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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the sex of baby. Thoughts?

75 replies

molly84 · 07/07/2014 08:59

My husband and I are expecting our first baby in December. We have absolutely no preference what we are having...Just very excited about having a baby. Initially we decided not to find out the sex, but as the 20 week scan is approaching we are starting to change our minds. We just want to know as much about this little person as possible! What are your thoughts? Did you regret finding out? Thanks

Ps everything ie nursery/clothes is going to be unisex so we are not planning on buying gender specific items if we do find out. Thx

OP posts:

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splendide · 07/07/2014 14:46

Yes good point Owl.

Scoobsmam13 · 07/07/2014 14:54

I am 14+3 and will find out this time. I didn't with DC1 but had convinced myself I was having a boy, in fact I told people like it had been confirmed which it hadn't. Then she was born, and although I wasn't in the slightest disappointed, I never really thought of her as the bump I had, because the bump in my head was a boy. This time I just want to know whether I have a little he or a she in there, so I don't make my mind up in advance.

twiglet2 · 07/07/2014 14:57

I have my 20 week scan tomorrow afternoon, and despite always saying I would want it to be a surprise on the day, my husband and I have decided we really want to know, but if one of us has decided we wanted to wait and see, we wouldn't be finding out. At my 12 week scan the baby was stood on its head facing the wrong way, so hoping he or she will be a bit more cooperative tomorrow....

Numero3 · 07/07/2014 14:59

We didn't find out with our first but we did with our second.

If I had a third, I wouldn't find out. It didn't ruin anything finding out early but there was something extra special about having just given birth and finding out.

I liken it to opening Christmas presents early... It doesn't ruin anything, it just means there's one less gift to open on the day

Congratulations and good luck. Enjoy!

Ragwort · 07/07/2014 15:05

We didn't want to know & I'm not sure I agree with the 'motivating in labour' idea as I ended up with an EMCS .

For DH & I we genuinely wanted the 'surprise'- I appreciate that not everyone feels like that but for us we had no concerns about clothes/decor etc. Again, just a personal observation but to me it is more of a surprise when it is announced as the baby is there rather than when you are having a scan. And I do know a number of cases where people were told wrongly !

As it happened I was so knocked out by the GA that the surgeon ended up telling me as DH had gone off somewhere with DS to get checks etc done .

Amber76 · 07/07/2014 15:19

We found out with the first (dd) and we didn't tell anyone that we knew. It was the most lovely secret to enjoy for the second half of the pregnancy. And on the big day itself there are so many other surprises such as what the baby looks like and how they are.

On my second (ds) the scan wasn't clear and the doctor said they couldn't confirm the gender. So it was a surprise on the day. But I thought the gender got "a bit lost" in all the excitement of the day.

I'm now pregnant with my third and would love to know the gender if possible.

Original poster

molly84 · 07/07/2014 17:16

Thanks everyone for sharing your views. We are going to think about it over the next week or two...but think we will be finding out...but perhaps just keeping it our little secret.

OP posts:

DefiniteMaybe · 07/07/2014 17:20

I found out with all of mine. For this pregnancy, even though I'm only 21 weeks the dc know they are having a sister and she has a name. She feels like a real person and I don't have to refer to her as it anymore. I can't imagine not finding out.

Taura · 07/07/2014 18:11

I'm 17 weeks and we don't want to know. We have both been waiting a long time for a baby and it really doesn't matter to me what gender it is. I don't want to project a personality, or a future life plan on him or her until we meet. Equally we are both unfussed about pink and blue and would rather have bright colours. The nursery is green with a funky ikea print curtain with mountains and goats and flowers and houses on.

I love the thought of finding out at the birth. There are so few surprises in the world these days, we can just scan or Google anything we want to know. This one will be our special surprise and I don't want it to come from a sonographer but from my DP as the baby opens its eyes for the first time

Heatherbell1978 · 07/07/2014 18:21

It's such a personal thing OP, I guess everyone has their own thoughts on it. Remember if you decide not to find out at your 20 wk scan you can always pay for a private one later on if you change your mind.

We found out because we're such organised people and wanted to buy all the right things, plus we were struggling to agree on names so it gave us just one sex to focus on. I know people say it ruins the surprise but I have no idea what he will look like! So for me that's the big surprise (hence why we never opted for a 3D scan).

VJONES1985 · 07/07/2014 19:29

We found out and I'm so glad we did because it made it feel more real. I cried with happiness when we were told because it helped me to imagine our baby as an actual little person. However, it's entirely up to you of course and I don't think it matters either way :-)

SaltySeaBird · 07/07/2014 19:47

We didn't find out with DD and although I miscarried last week we had decided to keep DC2 as a surprise too.

In some ways I didn't worry about the surprise but as I was pretty certain on names I didn't want people referring to the baby in a familiar way before it was born. I didn't want the baby to be a familiar person before we met them if that makes sense. So instead of saying "when *Alice is born" "when she is here" I liked it being an unknown. I wanted me and DH to be the first people to know who she was.

*not DD's name!

WiggleGinger · 07/07/2014 20:03

I don't get the 'oh I want it to be a surprise thing'
You know it's still as surprise whenever you find out!
And to whoever says it makes you push harder when you don't know... Load of crap!!
We found out with dd and we know the this bump is a ds.
Agreed neutral baby things really can't be all that neutral they still look one way or another even the 'jungle' theme stuff.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 07/07/2014 20:49

We haven't found out either time. When DS was born it was amazing when we found out he was a boy. The feeling was brilliant.

