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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the sex of baby. Thoughts?

75 replies

molly84 · 07/07/2014 08:59

My husband and I are expecting our first baby in December. We have absolutely no preference what we are having...Just very excited about having a baby. Initially we decided not to find out the sex, but as the 20 week scan is approaching we are starting to change our minds. We just want to know as much about this little person as possible! What are your thoughts? Did you regret finding out? Thanks

Ps everything ie nursery/clothes is going to be unisex so we are not planning on buying gender specific items if we do find out. Thx

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randdom · 07/07/2014 10:01

We didn't find out with my little boy. After a difficult pregnancy and labour culminating in an emergency section it was amazing that they held him up above the sterile feed and let us find out what he was for ourselves.

I can see the practical benefits of finding out though. However for me I don't think not knowing meant I couldn't bind as well as if I had known .

Redling · 07/07/2014 10:02

We found out, and it has been wonderful to spend the last few months knowing my boy is in there, and my husband has been buying little things for 'his son'. I have no way of knowing if it would have been as special if we were just thinking of 'the baby', but I certainly have no regrets. We haven't gone wild on the blue either, he has fairly gender neutral toys and a lot of the clothes we have are primary colours, the pram is purple etc! I also can't imagine that his birth would be any more special if I didn't know what sex he was, or that I'd be 'more motivated' during it, as I want to meet this little boy so much it hurts :) I've honestly loved this pregnancy so much more since I found out. It was a lovely treat in the middle which got us all excited again.

Original poster

molly84 · 07/07/2014 10:12

Thanks for everyone's advice. Really still so undecided..Glad to know there is nice gender neutral stuff out there that is not just beige and white though.

I like the idea of motivating yourself to push if you don't know...but also agree with minesril I want to learn as much as possible about them. Eek it's a difficult decision!

OP posts:

weatherall · 07/07/2014 10:12

I don't like surprises so I absolutely wanted to know.

I felt it was necessary for practicalities such as room sharing ie long term house planning, clothes, decor, naming.

It's easier for others to buy gifts if you're lucky enough to get any!

I liked that I could then say him/ her instead of 'it' for the last 20 weeks.

I didn't like the idea that a medical practitioner could know something I didn't about my baby.

I also didn't want the 'it's a boy/girl' announcement at birth, and put this in my birth plan.

stripedtortoise · 07/07/2014 10:16

There's no right or wrong way imo. Having a baby is exciting and magical, regardless of whether you know or not.
Your baby, your pregnancy - find out if you like! ;)

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/07/2014 10:18

Dd1 we didn't find out.

Dd2 I found out by accident.

Neither felt any different at the end tbh. I was just thrilled to have my babies

Eminybob · 07/07/2014 10:33

We found out and are happy that we've been able to plan more and buy more boyish stuff for him. And people have already bought him little outfits so no regrets here.

I did worry after we'd painted the nursery, and started buying stuff that the sonographer may have been wrong, but we had another scan at 32 weeks which confirmed it (very obviously)

My friend found out they were having a boy, but still went all out neutral in their colour scheme so it doesn't have to just be for that reason.

We are still finding it hard to decide on a name though, so I don't think finding out the sex has helped there. Especially since we had pretty much already decided on a girls name!

jeee · 07/07/2014 10:33

We only found out for DC1 (and that was only because we weren't expecting to be able to find out - the hospital changed its policy on giving out the sex between scan 1 and scan 2, so we didn't discuss whether we wanted to know before scan 2).

When I was pregnant with DC4 I wanted a particular sex (and as I'd had a preference with DC2, which I'd then got, I assumed that DC4 would oblige ). I think that I'd have been disappointed had I been told at the scan. But I didn't care at all when I saw my baby - it's sex was irrelevant then.

I think that it's a matter for you and your DH - but I think if you have a gender preference, it might be better not to know.... Though I know some people would say it's better to find out before the birth, so you're not disappointed then.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/07/2014 10:36

Dc1 - didnt want to know. I had no preference and it really didnt matter in the grand scheme of things. I also wanted that magical moment of dh telling me what we had once id delivered (put it in capital letters on my birth plan) and it really was magical. We had a dd.

Dc2 (due Oct) - dd was convinced ot was a girl, I had a slight girl preference, and dh had a slight boy preference. We decided to find out to be prepared. Its a little boy, and I am now beyond excited! We have tons of unisex stuff from when dd was born so need nothing for this one.

I dont regret either decision.

ThedementedPenguin · 07/07/2014 10:43

Just want to add in another point, whether you know the sex or not it makes no difference to how motivated you are to get the baby out.

I knew with both of mine and I didn't think well I know what I'm having I'll not bother pushing.

You are excited to see baby whether you know it's a boy/girl or waiting to find out.

MrsHoolie · 07/07/2014 10:51

1st baby- found out as was too excited not to.

