Maternity leave/not returning to work and ethic

[Nona1979]

Hello, I signed up to get some honest and frank advice because so far I'm feeling a little confused.

I've been in my job for two years now and up until May I loved it. Despite there being a very political and cliquey atmosphere I managed to stay out of it for the most part and do my job. I got on with people ok and was generally happy.

Then I found out I was pregnant and everything changed. I told work quite early on because I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis and was signed off for a huge chunk of my first trimester and have spent most of the second trimester on a staggered return under GP's orders. A couple of months ago my line manager called me into a meeting and tore into me, explaining how my pregnancy had negatively affected the team because my absence put pressure on other people. I was left in tears and went to HR, but they were little to no help, saying that they can't really get involved in 'hear'say'.

To make matters worse, there's a woman in my office who's been TTC for a long time and has expressed on more than one occasion how unfair it is that I'm pregnant and she's not. I've even been told that I should be grateful for my Hyperemesis because she'd kill for it.

Basically the way I've been shunted and made to feel apologetic for falling pregnant has disillusioned me with the company massively and at this stage I am 90% sure I won't want to return from maternity leave (which is due to start very soon).

My question is, I know I am entitled to make a decision further down the line, but do many women go on mat leave knowing they are unlikely to return? How abut actively looking for a new job while on mat leave? When I've discussed it with friends I've been urged to remain ethical and tell work I don't want to return - but then my husband and I planned this pregnancy financially around us both having an income.

Any input gratefully received. Thank you x

No way, don't tell them you are thinking of not returning. You may well change your mind and decide to go back, if even for a few months.

How would all this affect your maternity pay? I had to return to work for a certain period to ensure I kept all mine.

Keep your options open for now, enjoy your maternity leave and make a decision closer to your return date.

In any case, it sounds like they have treated you appallingly and you may well be able to take it further. They can't make you feel bad for being pregnant and/or taking sick leave. Get some legal advice before you resign.

If you know you don't want to go back give them notice now for the end of your maternity leave. It gives you relief of a clean break and gives them time to look for someone to replace you.

If they'd treated you nicely I would have said unofficially give notice for end of mat leave. As they've treated you like crap I wouldn't. You may not get a new job in time and have to go back short term. Also if you were planning on taking a company enhanced mat pay, you normally have to pay it back if you don't return for x time. Plus by not leaving until the end of your mat leave you would accure a/l and bank hols, which they would have to pay you.

I have looked for a job whilst on maternity leave and it is really quite stressful. I would plan to return no matter how briefly after your leave.

Thank you for the feedback - I think I'll keep quiet for now and try my best to look for work elsewhere. I've freelanced before and while it's not ideal I know at the very least I can find something as a stop gap for a couple of months. I just feel completely disillusioned with this place and having done my research - not a single woman who has worked in this department and fallen pregnant has returned after mat leave.

What was supposed to be an exciting and happy time for me and my husband has become stressful and upsetting because I'm effectively being emotionally bullied BECAUSE I'm pregnant. I understand that it's got to be hard for people who have to pick up the slack when others are off sick and it must be especially wrenching for women who are struggling with TTC - but I've done SO much to try and be empathetic to that. I don't even talk about my pregnancy in the office because I get scowled at when I do.

It's not a nice position to be in, because I really did think I had a place here.

How far along are you? If you're finding it stressful there because of sex discrimination on the grounds of pregnancy - I'd honestly consider going off sick with work related stress for the remainder of the pregnancy. No job is worth that stress, especially when your pregnant.

I did go off with work related stress for a big chunk of my last pregnancy, as I didn't want to deal with the stress of the discrimination. I worked for a large organisation though and was able to be redeployed into another department, with a lovely manager, so was back at work as soon as that was done (took 3months for a position to be found). No way could I have stayed in the first office I was in, despite having been very happy there prior to pregnancy.

I'm six months pregnant. I initially wanted to work as late as possible, but being here is just horrible.

At 6months I'd seriously consider whether you could afford sick pay for the remainder of pregnancy, up until you were due to take mat leave, and save the stress. Being there facing discrimination for your pregnancy is horrible - I never thought I would be the kind of person to go off sick with work related stress until I experienced it (I previously had a near perfect sick record).

Stick it out if you can and don't tell them you want to leave. You've got to put yourself first. You may or may not be able to get another job after maternity leave so you need your job open for you to go back. Think of returning to this company as unlikely but a safety net.

It's hard but try to be strong and don't let colleagues bully you. They can't discriminate against you because you're pregnant and if they're really piling it on then call ACAS helpline for advice, they're very good and can at least reassure you about the options open to you. Just look out for yourself now.

I'm the same. Despite having HG and SPD (I've had to wear a support belt and use crutches recently), I've been really determined in at least getting into work for a phased return. I used all of my company sick pay in my first/second trimester and even used the remainder of my annual leave for this year to keep me covered so if I was to go off sick now it will be SSP. I didn't really want to go on mat leave as soon as dates allow, mainly because of money but I honestly never even dreamed I would be bullied in the workplace at my age :/

My work place were making me redundant and so I was going to be on SMP so we had put a plan together and budgeted for no money. Then at the last minute someone got a job and left so they asked me to keep my job and pay me enhanced mat pay. I really don't want to return because the atmosphere is terrible but we will be much better off. I am intending on returning in April for 12 weeks (I am a teacher and it's the summer term) then if I choose not to return in September I don't have to pay my mat pay back and we have a few more pennies in the bank to enable me to find a new job! Keep your options open, don't let them get to you, I have hated my pregnancy thanks to feeling sick all day all the way through and having a really stressful work environment has made it much harder to deal with x

Ex HR professional here - seriously as PP have said, keep your options open and give every indication you will be returning. You will continue to accrue any benefits (pension, healthcare, holiday) and you do not know what your situation may be like in 6-12 months.

