Help please - Seriously worried about germs and bacteria :(

[Louise990]

Hi all

I'm seriously panicking about something I did yesterday..

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and whilst cleaning my house I emptied all of the bins as you do.

I emptied the bathroom bin and grabbed all the stuff out of it (with my bare hands) and put it into a large carrier bag. I then went downstairs and emptied the kitchen bin into another carrier bag and took it outside.

I then stupidly emptied the outside bin into the wheelie bin but some leftover food dropped out from the day before. I picked up the food again with my bare hands and slung it back into the bag BUT after all of this I stupidly got distracted and didn't wash my hands until I realised about an hour later :(

I'm very OCD but not usually about germs so I can't believe I did this, I'm such an idiot. I know I should have wore globes but I just didn't think.

I'm so worried that I've harmed the baby.

Please help!

It depends what you did with you hands in this time? I would try not to worry, we come I contact with germs so much day to day on our hands that we don't realise, we have quite good immunity to general bugs so I would guess you would be ok? If you notice that you feel unwell then see the doctor but if you feel fine then unlikely you ingested any bacteria I would think.
I don't know much about germs and pregnancy as this is my first but just my thoughts on germs and bacteria in general!

As much as I've tried, I can't remember what I did with my hands in the time in between handling the rubbish and washing my hands. I can't imagine that I'd go sticking them in my mouth or anything but I have no idea.

The thing I'm panicking about most is handling the day old food. I use hand sanitizer after doing EVERYTHING since being pregnant and the day I empty bins and handle rubbish, I decide not to use it!!

I've not felt unwell so far so hopefully I'll be ok :(

I really wouldn't worry OP. As rainbow said, we come into contact with germs all the time. Even if you did get sick (which i doubt you will) its unlikely to harm the baby as its protected by the placenta.

The only thing you need to be extra careful with is cat litter when pregnant but even then the risk is small.

If you haven't vomited or had flu like symptoms you are probably OK.
Going on the bus or train is probably as germy!

It actually sounds like you have prenatal anxiety (I also have it) the danger being on forums you'll get a poster saying "OMG go to the hospital" and this will feed your anxiety. Ring your MW for some common sense advice and mention that you are very anxious about germs. It sounds like you need some help with regards to this (she says, who monitors movement 4-5 hrs a day during an attack and gets nothing done).

Emptying bins etc is perfectly safe to do. Of course you should wasdh your hands but forgetting once, this far along, is not a massive issue.

I've been ridiculously anxious and obsessive during my pregnancy but this is the first time I've slipped up when it comes to germs. I can't believe I was so careless but I was in the middle of having an anxiety episode about something else so I just didn't think until afterwards.

I've cleaned my hands a million times since I realised but I know I should have done it straight away.

I'm so stupid for picking up leftover food from the day before when pregnant!! I'm just asking for germs.

I'm seeing my MW in the morning so I'll speak to her about it.

Your baby will be absolutely fine. You sound physically fine, no vomiting?

Try to calm down and if need be speak to your midwife about your anxiety. You wouldn't have used hand sanitiser every time pre-pregnancy? There's no need to now. It will be ok.

Your anxiety will have more of a negative impact on your body than the germs will.

I would be talking about that with the midwife, definately. Are you under a GPs care for the anxiety?

Your anxiety will have more of a negative impact on your body than the germs will.

This.

You need to address your anxiety/OCD issues before the baby is born, please do. If you are worried about normal household germs that are all around us and as a rule do us no harm now your anxiety and stress levels will likely rocket up when you have a baby to look after.
And then babies become mobile and stick things in their mouthes, not all of which are suitable or clean… and guess what, they are fine! There is some evidence that some of the rise in allergies/eczema/asthma observe over the last few decades is related to OTT cleanliness and hygiene, children being less exposed to normal environmental microorganisms due to not playing in the dirt as much as used to be normal for previous generations.

Apart from anything else it is so stressful and such hard work to constantly live in fear.
Please see your GP, tell them how you feel about things and get referred to Clinical Psychology for some therapy (CBT ofter works v well and quite quickly).

You want to enjoy your baby, not be scared about germs.

Btw, I never wear gloves for anything, I am a sell-by date denier for many food items, my precious preemie DS2 once stuck cat poo in his mouth, hand washing at home can be sketchy (I am not proud of that, but it's the truth) and we are all fine.
You will be fine, your pregnancy will not be affected by this (non)incident, but your fear needs to be addressed before it takes over more of your life.

