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Original poster

Should I find out the sex at my 21 week scan?

35 replies

chickenwings · 12/10/2006 22:32

Feeling very indecisive about whether or not to find out the sex of the baby at my scan. I already have two boys (but did not find out beforehand in either case). I am not desperate for a girl, but obviously it would be a bonus. My husband is against the idea but my two boys really want to find out. The younger of them is finding it hard to come to terms with the fact he won't be the baby anymore and I wonder if finding out the sex would help him?

No matter what, I am happy to be pregnant and just want a healthy baby. Just wondered what others have done.

I remember getting rather a shock when number 2 turned out to be a boy when I was convinced he was going to be a girl!

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CarolinahowlingattheMoon · 12/10/2006 22:35

'obviously it would be a bonus'??

noooooo

re your boys, what if the scan isn't conclusive? or the sonographer turns out to be wrong? - would they be able to deal with that ok?

SherlockLGJ · 12/10/2006 22:37

NO

It is the last surprise left in the world, rumour has it, there is no tooth fairy, no Easter Bunny, and no ............well words fail me.

so in answer to your ? NO

Rodeo · 12/10/2006 22:58

I found out with my number 1 & 4 (and kept my middle 2 a surprise)
My first dd (who I knew was a girl) died not long after birth, so I was a bit anxious during 2nd pg I'd feel sad if it was a boy (sorry if that sounds harsh) but it was a girl. 3rd pg - was sure I was having another girl but to my shock it was my lovely boy
Found out with number 4 (couldn't cope with the suspence TBH!) Even though I would have been over the moon with either sex, knowing she was a girl really helped me bond and visualise the future
I suppose you like surprises or you don't (I don't really!) But it definitely didn't spoil it for us (although we kept it from everyone else - apart from my sister - and nobody knows to this day we found out!)

SherlockLGJ · 12/10/2006 23:51

We do.

MKG · 12/10/2006 23:58

The way that I think about it is that the tech that does the scan will know, and I could never live with the fact that someone else knows and I don't.

brimfull · 13/10/2006 00:04

No ,keep the surprise element ,I wish I had .

Make sure you don't look too carefully at the ultrasound screen ,I could tell straight away it was going to be a boy.I was delighted of course but wanted it to be a surprise.

lockets · 13/10/2006 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lact8HisLiverWithANiceChianti · 13/10/2006 00:26

I asked them to do that lockets and they refused. I wanted to know as I had 2 boys (didn't find out with them) already and for purely practical reasons of should I keep all of DS2's baby stuff or pass it on and start buying girl's stuff in the sales.

I also wanted to know because a girl would mean converting our loft and didn't want to try and do that with a new baby.

I cried my eyes out when she wouldn't tell me. I ended up paying for a private scan.

They told us it was a girl and then gave us a close up scan photo of her bits as proof.

Whoowhoobewhooooooh · 13/10/2006 11:55

Finding out I was pregnant was (a lovely) surprise enough.

I should be finding out in a couple of weeks. I want to be able to name my LO before he/she's born.

Original poster
chickenwings · 13/10/2006 12:16

Wow, people have such strong views. I like the idea of getting it written down and put in a sealed envelope but could probably not resist the temptation to open it.

I think I will keep it a surprise ... (give me strength!!)

OP posts:
LieselVonTrappDoor · 13/10/2006 12:45

I had an amnio (not for that reason) and its 100% conclusive. I found out she was a girl but told no-one. Im glad I did and will do it again.

Plumpbump · 13/10/2006 13:17

We're not allowed to know the sex at our local hospital. It's our first and I'm looking forward to a surprise but it doesn't stop the mad curiosity we both have. DH was sure he saw internal girl bits (says it looked like a rams head skeleton shape). However on the scan, there looks to be a little "meat n two veg"!!! We have no idea!!!

Two things to bear in mind - 1. Some ladies on our ante-natal thread wanted to know but the sonographer couldn't tell from the scan as legs were crossed etc. 2. Friends of ours were assured it was a boy and bought all things blue only for a little girl to pop out - whoops! The small print on the scan said there is always a small chance of mistake! Whilst I would believe a sonographer, I'm not sure I'd truly believe until I saw the baby for myself!!!

aDadOnMumsnet · 13/10/2006 13:21

I'ts a bit late now, seeing as you've posted this thread, but I think the decision should come from within your family, and don't canvas other people's opinions.

Nobody is right or wrong, it should be down to you and your husband / family only.

CarolinahowlingattheMoon · 13/10/2006 13:32

wouldn't that defeat the object of MN, Dad?

CarolinahowlingattheMoon · 13/10/2006 13:33

stay strong, Chickenwings

MamaGhoul · 13/10/2006 13:36

I found out wiht both mine, after a friend told me she was so pleased to meet her new baby that it took her about 5 mins to say "oh, what is it?!!"

I had two lovely surprises - finding out the sex and then meeting my baby.

I would find out again if I was pregnant.

aDadOnMumsnet · 13/10/2006 13:46

yeah maybe my post was silly because obviously chickenwings does want other people's opinions.

But I just think everyone knows the pros and cons in their own minds, and it's a case of doing what you want to do. Ask on MN and a load of people will say yes, and a load will say no, and I dont see how that helps.

I do appreciate it is a big decision chickenwings. Hope you get some enlightenment!

Peridot30 · 13/10/2006 14:03

One of my friends found out the sex of her baby both times but i felt it took out that element of surprise. We never found out with our 2 but it really is your own choice. Some hospitals have stopped telling parents to be the sex of their baby

marymillington · 13/10/2006 14:09

Didn't find out with my first, but found out last week that this one is extremely likely to be a girl.

I would have been happy with either variety but was strangely sad for about the little boy that she wasn't for a day or two. Have got over that now.

I actually think its really, really weird knowing.

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 13/10/2006 14:10

If you cant do the "its a girl" or "its a boy" when the baby is born, i think it spoils it.

For me personally, I like the guessing. I cant imagine phoning my dad after labour and say "he's here" or "she's here" - there is no suprise!

I loved phoning round saying "its a girl" - best feeling in the world.

MamaGhoul · 13/10/2006 14:12

I kept names secret so I could say "she's here and her name is X"

but then I am VERY nosy and couldn't possibly have waited

Plumpbump · 13/10/2006 14:18

perhaps the best compromise is to ask to find out and then keep it a secret from everyone else, though assume this would be too hard for the other dc's to manage.

LittleJem · 13/10/2006 15:15

I have two girls and didn't find out early with either of them, I like the surprise at the end! Pregnant now with the third and I doubt we'll find out, DH says he likes the surprise and I really don't mind either way. A boy would be lovely but no problem with 3 girls (I come from a family of 6 girls).

lemonaid · 13/10/2006 15:31

It's a surprise whenever you find out, IMO, just an earlier surprise . And there are lots of other surprises when the baby's actualy born -- how much hair he has, or hasn't, and who he looks like, and how big he is, and what his personality's like. I rather liked being able to separate out that one surprise that we could have earlier on its own from all the other surprises. Like MamaGhoul, we shared the sex (might have kept it a secret if it had been a girl, though, to avoid drowning in a sea of pink) but kept the names secret until the post-birth phonecalls

robin3 · 13/10/2006 15:52

I'm with Lemonaid....having the baby and getting your first cuddle is enough joy after the birth. Knowing the sex and starting to use the name in my head really helped me to bond in the pregnancy and gave me an early surprise half way through long 9 month journey.