He are you sorting out money between you and your partner while on maternity leave?

[pippinleaf]

We both work full time at the moment. I earn more than him and we both pay £400 a month into our current account for food, bills etc. I pay 60% of the mortgage and he pays 40% because that's how our earnings are split. I also buy more stuff for the house, like furniture, tools etc. that's more unofficial but I earn more than him so it seems fair.

I'm worried about how I will cope on maternity money for the year I'm taking off. I will be bringing home, when levelled out over the year, about a quarter what I earn now. I don't think he realises how much of my money I spend on stuff that's joint stuff (I treat him to meals out, I have bought all the baby stuff so far and paid for the nct classes etc.)

He are you sorting your money? I don't want us to get joint accounts for a number of reasons unrelated to our relationship.

Surely anything that is spent on the baby is joint expense? So the baby music class - you wouldnt go if you didnt have a baby! So its for the baby. So a joint expense.

Nothing will really change, we earn roughly the same and are paid into our own accounts. Then we each transfer the same amount to our joint account which covers the mortgage, household bills, groceries etc. I am taking 6 months maternity leave but I'm fortunate that there would be a drastic drop in pay during that time... any longer and we'd have to re-think things. We probably will increase the amount we pay into our joint account once baby arrives since groceries will start to include nappies etc.

Katiegee - thanks for your reply, it sounds like the arrangement we have. Will you personally make reduced payments into the joint account while on maternity leave and therefore he have to increase his payment? I could afford to pay the same into the joint account as I do now, and match his amount, but the. I'd have to take money from my (small) savings account and this doesn't seem fair when he would not be doing the same.

I took out a loan to fund my mat leave. I know that is not the done thing on MN, but actually it seemed fair to me. DH would have liked 6 months off work, but at that time, it was only for females. I didn't feel like he should fund me staying at home.

"Silly things are in my mind - such as if I go to a mother/baby class - should that be shared money as it's his baby too or my money since I'll be the one enjoying it while he's working?"

Weeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllll

That's not a given that one is great fun and the other not IYSWIM. Plenty of people would see the going to work as the person getting the better deal there

So what I'm saying is, you looking after the baby is work. Someone has to do it, right? If not you, you'd have to pay someone. So. Mistake to view being at home with a child/ren as "fun" and not "work" as that road only leads to all sorts of trouble!

If you feel bad because up til now you have been getting the better deal and when the baby comes it switches so you still get the "better deal" then all you have to remember is a. you agreed it and it worked at the time and b. when a baby comes all bets are off and everything needs rethinking. You are going to have a total change in how your lives and finances are arranged and so need to rethink.

We have everything together now, but at the beginning we had a similar arrangement to you. If you're keen to keep it so, I would suggest you work out a new budget for what should come out of that account and based on income & change each persons respective input accordingly. Do this for during mat leave & again for when you return to work. Get in the habit of reviewing it every so often.

You need to make allowance for the cost of nappies, formula (in case), new clothing every 3 months, activities to keep you both entertained. Make allowances for good shoes from about 10 months onwards - they're surprisingly expensive for tiny things!

Please, please, do not get to the point where you feel you have to 'ask' him for money for things for the baby. You are a family now & presumably it's a joint decision to have a baby, therefore you share the costs as you can, but share you must. You need to set something up together that can change as your individual income changes & is agreed so that no resentment grows.

He's always been a worrier about money and it's meant that I've picked up more costs as I don't worry about money and want to alleviate his worry.

I've sat and worked out some figures and we will talk them through this weekend I think.

I know that taking a year off is a luxury and I could just take six months. I want to take the year and I know he'd love to if he had the option so I don't want him to have to fund what is largely my choice. I know he'd be happy if I went back to work sooner but he's fine with me being at home too.

When I return to work I will be part time and I think I will be earning what he earns full time so in many ways that will make the whole thing easier.

When I was pregnant we jointly put aside enough to cover all the bills for the time I'll be off work and only getting SMP. DH is now paying for all the groceries and other stuff (clothes, days out etc) and my SMP is mine to do what I want with. Nice and easy.

Have you considered making use of his extended paternity leave?
My company subsidises me for 6 months mat leave, then I am down to the statutory pay. So I took 9 months off and my husband took the final 3 months, that way we were each spending 3 months on reduced pay and everything worked out nice and evenly finance wise between us.

Thanks jaffakake- good suggestions. You're right about not getting into a situation where I feel I have to ask all the time.

I don't think a solely joint account would ever work for us. He has expensive hobbies and I don't spend much. However I never want to have to justify anything I do buy to anyone. He has some financial obligations that I don't want to get involved in so keeping things partially separate is just easier and more comfortable.

I like your idea to get into a regular pattern of reviewing our joint account contributions so it's fair whatever our individual circumstances.

Will you personally make reduced payments into the joint account while on maternity leave and therefore he have to increase his payment?

That's what we're doing. We have almost the exact same arrangements as you laid out in your original post: 60/40 etc. I've got some money saved that is in addition to our other joint savings, which is 'ours' now we have a child really. So, I'm going to use that to help bolster what I take home through maternity leave. We've also extended our mortgage for an extension, which has allowed us a little money 'in the bank' - I'm keeping some of that aside too, so if we really need it we could use that.

It's a tricky thing. I had a bit of a meltdown today about the split of childcare and life in general once a child enters the mix, and money came up as part of that. My boyfriend ended up saying that he would pack in his job and I could go back to work if I wanted. Which bizarrely made me feel better about loads of stuff. Ha.

