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Original poster

"Don't you dare moan!"

36 replies

tiggy2610 · 17/09/2014 19:32

Can't decide if I'm being too overly sensitive at the minute but I've had two people tell me I have no right to "moan" about being pregnant and I'm rather pissed off Angry

Firstly, I'm not "moaning". I have recently been diagnosed with mild SPD and still have horrendous morning sickness at 20 weeks so have been known to have down days, but I wouldn't change it for the world. It took us 4 years, 1 mc, 3 failed rounds of IVF and a a final FET before we got pregnant so this is more than I could have ever hoped for.

However, a few days ago MIL said "oh you're getting a bit of a bump!" To which I replied "yes he's definitely growing! But from this angle I just feel a bit chubby..." Before I could finish the sentence she chimed in with "don't you dare moan! You wanted this baby you cope with the consequences!" If I'm honest I was a bit taken aback by her abrupt response so I didn't say anything in return.

Today I was with my best friend and her boyfriend, I got up off the sofa but fell back down after a sudden pain in my hip. So I didn't have to do it again I asked my friends boyfriend to pass me my handbag (which was by his leg!) to which he responded "you're not allowed to moan about your back. This is what you wanted"

I feel like I'm appearing ungrateful, which is the exact opposite! Yes my belly is bigger than ever and I have no clothes that fit but I love it because my sons in there! My pelvis is another matter, but I would take this any day over 4 years of IF.

Is it me? Has anyone else been told they're not 'allowed' to moan? What did you say in response?

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worstdayever · 17/09/2014 19:37

You have some rude people in your life op, i had really nasty morning sickness, and im afraid I will fuckin moan if I want to!

anothervisittothepark · 17/09/2014 19:41

I wonder if they are trying to cheer you up but doing a really bad job of it. By reminding you that its all worth it and much you are happy to just be pregnant. Its obviously rude . As if you need reminding! But i am just trying to think msybe thats where they are coming from.

Original poster
tiggy2610 · 17/09/2014 19:42

Grin worstday that cheered me right up! If only I had the gumption to tell that to MIL Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
tiggy2610 · 17/09/2014 19:45

Thanks anothervisit, I hadn't thought about it from that side. You could be right. My MIL does have a habit of saying inappropriate things without thinking ("oh you won't be busy Mother's Day will you" after loosing my Mum 5 years ago....Hmm) but apparently she genuinely doesn't mean harm. I'll try and put that soon on it to stop my anger Wink

OP posts:
JuniDD · 17/09/2014 19:45

They don't sound like very nice people - what happened to sympathy?!

nicetabard · 17/09/2014 19:46

That's really weird and nasty.

So you're not allowed to talk about aches / pains / SPD or anything else when you feel rough or ill or in pain while pregnant? That is terribly harsh.

When I was pregnant people were sympathetic when I said I was tired and stuff, I can't imagine being told to shut it!

I guess just don't tell them stuff as it'll just upset you when they react that way? Might be hard with BF and MIL law they're pretty close aren't they. If they weren't close I'd be saying tell them to fuck off!

Original poster
tiggy2610 · 17/09/2014 19:49

I do actually have a lot of support from work colleagues and friends. It just appears to be close-close relatives and friends. Now that I've heard it twice in a week I felt a bit paranoid!

They were both very involved in our IVF journey so I wonder of they have an issue with me being upset with treatment and then being upset with sickness and SPD?

OP posts:
tinklykeys · 17/09/2014 19:51

How rude! Having experienced SPD and morning sickness I would say you moan as much as you like! The argument that 'you wanted this so don't you moan' just creams my corn. What about when the baby is born, are you not allowed to be tired either?

I would say 'i have waited a long time to experience being a moody, hormonal pregnant lady, and I am going to jolly well make the most if it!'

Honestly. What is wrong with people???

MultipleMama · 17/09/2014 19:55

DH likes to likes to call them my "grumbles". I just glare or tell him to sush. But we joke about it.

My MiL likes to tell me I've brought it on myself. I just grin and say, "yes, yes I did but if I want to moan, I will. Just like you like to moan about your full grown sons, you brought that on yourself too ya know," shuts her right up. That or I glare, or tell her I'll name the baby Lucifer (she's religious) Grin

Original poster
tiggy2610 · 17/09/2014 19:57

These comments are coming from a woman who had 5 children and still likes to tell stories of how difficult it was Hmm

Tinkly I like that! I might just have it printed on a t shirt and wear it at all times!

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MultipleMama · 17/09/2014 20:04

My MiL likes to say, "in my day it was so much harder to carry a baby nevermind raise one, we didn't have all these machine things and we didn't have those silly expensive cots either." Hmm Really grates my nerves!

squizita · 17/09/2014 20:16

Angry Yes I have had this and it INFURIATES me.

