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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

The things it's not socially acceptable to admit....

63 replies

ohthegoats · 29/05/2014 17:17

... things like, since I got pregnant I've spent quite a chunk of time mourning the life I now WON'T have. Today is particularly bad, I just had a follow-up email from VSO about an interview I had in 2012. Details of available jobs in Asia and Africa. Then I started thinking about the international development MSc I planned on doing, but have been persuaded to postpone for now.

I'm a selfish mother already!

Anyone else got any?

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Dizzywhore · 30/05/2014 07:32

I miss sex! DH won't go near me while pregnant :(

Lula2515 · 30/05/2014 07:42

I miss going out with friends, I hate being the only one not drinking, I get jealous.
Like lisad I also miss feeling attractive.
I also feel like it's not socially acceptable to admit that I don't like that the baby has already taken over and it's not fair.

Lweji · 30/05/2014 07:50

I hardly ever drink, but I love sangria and once I persuaded the people I was with to order it, just so that I could drink a small glass when I was pregnant. :)

Your feelings are not selfish at all. Just natural. But if you were in Asia and Africa you might be feeling sad that you had no children.

Still, I know people have gone places and took jobs in exotic countries, even with children. Travelled even. :)

Original poster
ohthegoats · 30/05/2014 08:22

Oh yes, I definitely agree with not feeling attractive, and not feeling sexy... or being that interested in sex. The second trimester horny stage has not arrived. Still fancy it, still fancy HIM, but just can't really be arsed half as often as I used to be. Stupid really, because in the first 12 weeks, sex made me feel much less crap when it was over, just the thought of it beforehand made me want to puke.

We're going out tonight with some new friends of his. I've not met them, they are 10 years younger than me and sound all a bit trendy. There will be me, not drinking, looking like a weeble wrapped in someone elses clothes. I expect I'll bring myself home by about 10. And that's the first impression they'll get of me. One of our mutual friends guessed that I was pregnant (the only one to guess before we told them), because I was 'not going out late boozing, when she loves going out late boozing'. Sob...

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flymo79 · 30/05/2014 10:20

I miss being mobile! flinging myself about, running, moving without hurting, gardening or anything that involves bending down... I miss a crisp white wine (daren't have a glass as I feel I won't know when to stop!!) with oysters. Have also recently been pining for the sort of carefree foreign holiday where you can drink every night and get up when you want. Oh, and having a sneaky minty fag on a sun lounger...

squizita · 30/05/2014 10:22

Goats "someone else's clothes" another gripe of mine!! I wish I could sew. Bland maternity seperates are just not me and you can't wear band t-shirts "out"!

Lanabelle · 30/05/2014 11:56

I'm not the only one then Grin with my first I thought I'd be the other way, missing the parties, late nights, being spontaneous, my coupe but I didn't. My pregnancy and son filled every gap anything could have left and more. I think I sound like a sad sucker sometimes but I like life this way.

Burmama · 30/05/2014 11:58

ohthegoats thanks for posting this, I'm right there with you. Baby number 1 and all I can think about is how I will have to kiss my current dream job away in another 6 months. I'm a consultant so they have no contractual oblig whatsoever to give me maternity leave. And then what? Find another dream job? Easy peasy in this economy. Also, sidenote, but why is there no emoticon below for 'scared' ?

Sleepyhoglet · 30/05/2014 12:05

Worrying about how saggy my tummy will be. Looking into full time childcare already for unborn baby Hmm

Gen35 · 30/05/2014 12:55

Halfway through dc2 and although I'm looking forward to meeting her, I'm dreading the tiredness induced rows with dh and the fact that with zero help from family or friends my career options are looking even more done for. I wish I wanted to be a sahp.

iwantittobepink · 30/05/2014 18:18

Everyone looks at me like im the devil when I admit I want to go back to work ASAP, as in due in September and def back by January if not before. I hate the face everyone pulls when I say personally I don't think being a mum is a 'job' but instead a privilege and one I went into knowing I would need to financially support. I've also told people that I don't really want baby to sleep in my room, not that I expect to be able to sleep, just that I like my space... but I'm secretly hoping that feeling will soon change!! #badmum

pommedeterre · 30/05/2014 18:24

iwant - in due in sept too and plan is to do some bits in December and go back in Jan. Lots of women have shorter maternity leave, don't worry. Get a thick skin because as soon as you become a mummy every fucker and their dog likes to tell you what to do.

KitKat1985 · 30/05/2014 19:08

I miss wine!! I know I can have a little bit occasionally but I get such judgement eyes looking at me whenever I go near it that I back away and drink orange juice instead.

I miss not looking like a whale. I miss my own clothes and having to wear a lot of hand-me-down maternity clothes before I can't afford a whole new maternity set-of-clothes, so I'm making do with other peoples.

I know I'm going to miss sleep and lay-ins when baby is here. Oh, and free time. At the moment me and DH can just go away / out at a moments notice, and book last-minute holidays, but that's not going to happen for a while.

Oh, and like Iwantittobepink I don't really want baby to sleep in my room. I just want a weeny bit of 'adult space' to me and DH still.

I'm clearly going to be a bloody awful mother.