In the meantime, just like any other time of life, there is nothing to stop you looking at other options.

When you do get to the time of returning, do go in with a view to a discussion about hours/role etc. I did this - even though I was 90% sure I was not returning. I was also 100% sure they had assumed I was not returning and had filled my role with someone else during a restructure. I pointed out that what role they hastily scrabbled around for they were trying to offer me was not of equal status/responsibility (even though they would have paid me my higher salary) and that therefore my role was redundant. So I would have redundancy money please (enhanced thank you, due to their stupidity).

I haven't even hinted that I'm considering not returning. Just trying to keep my head and down and get through to be honest. The only thing I've recently kicked up a fuss about is I have been asked to do a 90-min talk next week and I simply cannot be on my feet for that long, but they insisted I will have to. I threatened to go off sick and they soon caved and said I can have a chair, but god, I'm paying for it now in snark.

That sounds awful. I was signed off with Anxiety in pregnancy - due to several previous miscarriages, and then was put back onto a Staggered return by the doctor. When I was working 1/2 days it felt ok, and then when I was due to go back full time, I had a huge panic attack, ended up off for another week and then back 1/2 days for a month.

In that time, I was calmer and honestly thought that I would be able to cope until the end. I have come back full time, (that started last week, but on the Tuesday at the diabetic clinic, I was rushed to the maternity hospital by ambulance, and was told to rest for a week!!!

Monday was the beginning of my last 4 weeks and I was determined to be there to finish. It became apparently however, that no one was covering my work while I was off, and I am the only person who does certain things, and now I am so behind. I spoke to HR, who in turn spoke to my boss, and said if things didn't change, they would advise me to go to the doctor, who would sign me off until the end!

They have allowed me to cut down my work & work from home. I am lucky really. In terms of coming back, you shouldn't tell them anything until you know for sure. You may have problems in finding another job, or have a change of heart - You never know what those pesky hormones are doing to your mind!! Good Luck!!!

You're very lucky in being allowed to work from home! I'm also disabled (arthritis) and previously had been allowed to work from home on bad days. It wasn't in my contract, but verbally my line managers agreed that I can do my job from home and my productivity is the same.

Since being pregnant though, I've not been allowed to work from home and even when my GP suggested it, they denied it and I ended up being signed off for a week when my back problems started.

First, I really sorry to hear about what is, frankly, really crappy treatment.

I'd say 90% sure is not 100% and so, if I were you, I'd be happy to keep my thoughts to myself. And really, I'm normally all for being an open book but women and mat leave is very, very complicated.

I was made redundant on my first day back from mat leave. Businesses will do what's best for them so I think ethically you should do what's best for you.

You don't need to tell them anything they have to keep your position open for 12m you're expected to give them 4wks notice on your intentions to return/leave employment. It also gives you something to fall back on If you don't find anything else suitable you know there's an income there for you should you need it if only short term until another job comes along. A lot can happen in the work place in 12m the same people might not be there anymore and this woman jealous of your pregnancy may well be on maternity leave herself by then

Are you in a union OP? This situation sounds dreadful.

It doesn't sound to me like your work has treated you ethically - quite on the contrary, their behaviour has been appalling (and quite possibly illegal - under the Equalities Act employers cannot discriminate against you because you are pregnant, and I'd imagine that shouting at you for the 'inconvenience' of getting pregnant would count). So I don't think you're under any obligation to go out of your way to make life easy for them by sharing more than you need to. In any case, I don't think it's in any way unethical not to tell them that you're considering not coming back - it's not as though you already have a job lined up already, and you may find that you need to go back at least for a bit. They are clearly not going to be looking after your interests, and they aren't behaving as if they value you, so I think you need to put yourself and your family first and do what's best for you.

Keep your options open - you are not under any ethical or legal obligation to tell them what your plans are and you may find that you do want to go back after Mat Leave, however briefly.

In my job, I would have found it difficult to get a new job from Mat Leave because people move around a lot and so much recruiting is done face to face. It would have been much easier to come back, muscle through for 3 months in my old job and use that time to get something new sorted.

I'm sorry to hear you've been put in such an unpleasant situation. Don't feel that you're ethically obliged to tell them anything about your plans. You don't owe them that courtesy as their treatment of you is completely unethical, and it sounds like your best interests are the last thing on their minds.

Keep your options open though, you might find that at the end of your mat leave the work environment will be different and you can get back to enjoying your job, but if not you can still look for something else either during mat leave or shortly after your return.

Hi OP. I don't have time to read the whole thread as my lunch hour (in my very lovely working environment is about up) but the original post sounds awful but even aside from this, I have learned from my 2 years ttc not to make career plans around babies anyway. I didn't take a job two years ago because I wanted to be 'ethical'. I'm only just 18 weeks. I know its not the same but you need to put your family first; keep your options open; do what's right for you (and don't tolerate nonsense).

BtW as someone else said too, by the time you go back the other lady might be pregnant (and very remoresful about how she treated you) and your boss (other numpties) may have left. Keep your options open!!

Good luck and enjoy your mat leave guilt free!