You're not ill, just pregnant...

[hereharehere33]

Arhhhhhh! But I feel so ill! I know it's meant to be 'The most natural thing' etc etc but it's difficult to function when I feel so nauseous and have my head down the toilet most days I'm struggling at work with limited concentration and my work load is building up. Hence, the house isn't as clean as it should be, the washing basket is always overflowing and all I want to do is sleep as im exhuasted and it's the only time I don't feel sick! Anyway I my MIL has said to my DH 'gosh, she's not ill, just pregnant-when I was pregnant I worked, cooked, cleaned, looked after all of you..etc'

Am I just not coping as well?!

Back in the day there are horrific stories of women left to lie in their own vomit in hospital in America and Europe in the 20s-50S to "put them off" vomiting. Kinder doctors actually prescribed bed rest for pregnant women (easier as fewer worked) and a nurse helped in the house.
Further back of growth issues and losses caused by hg before they could treat it.

Why do you think thelaimyde was rushed through too quickly? Morning sickness was a terror back then as it is now.

In Victorian times you'd have been told to rest in bed "in your condition".

Sexist claptrap. Ignore. My pregnancies have been fine but that doesn't stop me feeling a bit sorry for myself every single day - at best, pregnancy is an uncomfortable, 9-month long bind, so I can't even imagine how miserable I'd feel if I were as ill as you are. You are ill. Don't apologise to anyone because you are ill.
And get DH to do some washing!

I always used to think that "you're pregnant not ill" boy i was wrong when I first experienced morning sickness. I will never utter those words again!

I bet if you went back in time to see MIL working, cooking, cleaning and looking after her children, she wouldn't be skipping about having a merry old time.
Even in my easiest pregnancy with no severe sickness, SPD or potential OC. There was heartburn, leg cramps, general back and bump aching and tiredness.
With DC 2,3 and 4 I did have to just get on with things more because they all needed me. That doesn't mean it was easy or that I wouldn't have done fuck all given the opportunity.

It really annoys me when people say this. It seems to be because their jealous of the pregnancy or have never experienced the delights of pregnancy sickness themselves.

It doesn't matter why you're feeling rough! Being sick is unpleasant whether it's due to a stomach bug or hormones.

I find people who say this are usually the first to take to their beds looking for sympathy when they catch norovirus!

I lost 2 1/2 stone by vomiting everything up for the first 4 months of pregnancy. then I had 2 weeks when I can honestly say I felt brilliant. i could have taken on the world. then heartburn set in. I tried all the usual remedies but the only thing that worked was milk. 1/2 litre of milk quelled the heartburn for 1/2 hour. I ended up drinking 12-15 litres of milk per day. I would panic if I started to run low. I would go around with my litre of milk swigging it whilst wandering around shopping centres or supermarkets or walking the dog

I can really sympathise with the op and anyone who goes through this. It is like having permanent seasickness. I do know people who positively blossom during pregnancy but I also know lots who spend months with their heads down the toilet. I presume it was named "morning sickness" by a man or someone who never experienced. I would like to rename it all day and night sickness.

Oh I do have a df who has 3 dc who positively enjoys contractions. We are all so very different

MIL is just a bit thick if she has failed to grasp that pregnancy affects people differently. Some people feel fit, healthy and full of energy. Some feel absolutely terrible, are seriously ill and spend time in hospital.
MIL sounds like a complete ignoramus and I would be addressing this now before she starts with other such helpful gems once the baby is born.

I was ill throughout both my pregnancies. Threw up daily even out if the window on way to birth. The nausea was off the scale. There is a brilliant thread for Sufferers on here if it doesn't get easier.

Hope it eases.

Your mil possibly breezed through

a stupid man said this to me in work the other day and I responded 'it may not be an illness but it doesn't stop you being ill'. I was very good and didn't punch him. everyone is different. ignore her and do what you have to to get through it.

Oh duvet - you just know that that man wouldn't last two days in the easiest pregnancy in the world. I think cailindana has it right about older women feeling resentful when they see younger women being supported by partners etc. when they didn't have that opportunity themselves - but for an actual man to make pronouncements on what pregnancy might or might not be like...it's farcical, it truly is.

I can relate to feeling hopelessly exhausted and useless during pregnancy. For weeks on end throwing up non stop, dehydrated, lost too much weight, looked green etc. so the house was neglected, as my DD was the top priority so I dragged myself around to keep her looked after. My DH did what he could to help most days though some days he would get frustrated by my lack of ability to do more than just survive as he was getting exhausted working all day and coming home to a mess!