Never had trouble buying unisex clothes, there are some lovely non-beige/white clothes around.

It's a bit like opening your Christmas presents early, personally.

moggle · 07/07/2014 21:03

I really ummed and ahhed but in the end we decided not to find out. Some of our thought processes are below, but none of these were really strong enough on their own to sway us. In the end we just didn't quite feel strongly enough to find out, so it seemed easier to take the passive option of not finding out. Our 20 week scan was on Friday btw.

Agree that it is the same surprise for us whenever we find out; however for other people (well, our parents) I think it'd be a better surprise for them to find out when the baby arrives. (we could never keep it a secret if we knew!)

Like you, it won't really change anything we will buy, although I have seen a couple of lovely handmade dresses... Anyway I like the challenge of finding nice unisex things (NOT beige and grey...), and it means the stuff we buy for DC1 can be used for other kids regardless. Also it stops people buying lots of frilly pink stuff or boring khaki/navy stuff.

I can see the sense in finding out for DC2 for planning purposes; so we thought if we find out for DC2, we shouldn't for DC1 so that we can experience both ways!!

We have 95% decided on names for each sex, and if we knew the sex, I worry that I'd start calling it by the 'right' name and thus potentially spoil another surprise for our parents!

I only had a slight wobble during the scan but managed to hold out. We told the sonographer upfront we didn't want to know, and baby didn't flash his/her bits at us, so we're pretty happy!

September60b · 07/07/2014 21:17

We decided to find out due to having a turbulent pregnancy so far and a mc last year. Has helped us to bond with the baby after what has been a worrying couple of weeks, not wanting to get too attached. The one great thing about having a cvs is that you get to find out early ;)

We won't be telling anyone else though. I still like the idea of family and friends getting the surprise.

Gennz · 07/07/2014 23:40

I've always wanted to know (am terrible with surprises). DH was initially not keen to find out, but came round to the idea and ended up definitely wanting to find out. I had a preference for a girl so I was worried I'd be disappointed at the birth otherwise. Well, our scan was this morning and it's a boy! We are overjoyed! I've absolutely hated pregnancy (still vomiting at 19 weeks and generally finding the whole process quite tough) so it was lovely to have something to get excited about.

elliejjtiny · 08/07/2014 01:24

I found out with DS's 1, 3 and 5 but not with DS's 2 and 4. I was particularly glad I found out with DS5 because we were both really poorly when he was born. I didn't know he'd been born for 30ish minutes (EMCS) so I'm glad we already knew he was a boy.

weebairn · 08/07/2014 08:07

Congratulations Gennz!!! :) :)

SomeSunnySunday · 08/07/2014 08:56

We didn't find out with DS1 and did with DS2. I can't honestly say that it made much difference to me, it was nice to find out at both points! The only think that I would say is that some annoying relatives of DH were adamant that they didn't want to know what we were having second time around. I found this really irritating, as it was hard to keep quiet, and avoid referring to the baby as "he", and in practical terms to avoid them seeing what choices we had made for the nursery, which pram blanket we had bought etc (it was especially hard as a certain someone spent the second half of my pregnancy telling us how much she hoped we would have a girl, despite wanting the surprise when the baby was born and knowing that we already knew what we were having). I'm a few weeks from my 20 week scan this time and can't decide whether to find out or not, but if we do we are going to tell everyone immediately so that there can be none of this nonsense this time!

coffeetofunction · 08/07/2014 09:14

Me & DH are expect at the end of the month & we have kept it a suprise. It's our second pregnancy & we couldn't be more excited to meet our little rainbow. Leading up to our 20 week scan we had already had 4 scans & all the time we had said we wouldn't find out but on the day DH decided he wanted to know. I was gutted. I'd envisioned the midwife handing me the baby & DH telling me what the sex is....however at the scan they could not tell so we're still have a suprise!!! Yay!!! Now talking DH about it (not knowing the sex) he is really pleased that he doesn't know.

BeckaH123 · 08/07/2014 09:39

The only think that I would say is that some annoying relatives of DH were adamant that they didn't want to know what we were having second time around.

That sounds super annoying! I would have told them accidentally on purpose.

WiggleGinger · 08/07/2014 17:02

Sunny Sunday

We had that issue too!!
I initially tried to keep it quiet so it kept the surprise for them but they got so Mardy and like your relatives would 'wish' for a specific gender, even knowing I knew what I was having and they would tell me how convinced hey were that baby was a boy etc etc etc
eventually It got too much and I simply said "she's a girl"
then secretly in my head said IN YOUR FACE LOSER

Petty, maybe, but it's not their news/ secret to be kept!

twiglet2 · 08/07/2014 17:16

Found out a few hours ago that we're having a healthy baby girl :) more relieved at the healthy part than anything.
It was the right decision for us, and I'm really pleased we found out, but I totally get why some people decide to wait.

squizita · 08/07/2014 17:52

Twiglet yes finding out your baby is healthy doesn't mean you don't want to know the gender (I say that as someone who has high risk pregnancies and losses). :) I never get that as a 'reason' not to know once health is established.

It's a preference - some love the surprise, others like to know everything.

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