No nasty comments please - I'm 29 weeks pregnant :(

[Shivz123]

I just found out I'm 29weeks pregnant and don't know how to tell my boyfriend of 5 years, His dad is terminally ill and doctors said he probably won't see the end of January, I don't want to side track him and have him worrying about a baby when he should be spending all the time he can with his dad. However, I know he would never forgive me if his dad passed away not knowing his grandchild was in the way. My boyfriend will have no family left (only child and mum passed away when he was 16). We are both 21. Please no hate, I just don't know what to do ??????????

Thank you fairanuff!

I think I will just need to tell him and whatever the reaction accept it and let him deal with the news in his own way as I know that eventually he will get excited.

I really don't want to hurt his dad either as knowing your going to pass away in a few weeks in not sooner must be so heartbreaking .

I mean everyday that I have known I have done nothing but stress and feel sorry for the man, God knows how he is feeling himself xxxxx

*to tell, not total!

Fairenuff said it better than me

Thank you karinmaria.

So going what what you have said I think we already have the money that would organise majority of the funeral and I get paid again on 23rd.

What are the definite must haves that you need for baby coming home?

Knowing that we already have a fair bit savings and going by the price you have said has by fair not made me happy but definitely made me see a tiny bit of light at the end of the tunnel! Xxxxx

Good luck!
Definite first must-haves for a baby:
Moses basket and a few sheets for it
Couple of packs of babygros
Couple of packs of vests
Few cellular blankets
Nappies and wipes or cotton wool
Few bibs and muslins (probably not completely necessary really)
Bottles and steriliser if you're going to bottle feed (unnecessary if you're going to breastfeed). FWIW I switched to bottle feeding after a month and only got the gear then, I managed fine with just my boobs at first!
Something to bring baby home in - borrow a car seat if you don't have a car. Sling or pram for getting about. I strongly suggest a sling - cheaper and sooo useful.
That's it I think. Unless I've missed something obvious.
Ask around - I didn't pay for hardly anything when DD was born, I was given literally tons of stuff. I think I spent £100 in total before she was born and I was fully kitted out.
Good luck tonight!

I would tell him im 22 wks with our second child and we were hoping to introduce him to his grandfather and couldn't coz he passed before we found out im sure ur partner will be over joked and hey 11 wks left thats not very long xx
Good luck

Congratulations!!

I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriends Dad. It would be a rare man who would not be pleased to hear his son had a baby on the way, knowing you'll be a little family.

Your boyfriend might react badly initially as he's so emotional right now, he might not have the 'space' in his head to deal with it that well, on the other hand he might just be incredibly thrilled immediately.

Babies need your boobs and some nappies. Sod all else. You can pick up really, really good bundles on ebay very very cheaply. There's absolutely nothing wrong with second hand for babies. One poster picked up a bundle for £150 that included a bassinet, pram, cot, swing, bouncer and bags and bags of clothes!

Try not to worry about money OP - babies don't need very much and you can buy so much stuff second hand or from budget supermarkets these days.

For example you could do:

Moses basket/crib for baby to sleep in - second hand off eBay (buy a new mattress from Mothercare though)

Nappies, cotton wool and wipes - aldi or Asda do good cheap ones

A few packs of vests and babygrows - primark and Asda do nice cheap ones

A cot for when baby is bigger - ikea do cheap ones or I am sure you could get a second hand one off eBay. Make sure u buy a new mattress though.

A few toys/rattles/books - look in charity shops, church bazaars etc for these and just give them a good clean/wash when you get home.

If you bf you just need boobs for the first 6 months! If you end up FF you will need to buy a pack of bottles and some formula and a steriliser. You can probably buy a steam steriliser cheap off eBay too.

Car seat if you have a car.

Buggy off eBay.

Some sheets and blankets for the crib - primark or Asda again good for this.

And that's pretty much it!

Good luck and congratulations. What a blessing.

I agree. Babies don't need half the gubbins that people buy for them.

You do need to tell your employer and sort out your leaving date/maternity leave ASAP though.

If the cost of the funeral is a worry, could you ring a local director and ask if there is any way of spreading the cost? I know it's probably something you don't want to think about, or discuss with your DP, but it would be one less worry and leave your mind free to concentrate on making his dad's last few weeks as comfortable as possible.

I think your baby will be a blessing to all three of you.

Hey OP what a shock! There's a poster on my antenatal November board who found out she was pregnant at a similar stage. Her name is arkkorox (not sure I got spelling right!) I will let her know about this thread she will have some wise words I'm sure - they are all doing great now. Good luck !!!

Hi
Everyone has given generally great advice so I won't repeat. However, on the off chance that you are located in or nearish Nottingham, we have a small crib (ds fit in it until he was about 5 months old) that we want to clear out before we move house in a couple of months, which you'd be welcome to have if you could collect.
Good luck!

you could buy and buy, but just get what you need for right now. It is very easy to get caught up in the gadgets side of things.

My biggest tip would be, do get formula in and bottles/steriliser, just in case you can't breastfeed.

for you.
couple packs of big pants, black if possible.
get to primark for cheap nightwear, soft socks, comfy fleece tops for night feeds.
sanitary pads, lots of.

xx

You don't need that much for a new baby and once people know you are pregnant you LL be offers lots of stuff by other people. The only thing I d consider buying new is a car seat and I d go for maxi cosi or britax as they get the best safety ratings. Problem with 2nd hand car seats is that you don't always know their full history. Charity shops are great for prams and clothes.