2nd baby- chose to have a surprise. It was the best feeling ever finding out at the birth.

BeckaH123 · 07/07/2014 11:14

Yeah I don't know about the whole not knowing the sex helps to motivate you thing. Even the girl who told me that sounded dubious! What motivates some people doesn't motivate others though so you never know! I'll be sure to update you in December when we have our baby.

Pregnantagain7 · 07/07/2014 11:28

Im 26 weeks pregnant with dc4 and I've never found out the sex with any of mine. I totally understand why people do but it's just amazing finding out at the birth, I just loved it and for me I couldn't imagine doing it any other way. :)

stargirl1701 · 07/07/2014 11:39

We didn't find out with DD or DC2. We had a previous mmc and found out at scan so we both find it an anxious time. It seems so irrelevant to finding out if the baby is alive or not.

I just don't care about the sex. Just need alive. A heartbeat rather than that awful black mass.

Hazchem · 07/07/2014 11:42

I like the delayed excitement of not knowing personally. A bit like when you start putting christmas presents under the tree, or get sent a birth present in the post and you wait to the actually day.

weebairn · 07/07/2014 11:43

Didn't with either pregnancy; had a girl last time (I was sure it was a boy) and it was lovely, didn't even find out for about 15 minutes after the birth I was so happy holding her, it didn't seem relevant at all!

I always liked unisex clothes and baby grows for the under-ones so no problems with the clothes and now I get to re-use them all with the next baby whatever he/she turns out to be :)

CPtart · 07/07/2014 11:48

We found out both times. Definitely would. I know of more than one person who had to have a general anaesthetic for a c section and came round to find out the sex feeling all groggy and disorientated......and so many people knew before the mother!

mssleepyhead · 07/07/2014 11:57

I love knowing. We found out at 18 weeks and I'm so glad we did : ) it really helped me to imagine him as a person and the life we might have with him. We talk to him a lot and it helps knowing a bit more about who he is. And also it definitely helps with practical things. His nursery is gender neutral and I knew what I wanted it like before we found out, but we were really struggling for boys names so I'm glad we were able to focus on that and, when shopping, I think it's surprisingly tricky to find gender neutral clothes! So many have a boy or girl feel to them, even if they're not white/yellow. So yes, a definite vote for knowing here : )

mrsmugoo · 07/07/2014 12:03

I didn't find out with DS. It was exciting and I know my DH treasures the moment he saw what we'd got and told me.

However we will probably find out second time around. All our newborn stuff is unisex but I think I'd just like to experience the other side of the coin.

Whatever you choose to do will be amazing though. And not knowing didn't stop me bonding either.

ScarlettlovesRhett · 07/07/2014 12:10

Noooooooo!!

Don't find out, somebody said to me years ago it's the only true surprise you will ever get.

I didn't know with either of mine, it was amazing to have that surprise on the day.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Notso · 07/07/2014 12:44

I didn't find out with any of my 4. Before I was with DH I lost a baby late on. I didn't want to think of my babies as an actual person before they were safely in my arms and alive.
DH told me the sex of each of them and it was so special. I can't see it being as special having a stranger tell me. I really hate pink and blue, most of the time people had to ask if my babies were boys or girls as I dressed them mostly in bright colours and I liked that.

Just as an aside I was behind a woman in Next the other day she was returning hundreds of pounds worth of pink clothes and room accessories after finding out at a 38 week growth scan she was having a boy not a girl as the 20 week scan suggested.
She was saying she had built up an image of her daughter and was finding it really difficult to 'lose' the daughter and bond with a son. She was crying handing back some of the dresses. That would really put me off finding out.

ItWasMyOwnSilence · 07/07/2014 13:48

DD1 was a surprise and DH told me her sex after delivery.

We found out with DD2 (this was more DH's choice than mine - I would have been happy with another surprise). Part of the reason we found out was to tell DD1 whether she would be having a brother or sister and help prepare her for baby's arrival.

I loved the surprise of DD1 at at no point thought 'I wish I knew'. I don't regret finding out with DD2 but if I were to have another DC I would prefer not to find out.

LegoClone · 07/07/2014 14:09

My experience is pretty much the same as ItWasMyOwnSilence 's, except that I have two DSs.

Having done it both ways I preferred not knowing and the excitement of finding out - not that it made any difference to how "motivated" I was when it came to labour. If anything I was more motivated when it came to pushing out DS2 as the anaesthetist was too busy to sort me out with an epidural and I really wanted it to be over!

I'd quite like another DC - it's not going to happen but I'd definitely go for the surprise option.

splendide · 07/07/2014 14:38

I wanted a surprise really but DH was very keen to find out so we did. It is quite nice to be able to say "he" instead of "it" but other than that I don;t think it's made much difference to me.

OwlCapone · 07/07/2014 14:40

The "surprise" thing always makes me smile. It's a surprise whether you find out now or at the birth. :)

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