Original poster
ohthegoats · 30/05/2014 19:56

My brother's kids were in their own room at 4 weeks. As my SIL put it - she didn't want her few precious hours of sleep to be disturbed by a snoring husband and a snoring baby. She had a comfy chair and a blanket in the baby's room, so spent her night time feeding times in there 'properly awake', and her time in bed 'properly asleep'. We're going to see how we go.

I found myself driving home tonight thinking about going down to 4 days a week instead of 3. Can we afford it etc...

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Original poster
ohthegoats · 30/05/2014 19:59

And, today I found myself looking at a £175 changing bag, while baulking at the £200 needed for an ebay buggy.

It's much more important I have a nice bag, than wheels that work. Or something. Haha.

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Heatherbell1978 · 30/05/2014 20:41

I'm 29 weeks and I miss being able to fit into fashionable clothes properly. I'm normally an 8/10 and average height so never had a problem getting clothes to fit. Now....well I guess I'm just not the right shape for maternity wear! I'm literally the same size but with a beachball stuck on the front and bigger boobs. Oh and I really resent having to spend a fortune on a bra especially when I find non-wired so uncomfortable:-(

Noodledoodledoo · 30/05/2014 20:59

I hate the fact that I should be on the A level teaching next year but will miss out - having waited 5 years to do so. That the 'wonder boy' at work will get to teach it instead and I will never get a look in in the near future.

I am dreading my timetable when I go back - I have a horrible feeling it will be all KS3 which as much as I enjoy - doing it exculsively will be dull. I have told my HOD I won't be happy but not sure how much that is taken into consideration!

My main thing I am acting like a spoilt brat about is having to lose my lovely convertible car =(

Original poster
ohthegoats · 30/05/2014 21:23

I think that the boyfriend is secretly gutted that he'll never have the sporty 2 seater - well, at least not for ages. He suggested tonight that perhaps he still could have one, and tried to convince me how. It won't happen. I had a lovely classic convertible until it became financially unviable and I moved to a nappy wagon, but he never has.

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MrsPatMustard · 30/05/2014 21:44

Sympathise with you all. The week before my son was born I was crying myself to sleep every night thinking I'd made a terrible mistake.

DS is 4 months old now and, I won't lie to you, it is bloody tough some days. But would i swap my new life for my old childfree one? Not on your nelly! DS is a delightful, beautiful and sweet-natured little soul and I wouldn't wish him away for anything. He is a joy to be with Grin (And I never even wanted babies!)

It's scary for sure - but you'll feel SO different once they're here...

tobysmum77 · 30/05/2014 21:49

my advice is sod social acceptability. You are who you are, you feel how you do and anyone who tells you its wrong is an arse.

I have 2 dds, 2 and 5. People give you so much shit advice wisdom its just untrue. It's worse with your first but it continues forever. Just practice the fake smile and ignore. Perfect mummies don't exist, they are just pretending. I aim to be an average mother, and manage to achieve this (well most of the time).

Good luck, being pregnant really is the pits in my experience. I find dd1 really enjoyable company now, but it took a while!

Original poster
ohthegoats · 30/05/2014 22:39

I wonder if blokes feel the same... that they wouldn't change their lives back.

OP posts:
mssleepyhead · 31/05/2014 08:27

I'm really sad that I'm not looking forward to a brilliant holiday this year.

I miss my old body and what it used to be able to do and how it used to feel.

I miss not really worrying about anything (I feel like I never stop worrying about this little one already).

And I'm worried about not being able to go back to the job I love so much and trained so hard to do because my school has a policy of 4 days a week for part timers and I don't think I'll be able to manage that.

Sometimes I think it would be easier if pregnancy was about 1 months so you didn't have time to realise all these things.

melissa83 · 31/05/2014 08:31

I think everyone feels like this before dc1 but once you have children you can just go back to normal. I cant stand pregnancy, but after is great.

Missingcaffeine · 31/05/2014 09:44

Thank you for this post! ohthegoats love your bag v pushchair comment!

I used to look at others with bumps and get bump envy - now I'm pregnant I look at people without bumps and think about how lovely it was not to have a bump and feel exhausted and crappy all the time.

I've struggled to find any maternity clothes I like - especially for work. I've got about six outfits I'm comfortable in, about two of which I actually like. I've bought countless items online that I try on and hate and haven't got round to sending back because I work all week and can't be arsed to get up early on a Sat to go to the post office. It pisses me off hardly any shops have a selection of maternity clothes to browse, and I cried in mothercare last weekend when they had sold out of the few nice things in my size so I couldn't try them on.

I miss playing tennis and running fast and getting my heart rate really high.
I miss having wine after work on a Friday night or after a really tough day. I've had a small glass of wine or half a beer on a couple of occasions and felt guilty after - but I really want to at least double that! It just isn't the same.

Hate that we are going to be broke and use up savings whilst I'm on mat leave and have no idea how I am going to cope with a baby and my job full time. Worked my ass off and finally in a position where we can afford to have a baby, and now the job is so pressured I don't think I can juggle both!

melissa83 · 31/05/2014 09:47

Cause you can. I find having my children and working full time a lot less tiring than before children as I was such a ridiculous party goer. I get a lot more sleep nowadays.