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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

No nasty comments please - I'm 29 weeks pregnant :(

72 replies

Shivz123 · 08/01/2015 22:23

I just found out I'm 29weeks pregnant and don't know how to tell my boyfriend of 5 years, His dad is terminally ill and doctors said he probably won't see the end of January, I don't want to side track him and have him worrying about a baby when he should be spending all the time he can with his dad. However, I know he would never forgive me if his dad passed away not knowing his grandchild was in the way. My boyfriend will have no family left (only child and mum passed away when he was 16). We are both 21. Please no hate, I just don't know what to do ??????????

OP posts:

Giantbabymama · 09/01/2015 21:03

Hi OP, I was already pregnant when my mum died last year but didn't find out until 12 days after she died as it was very early days. I do wish she had known but it is a bit if a comfort to me to know that the baby technically existed before she passed away, so if your FIL is still compos mentis, I am sure he will be pleased.

One thing I would say is while docs can give quite a good prediction of how long someone will live, they're not always accurate. Ie with my mum, they said 2-4 weeks, when she actually lived about 5. A week may not sound like much but it can make a hell if a difference in that situation so it may be that FIL has more time than you think.

I am sure your partner will feel a bit torn as he perhaps won't be able to be with you as much as he would like in the circumstances, and even if he is a bit shocked originally, he will hopefully see what a great thing the baby will be for both of you. My situation is different as I am the Mum and I have known I was pregnant since about 5 weeks, but I am so glad it happened as it has given me something positive to focus on in the aftermath of losing my Mum. Hopefully your partner will be the same. Please try not to worry about funeral costs and baby gear, I can see people are rallying around already for you on MN, and my friends and family certainly have with me, particularly my friends with kids who have baby stuff they want rid of. The only things we have had to buy new are pram, very cheap changing table from IKEA, a few clothes for baby and mat clothes for me, nappies etc, everything else has been secondhand or given to us. So I would say don't be proud, accept help offered if you need it and while you need to be there for your partner, focus on the baby too. Congratulations!

Original poster

Shivz123 · 09/01/2015 21:03

I meant primark!

On a more serious note though Kristoffer said he knows he will be out most nights taken care of his dad and he appreciates I won't be able to exhaust myself like I have been doing recently but he will try his hardest to be there for me equally, it's stressful times but first priority is him being there for his dad, if needs be ill do as much for baba as I can myself

Xxxxx

OP posts:

Giantbabymama · 09/01/2015 21:08

Sorry I cross posted. Glad things are OK! Look after yourself.

ghostspirit · 09/01/2015 21:08

aww bless you shivz how you kept it hidden for 29 weeks i dont know. im 24 weeks and quite big and lots of kicks. its very sad for your boyfriends father. but it also sounds like you have made him so so happy. knowing that his son has a little family of his own and someone to love that is part of him. sending all of you lots of hugs xxx

Original poster

Shivz123 · 09/01/2015 21:14

Thank you so much giantbabymama! I wanted to reply to each individual post but I have been so busy!

Can I ask when everyone started to show :S I don't have any pregnancy signs at all! I went to the doctor with a bad virus and repeated stomach cramps. They took bloods and woola!

I know people who looked like they were about to pop by the time they reached my stage, I've went from a size 18 to a size 16 which are loose but I'm too big for a 14.

Thanks again you wonderful girls xxxx

OP posts:

Original poster

Shivz123 · 09/01/2015 21:16

Ghost spirit I kept it that hidden I didn't know myself! We both thought with my period being hideously irregular there was not a hope in hell to have a child just now xxx

OP posts:

SummerSazz · 09/01/2015 21:17

Are any of his dad's names ones you would consider for first or middle names or derivatives/female equivalents?
It sounds like he is chuffed already but that might be the icing on the cake for him and dp (albeit same first name might be a bit too close)
Congrats and good luck!

Original poster

Shivz123 · 09/01/2015 21:21

I've already decided that his dad's name will definitely be in our child's name someway or another!

OP posts:

ajandjjmum · 09/01/2015 21:22

Congratulations on your happy news - and well done are giving your boyfriend the freedom he needs to care for his Dad at the moment. It can't be easy, but you've got a lifetime to share your family together.

Do you have a scan planned? Just thought it might be nice for you to know whether it's a boy or girl, so that you can share the news, chat about names etc.

