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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Two children and pregnant with third!

28 replies

LittleJem · 27/09/2006 11:24

I've just found out (completely unexpectedly that I'm pregnant for the third time. My youngest daughter is 5 and the eldest 7. This is such a shock for my husband and I (he also has 2 sons from a previous marriage). He has been very calm but says termination is an option as we have 4 kids already and he's worried about there being such a big age gap between new baby and 5yr old. I really don't what to think, so confused. Has anyone any advise or experience on such a situation.

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BudaBabe · 27/09/2006 11:26

Well my DS is 5 and I am trying IVF to have another. The gap can be an advantage - I was 5 when my sister was born and although not close growing up we are now.

Original poster

LittleJem · 27/09/2006 11:33

Thank you Budababe. I suppose the age gaps become closer as they get older. All the best with the IVF aswell.

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BudaBabe · 27/09/2006 11:36

Your older two are at a great age where they can help out and will be really interested in a baby.

Thanks for the good luck wishes!

incy · 27/09/2006 11:37

I do have a friend who faced this and having no 3 was not good for financial reasons either. She did eventually decide have no 3 and has never regretted it - can't imagine life without him etc. However, only you and your DH can make this decision -I am sure whatever decision you make it will not be an easy one . Big hug.

BarefootJasnem · 27/09/2006 11:37

My dds are6& 7 and I have a 7 month ds. He was planned, and it works for us (they are at school so I got more rest when pg, and now time with baby).

elliedragon · 27/09/2006 11:38

I have two ds one will be 6 and the other 4 when no 3 arrives. I was worried about the age gap but the eldest in so excited about it that I really don't think it would be a problem. Also you will be able to spend more time with the new one on your own.

Lact8 · 27/09/2006 11:46

There's a 7 year age gap between ds1 and ds2, now 9.5 and 2.5.

It was so much fun that we've got dd 9 months now as well!

(DD was actually a big surprise and I was worried how it would affect things but she's really made our family feel complete)

lalibela · 27/09/2006 11:48

I think this kind of age gap can actually work really well. My sister is 5 years older than me, my brother 8 years and now we are all in our 30s we are still very close. My Mum thinks that they really speeded up my development as a baby, because they were so interested in playing with me and it was actually my brother who taught me to read.

Original poster

LittleJem · 27/09/2006 11:49

Thanks so much for the reassurance. If I'm honest deep down I do want this baby but become unsure when DH and I talk as he has lots of negative points (if practical). I would really hate for this to come between us. Is a third pregnancy likely to give rise to more physical problems during/after pregnancy?

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trinityrhino · 27/09/2006 11:49

I have a 5 year gap between my two and I'm exoecting again. I would say that the gap would be no problem at all, they will thouroughly enjoy the baby and they can help

Lact8 · 27/09/2006 11:54

My DP was against us having no 3 and I just knew no argumetn about finance/practicalities would make me change my mind. He said he would respect, support and go along with whatever decision I made but TBH it did sometimes feel like the issue of it sat bewtween us while I was pregnant.

DD is now a big Daddy'd girl and their is a real tenderness in the way that he looks at her that I didn't noticed with the boys.

In regards to the physical side of it I personally had no problems. If anything it was easier and the labour was the best out of all of them.

And I lost the weight easier because the other two make sure my backside never sits down for longer than 2 minutes!

Original poster

LittleJem · 27/09/2006 12:10

I do think a termination could be very detrimental to my state of mind (and so our family). It's quite a strange feeling being excited about this baby as before I found out I have had no feelings of broodiness at all since have DS2. I come from a family of 6 girls and although my younger sister and I always argued as we were growing up we get on well now and it was good fun. I suppose I answered my own question, now all I have to do is hope that DH warms to the idea...

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Twopinkoneblue · 27/09/2006 12:16

This time last year I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with no3.
It was a shock and my DH was not happy at all.
The first few months were hard. But, eventually my DH came to terms with the fact that we were keeping it.
DS was born in April. DH is thrilled with him.
When your DH see's the babe, all will be fine.
As for having 3 children,for us, it hasn't made a lot of difference.

Lact8 · 27/09/2006 12:16

Good luck! I'm sure he will. I was really scared that it would push dp and i apart. but 9 months on we're closer than ever [vomit emoticon]

I think it's a bloke thing to think on practical terms. Give him a little time and he should come around to the idea

thelittlestboho · 27/09/2006 13:11

LoL at this, I've a 17year old, nearly 18 and a 12yr old, think of how shocked I was! It was the least expected thing EVER!! I thought I had diabetes, never occured that I had a lodger! All's well now, although up until last week it's been stress, "morning" sickness, dodgy afp, amnio, paranoia about miscarriage, the list is endless. I'm now 20wks yesterday and found out I'm having another girl,scored the hat trick yay! At last time it's to relax and enjoy this surprise. I personally think it's better to have a bit of a gap, you'll be able to devote more time to the wee one.