While I don't like what your MIL said, she is probably is seeing her DS (your DH) taking on a lot to help out and her mother's heart is wanting to protect him. Don't worry, it'll be over eventually and you can get back to your usual self! In the meantime if your DH is helping, that is great, keep surviving!

Bloody female chauvinist pig she is really your MIL. As cailindana said, some women of that generation would have been conditioned to please men by not making a fuss so she probably feels a bit resentful. As in "I wasn't allowed to be weak so neither are you".
I had a friend like this who liked to say that period pains, pmt and sea sickness were all in the mind. Basically because she was never allowed to show any self indulgence towards herself as she had a cruel mother.
As usual it says more about the other person than you. Sod the housework, if you need to rest then you rest because you and the baby come first.

Greenstone you are completely right. He is a bit of an arse. This is my second pregnancy and it is shit compared to the last. My DH has had to do everything for our DS since early on. My mil's attitude when he says he is tired, is to point out that he isn't growing another person. I love her! The op' s mil sounds like a martyr.

This is why people have more kids, you simply forget what it's like.

I KNOW it was bad, rubbish morning sickness until 16 weeks or so and generally exhausted but I don't really remember it.

She will also forget most of the bad stuff and will insist her children all slept well, all the time. They all ate well. They were all well behaved.

Try and see this as training to not scream at her over the next few years.

Just ignore, ignore OP.

She sounds a bit jealous of you tbh or why else would she be trying to put you down?

I had to take so many days off work due to morning all day sickness during pregnancy. Have already decided that if I get it that badly next time I will ask to be signed off properly for a couple of weeks or more if necessary because that would actually be less inconvenient to my colleagues than them expecting me to be there only for me to have to go straight home again because I can't stop throwing up!

Always amazes me the lack of sympathy some women have for other women

I suspect that there's a fair chance that your MIL is one of the lucky women who didn't get any of the more debilitating side effects of pregnancy, and also lacks the imagination and empathy required to understand that just because pregnancy was a walk in the park for her, it isn't the same for all or even most other pregnant women.

After all, it's a lot easier to carry on as normal when pregnant if you have no morning sickness / spd / fatigue etc etc

I am nauseas, knackered, achey and my washing like is an absolute state. We had pizza for tea two nights running, such is my lethargy. Your mil either had dream pregnancies, is superwoman, or has forgotten.

If I had the same symptoms I had during the first trimester without being pregnant I would have thought I had a terminal illness!

Seriously I felt like I was going to die most days.

Your mil is being a bitch.
I wasnt sick in either of my og but I felt just ill the whole time..constant nausea, then acid heartburn 24/7, Water infections, horrific hay fever, anaemia, spd, polyhydramnios...nothing major, but they all combined to make it a pretty miserable experience.
And of course you can't take any meds to make you feel better...

What a cow. Sorry, but morning sickness is just awful. If she's that unkind now, how about when baby is 3 months old and your energy is zapped because of night feeds?

Hope morning sickness improves soon, hope your dp tells his mother to button it and hope dp steps up.and does some housework. After all, after you've had baby, you're going to be focusing on feeding baby. Not vacuuming and bleaching.

I found pregnancy worse than being "ill" as it went on so long!

...oh and the exhaustion!...god...it was awful.

Don't you just love that when people tell you that you're pregnant, not ill (must have taken years of medical studies to come up with this gem...)

I usually reply to the older generation that growing old is not an illness either and if they even dare to whisper about their bladder problem or rheumatism or what not, I'll remind them of that!

Or I ask people if they wouldn't expect medical help (not to mention empathy/sympathy) if they were to break a bone or something? Not an illness either, but I'm sure they'd expect a cast and some painkillers at least! And would expect people to make concessions based on the fact they have to use crutches, etc.

Double standards. That's what it is.

(And some people can't stand the attention pregnant women get. I have noticed that most people are actually very kind and eager to help with the tiniest of lifting, moving things around, etc. And some people get jealous of that! I strongly suspect your MiL is one of them)

I suffer awful nausea when pregnant. Relentless, all day nausea. I'm rarely sick, even though I retch. All food is revolting. People all stink if washing powder that is vile. Or have stale breath.

It goes on for months. Zero sympathy from anyone "oh at least you are not actually sick". The times I vomit, it is heaven as I get ten minutes relief.

Constant nausea is utterly debilitating and depressing. If you have never had it, you have no idea how awful it is. Your MIL got lucky, that is all!

I'm still very active - despite my nausea - and that's luck too.

There aren't many people who sail through pregnancy.