My brother and his then girlfriend were in the final stages of planning their wedding when my Dad died. It made it a nicer wedding knowing that Dad had known where it was being held, the colour of the bridesmaid's dressses etc., although he wasn't there.

Sparkly1234 · 09/01/2015 21:57

So glad it went well telling your bf. That's lovely his dad is so happy, his dad will have been worrying about his son after he is gone as well and it will be a comfort to know he has you and a little one on the way. Everything happens for a reason and at least his dad knows. My mum died a few years ago so didn't get to tell her I am pregnant.
Regarding getting ready for the baby I wouldn't worry too much yet, as you don't need loads like everyone else has said and you can get everything near the end if needed. I am 32 weeks and not got everything yet including a pram as we have in the process of doing up a house and will be moving before the baby comes so don't have time to shop for baby things, so will have to sort later on. xx

blackwidow74 · 09/01/2015 22:27

Great news that it's now out there and you yourself have the support you need ... With regards to baby's stuff check out freebay/freecycle/freebies on Gumtree ... Some great stuff often is given away and is barely used ... friends and family will often come up with stuff if they know you need it so dont be afraid to make a 'list' of things you need and see if anyone knows anyone selling cheap or giving away :)

M27J5M · 10/01/2015 11:08

Asda have a baby event starting on the 19th of jan and have loads of stuff on offer, I'm raging as I've already bought everything and could have got a lot of it cheaper :/ ah well!

Sorry to hear of your partners dad but congratulations on your new adventure as mummy and daddy

madwomanacrosstheroad · 10/01/2015 11:53

I would stay well clear of Asda car seats though. They get shocking independent safety ratings and in the past they had to recall some because they were so bad.

ticktactoegivemeago · 10/01/2015 12:39

Congratulations!!!

Aldi's nappies and wipes are very good value if you have one near you?

Using your partners dad's name is lovely. Our baby girl has my father in laws name as a middle name and our baby boy is going to be named after him.

Get packing your hospital bag within the next few weeks. I'm due any day and mines still not finished

ticktactoegivemeago · 10/01/2015 12:41

Also if you have a scan planned which I'm assuming should be asap you could have one of the pics framed in a 'Grandad' frame as a little present for your partners dad.

dorasee · 10/01/2015 12:51

One soul departs and a new one enters life. What a beautiful if shocking blessing. :-) Congratulations!! Be prepared for the typical blokey response. He probably will be a bit funky and weird about it...it's what guys do when they're taken aback. My hubby threw a wobbly and a half when he found out I was preggo with DC3. But they quickly and I mean very quickly get quite excited about having this beautiful little angel. I look at my hubby with our youngest and he is like butter...a dad in love. Tell your fella. Yes he will be shocked, just as you were, but he'll get there. What great joy for you all...and a grandchild to be for your terminally ill father in law.

Shockers · 10/01/2015 14:27

Shivz, I can't find where to PM you from my phone for some reason, but I have something I think you might be able to use. Could you PM me, as I may be able to reply and tell you that way.

EBearhug · 11/01/2015 09:58

If you're on your phone, at the bottom of each post, there are three dots. Clicking them gives a pop-up menu, which includes the PM option.

Shockers · 11/01/2015 10:28

Thank you!

Original poster

Shivz123 · 11/01/2015 17:15

Sorry for late reply girls been a little busy the last few days. Just wanting to say again thank you so much for all the lovely replies, family has pulled together and offering to buy us all sorts.

Feel a tad awkward about accepting as usually I have no money worries atall however as most you will know money's tights with upcoming funerals cost etc so needs must I pupose!

Xxxxxx

OP posts:

EBearhug · 11/01/2015 18:21

It's probably not just about money, Shivz - people like to know they're being helpful. They'll have some idea of what you're going through with your boyfriend's Dad, and there's not much they can do there - but helping you prepare for the baby is something they can do. Let them be part of things, and let them take some of the hassle of having to go round shops and so on!

(I am totally rubbish at asking for and accepting help myself, mind you!)

anyothergirl · 13/01/2015 04:37

I am finding this thread so emotional! Probably because I'm pregnant too, just wanted to wish you all the best with your pregnancy. I hope your baby brings you both joy and healing. Something in my eye...

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