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Original poster

"Don't you dare moan!"

36 replies

tiggy2610 · 17/09/2014 19:32

Can't decide if I'm being too overly sensitive at the minute but I've had two people tell me I have no right to "moan" about being pregnant and I'm rather pissed off Angry

Firstly, I'm not "moaning". I have recently been diagnosed with mild SPD and still have horrendous morning sickness at 20 weeks so have been known to have down days, but I wouldn't change it for the world. It took us 4 years, 1 mc, 3 failed rounds of IVF and a a final FET before we got pregnant so this is more than I could have ever hoped for.

However, a few days ago MIL said "oh you're getting a bit of a bump!" To which I replied "yes he's definitely growing! But from this angle I just feel a bit chubby..." Before I could finish the sentence she chimed in with "don't you dare moan! You wanted this baby you cope with the consequences!" If I'm honest I was a bit taken aback by her abrupt response so I didn't say anything in return.

Today I was with my best friend and her boyfriend, I got up off the sofa but fell back down after a sudden pain in my hip. So I didn't have to do it again I asked my friends boyfriend to pass me my handbag (which was by his leg!) to which he responded "you're not allowed to moan about your back. This is what you wanted"

I feel like I'm appearing ungrateful, which is the exact opposite! Yes my belly is bigger than ever and I have no clothes that fit but I love it because my sons in there! My pelvis is another matter, but I would take this any day over 4 years of IF.

Is it me? Has anyone else been told they're not 'allowed' to moan? What did you say in response?

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ColdCottage · 18/09/2014 14:09

Being pregnant can be hard. It's tough at times, exhausting and can be painful. I think every woman is allowed to express how they are feeling. Just because they are not ill doesn't make the symptoms any less crappy!

Your mil must have forgotten this discomfort. It's not as if that is all you talk about, it's normal to express pain or ask for help or comment on your changing body. I know I just felt fat for quite a while.

Perhaps you DH or fil shoulf remind her of that.

prettywhiteguitar · 18/09/2014 14:26

God that boils my piss, I honestly wouldn't be in the same room as them after that.

Tell them please that comments like that are very rude, then do cats-bum face Grin

Original poster
tiggy2610 · 18/09/2014 17:58

I'm glad I'm not the only one experiencing idiotic comments! Luckily I can escape from spending too much time with MiL and avoid these comments - maybe I'll use my SPD to get out of the next 'family lunch' I'm invited to attend Wink

OP posts:
ChickenMe · 18/09/2014 19:51

Who are they to decide what levels of moaning are acceptable?
Also I hate all this "it's what you wanted". I assume in the majority of cases it's what the husband or partner wanted too-how about a bit of respect for women and what we have to go through and the sacrifices that we make?!
They are being bastards.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 18/09/2014 19:53

Errr, yes you are allowed to moan

These people sound like rude ignorant nasty individuals and who gives a sh1t what they think any how's?!

Moan away!!

CellyD · 18/09/2014 22:35

Yes you are allowed to moan if you want to. Unfortunately some people who should know better don't and certainly don't manage to express themselves helpfully.

On a trip to get a repeat prescription for anti sickness tablets for HG and to avoid another midnight trip to A&E for an IV, a locum GP consulted the British a Medical Journal before informing me that I didn't need the tablets because the information that she has just read stated that morning sickness finishes at 14 weeks and I was 18 weeks at the time Hmm

The moral, idiots come in small guises...

CellyD · 18/09/2014 22:36

All not small ...

SproutsMummy1 · 19/09/2014 04:39

I have the exact same thing! I am only in very early pregnancy and suffered.a miscarriage last year. I have ebendometriosis and was told I would never conceive. I am only twenty butI am so excited about my little sprout but I feel horrible, no sickness just nauseous. But all I have had from family friends and even my partner is 'man up, you aren't the first pregnant woman and you won't be the last!!' I just want someone to listen and just say ' I know it sucks but it will get better! Is that too much to ask?? Sad

runawaysimba · 19/09/2014 05:52

"Sorry I didn't realise there are rules! I suppose I can't moan about my rude MIL either, since I chose to marry into her family."

Original poster
tiggy2610 · 19/09/2014 06:31

sprout Thanks it sucks. But it will get better Smile I hope! My sickness was at it's worst between 6-13 weeks, even though I still get MS it's toned itself down a bit and is more an on/off during the day sickness rather than from morning to night!

Oh my runaway, if that was the rule i think I might have to rethink the whole marriage thing Wink

OP posts:
Shahsham · 19/09/2014 07:37

I moaned throughout my 2 pregnancies (9 months of sickness both times plus other stuff like mild SPD and insomnia). Except when I was too ill to even speak. Fortunately DH and my mum were really sympathetic.

My mum was great actually as she was really sick with me so knew what I was going through but as I was working FT she felt I had it even worse so was just lovely and did lots of cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing for me

No matter how much you want to be pregnant, or rather no matter how much you want a baby, it doesnt reduce how crap you feel Hen pregnant!

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