Good luck

It sounds to me that your anxiety and worry about this is more of a concern than the germs? Maybe I'm too laid back but if I'd done the same thing it wouldn't have entered my mind that it could possibly harm the baby in any way. As the poster above says, babies and small kids shove 'dirty' things in their mouths all the time but that's how they develop an immune system.

I attend CBT for my anxiety/OCD but I've only had 3 sessions so far. I'll mention this at next week's session.

I'm being so hard on myself but I feel like I deserve to feel guilt and regret.

Thankfully I've not had any symptoms that would point towards me being ill so hopefully I had a lucky escape.

My poor baby has a very neurotic mummy :(

My mental health is definitely much more of a concern than my physical health, it's just so difficult to control.

I never gave it a second thought when I was handling the rubbish it was just afterwards when the anxiety kicked in. It's so exhausting. I just don't know how to stop thinking about it and rationalise it.

Oh, good, you have access to therapy already - do mention this incident and how it affected you to your therapist.

You could turn this around and look at it as a positive example of how non-dangerous trivial things like this are: you touched something you would not normally touch, you forgot to wash your hands and look, nothing happened.

Why would you or anybody "deserve" to feel guilt and regret?
You did want many people do every day without a bad consequence. You have just proven to yourself that no danger arouse from your action. What is harming you are your thoughts and the only person who has the power to control them is you.
So, rather than being hard on yourself, you should give yourself a pat on the back for having dealt with this.

Thanks PacificDogwood

I just feel like I deserve punishment when I make mistakes such as the one I made yesterday, I feel like I've let my baby down by being so careless but I would never intentionally do something to hurt her or put her at risk.

As soon as I get rid of one bout of anxiety/OCD, then it's only a matter of hours before another one sets in. Each time it gets harder to shake it off.

I try so hard to control how I react to my thoughts but it just keeps hammering away at me. I'm going to try and turn it around into a positive instead.

BTW (and take note PP I know you mean well but) ... Having anxiety won't damage your baby so don't get in an anxiety cycle about THAT ... Sorry needs saying.
"Your anxiety will hurt your pregnancy" is the equivalent of telling a depressive person to "snap out of it" and can actually make the guilt and fear worse. Its a massive trigger.

Your anxiety is making you suffer. It will eat your life now for these 9 months and increase the risks to your mental health long term eg PND.
YOU deserve to feel calm and happy.
YOU are a good, clever person who can take care of your baby without constant worry.
NOT every bad thing is under your control- YOU are not to blame.

Get help with this but not just because you're pregnant: because you as a person deserve good health and happiness.

Having the illness anxiety will not hurt your baby directly so don't feel bad - but it is hurting you so do accept all help out there.

V good point, squizita, and absolutely correct.

and and .
Chill, chill, chill. You and baby will be fine. I was a bit like this when pregnant with both dc and also when they were small babies. Constantly washing and geling my hads hands (and nagging dh to do so as well). It's a very stressful way to be, I sympathise. It's good to keep hands clean but I'm sure handling food that's a few days old is not a issue.

Btw, the comments about stress are not necessarily helpful or even evidence based. I know stress isn't great but some stress is normal (after all I don't know any Buddisy monk type of expecting mums) and babies are fine with it. I was the most stressed when I expected dc2 and she is the most relaxed and happy thing. Not so stressed during pregnancy no1 and dc1 rather highly strung.... Fwiw... I have also heard that eating a small amount of dark chocolate is every day during pregnancy makes for chilled out babies (not evidence based but seemed to have worked for us...

Also take it easy with the housework and put your feet up.

I repeat:

You will be fine!! X

squizita thank you for clarifying this. I do panic about what effect my anxiety has on the baby's health but it's beyond my control so I can't feel too guilty. I only feel guilty about "mistakes" I feel I keep making but can't seem to avoid.

People keep telling me that I can control my thoughts and can stop them but I honestly can't. If I could then I wouldn't have anxiety.

I just want to forget about yesterday. In my mind, I may as well have eaten the leftover food that had been in the bin for how much trouble it's causing me now. I remember picking it up and thinking how disgusting it was but not enough to freak out and worry that it was potentially going to harm the baby. I SHOULD have washed my hands though, and if I wasn't already in an anxious state about something else then I would have.