YY you can share the leave now, he can take some time too it's fab I reckon.

So he's been spending his money on expensive hobbies and you've been buying all the baby stuff, house stuff and paying a higher proportion of the mortagage?

I don't see that as fair. His expenses need to go up to, please don't try and bare the full financial responsibility of baby yourself.

Surely it's easier to just have joint for main and separate for private.

So say joint income is theoretically £2000 a month. £1300 needed for bills/ food mortgage. So leaves £700

£1500 therefore goes in joint to allow for anything not thought of and build up amount.

£500 left so split between both private accounts, so £250 each a month.

All baby stuff brought out of joint account. If he has expensive hobbies more than £250 a month he needs to save a few months. If you barely spend your £250 then yours builds up quicker and you spend as you want.

I find this all a bit weird. We're a family, our money is our money. We have a joint account, all money goes in there, all bills get paid from it. We spend what we want from it, discuss large purchases.

I am self employed so only got basic MA.
I told dh how much that was and we basically agreed I'd use that to keep up my pension contributions and my phone contract and have a small amount of spending money for maternity coffees and incidentals like birthday presents/cards and things.
he covered everything else and still had enough for the occasional coffee and work lunch.

Our situation was quite extreme but I only took six months as my business couldn't survive me being off any longer.

That is what we do artandco.

We both pay a lump into a joint account and keep the rest for ourselves.

My question was about what to do on maternity when I could pay the lump sum still but I'd have very little left afterwards and he'd still have the same. There's good advice on here that we will talk about. I think what we will do is each pay a lump into the joint, the same as now, but I will pay a much smaller share of the mortgage (which he does now as I earn more) that way I will have a bit left over for myself.

And as for the hobbies vs stuff for the house. He'd be happy with a crappy old student sofa whereas I'm not, so I'm happy to buy a new sofa. He would be happy with an argos wardrobe and I'd prefer something a bit more stable so I'll buy it. He wants a new bike which costs a fortune and I want a book which doesn't. It seems reasonable to me.

Pipin - we get the total from both incomes though not who earns what.

So say he earns £2000 and you will get £500 from maternity a month then that's your total.

Then put whatever from that into joint needed plus spare for baby stuff/ every day stuff

Then any left over split in two and into seperate accounts. Then you have equal amounts to fritter on either hobbies or sofas!

I do 'get' the idea of having a totally joint account but it's just not for me. I've seen many friends who have to ask every time they want to go out for lunch with a friend. One of my friends has been told by her husband that they can't afford for her to get a taxi home aft a late night at work. There's just no way I could tolerate feeling in any way guilty for spending money on something I want, need or is a bit frivolous. Similarly, I don't want to feel a bit aggrieved if he spends our money on a fancy new gadget. It also means I can treat him to something, and vice versa, without the other one finding out before the gift is presented.

In addition, you only have to to look at the relationships board (the most miserable place on earth) to realise how even the happiest of relationships can go tits up overnight and having been in that situation before I'm just not risking it financially ever again.

I love my husband with all my heart and I know (as much as anyone can) that he feels the same about me. I'd just rather have my own two feet in case I need them.

Artandco - we sort of do that too. We have two accounts, one for bills, food and stuff and a different one for the mortgage. I pay a % into the mortgage which is the same as the % that my income contributes to our total joint income. It's the other account that we both pay the same amount into.

It's only for a year and then I think we will earn the same when I become part time.

Reading everyone's suggestions has been really useful both in thinking that there are some good ideas and also seeing some situations I don't feel I'd be comfortable with.

I suspect over time, we will end up paying more and more into our joint account as our family expenses get greater.

Thank you all for spending a bit of your time this evening to chip your ideas in. They are all appreciated. Have a lovely sleep one and all x

pippin - the amount we both pay into our joint account won't change, except if we decide to increase the amount to cover additional baby related expenses. If something happens, and I can't return to work after 6 months, then I would image husband would pay in more than me. Equally, if I was to go back to work part-time, husband would pay in more than me since he would be earning more than me.

Definitely sort this out now. I earn a good bit more than dh and luckily got paid my normal salary for a good proportion of ML. However, not all and dh never offered extra money. I pay most all of he mortgage so was using savings, he was saving away rather than contributing and it caused me I wake up and smell the coffee.

If he doesn't want a good sofa but you do, still split it 50/50, That's for the home. A bike is not used for the whole family. Take it from me, when you throw a baby into the mix, resentment builds.

We share all our money; no divisions just trust that neither of us waste it (money's tight) or make huge purchases without consulting the other first. At the moment I earn more but I think I probably spend more. When I'm on maternity leave and after when we're paying for childcare we're going to have to really watch what we spend even more than now.

Pippin - a joint account isn't the be all & end all of relationships. There are lots of different ways to sort married life out. You sound like you've got your head screwed on to me.

When we bought our second home I told my oh our financial arrangement had to change otherwise I'd always have bad hair & couldn't go out! On the flip-side one of my best friends thinks I now take oh for a ride as he earns more than me and (technically) pays for more than me, but if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd be happy with that too.

We pay the same amount for bills, mortgage etc in to a joint account. We then have £400 each per month to spend how we like (clothes etc). The rest goes into another joint account for us to use for food, petrol, joint expenses. It works fine for us. Basically we pool our income but have a portion that we can each spend how we like which gives us the freedom not to have to justify every purchase, which I like and I'm sure DH does too!