Maternity leave/not returning to work and ethic

[Nona1979]

Hello, I signed up to get some honest and frank advice because so far I'm feeling a little confused.

I've been in my job for two years now and up until May I loved it. Despite there being a very political and cliquey atmosphere I managed to stay out of it for the most part and do my job. I got on with people ok and was generally happy.

Then I found out I was pregnant and everything changed. I told work quite early on because I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis and was signed off for a huge chunk of my first trimester and have spent most of the second trimester on a staggered return under GP's orders. A couple of months ago my line manager called me into a meeting and tore into me, explaining how my pregnancy had negatively affected the team because my absence put pressure on other people. I was left in tears and went to HR, but they were little to no help, saying that they can't really get involved in 'hear'say'.

To make matters worse, there's a woman in my office who's been TTC for a long time and has expressed on more than one occasion how unfair it is that I'm pregnant and she's not. I've even been told that I should be grateful for my Hyperemesis because she'd kill for it.

Basically the way I've been shunted and made to feel apologetic for falling pregnant has disillusioned me with the company massively and at this stage I am 90% sure I won't want to return from maternity leave (which is due to start very soon).

My question is, I know I am entitled to make a decision further down the line, but do many women go on mat leave knowing they are unlikely to return? How abut actively looking for a new job while on mat leave? When I've discussed it with friends I've been urged to remain ethical and tell work I don't want to return - but then my husband and I planned this pregnancy financially around us both having an income.

Any input gratefully received. Thank you x

I am due back to work in January and really don't want to return as didn't particularly like my job before I left. I don't have any special maternity pay so don't have to worry about paying back.
As i don't want to be back at work until the new year, it means I can't really start looking for a new job until Nov/Dec time for a Jan start.
I have told my company that I intend to return full time from Jan as I have to give 8 weeks notice of return dates, but if I find a new job I will give the usual 1 month notice (as per my company handbook)
I am hoping I can get a new role in Dec for a Jan start so will either not return at all (going straight to a new job) or I will only be back for a short time before leaving.
I don't feel bad about it as you really have to think of yourself. They wouldn't hesitate to do what was best for their business as I am just a cog in the machine.

I'm in similar situation but been at my job less than a year making it more awkward to use them for maternity leave then go. I had fully intended to return but it's been rather shite and negitive at work recently. Im keeping my options open for now ( after advice on here).

On bad days when I'm fed up with work I just think in my head ' screw you , I'm taking my pay and not coming back and there's nothing you can do about it ! ' . Truthfully I'd be more comfortable telling them as I know it will have a big financial impact on the business and would help them to get on with finding a permanent replacement. But sometimes it makes me feel better!

Hi nona. As others say I'd put myself first, think like you are a mini business.

Also I would be joining a union now if not already a member. Generally you need to be a member for 6 months before you get legal representation so if you do it now you have some insurance in place for your return ( if you decide to return).

Right now keep a diary of who is saying what to you at work. Even email yourself comments. I'd say you could raise a grievance about preg discrim already if you wanted to but you probably don't need the stress. So bide your time and see how they behave. If it gets worse and you defo want to leave seriously consider getting legal advice about constructive dismissal and discrim.

And be careful about taking stress leave. As I recall my mortgage co wanted to know about any stress/ anti-depressants etc. and your next employer may want to know about sickness absence. But pregnancy related sickness absence won't be held against you... I should think that this is making your hypermesis rear it's head again?

Gd luck!

Hi Nona - I'm 34 1/2 weeks pregnant and have had similar issues to you throughout my pregnancy. Am in a senior autonomous role, have been with the company for 4 years, done well & had great feedback - nonetheless my manager has been a prick and is clearly using the pregnancy as an excuse to outsource my job (business under pressure to cut FTE - he's even admitted this in conversations with me - which I have of course immediately file noted).

I've documented everything, including in emails to HR. I'm hoping to find another job & not have to return but I'm definitely not telling them that now - if I don't find something I don't want to miss out on a potential redundancy package and I want as much ammo as possible for a disadvantage grievance.

In the meantime I'm doing everything to reduce stress and take it easy in my last few weeks (finish up next Friday) - been taking sick days when I feel unwell or tired (used to drag myself in even if on death's door), leaving early if I'm flagging, doing the bare miniumum basically (as long as I make sure I have all my bases covered - I'm not going above & beyond like I used to).

One thing it has taught me is that I'm going to be more careful about setting boundaries in future - I've always been someone who checked emails at all hours, checked in/helped out while on annual leave, went above & beyond for my job - because I thought my extra efforts were valued & would be appreciated & recognised (even if not monetarily, just in terms of beign a valued employee). Now it's clear that 4 years of hard work were for naught. So I'm approaching this issue as strategically as possible - thinking like a business would, as someone said earlier. It does suck but in a way it's also quite liberating!

As others have said, say nothing! I also plan to find a new job when on mat leave (fingers crossed), but only because we are moving house and staying in my job now would mean a 3 hour daily commute! I am not telling my manager my intentions as I may need to come back for a while if I don't get anything else suitable. So keep your options open!

Thank you all so much for the feedback and words of encouragement and support.

Gennz - I completely agree about learning my lesson and not making myself so available. I've always been very much a 'go getter' and being in a competitive industry has always made me that much more ambitious. I pull in extra hours, take on extra work where possible and am often learning new skills in my spare time to enhance how I do my work. Like you, I thought this was all appreciated and valued. How wrong I was.

In an ideal world I'd go on mat leave, find something better before mat leave finishes, hand in my notice and never have to come back here. I know that for all the planning in the world though, things don't always work out so I'll keep my options as open as possible with regards to coming back here if I need to as a stop gap.