I don't know how or where to "file" this in my mind which probably sounds silly. As soon as I have a place for it then I can move on but until then it just eats away at me.

What I meant to say wrt stress, accept that you are a bit stressed and let it pass. Don't fight it as that will make things work and could result I a panic attack (this used to happen to me...). Everyone is stressed all the time. It's normal and part of life. Accept it, and let it pass....

My obstetrician told me that people adapt to stress and the body copes with it well usually.

During pregnancy some stress is to be expected even some anxiety, as we we go through massive (hormonal) and emotional changes when we are expecting.

Pregnancy hormones send me really anxious. Please dont think it will harm your baby or make them more of a stressy baby once born. I was seriously stressed and had lots of panic attacks in ds pregnancy, yet he is the calmest most chilled out baby/toddler ive ever known - lots of people comment on how lucky i am to have such a laid back dc.

Im glad youre getting help and i know at the moment you cant control the anxiety but believe me you will learn to control it too an extent, so it doesnt consume you. In fact in this pregnancy (with dc2) im keeping it pretty much under control and can stop myself getting into too much of a state when something worries me.

Is there someone you can call when the anxiety starts to take hold? Before id learnt to use my techniques properly (and sometimes even now), i found it helpful to call my mom. She helped me rationalise what was panicing me. Is there somebody who could do that for you?

Controlling intrusive thoughts is very hard, but can be done. It's a skill like any other - you may not have a 'talent' for it , but you can train yourself to get better at it with time.
Think of it as similar to any other talent: most people are not musical geniuses, some don't have a musical bone in their body and will never be any 'good' at playing the piano. Hoever, anybody can learn to do Chopsticks. Some will have to practice hareder/longer than others.

The same is true with unhelpful thinking. You're thinking thoughts that make you feel worse, achieve nothing, sap your energy and the next time something happens you feel worse as you've written.
Otoh, you DO have the power to v slowly make changes to what route of thinking you pursue. Or rather nobody else has the power to change your thinking patterns, but you do. A therapist can help you and give you 'homework' etc, but cannot do it for you.

People have healthy babies under the most adverse of circumstance, war, famine, much higher levels of physical and psychological stress than most of us are lucky enough to ever know.

The concern is how this is affecting YOU and how in time it can take over your entire life. Which will then affect your growing child who will become aware of how you behave and react to things.

My SiL as OCD and some other difficulties and my 7 yo niece is beginning to copy some of her behaviours (checking bins, frightened of 'drunk people' - she's never had contact with a drunk person) and is aware that her mother has 'problems' (her word, not mine).

I think somebody who has never had to deal with significant anxieties has no idea how limiting and disabling it can be, so I wish you strength and persistence and all the best to get some control over how you manage your anxieties.

Hi Louise, I have similar thoughts sometimes. What has helped me is NOT trying to control thoughts, or stop thoughts, because that is impossible. Now I try to accept that all sorts of thoughts will pop into my head throughout the day, but that doesn't mean that they are true, or that I need to take any action because of them. One technique you can use is to say out loud, 'I'm having the thought that this is dangerous.' or 'I'm having the thought that I have harmed my baby.' Sometimes it helps to get a bit of distance and objectivity, so you can accept the fact that you are having that thought, without it necessarily being true.

I got this from a book called 'The Happiness Trap' by Russ Harris. It has lots of other ideas of ways to deal with uncomfortable and intrusive thoughts.

OP, have you come across this book before -Brain Lock ?

It's about OCD behaviour, and I found it hugely useful in understanding what's going on in the brain. Your comment "As soon as I get rid of one bout of anxiety/OCD, then it's only a matter of hours before another one sets in. Each time it gets harder to shake it off" made me think of it, because he talks a lot about the 'loop' that the brain gets into that it can't switch off, one open loop leading to more. Where most people can switch off the anxiety by thinking 'oh it's OK, I didn't wash my hands but I'm not ill so it's fine', for someone whose brain gets into OCD patterns, they can't close the loop like that so the anxiety doesn't switch off. He has some good techniques for dealing with it that really helped me.

You will be absolutely fine. Even if you'd have eaten the day old food I imagine the most you'd have is an upset tummy!

Rather than try and file it away, could you minimise it? View the situation like a film in your mind. Blur the 'screen' Make it black and white and really small and try and push it away until it's a tiny dot. I get very anxious at times and this can help.