Rant...women who love to tell you all about their birth horror stories :(

[Cherryblossom200]

Hello everyone,

Thought I would have a little Sunday evening rant something has been bothering me recently! I'm nearly 33 weeks pregnant with my first child and obviously starting to become anxious about the birth. I know it will be painful, but friends/women I've met in antenatal just LOVE to tell me about their birth horror stories. I'm now expecting hell on earth, I haven't come across one woman who has had a normal birth

I almost feel that some of the women get some kind of 'weird' enjoyment from telling their stories! I think they tend to forget that they are scaring the living daylights out of me!

Anyway rant over! Hope you all have a lovely Sunday evening xx

I do think it's important to think about what could happen though - not in a 'what if things go wrong' kind of way but 'what is best for me if xyz occurs' because as MaryWestmacott says most women end up with slightly more to consider than 1st stage 2nd stage etc. There is a lot more to childbirth than deciding on pain relief and when you are in labour is not the time to find out about it.

I wouldnt share any kind of birth story with a pregnant woman , it is just plain nasty

To put a slightly different perspective, when it all went tits up with DS1, I was very grateful to the woman who came to our hippy ante natal group and told us abou her ECS.
When everything was going wrong with my labour I was SO grateful that I heard that woman's story, and met her beautiful baby.
It made me feel like U was not alone, and that everything could be OK.
If I had just listened to the homeopathy crap I would have been panicking.

Hmm. It all depends on the context?

TBH I totally told one of my pg friends because frankly she was pissing me off saying how when she gave birth it was going to be such a beautiful experience/you could breathe through the pain/it was all down to positive thinking blah blah blah...when she hadn't even given birth herself so didn't have a bloody clue.

Both my births were horrendous - in different ways. Unlucky maybe. I'm still totally traumatised by the second one in particular because i went into it thinking it would be a breeze because of everyones stories on here (planned c section) . Maybe if someone had shared their story of an awful planned c section i might have been more prepared for what complications can happen?

Overall though, you'll get what you get. No point planning for it. No point worrying about it. Try to stay positive but be realistic. Yes, we may not live in a third world country, but childbirth is dangerous and frankly ime, the aftercare in this country is third world standard. Better to be prepared surely? (rather than just worrying about what you're going to wear on the fashion show that is leaving the hospital - not )

I would say in general though, I would never tell a pg friend anything about my births (if they didn't already know). No point frightening anyone intentionally!

sunnybaudelaire what a stupid thing to say. I was so grateful to friends who told me theirs in a considerate, helpful way. It made me consider all sorts of options.

I completely agree that a birth story to a pregnant woman needs consideration in it's narration, and probably a respectful 'do you want to know this?' but to say it's plain nasty is ridiculous.

Yes but I've literally not heard just a couple of horror stories, I've heard a loads. It's too much now and totally insensitive. Up until about a few weeks back when I subconsciously decided to zone out at the latest horror story, I literally felt like I was about to enter some kind of medieval torture chamber for 3-4 days where I would be 'pleading with god' as one of my friends described it to put me out of my misery.

I know only too well how things can go wrong. My grandmother died during childbirth and my sister nearly did as well. So my view if childbirth isn't great anyway. This is why I keep saying all those mothers who think they are being helpful should really think first before talking about their individual experiences. You simply don't know what that person has been through already.

I have found that generally there are two types of 2nd/3rd time mothers. The ones who genuinely have been amazingly helpful, have been there for me to reassure me. Answered any questions I have asked but not bombarded me with information. They let me steer the conversation when it came to childbirth. And invariably because they weren't pushy about their story I was more inclined to want to know what happened if it went wrong. They also have great advice re: pain relief, how I would feel during labour/after labour/first few weeks etc.

Then there are the 2nd camp who just sit you down and blurt out their stories as if I'm in a counselling session with them. The way in which they talk about their stories are like very different. A lot of the time I've also found these women to be slightly patronising in their tone. Lots of 'you just wait until you reach the third trimester you won't be able to do this or do that'. I feel like sometimes screaming at this women and saying 'yes I may be a first time mum but I'm not stupid or a 13 year old kid!!!'

Hi all,

I am sorry that some of you have been horrified by birth stories.
It's a bit like when you buy something and it's shit, you complain, but if it is good you tend not to say anything about it. There will always be far more good stories, but you tend to only hear the bad!

From someone who has experienced a horror birth, I have to say from my experience people do tend to ask what happened. Mine is one of those that could have been prevented, therefore I feel it is my duty to tell people what happened so that they can ensure it does not happen to them.

Believe me, when something traumatic happens in labour, it is not a show off thing, it is something you would not wish on your worse enemy.

Yes it may be upsetting for you, but surely it is best you are aware of what can happen, so you can be best prepared incase any symptoms arise?

Education is power and all that x

Also I have to add, I felt incredibly alone. I wish I could have shared my story with someone who had been through the same experience.

To this day, I still do not know anyone who has had the same experience and it does make you ask "why me?"

The opposite is also true when I tell my good story people give me funny looks because I genuinely had a lovely experience.

I had a fantastic straight forward first birth 4 months ago. Labour started at 5 am was fine till 12 then went into hospital ( pain still fine) got some gas an hour and baby came. All took 15 hours but it flew in, I can't even remember it. I also laughed and joke with the midwife inbetween contractions.

I didn't do any hypnobirthing or any of that I just rethought positively and went with the flo.

You can share your story on Mumsnet Number3 and there will be any number of understanding responses, I promise you.

But just not on this thread, perhaps .

I had a lovely birth. So life affirming (sorry if that sounds hippyish!) and fantastic to meet my little one. My first birth was harder work as longer but still amazing!