth like a doula. You've got a bit of time to try find someone & get to know them.

Really hope you can find some solutions. Wish you all the best x

Original poster

KaziB01 · 29/01/2015 12:04

Hi Swanny

I have vaguely looked around it but not really an option and i wouldn't want to guilt trip them into it xx

OP posts:

Swanny84 · 29/01/2015 12:29

Aww bless Ya. Good luck with everything x

sunshineandshowers · 29/01/2015 12:50

Where are you? I'll take you x

Original poster

KaziB01 · 29/01/2015 12:54

bless you sunshine very kind xx

I may look into the cab option and put aside money now if i can

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