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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I got an ''Oh well, never mind......'' today when I told someone (when asked) that I am expecting a DS4

28 replies

bubble99 · 16/09/2006 22:04

Please tell me....How do I deal with this?

DS4 to-be is actually DS5. One of my twin sons died last year. I started crying and shouting "How can you say that?" What? Shall I send this one back? Should I have aborted when I knew I was having another son?

I'm all over the place.

OP posts:
Pruni · 16/09/2006 22:07

Message withdrawn

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/09/2006 22:08

Oh bubble...

I think your reaction was fair. In your circumstances. I dont know if this person knows your circumstances, but even if not, it was a pretty thoughtless misplaced platitude.

Sweetie, its going to be a real rollercoaster for you until you have him in your arms, and I wish I could say something brilliant or do something magical to make it okay for you. But i cant. So, it will just be a case of waiting it out, coming on here to rant and to get lots of hugs and kisses.

PrettyCandles · 16/09/2006 22:09

Oh god some people are idiots. How dare they make these stupid assumptions! Frankly, when I hear someone say something along what you are expecting, my reaction is "Wow!" - I don't see how it could be anything but. Having, or expecting, a baby is utterly amazing. And if I have any opinions then I would ask first "How do you feel about that?" rather than assume you to be disappointed not to have a girl.

Did this idiot know about your dts? Either way they were stupidly presumptuous.

And I'm sending you my warmest, most excited "Wow"!

Pruni · 16/09/2006 22:09

Message withdrawn

mears · 16/09/2006 22:12

Oh Bubble - please try not to get upset by other peoples mindless comments. I remember hearing that comment when I had DS3 who was on a ventilator in special care for a week - I couldn't understand how they could be so heartless. You will be the proud mother of 5 sons - rise above them {{{hugs}}}

LadyTophamHatt · 16/09/2006 22:15

Oh Bubble, I get that all the time too(From total strangers to my own mum) but obviously I've not had the heartbreak of losing a baby before this one.

I'm not surprised you shouted at them, stupid stupid people

I wish I had some words to make you feel better, I really do.

Original poster
bubble99 · 16/09/2006 22:18

Pruni. October 26th by CS. My (lovely and sympathetic) Obs consultant advised me to try for a VBAC. Thing is....If I knew that she and a decent anaesthetist would be around if things went pear-shaped at 4am...I would. After experiencing 'the nightshift/assorted locums team from hell' last time. I'm not prepared to risk it.

OP posts:
misdee · 16/09/2006 22:20

shout and scream all you want honey. (damn i called someone honey, cod will get me for this)

seriously, you are a mother of 5 sons, its not 'oh well never mind , 'its 'oh WOW'

Miaou · 16/09/2006 22:22

Oh bloody hell bubble, how ... oooh I'm speechless with rage!!! Where do these people get off?????? I hope they were suitably cowed by your reaction.

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} bless you hun.

Original poster
bubble99 · 16/09/2006 22:28

Poor DS4. Already 'boring' before he's even been born.

I wanted to find out whether we are having a girl/boy before he/she is born precisely to avoid this kind of reaction after the birth. I'm now not sure that I did the right thing..

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 16/09/2006 22:28

Oh my lovely Bubble

VVV's right - this is a roller coaster for you.

I wish I could stop people saying such unbelievably ignorant things to you

Many, many hugs, my love - I think of you often x x x x x

Original poster
bubble99 · 16/09/2006 22:29

Thanks all. X

LTH. I knew that you'd know how I feel...

OP posts:
3andnomore · 16/09/2006 22:30

(((Awwwwww))))...not been in your position as such as I ahve never lost a child that was born....but grrrrrrrr at that kind of commet, I have 3 lovely sons and after ds 1 everybody seemed to assume we are desperate for a girl...weird thing is...that with es I was a wee bit disappointed when I found out at the scan...but that was becaseu I just could not imagine myself with a boy/the unnown...but having es made me realsie just how lovely it is to have boys...so...defiantely not unhappy about having boys!

LadyTophamHatt · 17/09/2006 07:55

Ohh Bubble, that "boring" thing is soooo true here too.