If no other issues apart from dying father, then surely news of a baby will surely be a lovely little ray of light, after the initial surprise.

Wow, just wanted to say good luck op!! and congratulations on your pregnancy, and sorry that you're going through a tough time.

We (me in particular) were very close to our lovely FIL who was diagnosed with leukemia when I was about 9 weeks pregnant.

We lived a flight away and went to see him in hospital before he moved to the hospice. It was lovely, he talked to my bump and we left a scan photo with him.

I didn't make it to the funeral because I was on hospital bed rest for quite a while but I am so pleased we saw him, I was probably closer to him than any other family member (mine or DH's).

Congratulations by the way.

Hi again Shivz - the cost of the funeral arrangements can often be spread if you speak to the undertakers/funeral directors.

I think the basic baby stuff has been covered by others, but I remember the following for funeral stuff:
Undertaking services
Burial plot (may already have one next to boyfriend's mum)
Coffin (plus urn for ashes of being cremated)
Cremation/church service
Wake
Order of service prints plus invites/death notices to people attending (what are these called in English - were Dutch and call them Rauwkaarten)

The undertakers etc can be paid afterwards as they send or give you an invoice. Often can be paid in agreed instalments. The wake/catering usually is paid on the day.

Hope this helps - try not to worry too much as you still have 2 months till the baby comes. Online shopping and eBay will be your friends!

One thing though - visit Mothercare and John Lewis to try out prams, even if you plan on buying second hand. They vary so much and you can try out the folds etc.

Hey OP

Congratulations! I know it's scary finding out so late, moggle directed me here as I found out at 35 weeks! You'll be fine, honestly. My grandma died 9 days before my due date and as I lived with her it was massively stressful but it's all working out okay. I have a thread on here that you can have a read through if you want, I'll try and link it when I'm on my laptop cause the support and advice I got was incredible but it's titled very scared. My little girl is now a month old and the help I got from this lot was just brilliant.

Even if your boyfriend freaks out he will come round, and everyone's right you don't need half the stuff people say you do for babies! Mine went AWOL for a couple of days and it took him a good few weeks to really come to terms with it all but he just adores our baby and the last couple of weeks of pregnancy he was talking to bump etc. he will come round just give him space if he needs it.

Please feel free to send me a message if you want to chat more, I know it's scary but being a mum is the best thing ever xx

What region are you in OP? I have something that could be of use to you for the baby.

Hi

Sorry you are going through this. I can completely relate. Good luck this evening. Be strong and just say what you say here. You clearly love you boyfriend a lot.

You seem to be worrying about the cost of the funeral, my mum died a couple of months ago and we had a service and a cremation with beautiful flowers, plus wake for 70 people. It came in at about £3000. I think. I don't know if that helps take some worry off or piles it on! Just thought you might like an idea as you mention the cost anxiety and not knowing a few times.

Oh, you poor things. This must be hard for you and your partner BUT you BOTH have a baby on the way now and he has a right to know. 11 weeks is not a long way away, the baby will be here before you know it. Tell him, I'm sure it will bring a little happiness and something for your partner to look forward to. A baby is such a special thing, they have a remarkable way putting back together all the hurt and pain that exists within a family.

Good Luck with the pregnancy xxxx

Are you telling him tonight? Im sure he will be shocked but it's suck lovely news for you both.

Let us know how you get on

Congratulations and I hope he takes the news well

If you're in the UK, contact your local Childrens Centre - your midwife will be able to put you in touch or just google Childrens Centre and your town name. They will be able to help you out with basics if you're on a low income and struggling, have lovely staff and usually run or know of local young mums groups for a bit of extra support.

You will need:
A car seat
Somewhere for the baby to sleep - moses basket, crib or make your bed safe
Clothes for the baby
Nappies - if you want to go for reusables (cheaper in the long run) there are nappy libraries who can loan you some, many have schemes to support people on a low income.
Accessories for whichever feeding method you choose - breast pads and properly fitted bras if you breast feed, bottles and sterilising equipment if you use formula. Breastfeeding is significantly cheaper
Transport - a pushchair or a sling or both. Look for a sling meet www.slingpages.co.uk/ locally and you should be able to hire one
Maternity pads and BIG pants for them to go in
Comfortable, loose clothing for both maternity wear and for several weeks or months after the birth while your body adjusts to your changing shape

Hey girls ,

Thought I would give you all a quick update, I've told my boyfriend!!!

At first his initial reaction was shock and fear of what to do but after about 5 minutes he jumped up and walked out, I was devastated....

His dad then phones crying down the phone with joy and said he can now die a happy man and was so greatful I have gave my boyfriend a family once he goes.

I'm so emotional right now, one minute am scared then excited then feeling guilty (about being happy) and cry for no reason what so ever!

We have also told my mum and stepdad which they were over the moon, my mum gave us 250 pound and told us to get out shopping and buy as much as we can tonight at our local asda and she will go to primary tomorrow.

I can't believe how scared I was last night honestly, I should have known everything would be okay.

To add to the recommendations for buying things for baby. I recommend looking at second hand sales and any specialist charity shops. I've only spent £200 so far and have bought almost everything. Got all the clothes I (think) I need for less than £10 including some designer clothes!