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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

to find out the sex or not...help!

50 replies

EmilyRose21 · 17/04/2014 18:27

Hi,
My 20 week scan is in under 3 weeks and I keep changing my mind on whether to find out or not. On one hand I'd like to be able to be organised, but on the other im worried ill miss out on having that surprise moment.
What are people's opinions/experiences and how did you decide?

Thankyou in advance

OP posts:

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weatherall · 17/04/2014 18:33

I really wanted to know. I wanted more time to plan names and buy clothes etc in advance.

But I'm not someone who likes surprises.

In my area they didn't do 20 week scans so I had to pay to f

weatherall · 17/04/2014 18:34

Find out.

hotcrossbabblehag · 17/04/2014 18:38

I found out with both of mine, both boys so I knew what I was expecting, I was also prepared. TTC my 3 biological one, and I'm not going to find out, I'm really looking forward to the surprise

LisaC2611 · 17/04/2014 18:38

I have no intention, at the moment, to find out but I am only 5 weeks pg. I doubt I will change by my 20 week scan as I want the surprise but I may surprise myself and completely change my mind.

My sister found out what she was having for her first and had the name picked out before she was born.

Bicnod · 17/04/2014 18:41

I didn't find out for either of mine, and I wouldn't if we are lucky enough to have a DC3.

There aren't many genuine surprises in life, I think this should be one of them.

Apart from anything else it stops people commenting quite so much on how you must feel about having a baby of a particular gender (which is a particular bugbear of mine).

Although when they were born, finding out their gender was the last thing on my mind, I forgot to check both times

RedandChecker · 17/04/2014 18:42

It's a surprise moment when you go for your scan as you don't know until then then it's nice to go out and celebrate with getting new things to suit! Giving birth is an overwhelming feeling whether you know the sex or not. I couldn't imagine buying only neutral stuff! I think it would effect the colour of my pram/bouncer etc not that I'd just buy pink or blue I just wouldn't want to buy cream/white.

I would find out.

I hope everything goes well at your scan and the rest of your pregnancy girl/boy! Congrats

MrsMonkeyBear · 17/04/2014 18:43

We are going to have a surprise, hopefully, we may have an exhibitionist on our hands here. We've chosen a couple of names for each sex and will just buy neutral clothes. There's nothing stopping you being organised and not knowing what you are having.

Mrswellyboot · 17/04/2014 18:44

I didn't find out and am so glad. I loved the surprise. I bought white babygro's and packed a blue and pink hat (neither fit, he was very big bit had a spare H&M cute one in larger size)

Why not leave it a surprise? It is lovely.

LittleBearPad · 17/04/2014 18:45

I didn't find out but if people do that's up to them - no help

It was lovely that my husband was the one to tell me we had a daughter.

I do think its odd when people do find out and widely announce the name, post Facebook pictures of personalised nurseries etc. What if the baby doesn't look like an Arthur or Martha?

LittleBearPad · 17/04/2014 18:47

Redandchecker it is ok to have a baby girl in a blue pram if you like blue... You're the one pushing it. Plus you won't buy another one if your second DC is the other gender will you?

Bowlersarm · 17/04/2014 18:49

I didn't find out. I thought I wanted to with ds3 and went for the scan fully intending to find out. But once in the room, I found I really wanted to wait for the birth without knowing.

RedandChecker · 17/04/2014 18:49

Hmm? My ds is 5 so no pram to share with second, we had green with ds I wouldn't have bought green for a girl - I think it doesn't matter what you decide, either way will be surprise, the ops asking for opinions - I found out with ds and was glad I will hopefully too with this pregnancy I really don't mind what I have as long as everything is ok I just would like to know I am rubbish at waiting! If you can do it go for it

22honey · 17/04/2014 18:52

I always knew I'd find out because it helps it feel more 'real' and also wanted to prepare clothes and name wise. We were delighted to find out it is a little girl, got very clear pictures and she also pointed out the 3 white lines and stated she'd seen nothing the whole scan that would suggest a boy. I had a feeling from the moment of the 12 week scan though that it was a girl, I don't know why I just had a huge instinctual feeling rush over me upon seeing the baby on the screen.

On the other hand, finding out the sex was really at the bottom of my pile of thoughts before the 20 week scan, tbh theres a lot more important things to consider but it was such a nice surprise after finding out the baby was healthy to find out she was a girl.

Good luck at your scan xxx

Lottiedoubtie · 17/04/2014 18:56

I've decided to find out because:

A) I think it's as much of a surprise whenever you find out.

B) I want to get my head around having a whole new person to be responsible for and I think being able to know the sex will help with that.

C) I think meeting the baby for the first time after giving birth will be overwhelming enough and I'm not sure I understand the argument for needing a further surprise at that time!

RedToothBrush · 17/04/2014 18:57

Why can't girls wear blue and boys wear pink?

I don't get it. I like blue and detest pale pink. I also loved cars and dinosaurs as a child. So I take the attitude of why the heck do I have to colour code my child? Just so other people can tell whether its a girl or a boy. I am happy to just buy the things I like the look of and not worry about whether it is the 'wrong sex'. It could well end up with me buying blue and ending up having a girl. The whole 'need to be prepared' with the right colours utterly baffles me. I fail to understand the concept of needing to be prepared. Prepared for what exactly?