I have APS and as a result am a recurrent miscarrier. Therefore some people have what I call "Tiny Tim Syndrome" ... I'm supposed to be a cutesy angel so they can go "aaaah" and have their sugar coated patronising sympathy hit.
Not allowed to moan about morning sickness, daily injections etc'.
Also the sanctimonious "but you're a recurrent miscarrier are you sure you're allowed to eat cooked fish/have warm showers/walk/breathe. .." Yes exactly idiots: I have a known medical condition; medicate it and it's minimised. No other rules needed. But the daily mail "blame the woman" mentality means I should be irrationally cautious and a martyr!

Aaaa! Angry
The worst thing is it isn't from people with fertility or miscarriage experience .... its from smug folk who I honestly suspect got used to feeling sorry for me and now still want me to be "weak" on some unconscious level.

I'm incredibly grateful to those who have enabled me to carry a pregnancy. I find raise for Tommys and The Miscarriage Association.
But for fecks sake; I'm not an idiot, and NO ONE likes vomiting, goiters or injecting their own bum cheek every day for 200+ days!

Original poster
tiggy2610 · 17/09/2014 21:03

Oh squizita Thanks I think your grumble is even worse than mine! Yes unwanted advice and guidance is another thing I don't want to get started on! The last I need when I'm feing nauseous is MIL talking to me about crusty nipples! Shock

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LBNM19 · 17/09/2014 21:19

Disgusting, I also desperately wanted another baby I'm 35 weeks with my 2nd. My first son has a life limiting genetic condition which baby no 2 is free from, I'm over the moon but I've found this pregnancy extremely difficult and I'm always moaning.

Ignore them op you want a child not to feel unwell etc xx

TheBuggerlugs · 17/09/2014 21:47

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This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

ithoughtofitfirst · 17/09/2014 22:06

Oh my GOD that's so rude Shock

Gennz · 17/09/2014 22:53

Jesus Christ. I have been a gold medal whinger for almost the whole duration of my pregnancy and I have no intention of letting up!! If anyone told me I wasn't allowed to I'd clock them.

People getting quite funny and almost territorial about pregnancy/childbirth/parenting choices. Try telling people you're having an ELCS for no medical reason, simply because you don't fancy going though labour. Heh.

worstdayever · 18/09/2014 07:22

Just do it tiggy! Blame the abruptness on hormones , ive had some gems tbf, Being told arrowroot biscuits will do the trick, which probably would for queasiness, but i was being sick 6-8 times a day, just giving my body more ammo.

worstdayever · 18/09/2014 07:25

Silly expensive cots? Im pretty sure there still all wood and serve the basic purpose of sticking a baby in.

Titsalinabumsquash · 18/09/2014 07:28

I would murder someone if they gave me any sort of "you're pregnant not ill" speech. Angry

I'd refer them to my last pregnancy where I was wheelchair bound and in inpatient for 2 months due to my non illness.

I'd love to be,one of these women that breezes through pregnancy but I'm not, I'm really,quite shit at it and if I fancy a moan I'll bloody well have one.

I had a midwife during my first labour that shouted at me for crying (I was induced after getting a pulmonary embolism and ore eclampsia , I was alone and only 16 ffs, I was terrified) she shouted at me

"why are you crying? You need to grow up this is what you caused and what you wanted!" Angry Bitch.

Gennz · 18/09/2014 07:59

Shock what a vile cow Titsa

Greyhound · 18/09/2014 08:03

That's awful AngryAngry

Being pregnant isn't always easy no matter what it took to conceive.

MultipleMama · 18/09/2014 08:03

worstdayever She means the cots that turn into beds and the expensive price when my FiL "built my boys' cot cause we didn't spend money like people do these days" Hmm

And my other favourite; "children these days are spoilt. Their own rooms, their bed. When I was little I was lucky to share a bed not the floor!" Angry Says the woman who spoils her GC with unneeded baby toys... Hmm

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 18/09/2014 08:10

Oh yes. I had people telling me ' should've thought of that before you had sex', and the good old 'some people would give anything to be in your position' spiel. Seems like you're only allowed to moan if you were quietly TTC for a couple of months. Recurrent MCs? Long term TTC? Accidental pregnancy? Nope, you have to put up and shut up.

Gen35 · 18/09/2014 14:02

Just think generally with so many situations, if you're not feeling sympathetic to someone when they're looking for sympathy, it's about you being in a bad mood/not wanting to be bothered and you should try and keep it zipped. My mother stood over my bed while I was feeling awful with morning sickness in trimester 1 (she wasn't babysitting I should add) and told me that it didn't start until week 12, as if I was lying. Galling but buckle up, there are a lot more stupid comments to come...

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