Original poster

LittleJem · 27/09/2006 13:14

DH has said he would be really pleased if it was a boy. I agree as well about the older children being helpful both girls have said they would like to have a new brother or sister.

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Original poster

LittleJem · 27/09/2006 13:18

thelittlestboho - Thanks! Wow that must've been a massive surprise - congratulations! I really don't mind at all whether a boy or girl. Would be lovely to have little boy but 3 girls girls growing together would also be really fun. You seem really chuffed about a 3rd girl?! x

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thelittlestboho · 27/09/2006 13:24

It's nice to still be able to say The girls, lol. My oldest said she wanted a brother but when I phoned her to tell her yesterday, she was excited anyhoo, the youngest was hyper and insisted on phoning around to tell family, bless. She's wanted to be a big sister for years now,she was first to know of impending arrival, and burst into tears of joy. In the beginning I was more happy for her than myself, haha. Things we do for love eh? DP is still in shell-shock, poor lamb's surrounded by females, lmao. And he comes from 3 boys too.

K.x

Original poster

LittleJem · 27/09/2006 13:39

Was DP at all negative about finding out you're pregnant or just a bit shocked? My DH is 46 this year and I think he's a wee bit concerned about his age x

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thelittlestboho · 27/09/2006 14:10

Haha, good question, we were actually on holiday at his folks villa. Because it'd been really ill for two weeks, I flipantly said, "You'll have to go get a pregnancy test" never for a moment thinking it could actually be the case, as i'd moved out of our bed and into other bedroom weeks before, due to my backache. Off he trots next morning,gets test despite language barrier, and I was going to wait till next morning before I took it,but as soon night-time came I couldn't resist, so snuck off to loo. OMG, it took 2seconds to come back positive!! I couldn't believe my eyes, went into lounge, showed him it and true to form he started laughing!! I was so angry at him for being blase, although it's funny now. You see I have a condition like sleepwalking, except I have sex while asleep and don't realise it, he however doesn't!! So the blame was firmly on him,(still is, lol)I had no recollection of when it could possibly have taken place, not a scooby. We did discuss all the options, but then I thought what the hell, last chance at OK Corral,and after a summit talk, it was done and dusted. And the rest as they say is history...

carrotcake · 27/09/2006 14:14

Mine will be 9 and 5 when my 3rd is due in January. I think it's a great gap, bit spread out, but you know, there won't be any baby and toddler thing, advantages to both sides I guess...

Original poster

LittleJem · 27/09/2006 14:21

thelittlestboho - That's really funny because it DH's idea to do a pregnancy because I was adament I couldn't be because as far as memory serves we've always used a condom. He says "well we did have that accident, when you were half asleep". That seems to have happened a few times, where I'm completely oblivious!

carrotcake - I'm starting to think it will be a great gap too. I will actually be able to have time with the baby alone while the girlies are at school and no double-buggy required like last time!

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megandsoph · 27/09/2006 16:00

Littlejem Congrats

didn't really have any advice as I am in a simular situation as you. I'm in a relationship with the father but as he lives hundreds of miles away, I am a single mum of two little girls from my ex marriage, with this baby on the way. I'm now 5 weeks pregnant and keep going from one end of the scale to the other, with thoughts on wether to have the baby or not. DD1 is 5 and DD2 is 4.

If you want to chat at all please feel free to CAT me.

It will work out for the best I'm sure

Creena · 27/09/2006 16:35

I'm also now pregnant with my third and there will be an age gap of 10 years between this one and my youngest, as well as a gap of 15 years with my eldest! I was worried about the age gap initially but now think that both of my children are old enough to be actively interested and will want to help out etc. The youngest will be thrilled at the prospect of finally being a big brother (something he's always wanted to be)! Also, they're both self-sufficient now and do things like get themselves showered and ready for school each day, as well as walking down the road to their school and home every day. This means that I will have more time to devote to this baby when it arrives - unlike last time, when I found myself trying to get DD ready for school, DS fed and changed and prised off my breast as well as trying to make myself at least look clean and presentable enough to leave the house in order to complete the school run. I didn't always manage the last task in that list!

Original poster

LittleJem · 27/09/2006 17:07

megandsoph - Its really hard. The other thing that bothers me too is that DH commutes each day and at the moment rarely home much before 10pm (often much later) and leaves each morning at 6am. As a result he is normally really tired at weekends. How often do you see your partner? My mind keeps swinging from being really excited about the baby to feeling completely petrified. Especially hard as I've been unable to talk much to DH as yet (been sooo busy). I know I need to give him time as well though. I think my email is available to other talkers now. I need to up date my registration to contact anyone myself as yet though.

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