I am baffled by the number of posts on MN which say they have to repaint the nursery or get another pram. Its insanity.

squizita · 17/04/2014 19:00

We decided to find out. Mainly as DH cannot wait! I think he wants to plan and read up (it's his way) on 'boy' or 'girl' trials and tribulations of childhood! Having worked with kids from early years to teens since I was 16, I am under little illusion that they very rarely follow what the book says!

Plus whilst I don't do "pink girly" it is useful to know for buying things (more if it's a boy... I can dress a girl in any boy stuff I pick up cheap or scrounge off cousins etc more easily than if a beloved relative purchased a frilly frock and it turned out a lad! ).

Casmama · 17/04/2014 19:08

I didn't find out with my first but did this time.
It is lovely to have a surprise but I feel I have bonded more with this baby although that may be my imagination.

Reasons for finding out were that we thought it would be easier for DS 4.8 to know whether he was getting a brother or a sister and if I'm honest a tiny part of me had always hoped for a girl and as this will be my last pregnancy I wanted to ensure that if there was any sense of disappointment that it was well away from the delivery room.

Sorry not helpful but pros and cons for both. I think other people often prefer a surprise but that shouldn't be a deciding factor.

RedandChecker · 17/04/2014 19:13

They don't have to, it's different preferences. I didn't dress my boy in just blue i have two pictures of teeny him in pink tshirts although one said I'm man enough to wear pink and I certainly didn't dress him for the judgements of other people. I would buy a different pram, mainly because DS is 5 and I wouldn't put a newborn in a dusty pram it's long sold anyway but I would have chosen a different colour. That's up to me, and if someone else chose not to that's up to them I don't see how it would irritate anyone either way what other people choose to do or how they dress their children.

I really don't think it matters how you choose to dress them as they get older they make their own choices and as long as you make them feel comfortable enough and open enough to be individual and true to themselves that's what matters.

TryDrawing · 17/04/2014 19:15

I've just had my 20 week scan and didn't find out. My reason is that after all the work of labour, it's nice to have the reward of finding out the gender and therefore which name it will be.

Everyone has their own feelings on it but those are mine.

22honey · 17/04/2014 19:15

RedTooth, for me personally I love pink stuff, I used to have a pink bedroom but then met DP and he won't have it. I'm not stupid though and am well aware my daughter may hate pink when she grows her own mind and could like any kind of toys. I used to love toy animals and lego etc when I was little and hated with a passion those baby dolls with prams and little kitchens etc basically the girly girl toys. I am just looking forward to dressing my little baby in pink pretty clothes as thats what I like, whilst she is still a baby thus couldn't care less :)

I've also got some second hand baby grows etc that were used for a boy, I actually like a lot of unisex stuff.

I think most people wouldn't want to dress a little boy in a load of frilly dresses though, maybe thats taking it a bit too far. But IMO theres nothing wrong with wanting to buy gender specific baby stuff, theres plenty of time yet for your child to develop their own tastes in colours, clothes and toys! Babyhood is the only time YOU get to fully decide!

purpleroses · 17/04/2014 19:19

I found out with both of mine. I think even if you and your DP genuinely don't mind which you have, there's still a little bit of a loss in realising that it's not whichever sex it's not. So I think it's better to get that out of the way whilst you're still pregnant rather than have that on top of all the other overwhelming emotions of just having given birth. Then when the baby arrives, as long as it's healthy you can just be 100% happy. And a baby is always kind of a surprise, even if you do know their gender, you're still faced with an actual real little person who you've not met before.

It also means you only have to have one lot of arguments discussions about names.

Numero3 · 17/04/2014 19:22

U didn't find out with my first but we did find out with my second.
First time around it was lovely, had everyone guessing who was in my belly. Then and she was born it was nice to be able to ring people and say, 'it's a girl!'. My DH went out on the evening and bought some pink bits. We were prepared for her arrival with lots of white and yellow clothes. Most of the gifts we received were little pink outfits.
With my second we found out - it was still lovely and we were able to go out and buy blue bits before he arrived. As Pp have said, it's still a surprise when you find out early.
If we had a third I wouldn't find out. It's a bit like opening your Christmas presents before Christmas Day.

rootypig · 17/04/2014 19:24

Interesting purple, I agree that there may be a sense of loss in realising it's not whichever sex it isn't, but I felt that I would feel that at 20 weeks and not in the delivery room, with my baby in my arms. For me, that's how it was. Though I had a girl and probably by the end had a slight preference for one, so that could be it.

OP I didn't find out because I thought knowing the gender would mean I would start forming ideas and expectations about the child, and I didn't want to do that. On the other hand, it did mean I ballsed up the name.

Gen35 · 17/04/2014 19:35

I found out as I hate surprises and so does dh and because you can so it seemed like a pretence not to. Given the fairly awful birth I'm even more glad as I was pretty out of it by the time she arrived, it was a long ordeal and not a romantic moment. Like everything else it has to come from your gut feeling about it.

kinkytoes · 17/04/2014 19:41

We waited till DC's arrival to find out. Made the last few months that much more exciting! This must have/must know now attitude drives me crazy! We prepared a lovely nursery and wardrobe in neutral colours (neutral baby clothes are the cutest in my opinion).

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