If its not an "Ohh No" that I get, its a real disappointed "uughh" which is what my mum said. I told most people over the phone and I could even hear the disappointed in their voice when they tried to hide it. The only person who said it nicely was my lovely lovely brother, he laughed and laughed...like I was stand up comedian or genuis for managing it 4 times (which I am of course[). Silly sod

I really think being PG with No 4 is totally uninteresting to everyone except me, Dh and the ds's(and MN of course)
I certainly haven't had that lovely feeling where I feel special....people just assume I'm bored with it too, that I know how to do pregnancy, and I know what its all about so why would/should I feel special.
But, I know without any doubt, if this little blue one had of been pink the story would have been very differnet. Everyone would have said how lovely , Ohhh fantastic, well done, and all the rest.
That makes me feel really sad.....For you it must be bloody heartbreaking.

I'm glad that we're having a 4th boy....after all, this club is a really exclusive one, they don't just let anyone in, we've been carefully selected

Miaou · 17/09/2006 08:08

I feel so sad for you both. LTH I think you are absolutely right - people act "bored" because you have done it all before. But you are both going to give birth to a person, with a unique personality, with his own whims and idiosyncrasies. He will be bringing his own version of the world into the family and your other boys will have a special relationship with him that they didn't have with their other siblings. Your life will be enriched by the addition of this little person in new and different ways.

I am preaching to the converted I know - sorry - but I get really exercised about this. I experienced it from the other end of the scale - when I had ds people congratulated me because he was a boy - which left me feeling a little sad really. He is a person first, and a boy second.

(((((hugs)))))

aaronsmummy · 17/09/2006 08:12

Wish I could have another. If you had told me you were pg with another ds, I would have said 'you lucky bugger'. All babies are gift.

cazboldy · 17/09/2006 09:13

First of all Congratulations. I am pg with no 5 and only about 2 people have actually said congratulations. Everyone else has been quite rude and said "oh dear" or "you must be mad" or "Hubby must be off for the snip after this one" As a previous poster said every baby is a gift and we are thrilled ( and a little surprised ) Fortunately I have never had to go through the loss of a child and can only say how sorry I am for you and can understand why you reacted the way you did.
Also with regard to the sex thing I currently have 1 dd and 3 ds's and everyone assumes we are just trying to get another girl. The truth is that 1 is enough! She is more trouble than all of the boys put together, little madam

biglips · 17/09/2006 09:19

...thats shocking! that person deserve a scream from you. My jaw would've dropped to the floor if i heard anyone say that!

thick flippin people!

squishy · 17/09/2006 09:40

Congratulations. I can't believe that anyone could say anything like that about any baby - it's utterly selfish and thoughtless. I think your reaction was quite measured - I'm not sure I'd have been that restrained.

intergalacticwalrus · 17/09/2006 09:52

Bubble, I get pissed off with this kind of reaction, and I only have 2 DSs, and I haven't been through what you have. It really pisses me off when people say "aren't you going to have a girl" or "don;t you wish DS2 was a girl?" Erm, no, I am just bloody happy that he's healthy.

I cried at a total stranger yesterday, who said to me "Urgh, what's happened to DS2's hand?" (He was born without 3 of his fingers on his RH) I was livid that she had the audacity to mek me feel like it was a disgusting thing and somehow my fault.

Sorry, off on a rant. People are so effing insensitive sometimes.

Congratulations btw. I bet DS5 will be a stunner!

3andnomore · 17/09/2006 09:59

IGW...what a terrible insensitive person that must have been....just shocking!

lockets · 17/09/2006 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

QueenEagle · 17/09/2006 10:15

bubble - how insensitive. I had this a lot when I knew I was expecting ds4, partly because it was dh's 2nd ds (dd, ds1, ds2 are from previous marriage) and many people made comments such as "oh I bet dh wanted a girl, never mind" and "what a shame he didn't get a dd". I found that really upsetting co for people to say similar things to you must be heatrbreaking.

A baby, whatever the sex is a gift and should be joyously celebrated. People are so thoughtless. I am sure whoever said it to you didn't mean it and was probably just saying what they themselves have heard countless times and somehow they think it's the right thing to say.

Can't wiat for your birth announcement btw!!

saltcod · 17/09/2006 22:10

Maybe you should print off a few copies of this thread, keep 'em in your handbag... and hand a copy out to the next person to "commiserate" with you on the joy of bringing another beautiful life into the world . We're expecting no. 2 after ttc for 1.5 yrs & I get pissed off enough with people asking if a) was it planned? (yes, it was planned, but why should our sex lives & contraceptive use be any of your business.... ?!) and b) I bet you want a boy this time? (er, no, just a healthy baby, thank you very much. Another girl is more than acceptable too!). Grrrrr

((( HUGS ))) and CONGRATULATIONS Bubble...

Iona x

anniediv · 17/09/2006 22:14

Congratulations bubble99 for ALL your lovely boys.

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